Rebellion
by TatraMegami
Summary: Harry starts up a Rebellion after Dumbledore is forced to flee Hogwarts and his two targets are Dolores Umbridge and Severus Snape. He has a foolproof plan: to drive them insane by acting insane himself. Complete and sequel, Rising, is up!
1. Rebellious

Standard Disclaimer.

A/N: I have to warn everyone at this point: this is a rewrite of the original first chapter of this fic. People new to Rebellion, the next chapters that you read will take a serious nosedive in quality. I first started this fic six years ago and I was not a great author just yet and the beginning of this story needs rewriting. I am focusing on updating the fic over editing, but I am replacing old chapters with the rewrites as I finish them.

For those who have read Rebellion before; if you are wondering about the old versions of the chapters, I have posted a new story archiving the old version of this story. I also hope that you enjoy this edited chapter!

A few beginning notes: This is an AU set during the fifth book, after Dumbledore is forced to flee from Hogwarts and Umbridge is appointed Headmistress of Hogwarts. Takes place after page 634, if you want to be specific. As this is set during the fifth book, there will be brief moments where I actually quote the book. I have decided not to mark these portions, as that disrupts the flow of the story, but do be aware that they are there. Enjoy and let me know what you think of the edited version!

* * *

Rebellion

* * *

The students in the Gryffindor common room were all chatting happily, despite the fact that Dumbledore had been ousted as headmaster and their second most hated professor was the new head. Spirits were still strong in Hogwarts, especially with the fireworks that the Weasley twins had set off.

Harry and Ron were sitting at a table on the outskirts of the excited crowd and they looked up as Hermione returned from talking with the twins with a smile on her face. The look was so different than how she would normally react to the two troublemakers and she further upset the balance by waving off doing homework. "After all, the Easter holidays start on Friday and we'll have plenty of time then…"

"Are you feeling all right?" Ron asked, staring at her in disbelief. Harry was also watching her a bit worriedly, although something else kept distracting him. An idea that he was fondly turning about in his head, as he had been doing ever since school started.

"Now that you mention it," said Hermione happily, "d'you know... I think I'm feeling a bit... rebellious."

"How about we really be rebellious?" Harry said as he came to a sudden decision.

"What do you mean?" Ron asked.

"I'll be back!" Harry leapt up from his seat and ran up the dormitory stairs. He raced over to his trunk, opened it and rummaged around until he found a folded piece of parchment. He didn't bother to clean up the mess that he just made of his trunk as he headed back down to the common room.

"Here," Harry handed Ron the parchment, since Ron was the closest to him.

"What on earth is this, mate?" Ron asked, glancing at it.

"I came up with the ones for Snape when I was stuck at the Dursleys' for the summer and I made the ones for Umbridge after that first class," Harry said.

"Made what up?" Hermione asked before taking the parchment.

"Hey, I wasn't done reading that!" Ron protested when she stole it.

"Are you actually planning on doing these?" Hermione asked as she handed the parchment back to Ron, finished reading it already.

"Why not? Umbridge is probably going to expel me first chance she gets, probably for something I didn't even do. Anyway, most of these can be done anonymously, at least the ones for Umbridge," Harry answered.

"I think these are bloody wicked," Ron said as he practically devoured the list.

"You don't have to be a part of this, Hermione," Harry said. "Though, it'd be nice if you joined in for some of them, but I think that Ron and I can handle most of these."

"Yeah, we can do these easily," Ron chimed in.

"Oh, all right, you two can try this plan out, but if you get expelled I won't talk to either of you ever again," Hermione relented.

"Wicked," Ron exclaimed.

"Don't worry, Hermione, we won't get caught," Harry said with a grin.

"Oh?" Hermione raised her eyebrow. "And how are you going to do something that not even Fred and George can do?"

"Well, okay, maybe we will get caught, but I have a plan that will mean that nothing will happen if we do mess up," Harry answered.

"What is it?" Ron asked as he opened up a random chocolate frog.

"Oh, I'll just pretend that I'm insane," Harry said in dismissal.

"What?" Hermione snapped. She and Ron stared at Harry, not even noticing the stares that they were now getting from the students near them over Hermione's sudden exclamation. "A prank war I get, but acting as though you are insane? That does not sound good, Harry."

"We all knew that Harry was insane, Hermione," Ron dismissed as he opened up another chocolate frog. He held the card up, "See, even his card says so."

"Give me that," Hermione exclaimed as she snatched the card out of Ron's hands. She glanced at it to find that the card was of Harry, but it didn't mention anything about his sanity. She rolled her eyes and tossed the card back to Ron. "I still think that this is all one big, bad idea."

"We need to do something, Hermione, even if it is insane," Harry said. He took the parchment back from Ron and spread it out. "I'm going to do this, starting with my potions assignment."

"What are you going to do with your potions assignment?" Hermione asked with a faint tone of horror in her voice.

"He's going to sign his potions assignment with different names," Ron read the prank idea off of the list. He squinted at the spell included next to the idea. "Where'd you learn that spell, Harry?"

Harry shrugged. "It was in this year's text books. I kind of read ahead out of boredom and that just added more fuel to the fire."

"What spell is it?" Hermione asked, curious despite her vow to stay out of the endeavor.

"Oh, it's a spell for copying bits of writing," Harry answered as he scribbled the incantation out onto a scrap piece of parchment and handed over to Hermione.

"You do know that Snape will mark your essay wrong if you submit it with the wrong name," Hermione pointed out as she glanced at the copying spell. It was one that she already knew about, so she tucked it into the pages of her book.

"Of course he will," Harry answered as he nodded his head. "But, I want to see if he can correctly guess which essay belongs to whom."

"And you're planning on handing in more than one copy?" Hermione asked as she turned back to her book.

"If I'm going to be annoying him then I might as well go big." Harry shrugged as he dug out his potion's essay. It was already signed with his real name, but he had no trouble in erasing the dried ink; this time it was a spell that he had already known for a couple of years. He created five copies of his essay and then carefully labeled each essay with a different name.

Ron read each name as Harry put the essays aside to dry and snorted. "See, here's proof if you ever need it that Harry's insane, Hermione. How else would he come up with names like 'Bloodcharm Chuck Junior'?"

"Bloodcharm Chuck Junior is a perfectly ordinary name," Harry mock sniffed as he stuck his nose up in the air.

"If you're insane." Ron laughed. He turned back to the list of pranks, preferring to read it over again rather than finding his own essay. "So, which one are you going to do next?"

"Some of these can be done whenever without any preparation. Most of them are all attitudes and, yes, a bit of insanity." Harry grinned at Ron. He pointed to a Snape section later on in the list. "I have Occlumency with Snape on tomorrow and I'll be putting those into effect at that point."

"Picture rubber ducks?" Ron read a random thought from the list.

"See, I figure that Snape can access my thoughts with Occlumency, so, while I can't actually protect my mind, I should be able to partially control what he sees." Harry shrugged. "I figure that it's worth a try."

"You really should research Occlumency," Hermione absently suggested.

"Maybe," Harry replied.

"What are you going to do with Umbridge?" Ron asked, drawing Harry's attention back to the list.

"I think Umbridge is busy enough at the moment," Harry glanced out of the window at the flying fireworks, "besides, I've got to build up my crazy reputation before I can really do anything to Umbridge."

"If you say so." Ron gave him a look before moving on to exclaim over another idea on Harry's list.

They spent the rest of the evening like that, planning out their method of rebellion. When they finally went to bed Harry practiced his Occlumency before falling asleep. He was going to be letting Snape in his mind while trying to drive the man crazy; he needed to be able to shield his mind enough to get away with it and he could only do that through Occlumency. That night he had the same dream of the corridor that he usually did, but the dream mutated halfway through – ending in Snape cackling over shelves of rubber ducks.

* * *

Everything continued on as usual on Wednesday. Harry acted like his normal self, giving no sign that he was even planning a rebellion. Ron was quite impatient for the fun to start, but Hermione was glad that Harry was acting very sensibly for once. As Harry explained it to Ron after dinner had ended and before he went down to his Occlumency lessons, "We don't usually see Umbridge on Wednesday and I don't want to bring myself to her attention. It will be a lot more believable and less like I'm the one pranking her if I do so."

"Fine, fine," Ron sighed as he slumped over the Gryffindor table, "ruin my fun."

"You'd better get going, Harry, you wouldn't want to be late," Hermione said as she glanced at her watch.

"Right, thanks, Hermione," Harry said. He grabbed his bag and headed out of the Great Hall. As he made his way to the dungeons, Cho intercepted him halfway across the entrance hall. Harry raised his hand, cutting her off before she could say anything. "I don't have time for this right now, Cho. There are many things afoot and I have places to be."

"But, I need to talk to you," Cho said, blinking at Harry's bluntness.

"Maybe later, then," Harry answered, already moving once more towards the dungeons. "But, I'm really not interested in listening to you defend your friend. She did something wrong and that is all there is to it. Bye."

Harry left Cho behind as he made his way down to Snape's office. He lightly practiced Occlumency on his way down, shoving all thoughts about Cho and her traitor friend out of his head, but not daring at all to think of his plans for the lesson. Instead, Harry focused on picturing Dudley's favorite rubber duck: the one that Harry had buried under his aunt's precious rose bush when he had first planted it.

Harry knocked on Snape's door and entered the office as soon as he heard confirmation from inside. He quietly closed the door behind himself and watched as Snape continued to remove his thoughts, placing all of the silvery strands into Dumbledore's Pensieve. He absently wondered what would happen if he put a rubber duck in the basin; would it float on the memories or would it sink into the memory?

"You're late, Potter," Snape coldly said after he had finished with removing his thoughts. Snape set the Pensieve aside and turned to regard Harry. "Have you been practicing?"

"I have been practicing and if you would care to take my hand, you will see just how much I have improved in the art of handshaking," Harry said, starting his Rebellion off. He stuck out his hand and ignored Snape's glare.

"Idiotic as ever, Potter. Shall I assume that you haven't practiced at all and start the lesson?" Snape didn't appear to want an answer to his question as he pointed his wand towards Harry. "Wand out, Potter."

Harry waved his hand at Snape before taking out his wand. He got into the stance that he usually used when facing an opponent and concentrated on yellow rubber as he waited for the spell to hit him.

"On the count of three, then," Snape said and he started counting. But, before he could reach three, his door slammed open and Draco Malfoy entered the room. Snape quickly put his wand away, but Harry took the time to spell Draco's shoes a dark red. The blond Slytherin never noticed as he informed Snape that Montague had been found.

Draco blinked when he finally noticed that Harry was there. "What's Potter here for?"

"Remedial potions lessons, which we will resume tomorrow evening, Potter," Snape answered. Before Harry could say anything, Snape and Draco left the office.

"But, I wanted to tell Draco that Snape was teaching me how to sneer properly." Harry pouted before blinking when he realized that Snape had left him alone in his office. He had full run of the office of the professor he was planning to prank. "Wicked."

For a minute Harry just stood there, marveling over his turn of luck, then he came to his senses and started working. First he charmed Snape's desk to turn pink when someone sat in the visitor's chair; it wouldn't due to have Snape come back to a pink desk after leaving Harry alone in the room. Of course, Harry did have to do something obvious for Snape to blame him for, so Harry took a minute to outright charm Snape's chair a brilliant red.

A spell on the ceiling insured that it would start raining bubbles at dawn. As his last act, knowing that Snape could return at any moment, Harry transfigured a broken quill tip from his bag into a rubber duck. McGonagall would be proud, Harry decided as he poked the rubber duck into the space between two jars of eyeballs from one kind of creature or another.

Harry grinned as he glanced around the classroom once more. Beyond Snape's new chair color, his office looked to be untouched, which was exactly the way Harry wanted it to be. Harry gathered up his bag and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind himself.

A part of him regretted the fact that he didn't take his curiosity up and look in the Pensieve at Snape's memories. There could have been something in there that neither Snape nor Dumbledore were telling him, something to do with the corridor that he kept seeing in his dreams. Of course, it could just be filled with something he really didn't care about. Harry wrinkled his nose at the idea that Snape had any kind of personal life that he didn't want to know about. All in all, considering what he had been able to do to Snape's office, it was a good thing that he didn't poke his nose into the Pensieve.

Ron and Hermione were startled when Harry returned to the common room earlier than they thought he would be back. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" Hermione worriedly asked.

"Is Snape dead? Did you accidentally kill him?" Ron asked.

"Nah, Montague finally showed up and Malfoy fetched Snape before we could start our lesson, but get this," Harry grinned as he sat down and leaned forward. He waited until both Hermione and Ron had also leaned forward before he continued, "Snape left me alone in his office."

"Really?" Ron blurted out, a wide grin spreading across his face.

"That really is quite unusual; Snape must have been worried about Montague to leave you alone like that," Hermione said as she leaned back in shock.

"So, tell us what you did; you did do something, didn't you?" Ron demanded, rubbing his hands together.

"Of course I did something." Harry's grin widened. "First, I charmed Draco's shoes red and then I did the same thing to Professor Snape's chair."

"Red is always good for pranking," Ron murmured.

"Then I charmed his desk pink, only I tied it to his second chair so that I wouldn't get blamed for it." Hermione perked up at this point, and Harry could already see the questions she had for him. "I'll explain the spells I used later, but I also charmed his ceiling to rain bubbles in the morning, at least I hoped the spell went right." Harry sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "I've only read about some of these spells, so I have no idea if they will really work or not. But, I think the best spell was when I transfigured a rubber duck."

"What did you do with the rubber duck?" Ron asked, blinking in confusion.

"I left it in between those jars of eyeballs that he has on the shelves. I figure he probably won't find it for a while, judging by the dust on those things." Harry absently wiped his hand on his robe, even though he had already gotten all of the cobwebs off of his hand.

"You do realize that he will take points or give you a detention for charming his chair? And possibly the other things, even if you didn't really leave any proof it was you?" Hermione asked.

"Of course, but then I'll just have more time to enact my plans." Harry grinned.

"But what about your Occlumency lesson?" Hermione turned to another line of questioning.

"We're going to do that tomorrow, so I'll have a bit more time to build up the picture I want to show him." Harry stretched and then relaxed in his chair. "Now I've got to figure out if I want to be really evil and show him an eight year old Dudley in the tub."

Ron burst into laughter. "Do it, Harry, I dare you!"

"Ron," Hermione scolded, fighting to keep from breaking into laughter herself.

"This will be fun," Harry said before joining in with the laughter.

* * *

*=* Chapter 1 – Rebellious *=*


	2. Evil Bat Mode

Note: Read disclaimer in 1st chapter. Thank you Brittany-Granger for being the first person to review Rebellion. If you haven't seen the revised chapter 1, the words inside the s are directly from the 5th book, and I don't own them. 

**UPDATED: 11/6/05**

I ask that you no longer send me ideas, please, I have enough now. Thank you to everyone who sent them in. Also, Rebellion is now on pause, I'm going to rewrite the entire fic and then post it at Fiction Alley. I'll be adding a lot of new stuff to the beginning of the fic. It might be a while until it's up, but I'll post here when it's up. - Tatra 

Harry and Ron spent all of History of Magic class going over the 'plan' for the potions class that was coming up next. 

When they reached the corridor to the Potions classroom all of the students were already there, except for Malfoy. 

A few minutes later Snape slammed the door open and everyone entered the classroom, Harry being the first one in. 

Harry, when entering the classroom, hopped over the doorway, getting a few strange looks. 

Harry went to the front of the room, following after Snape. 

"Can I help you, Potter?" Snape snapped. 

Harry stuck out his hand. When Snape didn't take it Harry reached out, took Snape's hand, and shook it vigorously. Then he handed Snape an apple, and went to the seat Ron had saved for him. 

Snape looked startled for just a second and then snapped back into his 'Evil Bat' mode, asking the students to hand up their homework. 

Harry took out his homework, received the pile of homework from the person behind him, and then handed the pile and his own assignment, that was signed '_Vash the Stampede_', to the person in front of him. 

Snape was ignoring Harry, until he finished reading the students homework while they worked on the Invigoration Draught. 

"Mister Potter, why is your essay signed _Vash the Stampede_?" Snape asked. 

"The demon on my shoulder told me to, the angel tried to shut him up, but the demon put him in a choke hold after the ankle lock, which caused the angel to lose consciousness, which made me follow the demon's advise to sign it Vash," Harry explained. 

Harry was pleased to see Snape blink twice before recovering. 

"I'll have to mark it down for that," Snape said. 

"You should, I shouldn't have listened to the demon, he never gives good advice, like the time he told me to shave Dudley's head..." Harry trailed off. 

Snape stalked off to yell at Dean after deciding not to bother about Harry. 

When Harry's potion was finished he left it to cool as he took out the flask he was supposed to put his potion in and started to adjust it. 

By the time he was finished the flask was unbreakable and would flee anyone who tried to touch it. Harry then filled the modified flask with his potion and took it up to Snape's desk. 

Right after Harry turned around Malfoy started to laugh, but broke off after a second. Harry turned back to face Snape's desk to see his potion was running around Snape's desk. 

Harry walked back to his desk and started putting away his stuff. 

All through lunch everyone was talking about Harry's performance in Potions class. 

Harry, when asked about it, stubbornly refused to say that it was a prank, insisting he didn't know what they were talking about. 

After lunch, Harry walked halfway to Divinations class, scribbling something on a parchment, before realizing that he was going the wrong way. 

He ran to McGonagall's office, arriving just in time. 

"Good afternoon Professor," Harry was interrupted by someone sniffing in the corner. 

Harry looked and found Umbridge. He fought to keep a smirk off his face. 

_'Perfect timing,'_ Harry thought to himself. 

"Professors," Harry corrected himself. He took out a envelope and handed it to Umbridge, "Some one gave me this and said to give it to you." 

"Who?" Umbridge asked as she took the envelope. 

"I don't know, they were wearing a cloak with a hood," Harry answered, the last part being the truth, he was wearing a cloak when he wrote it, and the cloak had a hood. 

Umbridge opened the envelope and unfolded the parchment. 

An announcer's voice filled the room, "The cow goes... Moo!" The last word was a real cow noise, made by a real cow. 

Umbridge crumbled the parchment up, "Are you sure you don't know who gave this to you?" 

"Yes, I'm sure," Harry answered, before sitting down. 

Almost to the end of the session Umbridge stood up in protest to something McGonagall said. 

McGonagall was just starting to reply when the crumbled parchment blew up into a bunch of little bits of confetti, with one last moo. 

Umbridge stood still in shock, while McGonagall took that time to dismiss Harry. 

Chapter 2 - Evil Bat Mode 


	3. Repeat That

Note: thank you to all the reviewer! I was so happy seeing all the reviews! Thanks to Nastyubervamp, Sirius-gal-4-eva, Yoshi, and turner for reviewing and suggesting ideas, which I will use a bit later. Thanks! I hope to get the same amount of reviews for this chapter, which is one of my favorites so far. - Tatra 

*=* 

*Professor Umbridge was still breathing as though she had just run a race when she strode into their Defense Against Dark Arts lesson that afternoon.* 

Umbridge stopped though when she saw her desk, that had just recently turned into a clashing, bright orange desk, and the decorations on it. 

On the desk was a pyramid, a pyramid made out of clocks. Clocks of all designs, muggle, wizarding, digital, and analog, all slightly flat, arranged into a pyramid. 

Umbridge walked up to her desk. There was something on the top of the pyramid, it was a glittery sphere with a flat bottom and a cap on top. Umbridge inspected it, it seemed safe, until she picked it up. 

Right after she picked it up it started to emit Faery lights. Umbridge set it down, picked up the pile of homework that was on her desk, and started going through it. The cap on the glittery object started to flash dimly. 

Five seconds later it exploded, covering the area around Umbridge's desk with glitter. 

"Got glitter?" Harry muttered to Ron, under the cover of Umbridge's screeches. 

A few minutes, of Umbridge trying to find out who did it, later Umbridge started the class. 

"Read chapters *34*, 35, and 36 in your book," Umbridge ordered. 

Harry raised his hand. 

"Which book?" Harry asked after Umbridge had acknowledged him. 

"*Defensive Magical Theory*, Potter," Umbridge answered. 

"Oh, I thought so," Harry remarked. 

Umbridge went back to going through the class's homework. Halfway through the pile was a letter addressed to her. 

She opened the envelope and took out a parchment. Once again an announcer's voice filled the room, "The pig goes... Oink Oink." 

"Who put this here?" Umbridge demanded. 

At the sound of her voice the parchment blew up into a bunch of little bits of parchment, with one last oink. 

Ron raised his hand. 

"Who was it, Mister Weasley?" Umbridge asked eagerly. 

"I don't know, who?" Ron replied. 

No one else raised their hand. Umbridge growled and gave up, going back to looking through the pile of homework. 

*=* 

After Umbridge finished looking through the homework she looked up. 

"Mister Weasley, may I ask why there's five copies of your essay here?" Umbridge asked. 

"Repeat that?" Ron replied. 

"May I ask why there is five copies of your essay here," Umbridge repeated, annoyed. 

"Yes," Ron answered. 

"What?" Umbridge asked, confused. 

"Yes, you may ask," Ron amended. 

"Why is there five copies of your essay here?" Umbridge asked. 

"In case the dog eats it," Ron answered finally, then added, "they're ferocious." 

"What dog?" Umbridge asked. 

"Repeat that?" Ron asked. 

"What dog," Umbridge repeated, saying each word clearly. 

Ron paused. "Uh.... Bite shoes?" 

"Next time, mister Weasley, you don't need to make five copies of your work," Umbridge said, giving up on making sense of Ron. 

"Okay," Ron replied. 

"Now, who wrote this essay?" Umbridge asked, holding a sheet of parchment that was shaped like a sheep up. 

After a few minutes of silence Dean asked, "What's it say?" 

"Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century is an awesome show. It's graphics are really cool, the buildings and cars look 3d..." Umbridge read. 

"I didn't write it," Dean said. 

"What's a car?" Neville asked. 

"And what's 3d mean?" Parvati asked. 

Harry raised his hand. 

"Yes, mister Potter," Umbridge said. 

"The Faeries wrote it," Harry said. 

"How do you know that?" Umbridge asked. 

"Any thing unexplainable is caused by the Faeries," Harry paused, "or else it's the gods." 

Harry started slouching in his seat. 

"Alright, back to your reading," Umbridge said. 

"What reading?" Harry asked, only his eyes and head visible. 

"The one I assigned at the beginning of class," Umbridge said. 

"Oh, that reading," Harry grabbed his book before slipping completely under his desk. 

*=* 

Almost to the end of the lesson Umbridge looked up and checked on her students. 

Everyone was doing their reading quietly, except for that Granger girl who had already finished her reading. 

Umbridge looked over the class again, there was some one missing. Just then it hit her, Potter was missing! 

"Where's Potter?" She asked sharply. 

Everyone looked around. 

"Badger, badger," Harry said as he crawled out from under his desk. 

"What were you doing, Mister Potter?" Umbridge asked. 

"Reading," Harry answered, still on the floor. 

"What were you doing under the desk?" Umbridge specified. 

"Besides reading?" Harry asked, "Pretending to be a badger." 

"A badger," Umbridge frowned. 

"Badgers are awesome," Harry said, finally sitting in his seat, "all hail the badgers." 

"Don't do that again," Umbridge said. 

"Okay-dokay Smoky," Harry said. 

"Class is over, finish your reading before the next class if you haven't already, write a summery of the chapters for homework," Umbridge dismissed them. 

Everyone exited the classroom. Right after all the desks turned orange to match Umbridge's. 

*=* Chapter 3 - Repeat That *=* 


	4. Gred and Forge

Note: thanks to the reviewers! I was oh-so happy when I saw that I had twelve reviews and then thirteen and then fourteen! I was so excited. And you all loved it! Thank you Mercyme for reviewing chapter 2, Kyra Invictus Black for reviewing both chapter 2 & 3 (I love your name), Lily and James Potter, Shadow Dragon Boss, Romm, Sirius-gal-4-eva, Gablock the Hated, and wazza! for reviewing chapter 3. Nine reviews in total! Thank you! 

*=* 

The Fifth year Gryffindors had just reached the end of the hall when they heard yells and shrieks. 

Umbridge barreled out of the classroom and down the hall, everyone followed a bit behind her. 

Umbridge ran the entire way to the Charms corridor. Once she reached the Charms corridor she took one step to many. 

"What's going on here?" She asked, ankle deep in sludgy mud. 

"These two did it," Filch said, pointing to Fred and George. 

"Did what?" Umbridge asked. 

"We made a," what looked to be Fred started. 

"Swamp! It's a," George continued. 

"Present for you! How do," Fred picked up. 

"You like it?" George finished. 

"Not at all! My shoes are ruined!" Umbridge raged. 

"I guess we should of put up railings, eh Forge?" The person everyone thought was Fred asked. 

"I guess so, Gred, then no one would have stepped in it, but," what could be Fred answered. 

"What would be the fun in that," what could be George finished. 

"First I'm going to get out of this swamp, then I'll take care of you two," Umbridge said angrily. 

"Alright, we'll," what was identified as Fred, but really could be George, started, grabbing one of Umbridge's arms. 

"Lead the way," the identified George, but might be Fred but was most certainly Gred, at the moment, finished, grabbing Umbridge's other arm. 

They tugged three times before Umbridge came out of the swamp with a pop. 

The students behind Umbridge scattered as Fred and George dragged Umbridge backwards to the Entrance Hall. Once they arrived the twins set Umbridge on her feet and dusted her off. 

"Headmistress, may I get the approval for whipping?" Filch asked eagerly. 

"Yes, go ahead," Umbridge replied, dazed. 

Filch shuffled off hurriedly, muttering to himself. 

Harry positioned himself right above Umbridge. 

George and Fred had broken up into laughter and were rolling around on the floor. 

After a few minutes Umbridge pulled herself together and glared at the two twins. 

*"So...you think it amusing to turn a school corridor into a swamp, do you?"* Umbridge asked. 

*"Pretty amusing, yeah," said Fred, looking back up at her with out the slightest sign of fear* from his position on the floor. 

Filch returned glumly. 

"Headmistress, the door is locked," Filch said sadly, "I've got the whips ready, all I need is the form." 

Umbridge handed her keys to Filch. *"Very good, Argus," she said. "You two," she went on, gazing down at Fred and George, "are about to learn what happens to wrongdoers in my school." 

"You know what?" Said Fred. "I don't think we are." 

He turned to his twin. 

"George." Said Fred, "I think we've out grown full-time education."* 

George replied something, but Harry didn't hear. He was busy putting a homing spell on an envelope. Harry distantly heard a crash, but was concentrating on the envelope. Harry finished the spell just in time to hear Fred call out an advertisement for Weasley Wizarding Wheezes. 

*"Special discounts to Hogwarts students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat," added George, pointing at Professor Umbridge. 

"STOP THEM!" Shrieked Umbridge, but it was too late. As the Inquisitorial Squad closed in, Fred and George kicked off from the floor.* 

Harry held his hand over the railing, getting ready to let go as Fred looked at Peeves. 

*"Give her hell from us, Peeves." 

And Peeves, whom Harry had never seen take an order from a student before, swept his bell hat from his head and sprang to a salute as Fred and George wheeled about to tumultuous applause from the student below and sped out of the open front doors into the glorious sunset.* 

It was after that display that Harry dropped the envelope. 

It fluttered down for a minute before being drawn to Umbridge, landing on her head. When she didn't notice it after a minute it started attacking her face, only stopping when she grabbed it. 

Umbridge opened the envelope and took out the parchment. An announcer's voice filled the Entrance Hall, "The sheep goes..... Baa!" 

Umbridge screamed in rage, causing the parchment to blow up, then looked around wildly, though not looking up. 

"Who ever sent that is expelled!" Umbridge shouted, still looking around. 

Harry grinned as he backed up into the crowd of snickering students so that Umbridge wouldn't see him if she looked up. He joined up with Ron and Hermione away from the crowd. 

"That was brilliant! We should order some of their stuff," Ron said. 

"I want a portable swamp of my own, for Umbridge of course," Harry said, with an idea in his head. 

"What're you planning on?" Ron asked. 

"Well she liked the swamp in the Charms corridor, so I thought that she'd love one in her office," Harry said with an evil grin. 

"Yeah, she'd love that, I'll owl Fred and George tomorrow," Ron said, a huge grin on his face. 

"Would you two be more careful, you heard Umbridge, she wants to expel you!" Hermione hissed. 

"She want to expel the animal note giver, not me," Harry said, not grinning anymore. 

"But you are the one sending those notes!" Hermione replied. 

"Yeah, but she doesn't know that, and I'll be setting the suspicion on the Slytherins next," Harry said. 

"Harry, you'll get them expelled!" Hermione exclaimed. 

"Good riddance," Ron muttered. 

"You can't let Umbridge expel them for something they didn't do!" Hermione yelled at Ron. 

"Don't worry, it won't be the same person twice in a row, and only the Inquisitorial Squad will deliver the notes more than once," Harry assured her. 

"Oh, alright, but promise you'll be more careful," Hermione relented. 

"We promise," Harry and Ron said together. 

"Good, now let's head to the Great Hall, it's almost dinner time and I don't know about you, but I'm hungry," Hermione said, before walking forward. 

Ron started walking as well, getting ahead of Hermione. Harry caught up with Hermione and they made their way to the Great Hall. 

*=* Chapter 4 - Gred and Forge *=* 

* 

If you want something else funny to read as you wait for me to write the next chapter, check out Getting to Know Malfoy (id=1598770) by me, it really is funny, despite the summery. And also check out the fic that I co-wrote with a friend, it is absolutely hilarious after chapter 4. It's called The Maddest Time Ever (id=1315953) and review too! - Tatra 


	5. The Head Chair

Note: thank you to my reviewers! I was so happy seeing that I had 19 reviews for 4 chapters. Thank you to Violet Baudelaire for reviewing chapters 3 and 4, Drusilla for reviewing ch 4, Sirius-gal-4-eva for reviewing ch 4, and 54211 - Ephraim, Wisconsin. Population: 200 for reviewing chapter 4. 

Harry looked up at the teacher's table when Snape entered the room. He watched as Snape sat down at his normal place at the table and looked at the food around him, or, rather, the candy around him. Instead of normal food around his place there were bowls of Skittles, in fact the only thing he could reach was Skittles. 

Snape stared at the Skittles, bewildered as to what they were, for a minute before asking Sprout, who ended up passing him his dinner, for some food. 

The other event that happened during dinner was when Umbridge came in halfway through the meal. 

Umbridge walked over to the head chair and pulled it back two feet before screaming. 

The chair had actually turned into a head! It was head shaped and didn't have any legs, it was just the face and the top of the head, where you sat. 

It took a minute of Umbridge screaming and five minutes of Umbridge trying to transfigure it unsuccessfully into a normal chair before Umbridge tried to sit down on it. Tried being the keyword. 

She aimed her bottom at the top of the head, but sat on the floor instead, for her chair had moved back with a giggle. 

Umbridge got up and grabbed at the chair, but the head moved away from her with another giggle. 

Umbridge chased her chair up and down the aisles, providing entertainment for the meal. She finally caught it five minutes before dinner ended. 

After Umbridge dragged the pouting chair over to the table and sat down she looked in front of her at the glorious food. Or not so glorious food, she realized, there was only vegetables around her place, and there were only teachers at the end of the table. 

Harry and Ron watched while snickering as Umbridge made faces as she ate the vegetables on her head chair. 

Five minutes later Harry excused himself to head toward Snape's office for his Occlumency lessons. 

Harry went over what he was going to do to Snape in his head as he walked. 

When he arrived he knocked on the door and then let himself in, hopping over the doorway. Harry went up to Snape and stuck out his hand. When Snape didn't take it Harry grabbed Snape's hand again and shook it. 

Snape took his hand back with a glare and went back to putting a few more thoughts in the pensieve. 

"So how's life, Freddy?" Harry asked as he looked around the office, noting that Snape's chair was still pink. 

"What did you say?" Snape asked, freezing. 

"How's life, Professor?" Harry repeated. 

Snape went back to the pensieve and didn't answer. Harry then cast the spell to change things color, changing Snape's hair to a glowing pink. Snape noticed the color and froze, then turned around. 

"What did you do?" He hissed. 

"I didn't do nothing! It was Fred!" Harry insisted. 

"Fred, I don't see anyone named Fred here," Snape said. 

"He must be invisible," Harry said before spreading his arms out and feeling the air. He walked around until he reached the door, then pushed it close with his toes, "he's getting away! Stupefy!" 

After five more Stunning spells Snape called Harry back in. 

"If he was invisible, then how did you know his name was Fred?" Snape asked. 

"I'm psychic," Harry answered, writing the question and his answer down on a piece of paper. 

"Are you really?" Snape sneered. 

"I must be if I knew his name," Harry replied, still writing everything down. 

"So what would happen if I use Legilimency to see what happened?" Snape asked. 

"You'd have used Legilimency to see what happened," Harry said, still writing. 

"What are you doing?" Snape asked, finally noticing the sound of Harry's writing. 

"Writing," Harry answered shortly. 

"Writing what?" Snape snapped. 

"Everything we've been saying," Harry replied. 

"What for?" Snape asked sharply. 

"For the court," Harry answered. 

"What court?" Snape asked. 

"Pet court," Harry answered cheerfully. 

"Why would the pet court need to know what we were talking about?" Snape asked. 

"I don't know, they just might though," Harry replied, still writing. 

"Give me what you've written, we don't need a record of this," Snape said. 

"Just a sec," Harry said, writing down the last few things they said and a little extra before handing the paper to Snape. 

Snape read over everything Harry wrote, stopping at the end of the paper. He stared at the paper for a second before speaking, "What is this about donkeys? I didn't say anything about donkeys." 

"I could of sworn that you said you loved donkeys, oh well I'll cross that out," Harry said as he took the paper and crossed it out before handing it back to Snape. 

Snape then burned it to ashes, "Next time don't record anything about these lessons." 

"Alright, I'll write it all down instead, now I believe I didn't ask for Occlumency lessons, but I'm supposed to get them anyway," Harry said. 

"Alright, as you were yesterday," Snape said as he raised his wand. 

"Quack!" Harry shouted as he saw the wand. 

"What?" Snape asked, looking at Harry. 

"Sorry, I thought I was a duck," Harry said before getting into position. 

"Legilimens," Snape said. 

Harry concentrated on keeping his mind clear, and when that didn't work he concentrated on cows, what they looked and sounded like. 

"Try to clear your mind, you want to block the Dark Lord, not inform him about cows," Snape said. 

"Moo," Harry responded. 

"Legilimens," Snape said again. 

Harry tried to block Snape from his mind, but it didn't quite work, so Harry focused on thinking about meatloaf. 

"Still haven't got it," Snape said. 

"You cast it too slow," Harry complained. 

"Too slow," Snape repeated. 

"Yup," Harry confirmed, before concentrating on clearing his mind. 

Snape cast the spell again after getting over the too slow complaint, which was pretty fast. This time it took Snape slightly longer to enter Harry's mind, then which Harry thought of dust bunnies. 

"Locked in a box," Harry randomly said as Snape ended the spell. 

"What did you say?" Snape asked. 

"Boing!" Harry replied. 

"Once more," Snape said. 

"Ok, Freddy," Harry replied before thinking of nothing. 

"Did you just call me Freddy?" Snape demanded. 

Harry didn't answer so Snape cast the spell again. This time it took almost a minute for Snape to get into Harry's mind, causing Harry to think about stop signs. 

"Did you call me Freddy?" Snape asked again. 

"Are you still harping over that?" Harry asked, sounding annoyed, "That was weeks ago! Just let it go." 

"No I meant today," Snape said. 

"The Grinch has nothing on you," Harry replied in an amazed voice. 

"What?" Snape asked, not knowing who the Grinch was. 

"Buzz buzz," Harry answered. 

Snape sighed, "We're done for today, I'll see you Thursday." 

"Alright, bake well," Harry said as he left Snape's office. 

"Bake well," Harry heard Snape repeat before he walked away. 

Chapter 5 - The Head Chair 

The head chair running away from Umbridge(just the running away part though) and Harry turning Snape's hair pink are Turner's suggestions. 

AND HAPPY EASTER! - Tatra 


	6. Ba Ba What?

Note: thank you to my reviewers! Thank you Sirius-gal-4-eva for reviewing chapter 5 and giving me more suggestions. Lily & James Potter for reviewing chapter 5. Sab for reviewing ch 5. Lisamarie for reviewing ch 5(half of the ideas just come to me as I'm writing, and the other half I've thought up ahead of time. Half of my ideas I get from what happens in my life, or from stories). Ariestar for reviewing ch 1. Viskii for reviewing ch 5. Koalabear for reviewing ch 3(I am gunna change it to humor/parody, thanks for pointing it out). And devils daughter for reviewing ch 5. Thank you all for giving me 27 reviews for 5 chapters! 

*=* 

Harry and Ron went to bed at twelve o'clock and got up at three. They each got a large stack of paper from their trunks and snuck out of the tower. They crept their way to the dungeons and over to the potions classroom, waiting for a minute after unlocking the door before entering the room. 

"Why are we decorating his classroom and not his office?" Ron whispered. 

"He has to be in the classroom for about seven hours, if we did it to his office then he'd just avoid it," Harry explained as he stuck the first paper, a picture of a unicorn in a meadow, on the wall. 

"Oh, now it make sense, he can't avoid this," Ron replied, sticking a paper on the wall. 

They worked steadily for an hour before taking a break. The walls were almost covered, except for a few squares. 

"It's beautiful," Harry said with a smirk. 

"Why did we leave those blank squares?" Ron asked, puzzled. 

"I'll be back," Harry said before going to the room next to the classroom and then returning with his arms full, "the patches of wall are blank cause we're putting these up." 

"Where did you get those?" Ron asked when he saw what Harry had returned with. 

"He left without them and they were put into storage. I found them and thought that they'd be perfect in this room," Harry answered. 

"Wicked!" Ron whispered. 

By the time they finished putting up the last picture and snuck back to the tower it was 4:15 in the morning. 

The next morning they took a detour on the way to breakfast, Umbridge found a pyramid of cards stuck on her desk and an orange wall for her first class. 

During breakfast Harry took a deep breath before marching up to the teacher's table. He marched up to Snape and handed him an apple. 

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away!" Harry said in a cheerful voice before skipping back to Gryffindor table. 

Snape stared at Harry for a while before staring at the apple, bewildered. 

"Everyone'll think you're nutters, but the skipping was a nice touch," Ron said. 

"I thought it'd would work nice," Harry replied. 

"You know, if you get sent to St Mungo's you should be the ultimate winner," Ron suggested. 

"Nah, if you send Umbridge to St Mungo's you'd be the ultimate winner," Harry replied. 

"Good idea!" Ron exclaimed. 

"What's a good idea, boys?" Umbridge asked, stopping on her way to the table and her head chair. 

"Building a barricade so the Ba Ba Black Sheep won't get us good," Harry answered. 

"The Ba Ba Black Sheep? What is that?" Umbridge asked. 

"The Ba Ba Black Sheep! If he catches you he'll get you good!" Harry warned, not really answering the question. 

"But what is it?" Umbridge asked. 

"A Ba Ba Black Sheep, he'll get you good," Harry replied. 

"I'll ask you not to spread that around, Mister Potter," Umbridge said. 

"The Ba Ba Black Sheep will get you good," Harry solemnly replied. 

Umbridge huffed and walked up to her head chair. 

"The Ba Ba Black Sheep?" Ron asked Harry. 

"The Ba Ba Black Sheep, if he catches you he'll get you good," Harry replied. 

"Where'd you get that?" Ron asked. 

"It just came to me," Harry replied as they got up to go to their Charms class. 

*=* 

At lunch the topic of discussion was Snape's and Umbridge's reactions to their classrooms. 

Snape canceled his classes to take all of the pictures off the wall except for the few that just stuck and the portraits. 

Umbridge spent all of her first class trying to lift the pyramid off the desk and all of her second class trying to un-orange the wall and desks. 

Harry got up halfway through the meal and made his way to Umbridge. 

"Well? Did you warn everyone?" Harry asked worriedly when he reached Umbridge and her head chair. 

"Warn everyone about what?" Umbridge asked. 

"The Ba Ba Black Sheep! If you don't warn everyone he'll get them good!" Harry answered frantically. 

"Mister Potter, there is no such thing as a Ba Ba Black Sheep," Umbridge said grumpily. 

"There has to be, they wrote a song about him," Harry began to sing, "Ba Ba Black Sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. One for the master, one for the dame, one for the little boy who lives down the lane, Ba Ba Black Sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full." 

"It still doesn't exist, I haven't seen it," Umbridge said, beginning to glare at Harry. 

"Alright, but when the Ba Ba Black Sheep gets them good it'll be all your fault," Harry accused before creeping back to the Gryffindor table. 

Umbridge's head chair began to chant, "Ba Ba Black Sheep! Ba Ba Black Sheep!" 

*=* 

The rest of the day before dinner was uneventful. 

Harry got up at the beginning of dinner and walked over to Umbridge. 

"Have you warned everyone about the Ba Ba Black Sheep yet?" Harry asked. 

"No, there is no Ba Ba Black Sheep," Umbridge snarled. 

"Then I'll warn them!" Harry shouted in a heroic voice, "Beware the Ba Ba Black Sheep! If he catches you he'll get you good!" 

Harry's announcement started up whispers. 

"Ba Ba Black Sheep!" Umbridge's head chair yelled. 

Harry bobbed his head like a pigeon as he walked back to the Gryffindor table after his announcement. 

The rest of the evening passed like the afternoon, except people were on the lookout for the Ba Ba Black Sheep. 

*=* 

Wednesday dawned and Ron set up the pyramid of the day on Umbridge's desk and charmed another wall orange. The pyramid was made of crumpled up parchment and it was charmed to stay together and on the desk until her last class was almost over. 

Harry, rightly, predicted that she'd go crazy trying to get it off the desk and go crazier when it effortlessly fell apart five minutes before her last class was over. 

At breakfast Harry got up, went over to Snape, and presented him with an apple. 

"I've taken it on as my duty to give you an apple a day and keep the doctor away," Harry announced. 

"You don't have to," Snape said, eyeing the apple, and Harry, with distaste. 

"Oh, but I want to!" Harry gushed. 

While Snape and Harry were 'talking' one of the members of the Inquisitorial Squad came up to talk to Umbridge. A letter flew out of his bag and over to Umbridge. 

Umbridge, after seeing it was addressed to her, opened it. An announcer's voice filled the Great Hall, "The duck goes... Quack!" 

Another letter flew out of Parkinson's bag, causing her to shriek, and flew over to Umbridge. Umbridge opened it, seeing it had 'information about note giver' on it. 

The voice filled the Hall again, "The cat goes... Meow!" 

The first note destroyed itself at the sound of the second note and the second note destroyed itself at Umbridge's head chair's shout of Ba Ba Black Sheep. 

All throughout the day everyone was whispering about the Ba Ba Black Sheep sending animal notes. 

*=* Chapter 6 - Ba Ba What? *=* 

* 

Can you guess who the pictures Harry put up on the blank spaces is? I gave clues! You'll find out in the next chapter if you can't figure it out! - Tatra 


	7. Kisses of the Sun

Note: I don't own the song that I put in this chapter, you'll find it's name and singer down their too. Thank you to all my reviewers! I got ten reviews all before Tuesday, I was amazed! Thank you to Sirius-gal-4-eva for guessing and reviewing chapter 6. Siriuspirate for guessing and reviewing ch 6. Tonysbedroomslave for guessing and reviewing ch 6. Bill Ferny for reviewing ch 6. Kyra Invictus Black for suggesting and spawning ideas and for reviewing both ch 5 and 6. Wazza for reviewing ch 6. Lily and James Potter for guessing and reviewing ch 6. Viskii for suggesting and reviewing ch 6. And peacockgal17 for passing this fic on and reviewing ch 6. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

= 

Harry got up early to set up the pyramid of the day, rolled up socks, and to put a bottle of shampoo with dye in it on Umbridge's desk. After that he went to breakfast. 

During breakfast Harry went up to Snape and tried to hand him an apple. Snape wouldn't take it. 

"I don't want it," Snape snarled before stalking out of the Great Hall. 

Harry went back to the Gryffindor table and grabbed his bag before heading to their first class, Potions. 

The fifth year Gryffindor's and Slytherin's let themselves into the Potions classroom and sat down, everyone except Harry. Harry stood outside the classroom waiting for Snape. 

Harry only had to wait for a minute before Snape left his office and walked over to his classroom. 

"Hold this," Harry said when Snape arrived at the door, handing Snape the apple while shaking his hand. Harry entered the classroom and made a trumpet noise and then requested, "Drumroll please." 

Ron started up a drumroll on his desk. 

"Let me in, Potter," Snape said from behind Harry. 

"Presenting the residential Potions Master, Professor Severus Snape!" Harry called when the drumroll ended, before smartly stepping aside to let Snape in. 

"Five points from Gryffindor, Potter, for holding up class," Snape said as he strode up to his desk, apple in hand. 

"I'll trade you five points for a cookie," Harry replied. 

"What?" Snape asked, setting the apple on his desk. 

"I'll give you a cookie if you give Gryffindor five points," Harry said, holding up a bag of American cookies. 

"Sit down, Potter," Snape said. 

Harry moved from the side of the door to sit beside Hermione. 

"We'll be learning about Polyjuice today, so open your books to the page number on the board," Snape instructed. 

Harry looked around the classroom, there were still a few pictures of unicorns and flowers and the left behind portraits were still up. 

"I know this potion, it's one of the ones that I'm best at, do you want me to teach this class, Severus?" Lockhart offered. 

"No, Silencio," Snape snarled. 

Lockhart continued to brag silently. 

"Potter, read the first five paragraphs," Snape snapped. 

Harry opened his book to the correct page, "What do we have here? It's a song!" Harry said brightly before singing, "The kisses of the sun were sweet, I didn't blink, I let it in my eyes, like an exotic drink. The radio playing songs, that I have never heard, I don't know what to say, oh not another word. Just La La La La La..." 

Ron joined in, singing the chorus with Harry, but stopped once the chorus was done. 

"Inside an empty room, my inspiration comes, now wait to hear the tune, around my head it goes. A magic melody, you want to sing with me, just la la la la la, the music is the key.." Harry sang the next verse. 

Ron joined in again for the chorus and the ending of the song. 

"The Polyjuice Potion is a potion that, when drunk, lets the drinker take on the appearance of someone else," Harry said when he and Ron were done singing, making up his own definition. 

"What was that, Potter?" Snape asked. 

"What was what?" Harry asked. 

"That song!" Snape answered. 

"A song," Harry replied simply, "It's called 'Around the World' and it's by ATC." 

"Why did you sing it though?" Snape asked. 

"Veritatem dies aperit," Harry answered. 

"Two points for disrupting the class," Snape said. 

"To or from?" Harry asked, "Cause I'd be happy if you added points, but if you take them away, that's fine." 

"From," Snape replied. 

"From Gryffindor or Slytherin, cause I'd be happy if you took them from Slytherin, but it's your own house so I'd understand if you took it from Gryffindor," Harry rambled on again. 

"From Gryffindor! And if you don't shut up I'll take more!" Snape snapped. 

"Touchy, touchy," Harry muttered sullenly. 

Snape then started the lecture about Polyjuice Potion. 

Twenty minutes into the lecture Harry took five bouncy balls out of a pouch and then threw them on the floor. Then he took out five more ball and threw them. 

The balls flew up after hitting the floor, hit the ceiling, and fell down every which way, causing people to shriek as they hit them. 

"Quiet, now who threw these?" Snape demanded. 

"Davis did it," one of the Lockharts that still had his voice accused. 

"No she didn't, they just came out of the floor!" Pansy exclaimed. 

"I'm sure it was Davis," Lockhart replied. 

"You're just saying that because I never mooned over you," Davis shot back. 

"I have cool socks," Harry piped up. 

Everyone turned to look at Harry, who grinned at them cheerfully. 

"Where did that come from?" Davis asked Harry. 

"I've been meaning to say that for a while, but you were talking," Harry answered. 

"You're nutters," Davis said, shaking her head. 

"How far away is Umbridge?" Harry asked. 

"Pretty close, actually," Davis answered. 

"Would you two like to continue this discussion in detention?" Snape asked. 

"No, sir," Davis answered. 

"Not that discussion, maybe if we talked about my cool socks..." Harry trailed off. 

"Get back to work," Snape snarled. 

"But you have to get back to lecturing about socks before we can get back to work," Harry replied. 

"Then shut up," Snape said before stalking back to his desk. 

Davis snorted, having heard Snape agree with Harry that he was lecturing about socks. Snape, however, continued on his lecture about Polyjuice potion. 

Fifteen minutes later Harry reached down and took something out of his bag, causing Davis to look over at him. Harry put the banjo in his lap and started strumming it. 

"Kum ba ya, my Lord, kum ba ya. Kum ba ya, my Lord, kum ba ya. Kum ba ya, my Lord, kum ba ya, oh Lord, kum ba ya. Some one's praying Lord, kum ba ya..." Harry sang while still strumming the banjo. 

Harry got up to the third verse before Snape snatched the banjo away from him. 

"I'd appreciate it if you kept all of your wailing out side of class," Snape said before continuing his lecture while standing at Harry's desk. 

Snape kept them a bit after the bell to finish his lecture and collect homework. 

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the fifth year Gryffindor's hurried up to their History of Magic class. 

"So what did you sign your work as?" Ron asked as soon as Binns started his lecture. 

"Fryk the third, you?" Harry replied. 

"Lockhart," Ron answered. 

The two boys planned on what Harry was to do that evening at his Occlumency lessons before eventually drifting to sleep until History class was over. 

= Chapter 7 - Kisses of the Sun = 

The idea for announcing Snape to the room and the idea of Harry singing Kum Ba Ya with a banjo was Sirius-gal-4-eva's. Harry's definition of Polyjuice is not mine, I got it from a magazine. And I would just like to say that Snape held up this chapter in writing, he took until Thursday to decide what he wanted to say to Harry and Zabini. Probably cause she's a Slytherin. And speaking of Zabini, do any of you mind if she worms her way into the story? Cause if you do I'll try to keep her out. - Tatra 


	8. GlowDeDark

Note: I was so amazed at how many reviews I got, 15 reviews!!! So I will now thank all of you, and respond to some of you. Thank you to Kim for reviewing ch 7. Danalas the Lady Chaos for reviewing ch 7 and answering my question. Sirius-gal-4-eva for reviewing ch 7 and answering my question {you also got kudo's from Imaginaryfriendless, you can go to my reviews to read it}. Imaginaryfriendless for reviewing ch 7. ScuffyWes for reviewing ch 7. Selua for R'ing(which now means reviewing!!!!) ch 7. Anora for R'ing ch 7. Empress T'Pau for R'ing ch 7. TonyK for R'ing ch 7 {we never quite figured out how the Ba Ba BlackSheep got you good actually}. Kyra Invictus Black for R'n ch 7 {she will use it, I meant to use it in ch 9, but so far it hasn't shown}. Crazily for R'n ch 7. Casiddy called sid for R'n c 7 {I concede to the pranks, though I think that it's more funny(an annoying for them). I, however, do think that I am pretty good at placing commas, but I'll correct it if you copy and paste the parts where I should/n't have commas. The same thing also goes with spelling.}. LittleEar BigEar's sis for R'n ch 7 and being my 50th reviewer! Annon for R'n ch 7 {can't quite do that yet, sorry}. Lily and James Potter for R'n ch 7. 

The magazine I was talking about was Life Story Movie Magic and I got it before OotP came out. 

= 

The end of dinner was interrupted by a loud explosion. 

Umbridge, the teachers, and a few brave students followed the trail of smoke to Umbridge's office, where they found it was missing the new door Filch had installed. 

Umbridge stood there, blocking everyone from passing, and gaped at her visible office, until Harry pushed passed her. 

"What do you look so surprised for? It's your office, you should know what it looks like," Harry said before walking off, like nothing was going on. 

Umbridge snapped out of her daze and rushed forward to see the damage. She found, to her relief, that her office was undamaged, except for the shards of wood that now decorated her office. 

McGonagall and Flitwick checked Umbridge's office for spells and found that, besides a charm to turn Umbridge's hair orange, there was nothing wrong with the office. 

Filch hurried off, muttering about running out of doors. 

Umbridge, after McGonagall and Flitwick left, entered her office, not noticing that her hair turned orange, and started to rescue the things on her desk that were buried under the wood. Which turned, Umbridge found out, every thing it touched orange. 

= 

Ron walked with Harry down to the dungeons, telling him about Umbridge's reaction to her blown up door that was slowly turning her office orange. 

Harry continued on his own once they reached the dungeons. He knocked on Snape's office door when he reached it. 

When Snape called for him to enter Harry opened the door, but stayed just in front of the doorway. 

After a minute Snape looked up. 

"Are you coming in or not?" He asked. 

Harry nodded and hopped over the doorway. 

"I have come for Occlumency lessons!" Harry said after he had closed the door. 

Harry then went up to Snape's desk and stuck out his hand. Snape, to Harry's delight, took his hand and then let go. 

"Ready?" Snape asked as he stood up. 

"Just one question, what do monkeys, birds, and socks have in common?" Harry asked. 

"What?" Snape asked. 

"I have no idea, ready," Harry said before emptying his mind. 

It took Snape little effort to break into Harry's mind, were he was bombarded by images of penguins . 

Snape allowed Harry ten seconds to recover before he tried again. This time it took less of an effort to get into Harry's mind, where he was met with a wailing fire truck. 

Snape took a minute afterwards to let them both recover, Snape still had the sirens in his head. 

Snape was about to use Legilimency on Harry again when there was a knock on the door. Snape hid his wand and then told them to enter. 

Davis entered and glanced around. 

"So what are the two of you doing?" She asked when she noticed Harry. 

Snape opened his mouth to answer but Harry beat him to it. 

"We're playing Pretty, Pretty Princess," Harry answered. 

"Okay..." Davis trailed off. 

"Potter is really in Remedial Potions," Snape said. 

"That's a lie, we really are playing Pretty, Pretty Princess, he's just embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to know," Harry said. 

"Uhhuh," Davis nodded, not knowing who to believe but leaning towards Snape. 

"What is it, Miss Davis?" Snape asked while glaring at Harry. 

"Umbridge wants you, her hair has turned orange and she wants to know if you can reverse it," Davis answered. 

"I'll be back, Potter," Snape said before leaving. 

"Pretty, Pretty Princess," Davis said. 

"Yup, we didn't have enough people for Duck, Duck, Goose," Harry replied, taking a bunch of glow-in-the-dark stars out of his pocket. 

Harry started to stick the stars all around Snape's office. 

Davis watched, still in shock, as Harry decorated Snape's office with stars and then used his wand to charge them. 

They both heard Snape as he returned to his office as he was muttering about stupid women. As Snape got closer Harry put out the lights, leaving he and Davis in the darkness that was only broken by the glowing stars. 

Snape stopped short once he opened his door, then he slowly entered the room. 

"Where did these come from?" Snape asked. 

"I don't know, the lights went out and they just appeared," Harry lied, "did you tease Umbridge?" 

"What?" Snape asked, snapping out of his daze. 

"Did you tease Umbridge about her not having an office door and you having one?" Harry asked. 

"No, I didn't," Snape said as he inspected a star. 

"How old are you?" Harry asked randomly. 

"Why do you want to know?" Snape asked, not looking up from the star. 

"Cause I'm four years old!" Harry answered proudly. 

"You're bizarre," Davis said as she stood up. 

"I love you too!" Harry replied. 

"I'll let you two get back to playing," Davis said as she left. 

Snape lite the torches as he waited for Davis to be out of earshot. 

When he judged that she was far enough he shot the spell at Harry. It took Snape a whole two minutes to get into Harry's head. 

Harry concentrated on getting the image of the sun out his mind when Snape ended the spell. Just then a stray idea hit him as Snape cast the spell again. 

Snape got into his head easily because of that, but didn't get far as Harry stopped him with an image of a pile of weeds. 

The stray thought that had hit him was to lock all of his thoughts into a mental safe, which spawned the idea to bring all of his books to class in a safe. 

Snape tried Legilimency on Harry five more times before dismissing him. 

Harry left Snape's office and made his way to Umbridge's bedchamber. 

When he reached her chambers he applied a few glamor charms and then knocked on the door. 

"Who is it?" Umbridge called. 

"Voldemort," Harry replied, "I'm here for tea!" 

"It's too late for tea!" Umbridge said, completely missing that he said he was Voldemort. 

"Sorry, a torture session ran on longer than I thought it would," Harry replied. 

Umbridge opened the door, "That's alright, come in," she said before realizing who it was. 

"Thank you," Harry said as he swept past her. 

"You-you," Umbridge stuttered. 

"Yes, me," Harry said breezily as he looked around, "nice place, do you mind if I conjure up a chair?" 

Harry transfigured a dust bunny into a mini chair, that was orange, and then enlarged it. 

"But you're dead!" Umbridge shrieked finally. 

"That doesn't mean I can't conjure up a chair, see?" Harry said as he sat in the orange chair, "Now, how about some tea?" 

Umbridge nodded and rushed into her kitchen. Harry took the time she was in the kitchen to stick the chair to the floor and turn her bedroom orange. 

When Umbridge returned to the room with the tea she found You-Know-Who sitting in the orange chair staring at her decorations. 

While he drank his tea Harry, as Voldemort, talked about the garden he was growing, current fashion in home decor, his plans for starting up a babysitting service, and complaining about his cell phone plan. 

Harry left after drinking two cups of tea, then watched Umbridge rush to her door-less office and Fire-Call Fudge, proclaiming that You-Know-Who was alive. 

After ten minutes Harry left the raving Umbridge to tell Ron about his evening 

= Chapter 8 - Glow-De-Dark = 

Until next Friday!!!! - Tatra 


	9. Stolen Cool Socks

Note: thankies to all my reviewers! Thank you to: Sirius-gal-4-eva for R'n ch 8. Selua for R'n ch 8 {wait for the next chapter.} nObOdys-ang31 for R'n ch 8. Ms Issues for R'n ch 8. TonyK for R'n ch 8 {give me the evidence to support it and I'll change it, but for now my head says it's a girl}. Lily and James Potter for R'n ch 8. Coolcat411 for R'n ch 8 and suggesting ideas {read on for more Hermione}. Crazley for R'n ch 8. Lily Evans0 for R'n ch 8 and suggesting {do you have the first few lines of the song and part of the chorus? If so can you put them in the review please? Also, check out my bio, you'll like the ending.}. Danalas the Lady Chaos for R'n ch 8 {stick around for the next chapter}. 

I have three other things to say before the note is done. 1st, I've posted a new story, 1 shot fic, that was spawned by this chapter. And 2nd, I've redid my bio and put some spoilers up. And 3rd, I've plotted out this fic, and it's gunna be about 46 chapters long. That's all until the bottom! 

= 

All through breakfast on Friday, Snape glared at Harry. At the end of breakfast, Snape smirked triumphantly as he left the Great Hall, apple free. 

Instead, Harry delivered an apple to Snape at lunch. 

Harry left before Snape could give the apple back and headed towards Umbridge's classroom to put the pyramid of the day, sugar cubes, on her desk with a card that said, 'Milk: it does a body good.' 

After doing that, Harry headed down to the kitchen to talk to the house-elves. 

"What can Miffy get Sir?" One of the house-elves asked when Harry entered the kitchen. 

"I'll take a chicken and bacon sandwich," Harry answered. 

"Miffy will get Sir a sandwich right away!" Miffy exclaimed before scampering off. 

She returned in a minute with a sandwich, Dobby right behind her. 

"Thank you," Harry said as he took the sandwich. 

"Mister Harry Potter Sir! It is good to see Harry Potter Sir!" Dobby said as he hugged Harry's legs. 

"I'm here on the behalf of Professor Umbridge, she would like it if you made a special dinner for her tonight," Harry said. 

"What would Professor Umbridge like?" Dobby asked. 

"She would like sand for dinner," Harry answered. 

"Sand, Mister Harry Potter Sir?" Dobby asked, bewildered. 

"Yes, sand, she doesn't feel like having any nutrition tonight," Harry answered. 

"That makes sense, we will make Professor Umbridge her meal of sand," Dobby said. 

"Oh, and if anyone asks, I didn't tell you about this, Tom Warrington was supposed to ask, but he gave the task to me because I know you guys," Harry requested. 

"Certainly, Harry Potter Sir, anything for Harry Potter," Dobby said. 

"Thanks, I need to get ready for class, but I'll visit again soon," Harry said before leaving. 

As Harry made his way to Gryffindor tower to get his books, he started casting visibility spells to dispel the invisibility charms he and Ron put on the posters they had stuck up. 

Harry walked to the Charms corridor and waited at the corner for the rest of the Gryffindor fifth years. 

He cast one last visibility spell and then stepped back to admire the poster. 

"Lost:" The poster read, "One Umbridge." There was a picture of Umbridge, "Reward: 1 knut. Contact Minister Fudge if found." 

Harry was just coming out of a bout of snickering when Ron, Hermione, and Neville came up. 

"What's so funny?" Neville asked. 

Harry gestured to the poster, "I spotted it while I was waiting for more people to arrive." 

Neville read the poster and burst out laughing. 

"What's so funny, Neville?" Seamus asked as he, Dean, Lavender, and Parvati came up to them. 

"Did some one miscast a cheering charm on you?" Parvati asked in concern. 

"Look," Neville choked out, pointing at the poster. 

"Lost: One Umbridge... Contact Minister Fudge, I thought that you said that Fudge sent Umbridge here, Hermione," Dean said. 

"Maybe he forgot he sent her here," Ron suggested. 

"We should send him letters, reminding him that she's here, we should get as many people as possible to send him a letter so that he'll definitely get the message," Harry suggested, as planed. 

"She's only worth one knut though," Seamus said. 

"But all the letters would annoy Fudge," Harry replied. 

That had been one of the reasons they had put the posters up and suggested that lots of people owl Fudge. 

"We'd better go, class is about to start," Hermione said. 

"Right," Seamus said. 

"We don't want to be late for class," Ron said, making everyone look at him like he was insane. 

"Let's go then," Neville replied. 

Filch, who had been given the job of punting students across the swamp, was halfway across the swamp. 

When he reached them, the fifth years stood aside to let the pair of Hufflepuff second years pass and then got on the boat. 

While Harry was on the boat, he dropped another animal note, this one about a donkey, knowing that Umbridge would come to try to undo the swamp. 

= 

Harry and Ron slept in the next morning, which was Saturday . They weren't slacking off on their rebellion though. 

They had written a bunch of letters Friday evening and had given them to some owls, instructing them to deliver them to Umbridge at breakfast. 

Umbridge, for breakfast, would receive letters from all members of the Inquisitorial Squad questioning their intelligence, a letter from Voldemort declaring his undying love for her, a note from Peter Pettigrew informing her that the Dark Lord will stop by next week, from the Ba Ba Black Sheep promising to get her good, and another animal note informing her what a horse sounds like. 

Ron and Harry also got together with some other Gryffindors and wrote letters to Fudge, telling him that his Umbridge was at Hogwarts teaching and trying to run it. 

After they had properly gotten up they wrote more letters to send to Umbridge. Another five love letters from Voldemort, two reminders from Pettigrew, a giant can of beans from an admirer, a complaint from Fudge about his water bill, and a letter so wet that you couldn't read it. 

They stopped off at the Owlery on their way to lunch and gave their letters to the same owls as they did last time. 

At lunch, when Snape came in, Harry stood up. 

"You stole my cool socks!" Harry boomed, pointing his finger at Snape. 

"Excuse me?" Snape asked. 

"You stole my cool socks!" Harry repeated his accusation. 

"What are you up to now, Potter?" Snape asked grumpily. 

"Up is the opposite of down, and I'm accusing you of stealing my cool socks," Harry replied cheerily. 

"What is this about socks?" McGonagall asked. 

"He stole mine, he heard about them in potions class and wanted so cool of socks, so he stole them!" Harry said. 

"I didn't steal any socks," Snape said. 

"Yes you did, my cool socks are missing and you were interested in them," Harry replied. 

"I was interested in continuing my lesson!" Snape said. 

"About socks!" Harry exclaimed. 

"I was lecturing about Polyjuice potion!" Snape replied. 

"What ever, I'll see you in court," Harry said, before walking back to Gryffindor table. 

"I didn't steal his socks," Snape said to McGonagall. 

McGonagall just stared at him before moving to sit down. 

"What use would I have for Potter's socks?" Snape asked as he followed her. 

"He said they were 'cool'," McGonagall said with a twinkle in her eye. 

Snape spent the rest of the meal trying to convince McGonagall that he didn't steal the cool socks. 

= 

Harry and Ron were trying to figure out what else to write after writing seven more love letters from Voldemort, five more reminders from Pettigrew, five letters of junk mail, and two fake bills. 

"How about an invitation to become a werewolf?" Hermione suggested, after listening to the two of them ponder for five minutes. 

"Oh, that's good, have any other ideas, Hermione?" Harry asked as he scrambled for another piece of parchment. 

"About time you asked," Hermione replied. 

"We thought that you didn't want to help for risk of getting expelled," Ron said. 

"I did, but I hardly get to talk to you guys anymore, and nothings happened so far," Hermione replied. 

"I think Snape's close to giving me a detention though," Harry said. 

"I won't be in the spotlight then, write a humongous letter to Umbridge from a cousin, who's a giant," Hermione suggested. 

"That's brilliant!" Ron said, before starting the letter. 

"Say that they're having a family reunion," Hermione suggested. 

"That's twenty-one letters, I think that's enough," Harry said when he finished his current letter. 

"How many did you send total?" Hermione asked. 

"Over forty," Harry answered. 

"Wow, that's a lot of mail," Hermione said. 

"Done," Ron said, holding up the giant letter. 

"Let's go mail these and then watch Umbridge eat her dinner," Harry said. 

"Watch Umbridge eat her dinner, why?" Ron asked. 

"It'll be entertaining to watch her eat sand," Harry replied as he got up. 

"Let's go then," Hermione said, getting up as well. 

The golden trio left the Gryffindor tower, reunited and ready to cause lots of trouble for Hogwart's new headmistress. 

Be scared, Umbridge, be really scared. 

= Chapter 9 - Stolen Cool Socks = 

Filch punting students across the swamp is J. K. Rowlings idea. And Snape asking Harry What's up and Harry answering up is the opposite of down is Kyra Invictus Black's idea. Now go check out my new bio and my new story! - Tatra 


	10. Rubber Duck Astronauts

Note: I was so amazed when I saw I got 20 reviews for posting ch 9! Wow! Thank you to: mrs Stampede for R'n ch 5. And for ch 9: Lily and James Potter for R'n. Imaginaryfriendless for R'n {you'll find out in ch 12}. Crazely for R'n. Yami Rose for R'n and suggesting. Sohalia Talitha for R'n and suggesting. Candidus-lupus-full moon for R'n and suggesting. Selua for R'n. Fragonknight01 for R'n and suggesting. Danalas the Lady Chaos for R'n and suggesting. Little Miss CraZy for R'n. Katertot2003 for R'n. Sirius-gal-4-eva for R'n. TonyK for R'n and reading at least the AN from ch 9 {you win! Zabini is a boy and has turned into Davis, thank you for keeping with me though!}. Elrohir lover for R'n. Apple for R'n. ScruffyWes for R'n. Big-bad-kyubi for R'n. Kageri Tsukiakari for R'n. And Lin for R'n and suggesting. 

As TonyK pointed out, Blaise Zabini is a boy. I wasn't sure at first, but I checked the lexicon and they said that he was a he. So I changed all mentions of Zabini into Tracey Davis. I'd really like to thank TonyK for sticking around and reading my AN and responding. Cause, for some reason, when people point things out they rarely visit again to see their response, and if they do they won't reply. 

= 

Fudge threw open the doors to Hogwarts on Sunday and walked in. Only to be hit on the head by a rubber duck, who quacked and then floated off. 

Fudge stood there for a minute, blinking and watching the floating rubber duck. Until he was hit in the head by another rubber duck, who also quacked when hitting him and floated off. 

Fudge finally snapped out of it fully when he was hit a third time by a rubber duck. 

Fudge strolled up to the doors to the Great Hall and threw them open. 

"It's the Ba Ba Black Sheep! He's here to get us good!" Harry screamed, jumping up from the table. 

Umbridge squealed with fright and ducked down under the teacher's table. 

The students and the rest of the teachers pulled out their wands and pointed them at the door. 

Harry, in the confusion, turned Snape pink, with out him noticing. 

"What's that about a sheep, and Sirius Black?" Fudge asked as he stepped into the Great Hall. 

"The minister is the Ba Ba Black Sheep?" Some one from Hufflepuff asked. 

"False alarm!" Harry shouted. 

"He's not the Ba Ba Black Sheep?" Another Hufflepuff asked. 

"Why did you call then?" A Slytherin asked, annoyed. 

"He smelled like the Ba Ba Black Sheep!" Harry called back. 

"Minister, how good to see you," Umbridge said as she got out from under the table and stood up. 

A rubber duck hit her hard on the nose and bounced off with a quack. 

"What was that about a sheep? And what's with these yellow ducks?" Fudge asked as he stared at the floating rubber ducks that were swarming the Great Hall. 

"They're called rubber duckies," Harry said. 

"Did you do this, Potter?" Umbridge asked. 

"No, my pinkie did, but you can't interrogate it, it's sleeping," Harry said before wandering off. 

"Well, it's nice to see you, Dolores," Fudge said, sticking his hand out. 

They both realized that he had an envelope stuck on his hand when they shook hands. The envelope, though, came off onto Umbridge's hand when they pulled their hands away. 

As it was addressed to her, Umbridge opened the envelope and unfolded the parchment. An announcer's voice filled the Great Hall, "A rubber duck goes... Quack!" 

Umbridge opened her mouth to scream, but didn't have the chance as Snape beat her to it. 

"Who did this to me?" Snape boomed, having just discovered that he was pink. 

"I know! I know!" Hermione shouted, bouncing up and down with her hand in the air. 

"Who, Miss Granger?" Snape asked. 

"I know! I know!" Hermione exclaimed, still bouncing. 

"Who was it, Miss Granger?" Snape boomed. 

"Lemme think," Hermione said, staring at nothing. 

"I thought you said you knew!" Snape exclaimed. 

"I think I know... I don't think I know... I don't think I think I know... I don't think I think," Hermione said in a dazed voice while swaying from side to side. 

"Miss Granger, either you know or you don't, which is it?" Snape asked in a stern tone. 

"A red herring!" Hermione said in a bright tone before walking off. 

Once Snape stopped looking for Hermione, she shot a spell from her shadowed corner at Umbridge. Then she calmly went back to her spot at Gryffindor's table and sat down in her seat that was next to Ron and Harry. 

Nothing seemed to be happening to Umbridge, if you weren't looking closely you would of thought that Hermione's spell was a dud. However, if you were looking closely at Umbridge, you would see that her horrid, pink sweater was slowly growing. 

When the sleeves of Umbridge's sweater had grown past her hands they started to bunch together. When they were all bunched together they knitted themselves together so Umbridge couldn't fit her hands through. 

She started struggling as the neck of her sweater reached her chin, and shrieking as it went past her mouth. She then got up and started to run around as it grew past her eyes and knitted itself together. 

By the time that had happened the bottom of her sweater had reached her knees. 

She continued to run around, bumping into things, until the bottom of her sweater tried to get under her feet. Then she fell, unceremoniously, to the floor and the bottom of the sweater knitted together, leaving Umbridge cocooned in her own horrid, pink sweater. 

In order to free the swallowed Umbridge from her sweater, Flitwick had to cut it open. So now Umbridge was with out a sweater. 

"So what did you come here for, Cornelius?" Umbridge asked when everything had calmed down. 

Fudge was hit by six rubber ducks at once, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were secretly sending them to the teacher's table, before he could answer. 

"I received more than seventy-five letters from your students, informing me that you are the headmistress and Defense teacher here at Hogwarts!" Fudge answered once the ducks moved away with six resounding quacks. 

"Well, I don't know why they did that..." Umbridge said, looking around helplessly. 

No one bothered to clue her in, and, since she was only worth one knut, no one came up to Fudge. 

= 

After the food disappeared from the plates, Harry got up and headed down to the dungeons for his Occlumency lessons. 

He had yet to try his stray thought, being busy with staging the rebellion, but he figured he could try later in the week. 

Once at Snape's office Harry hopped over the doorway, shook Snape's hand, and handed him an apple. 

"Have you been practicing?" Snape asked. 

"Yes, Freddy, every night for the past fifty years," Harry answered. 

"You haven't been alive for fifty years," Snape pointed out, annoyed. 

"Shows what you know," Harry replied. 

"I'm not even fifty years old, and I was born the same year as your father," Snape said. 

"The Lord of Hypocrisy is older than fifty," Harry paused, "he's old, he should retire!" 

Snape choked at the thought of Voldemort retiring. 

"I should look up retiring homes, that way, the next time I see him, I can suggest the idea to him and give him the information," Harry paused, then asked, "does he like golf? How about shuffleboard?" 

"Those are muggle games!" Snape protested. 

"Introduce them at a meeting and get Voldemort addicted to them! Then he'll have no choice but to give up his act against muggles and retire!" Harry exclaimed, bouncing in his seat with excitement. 

"You truly believe that the Dark Lord would give up everything, just like that, and retire for muggle games?" Snape asked incredulously. 

"It's the Lord of Hypocrisy, and you're right, it wouldn't work with just muggle games, you need to introduce him to fast food!" Harry replied. 

"Fast food," Snape repeated. 

"Yup, now give me five seconds to clear my mind, Freddy," Harry said. 

Snape gave Harry a minute though, trying to figure out why Harry thought Voldemort would give up being the Dark Lord for food and games. 

Harry did well for that lesson, it took Snape a while to get into Harry's mind and, when he did, Harry headed him off with pictures of Aunt Petunia's shoes, a different pair each time. 

They stopped an hour before dinner started and Harry joined up with Ron and Hermione to create more rubber duck astronauts. 

= 

During dinner Harry looked at the teacher's table. They were all there, including Snape, and Fudge had stayed to eat. 

Harry stood up and got into the center aisle. 

"Snape is my savior!" Harry declared in a loud voice. 

Everyone stopped talking and looked at Harry. 

"Professor Severus Snape is my savior!" Harry exclaimed. 

"What? Why?" Fudge spluttered, bewildered as to why Snape was the Boy-Who-Lived's savior. 

"He's my savior because he returned my cool socks!" Harry stated, holding up a pair of socks that Dobby had given him. 

Harry sat down on the floor, took off his shoes and current socks, then put his 'cool socks' on before returning his shoes to his feet. 

"Yay!" Hermione cheered, causing almost everyone to start clapping and cheering along with her. 

"As a reward, I present to you," Harry said to Snape when everyone was done clapping, "some cool socks of your own!" 

Harry handed Snape a pair of socks, with apples on one sock and apple pies on the other sock, then he went and returned to his seat next to Hermione. 

The rest of the meal was silent, baring the quacks of the rubber astronauts. 

= Chapter 10 - Rubber Duck Astronauts = 

The rubber duck astronauts were Viskii's idea, though I added the quacking. Also, both Snape getting turned pink and Umbridge being swallowed by her sweater was Nastyubervamp's ideas. 

Also, I'm getting my braces off next Tuesday! I can't wait, and I probably'll still post next Friday, can't say for sure, but I'll try. And now I'm off to feed the outside kitties! - Tatra 


	11. What's That Potion!

Note: thank you to all my reviewers! I almost have 100 reviews, I'm so excited! Thank you to: GeorgieGryffindor for R'n ch 10 and suggesting. Danalas the Lady Chaos for Smackskiller for R'n {you finally reviewed! I'll do another sand dinner}. Kyra Invictus Black for R'n and suggesting. Psycho13 for R'n. Crazely for R'n and suggesting. Annon for R'n and suggesting. Coolcat411 for R'n. GinnyHarryP for R'n. Lily and James Potter for R'n and suggesting. Peacockgal17 for R'n{wow, and, as you can tell, I read your fics}. TonyK for R'n. Dragon Lady for R'n and suggesting. Sirius-gal-4-eva for R'n and suggesting. And Chaosblizzard for R'n. 

A lot of people keep saying that I'm not making Snape and Umbridge reactive enough, and I have to say that's true. My writing hasn't come out with meanness, don't know why. Though with Snape, he has to keep Harry at Hogwarts, so he can't make too much of a fuss. And also, he's going by 'don't mess with the crazies'. Umbridge is a tad to busy with being headmistress and Defense teacher to be deal with Harry. And Harry keeps diverting her attention, she can't really deal with the insane Harry also. Maybe sometime they'll be mean... This is parody though. 

I've also reposted ch 7 & 8 again cause the asterisks won't work, but I couldn't leave it with just the = sign. 

STAR=STAR 

On Monday morning, before breakfast, Ron, Harry and Hermione went to the potions and the defense against dark arts classrooms to set up decorating spells that would be activated by a keyword. 

After setting up the two spells they went to breakfast. 

"Hey, Hermione, do you know of anyway we could charm a mirror to answer 'Snape' every time someone asks a question?" Harry asked. 

"I think I can do it, I'll have to go to the library though," Hermione answered after finishing her bite of bacon. 

"Can you charm it to answer in different voices too?" Ron asked. 

"Probably, that's a good idea, we'll visit the library after classes," Hermione replied. 

"Alright, but I'll have to try to kill Umbridge with my Marker of Doom," Harry said as he brandished a red marker. 

"Marker of Doom? I don't think that can kill Umbridge, Harry," Hermione giggled. 

"Oh well, at least I can give people chicken pox," Harry replied cheerfully. 

"What's a marker? And chicken pox?" Ron asked, confused. 

"A marker is like a quill and colored ink, except the ink is inside the writing tool, hence the name 'marker'," Hermione answered the first question in her usual way. 

"Oh, and chicken pox?" Ron asked. 

"It's a disease that muggles get, children catch it mostly, did you ever have the chicken pox, Harry?" Hermione asked. 

"Yeah, Dudley had a friend who caught it, so he marked his own face and arms. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon went crazy when some of the spots didn't wash off," Harry answered. 

"Weird," Ron commented. 

"No, itchy," Harry replied. 

"What is itchy, Potter?" Umbridge asked. 

Harry shrieked and ducked under the table. He stayed under the table for a minute before poking his head out. 

"Sorry, I thought you were the Ba Ba Black Sheep, you sounded like him," Harry said while getting out from under the table. 

He then walked away with Ron and Hermione, with out answering Umbridge's question. 

STAR=STAR 

While they were waiting for Snape open the door to the potions classroom Harry started singing softly under his breath. 

"Well, Potter, finally gone mad, have we?" Malfoy asked as he came up. 

"Ring around the rosies, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down," Harry's voice became audible as he raised it. 

Just then the door to the classroom opened. 

Harry grabbed Malfoy's hands and, beginning the song again, twirled with Malfoy into the classroom. When Harry reached the word 'down' he dropped to the floor, forcing Malfoy down with him. 

"Potter! What did you think you were doing?" Snape demanded as the two boys stood up. 

"Meatwad make the money, see, Meatwad get the honey, see," Harry answered before sitting next to Neville. 

"He _is _insane!" Malfoy exclaimed. 

"Wanna play Uno?" Harry asked Neville. 

"Err... I don't think so Harry, this is Potions," Neville replied. 

"Why so it is!" Harry said the keyword which activated the spell. 

The classroom morphed into the set of a game show. 

"Welcome to 'What's That Potion!' And here's your host, Harry Potter!" 

"Welcome, welcome, it's nice to see you again!" Harry exclaimed as he left his seat and went to the front of the classroom. 

"And our contestants! Hermione Granger!" Hermione walked to the front of the classroom while waving, "Draco Malfoy! And professor Severus Snape!" Ron shouted. 

"Welcome, welcome," Harry said as he shook their hands. 

"Hermione is the smartest witch in the fifth year, she lives in Gryffindor and her hobbies are studying and hanging out with her two best friends!" 

"Glad to be here!" Hermione said when Ron paused. 

"Draco Malfoy is one of the smartest wizards in the fifth year, he's a Slytherin and his hobbies are making fun of the Boy-Who-Lived and being a bully!" Ron shouted. 

"What's going on?" Malfoy asked as he looked around wildly. 

"Severus Snape is the potions professor here at Hogwarts, he's a Potions Master and his hobbies are making potions and taking points off Gryffindor!" 

"Sit down all of you," Snape growled. 

"Now, contestant number one, what is this potion?" Harry asked, holding up a vial he had stolen from Snape's shelves. 

"Given it's density and texture, I have to say it's an invisibility potion," Hermione said confidently. 

"That's correct! Two potatoes to Hermione Granger! Now, contestant number two, name this potion," Harry said, holding up another potion. 

"Pepper up potion?" Malfoy guessed. 

"And what made you draw that conclusion?" Harry asked. 

"There's smoke at the top," Malfoy said, sounding more sure of himself. 

"You are correct! Five and a half forks to Draco Malfoy! Now contestant number three, what is this?" Harry asked, holding up one of Hermione's bottles of nail polish. 

"I thought this was about potions," Snape protested, not having a clue as to what it was. 

"Do you have an answer?" Harry asked. 

"That is not a potions vial," Snape protested. 

"Correct! A big rock to Severus Snape! When we get back from the break we'll have our bonus round!" Harry said. 

"Break?" Malfoy asked. 

Ron rushed up and started to fix the four's hair and robes, before pretending to put make up on them. 

"Welcome back to 'What's That Potion!'" Harry said when Ron sat back down, "And now onto our bonus round! For a bonus seven paperclips, what is this?" 

"Bzz!" Hermione shouted once Harry held up the object, making Malfoy jump. 

"What is it, contestant number one?" Harry asked. 

"Chapstick!" Hermione squealed. 

"Congratulations, you won!" Harry shouted causing Hermione to start jumping up and down, "Tune in next time to 'What's That Potion!'" 

"That's a wrap!" Ron shouted. 

Harry and the still bouncing Hermione sat down next to Ron. 

"You three, what was that?" Snape snarled. 

"That was very entertaining, Severus, you should do that more often," Lockhart said. 

"You, shut up, and you three, tell me what that was," Snape demanded. 

"A giant sock?" Harry suggested. 

"A giant sandwich?" Ron suggested. 

"Nail polish, it's scented," Hermione said. 

"Never mind," Snape said when he saw the time, "you'll be brewing the potion that's on the parchment on your desk, and then you'll have to name it, get started. 

Everyone started gathering ingredients and following the directions on their parchment. 

When everyone was done Snape went around asking the students what their potions were. 

"It's a mild energy potion," Hermione answered when Snape got to her. 

"Gatorade?" Harry asked. 

"Nope, it doesn't really have a name," Hermione answered. 

"And what is yours, Potter?" Snape asked. 

"It's name is," Harry paused, "Bob, Bob Potion, and he's a shrinking solution." 

Snape opened his mouth, but closed it when he realized that Harry knew what he had brewed. 

"Mine's hot," Ron announced, "and it's a forgetfulness potion." 

"Alright, clean up and leave," Snape announced. 

Hermione bottled her potion while Harry and Ron dumped theirs. Then they cleaned their cauldrons, gathered their stuff and headed to the Great Hall for lunch. 

STAR=STAR Chapter 11 - What's That Potion! STAR=STAR 


	12. A Mop, A Rock, and A Shovel

Note: I was so amazed to see I had ten reviews over 100! And so excited! Thank you to Sirius-gal-4-eva for R'n ch 11. Padfootsnoxed for R'n three chapters and being the 100th reviewer. Pure Black for R'n ch 11. Kim potter for R'n ch 11. Crazely for R'n ch 11. Lilith for R'n ch 1. Kyra Invictus Black for R'n ch 11. Viskii for R'n ch 11 and suggesting. Anglechoa for suggesting and R'n ch 11. Lily Evans0 for R'n three chs and providing info. Candidus-lupus-full moon for R'n. Calen for R'n ch 11. Lily and James Potter for R'n and believing in Harry. Lol. 

= 

At lunch an owl swooped in. Remembering Saturday, everyone watched the owl swoop down from the ceiling. 

It swooped down to where Umbridge was sitting in her head chair and left a red letter before flying off. 

Umbridge picked it up and opened it. 

"How could you cheat on me with that monster? I thought you loved me, but here you're exchanging love letters with You-Know-Who! I'm going to take you out of Hogwarts so I can keep an eye on you!" Fudge's voice rang out from the howler. 

"But I thought he didn't believe me when I said that You-Know-Who was alive and came to tea," Umbridge said ten minutes later when Fudge stopped talking. 

Harry, Hermione, and Ron exchanged hi-fives before continuing their conversation. 

"I sent an owl to Fudge, as Umbridge, so he should be here later in the week," Harry said. 

"What did you say that'd make him come here?" Ron asked. 

"Didn't you know? Umbridge asked Fudge what he'd think if she accepted Voldemort's marriage proposal" Harry replied. 

"That would get him here," Hermione said. 

"Ron, it's almost time for Divination, let's take the long way around," Harry said as he got up. 

"Long way around? What long way around?" Ron asked. 

Ron and Hermione followed Harry as he walked the length of the table towards the doors. When Harry reached the end of the table he walked past the edge of the Hufflepuff table. He then started to walk up to the teacher's table. 

"Oh, this long way around," Ron said. 

Instead of turning at the edge of the table Harry continued on, turning left when he reached the end of the teacher's table. He then skipped the length of the table, pausing only to greet Umbridge's head chair. 

Everyone was watching them when they left finally left the Great Hall, after skipping around every table. 

= 

"Your brothers are brilliant," Seamus said to Ron, "These Skiving Snack Boxes are great." 

"You're planing on skiving classes?" Harry asked. 

"Nah, just DADA," Seamus answered. 

"As a Prefect, I cannot allow you to skive off Defense," Harry stated. 

"But, Harry, you aren't a Prefect," Dean pointed out. 

"Alright then, as Ron's job as Prefect, I cannot allow you to skive off," Harry said before going into the classroom. 

"If you get too bored then you can use it," Ron whispered to them as they entered the room. 

Umbridge walked into her classroom expecting the students to get sick like the rest of her classes. 

"A mouse!" Harry exclaimed triumphantly, despite the fact that there was no mouse in sight. 

Just then the room started to warp into another set, this time of a talk show. 

"Welcome to 'Gibberish', I'm your host, Hermione Granger," Hermione said from her position at the front of the room, "we have a special guest today, Minister Fudge!" 

Ron walked into the room holding a mop wearing a piece of cloth with a pinstripe pattern and a lime green bowler. 

"Fudge here is accusing his significant other, Umbridge, of cheating on him with You-Know-Who, what do you have to say to that?" Hermione asked Umbridge. 

"But I'm not cheating on him!" Umbridge said. 

"Yes you are! You fire-called and told me you had tea with him yourself!" Ron exclaimed in a false voice. 

"He just walked in! I couldn't stop him!" Umbridge replied frantically. 

"But you didn't try to, now did you?" Fudge the mop asked. 

"It was You-Know-Who!" Umbridge exclaimed. 

"And you did more then have tea with him! I have pictures!" Ron exclaimed enthusiastically. 

"Really, you have pictures? Can we see them?" Hermione asked excitedly. 

"Sure," Ron handed a picture to Hermione. 

"When we get back from the break we'll have them up on the screen for our viewers," Hermione said. 

Hermione cast an enlargement charm on the photo while Ron fiddled with Fudge the mop. 

"We're back, so, Fudge, tell us what's happening in this picture," Hermione said. 

"This is them snogging in the park," Ron said as Hermione held up the picture. 

The picture was of a shovel and a rock laying on a red, carpeted floor. 

"That's not me! That's a shovel and a rock!" Umbridge exclaimed. 

"We have another guest that can either confirm or deny that Umbridge is cheating on Fudge, we'll have him out after this break!" 

Ron went back to fiddling with Fudge the mop while Hermione shrank the photo. 

"If you've just joined us, Minister Fudge has accused Umbridge of cheating on him and we have a guest backstage that could confirm his accusation, come on out!" Hermione shouted. 

Harry walked in with a shovel that had two red, paper eyes. 

"Well, Voldemort, is Umbridge cheating on Fudge with you?" Hermione asked. 

"Yes, in fact we're engaged to be married, watch the papers for our announcement," Harry replied in a low voice. 

"So, Umbridge, what do you have to say for yourself?" Hermione asked. 

"I'm not engaged to him! And I'm not cheating on Fudge!" Umbridge shouted. 

"Do you have anything to say to Umbridge, Minister?" Hermione asked. 

"Just that, if the marriage doesn't work out, don't come running to me, you lost the chance you had with me!" Ron shouted before stalking out. 

"I have to go, Death Eater meeting in half an hour," Harry said before gliding out of the room. 

"Well that's our show! Next time, on 'Gibberish', we'll be discussing wedding plans with Voldemort's soon to be bride, Umbridge!" Hermione said. 

Harry and Ron came back into the room, with out Fudge the mop or Voldemort the shovel. 

"Congratulations, Professor, I'm sure you'll love being Lady of Hypocrisy," Harry said before sitting down. 

It took a while before Umbridge started her lesson, and ended it as everyone get sick and left. 

= 

After an hour of searching in the library Harry left and went to the Defense classroom, where, as Harry had guessed, Umbridge was still sitting. 

"Finally, it's been more than an hour," Umbridge said when she noticed Harry. 

"I am taking over the world with my Marker of Doom!" Harry yelled, brandishing the red marker again. 

"Marker of Doom?" Umbridge asked, staring at the marker. 

"To start my take over of Earth I will take care of you," Harry said as he pulled the cap off of his marker. 

Harry started forward and started to doodle swirls on Umbridge. He managed to draw about five swirls on her head before she started to move, then Harry had to leave. 

"Remember, this was just a dream," Harry said before scurrying away from the classroom. 

"Come back here!" Umbridge shouted as she left the classroom. 

"Off with her head!" Harry shouted back as he started to run. 

"I mean it!" Umbridge yelled. 

"Can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" Harry yelled as he started to run in a zig-zag pattern. 

Harry ran past Peeves, who, after seeing Umbridge following him, started dive bombing her. 

"Umby-bumby!" Harry called happily, almost out of eyeshot. 

"Umby-bumby! Umby-bumby!" Peeves started to shriek as he continued to dive bomb Umbridge and pelt her with dung-bombs. 

= Chapter 12 - A Mop, A Rock, and A Shovel = 

S 

two of the ideas here are from Lin, except I changed a few things. Instead of Harry accusing Umbridge of cheating on him, I had Fudge do it. And it was a talk show instead of Jerry Springer. - Tatra 


	13. Gypsy Hall

Note: thank you to all readers and reviewers. To: Lily and James Potter for R'n ch 12. Sirius-gal-4-eva for R'n and suggesting. Madness for r'n 3 chapters and suggesting lots. Crazely for R'n ch 12 and suggesting. Kyra Invictus Black for R'n and suggesting. Skihuoko for R'n. Candidus-lupus-full moon for R'n. Danalas the Lady Chaos for R'n. Allison lightning for R'nwhich movie you thinking about?. Jack for R'n and suggesting. Annon. For r'n and suggesting. Lola for R'n and suggesting. Killer Doll Prototype 5 for R'n. And Lily Evans0 for r'n and suggesting.

"So what do you think we should do today?" Harry asked at breakfast on Tuesday.

"Tarot card readings?" Hermione suggested.

"But I thought you hated Divinations! And how's that going to annoy them?" Ron asked, staring at Hermione.

"I hate how the fraud teaches, and I don't believe in it," Hermione said, "but I got this deck from my Aunt, and it might annoy them, so many kids having fun."

"I approve, we'll start at lunch," Harry said.

"Why do you have them here at Hogwarts?" Ron asked Hermione.

"They're pretty," Hermione shrugged, "nice to look at."

Hermione got her deck from her dorm while the two boys where in Divinations, where they spent their time awaiting lunchtime.

After eating a couple sandwiches at lunch Harry stood up, causing everyone to look at him.

They were all expecting something fun to happen, and they weren't disappointed.

"Welcome to they Gypsy Fortune-telling Hall! Line up for tea leave readings with Hermione Granger! Crystal ball readings with Ron Weasley, and tarot card readings with me, Harry Potter!" Harry shouted, while accepting Hermione's cards from her.

"If you don't get a reading done before classes start again, don't worry, we will continue after classes!" Hermione called as she started to steep cups of tea.

Harry went over to the Hufflepuff table, sat down, and started shuffling the deck.

"Are you interested in a reading?" Harry asked the girl sitting across from him.

"Sure, you're Harry Potter, I'm Meg Jones," the girl across from him replied.

"Nice to meet you," Harry said, beginning to toss cards on the table randomly.

"You too," Meg said as she watched him.

When all the cards were on the table Harry gathered them up again.

"Now, cut the deck and hand me a pile," Harry ordered.

Meg picked up a knife jokingly before picking up two-thirds of the deck. She then handed the remaining third to Harry, who put it on the two-thirds of the deck and then spread the cards out on the table in an arc.

"Pick three cards from where ever," Harry instructed.

Meg picked two cards from one side of the arc and the third from the other.

Harry gathered the rest of the cards and then set the three cards side to side.

"This card represents your past," Harry said as he flipped over the card on his left, "and it's number eighteen, The Lady of the Harvest."

Harry flipped through the book before stopping at the page that defined the card.

"So?" Meg asked when Harry took more than ten seconds to read the page.

"It is a time to accept change, to move onto the next phase..." Harry read from the book, "You've had a change in your life, a change of idea or feelings about an issue from your past."

"That was a good translation," Meg said.

"Next, your present, number sixty-two, The Glanconer," Harry said after flipping the middle card over, he found the correct page before reading aloud, "It's not good to make decisions when blinded by lust... You've been offered a choice recently that you're still deciding, best to take a bit more time to ponder about it."

"Okay," Meg responded.

"Your future, number twenty, The Dark Lady. We may reach the realm of the Dark Lady through grief..." Harry read the definition to the last card, "In the future you should have a day to yourself, and spend a part of that day scrying the future with tarot cards, you'll probably get a clearer picture."

"That was great, you're really good at this, most of that was pretty true, thanks," Meg smiled.

"You're welcome," Harry replied.

"Umbridge at nine o'clock," Meg warned.

"Mwah haha!" Harry grinned before standing up.

"Mr Potter, what is this?" Umbridge demanded.

"The Gypsy's Fortune-telling Hall, would you like a tarot reading?" Harry asked.

"No, and I demand that you stop this nonsense," Umbridge replied.

"You don't want us to do this in the Great Hall?" Harry asked.

"No, I don't," Umbridge answered.

"If we leave, do you promise leave us alone for the rest of the day?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Umbridge answered.

"Then promise, no, better yet, pinky swear!" Harry exclaimed, raising his fist into the air.

"Pinky swear?" Umbridge asked.

"Sure, you shake pinky fingers and then you have to keep your promise, now, pinky swear?" Harry said, holding out his crooked pinky.

Umbridge held out her pinky and Harry latched onto it. He shook her pinky for a minute before letting go.

"Alright, then, off with you," Umbridge said.

"Hey, everyone!" Harry yelled, "We're moving to the Entrance Hall!"

"Why?" A Ravenclaw close to him asked.

"Don't you know? We gypsy's are nomads!" Harry said before marching out of the Great Hall, almost everyone following him.

They spent the rest of the day, except for the last of their classes, in the Entrance Hall telling students, and teachers, their fortunes. And they successfully annoyed Umbridge, who kept trying to stop them.

The next day they waited until after classes were done to strike Umbridge.

They waited until she was in her office before they slid an envelope with a multiplication charm on it under the door.

"One, two, three," Harry started counting.

Harry got up to nine hundred and forty-three before Umbridge noticed all the envelopes.

"Better not be those notes," Umbridge grumbled as she opened one.

Meanwhile the envelopes continued to multiply.

"Wonder if she'll be excited," Harry murmured as Umbridge unfolded the heavy parchment.

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Headmaster is Dumbledore? But I'm the head," Umbridge said as she read the letter, "Dear Ms Umbridge, We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts!"

By this time the envelopes had spilled over onto her desk and the trio were trying to quiet their snickering.

"Gotta get Filch to clean these up," Umbridge said as she got up.

Only to discover that the envelopes were up to her neck and still growing.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron moved from the door to the room across the hall to continue watching with out getting caught.

It took Umbridge half an hour to get out of her office, spilling the envelopes into the hall.

Umbridge ran down the hall, yelling about attacking envelopes.

"Attacking envelopes, honestly," Hermione huffed.

"Yeah, she's mental," Ron replied.

"Let's make her seem even more mental," Harry said as an idea popped into his head.

"How?" Ron asked.

"Let's get rid of all these envelopes," Harry answered.

Hermione giggled as she stopped the multiplication charm.

"Move them to the room across the hall, then we'll burn them," she suggested.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Harry said, levitating a large chunk of the envelopes.

Ron ducked as Harry directed the envelopes over his head and across the hall.

"Let me move before you do that again," Ron said as he moved.

Harry directed another chunk to the other room, Ron joining him a second later.

Hermione went back to the room and started to incinerate the envelopes.

When Umbridge returned with Filch, McGonagall, and Snape her office was devoid of any acceptance letters.

"I don't see any attacking letters," McGonagall said as she looked around.

"They were here though! Hundreds of them!" Umbridge exclaimed.

"Have you been drinking anything?" McGonagall asked.

"No!" Umbridge replied.

McGonagall and Snape left a few minutes later, unconvinced.

Chapter 13 - Gypsy Hall

the idea of flooding Umbridge's office with acceptance letters comes from my brother.


	14. Dementia

Note: thank you to all my readers and reviewers! To: Ron for R'n and suggesting. Smackskiller for R'n and reminding. Flashfire for R'n. now!. Kyra Invictus Black for R'n and suggesting. Crazely for R'n. Kathryn Grover for R'n. Candidus-Lupus-Full Moon for R'n the reason it's not that great of chapter is it's an intermission chappy. Miss Mooney for R'n, suggesting, and asking to steal me. you can steal me if you feed me lot's of books, and no school. Lily and James Potter for R'n. Amy for R'n. Tony'sbedroomslave for R'n and suggesting. Pheonixfeather6988 for R'n.

As for the sand dinner everyone is so anxious for, wait for Fudge's second coming. Doesn't that sound cool? Fudge's second coming.

At the start of Thursday's potions class everyone was already seated when Snape strode in, everyone but Harry. Who walked in with a shopping cart a second after Snape had sat down.

"What is that, Potter?" Snape demanded when Harry rattled into the room.

"A shopping cart," Harry answered as he took his potions books out of the cart and set them on his desk.

"Why is it in my classroom?" Snape asked.

"I trust everybody until they chase me with a pipe!" Harry randomly remarked.

"Get that thing out of here," Snape said.

"Right ho!" Harry called as he moved the cart to right outside the doorway.

"And now, onto the lesson!" Ron cheered, making everyone turn to stare at him incredulously.

"Can anyone tell me what the Dementiana potion does?" Snape asked.

Harry raised his hand.

"It's a new potion that makes you go temporarily insane, I took it," Harry grinned.

"Instead of harsh, metal springs," Ron said.

"Who in Merlin's name would eat metal springs?" Crabbe asked.

"Not me! I chose the banana potion!" Harry said.

"I like bananas," Goyle remarked.

"Good for you, I like peaches the best," Ron replied.

"Ahh!" Harry screamed suddenly, his eyes closed.

"What, Potter?" Snape asked.

"Nothing," Harry answered calmly.

"Then be quiet," Snape said.

"Okay, just one thing," Harry replied.

"What!" Snape snapped.

"Ahh!" Harry screamed again.

"Okay! Now onto class!" Ron shouted.

"I'd pay attention to this lesson, as you will be making the Dementiana on Monday," Snape began his lesson.

When Snape was halfway through the lesson, and had started talking about the history of the potion, Harry stood up and went over to his shopping cart.

Harry took a sleeping bag and pillow out from the cart and spread the sleeping bag onto the floor.

"Nap time," Harry announced.

"I don't want no nap," Ron pouted.

"What are you doing, Potter?" Snape asked.

"It's nap time, so I have to take a nap," Harry answered, "Will you tell me a story, the one about the peanut butter and jam princess?"

"This is potions class, not a nursery!" Snape scowled.

"Then go on with your lesson, it will have to do as a bedtime story," Harry said, then muttered, "though I'd rather hear the story about the pb and j princess."

Harry stayed on the floor for five minutes while Snape told the fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins the history of the Dementiana potion. After the five minutes Harry got up, put away the sleeping bag and pillow and sat down at his desk.

"Potter, now that you've rejoined us, summarize the history of the Dementiana potion that I've just told," Snape said.

"Okay, the Dementiana potion is a cheap knock-off of the Dementia potion that a woman named Ann made so that she could be admitted into an insane asylum so she could steal a diamond," Harry said.

"Now, the question is, who is telling the truth? The professor or the celebrity?" Ron asked.

"Five points for not answering correctly," Snape said.

"Do I have luminous eyes?" Harry asked, blinking his eyes.

"Yes," Ron answered, "yes, I believe you do, now onto the lesson!"

Snape went on with his lesson, and Harry was quiet for another five minutes.

"Sticky, sticky," Harry started to mutter, "sticky, sticky..."

After a minute of Harry muttering 'sticky' Draco Malfoy raised his hand.

"Professor, I can't concentrate, Potter's talking to himself," Draco smirked.

"Sticky, sticky, I want a sticky, sticky, I wanna sticky," Harry said in a voice everyone could hear.

"Potter, why are you talking?" Snape asked.

"Gimme sticky, gimme," Harry said as he opened and closed his hand.

"I don't have a 'sticky'," Snape replied.

"I know you have a stick, I can see it in your eye," Harry said as he stared at Snape.

"I don't have a stick, now be quiet," Snape said.

"Am I bugging you?" Harry asked.

"No," Snape answered shortly.

"Am I bugging you?" Harry repeated.

"No," Snape answered again.

"Am I bugging you?" Harry repeated a third time.

"No," Snape snarled.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Snape said.

"That wasn't annoyance in your voice?" Harry asked.

"It wasn't," Snape answered.

"Are you positive that I'm not bugging you?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Snape answered, annoyed, but not about to admit it.

"Am I bugging you?" Harry returned to his first, second, and third question.

"No, be quiet," Snape answered.

"I'm not bugging you in the slightest?" Harry asked.

"Potter, be quiet," Snape ordered.

"Answer, please," Harry requested.

"No, now be quiet," Snape said.

"Not even a tiny bit?" Harry asked.

"No! Now be quiet," Snape snapped.

"Bugging, bugging?" Harry muttered as he rocked back and forth.

"Quiet," Snape commanded, only to be ignored.

"Am I bugging you?" Harry asked for the fourth time.

"No," Snape answered.

"Not even a teensy-weensy bit?" Harry asked.

"That's it, go to Flitwick or McGonagall and get your mouth removed!" Snape said as he finally snapped.

"How about just my vocal chords?" Harry asked.

"No, your mouth," Snape said as he pushed Harry out of the room.

Harry took his shopping cart, went to McGonagall, interrupted her class, and asked on the behalf of Snape for his mouth to be removed.

McGonagall dismissed her class and went down to the dungeons to lecture Snape about sending students to her to get their mouths removed.

Chapter 14 - Dementia

S

the ideas for the screaming for nothing comes from Sirius-gal-4-eva. And the stick thing and the bugging question came from me bugging my brother, and I just had to put that in. - Tatra


	15. bob

Note: I got 100 and 50 reviews! I'm so excited! Thank you to: Phoenixfeather6988 for R'n and suggesting. Crazely for R'n and suggesting. Sauron the Great for R'n and suggesting{if you could give me a few of the quotes I'll put them in, I've never seen Monty}. Ebonyfirephoenix for R'n chapter 12. Flashfire for R'n. Kyra Invictus Black for R'n and suggesting. Satans Angel Pyro for R'n. Danalas the Lady Chaos for being my 150th R'er and suggesting. Caed forR'n and suggesting. Sabrina for R'n. Madness for R'n and suggesting. Lily Evans0 for R'n. Dragon Lady for R'n. Insanity for R'n. And Meg for R'n. 

This chapter is dedicated to Danalas the Lady Chaos, as she's my 150th reviewer. 

= 

Harry arrived at Snape's office in the evening with his mouth fully intact. 

"Halloo?" Harry called out as he tapped at the door. 

"I thought I told you to get your mouth removed," Snape scowled as he opened the door. 

"I did get it removed, but then I got it replaced," Harry said, "and they even threw in a free tongue!" 

Harry stuck out his tongue. Both his lips and tongue were blue, causing Snape to stare. 

"Why are they blue?" Snape asked. 

"It's the only color they had," Harry shrugged. 

Harry really didn't have his mouth and tongue replaced. He had just eaten a lot of blue sugar, but Snape didn't need to know that. 

"Let's get this lesson over with," Snape said. 

"Just because you gave your life for them doesn't mean they don't care," Harry remarked. 

"What?" Snape asked, staring at Harry in confusion. 

"I broke your car, sorry," Harry absently replied. 

"My what?" Snape asked, "What are you talking about?" 

"Getting on with the lesson, what are you talking about?" Harry asked. 

"Legilimens," Snape said, deciding not to bother to try to understand Harry. 

Harry cut Snape off from his mind with a picture of Dudley's bare feet. 

"Disgusting, yes?" Harry said as Snape took a minute to keep his face blank. 

After a minute Snape went back to delving into Harry's mind. He tried over and over again, each time getting a picture of different people's bare feet. 

Finally, after seeing eleven pairs of bare feet, Snape snapped. 

"Can't you think of anything else?" He asked grumpily. 

"I might be able to think of one other thing," Harry said. 

"Then do so," Snape said. 

"Okay," Harry replied. 

Snape entered Harry's mind quickly and left just as quickly, having seen Voldemort and Umbridge in the same bed with the sheets pulled up. 

"Potter!" Snape yelped. 

"What? You told me to think of something else," Harry replied. 

"But not that!" Snape said. 

"I was thinking outside the box," Harry shrugged. 

"Well next time stay inside the box," Snape snarled. 

Harry grinned and then shot a cleaning spell at Snape's floor. 

Snape had just raised his wand when there was a knock at the door. Which Umbridge opened a second later with out Snape's permission. 

"Oh happy day!" Harry exclaimed while Snape paled rapidly. 

Harry started to dance around while Umbridge entered the office and Snape tried not to throw up. 

"Potter! Stop that immediately," Umbridge said when Harry bumped into her. 

"Go fly a kite," Harry grumbled as he moved to dance in the corner of the room. 

"Is there something you need?" Snape asked when he was back in control, "We're in the middle of a lesson." 

"I know, and I want to know why I wasn't informed," Umbridge paused, "and where's the potion?" 

"You weren't informed because you didn't need to know," Snape said. 

"Didn't need to know," Harry echoed from his corner, still dancing. 

"And where's the potion?" Umbridge asked again. 

"Snape ate it," Harry answered. 

"He took it? Then where's the cauldron?" Umbridge asked. 

"I said Snape ate it, cauldron and all," Harry answered, never mind that he could of just said that they were finished and Harry was just about to leave. 

"He ate the cauldron!" Umbridge exclaimed as she stared at Snape. 

"Yes, he did, he said he needed more iron," Harry said. 

"Iron," Umbridge repeated. 

"Yes, except he forgot that it was a pewter cauldron," Harry said, staring back at Snape. 

"He ate the cauldron," Umbridge repeated, dazed. 

"Okay, see you!" Harry said as he put an envelope in Umbridge's hand. 

Harry then pushed Umbridge out of the room and closed the door halfway. 

"I ate the cauldron?" Snape said as he continued to stare at Harry. 

"Shh, Umbridge-bob's about to open it," Harry said as he watched Umbridge. 

Umbridge opened the envelope, reached inside and pulled out nothing. She then inspected the empty envelope before dazedly walking off. 

"Open what?" Snape asked. 

"Nothing you need to worry about, Snape-bob," Harry answered as he closed the door all the way. 

"What did you call me?" Snape asked. 

"Oh, sorry, I meant Professor Snape-bob," Harry said. 

"I wasn't talking about the professor part," Snape said. 

"Welp, Umbridge-bob is gone now, Professor-bob, and I have to leave soon or Hermione-bob and Ron-bob will be worried," Harry said. 

"You don't get to leave for another half an hour," Snape said. 

"Alright, I'll leave then, or my name's not Harry-bob!" Harry-bob exclaimed. 

"Legilimens," Snape cast. 

Harry blocked him with a floating word, bob. 

"You're getting better," Snape said grudgingly, "but you have to have a shield up all the time." 

"Or else Lord of Hypocrisy-bob 'll get into my head and make me dance the Macarena!" Harry said. 

"He'd more than likely make you kill someone," Snape said. 

"If he did, then I hope he'd make me kill bush-bob," Harry replied. 

"Bush-bob?" Snape asked. 

"Uhhuh, bush-bob, he's a bush," Harry explained. 

"You'd like him to make you kill a bush," Snape said. 

"Or the Lord of Hypocrisy-bob himself," Harry replied. 

"You think the Dark Lord will make you kill him?" Snape asked in disbelief. 

"I hope he will," Harry answered. 

Snape sighed and then started the foot marathon again. 

= Chapter 15 - bob = 

S 

Harry thinking of Voldemort and Umbridge in bed is from Jack. Umbridge barging in and asking where the potion was is Kyra Invictus Black's idea, though I made the excuse up, cause I figured that Snape eating it was hilarious. And Harry playing the bob game is Danalas the Lady Chaos's idea, and they will continue it for a while. - Tatra 


	16. PurpleHaired Midgets

Note: sorry for not posting on Friday. There were thunderstorms in our area when I was almost done typing this chapter up, so I had to turn the computers off. And we couldn't turn them on til this morning. Why I didn't post it in the morning or afternoon today, Saturday, is because I only had an hour in the morning to get ready. And then we, me, my dad, and my brother, left for Tuckerton at 10, and we only got back at 9:30. And the sand dinner will be next chapter. - Tatra 

thank you to: Crazely, addictedtoshinythings, Sohalia T, Kyra Invictus Black, Candidus-lupus-full moon, Magical Girl Pretty Sammy-chan, jill, Pinklightning07, Kim Potter, Kichikitsune, Cead, mimi18, koalabear254, Danalas the Lady Chaos, flowerdaisy, peacockgal17, and pr4. 

= 

Fudge strode onto Hogwarts grounds, Friday afternoon, like he owned it, until he ran into something. After an Auror helped him up Fudge looked at what he had bumped into. 

Fudge had to stare for a minute before he could make out what it was due to it being crumbled by his fall. It was a figure made out of dirt. 

"They're everywhere," one of the Aurors commented as he looked around the grounds. 

Indeed, everywhere on the grounds were the dirt humans. 

"Welcome to the party," Harry said as he moved out from behind a cluster of standing dirt. 

"Welcome, Fudgy the Whale," Ron said as he appeared. 

"How dare you call me a whale?" Fudge said. 

"I didn't call you a whale!" Hermione said in a disgruntled voice. 

"You must have misheard me, I said 'Fudge, it's been a while'," Harry said. 

"I guess I misheard," Fudge said. 

"Isn't this a slamming party?" Ron asked as he looked around at the groups of dirt. 

Fudge nodded, despite not understanding what Ron had said, before carefully making his way around the dirt people to Hogwarts. 

One of the young Aurors opened the doors when the procession reached Hogwarts. Fudge was the first one to enter Hogwarts, and he was instantly doused with gooey, sticky fudge. 

"Ah!" Fudge shouted. 

All of the Aurors stared, but didn't step forward, not wanting to be covered in the sticky chocolate as well. 

Harry shrugged and hopped over the doorway, Ron and Hermione following him as he headed to the Great Hall. 

It was after that the Aurors rushed over to Fudge and tried to clean the sticky fudge off of him with their wands. 

"Clean the clothes off him!" Ron shouted as he entered the Great Hall. 

Just then a bunch of owls swooped down on Fudge and started pecking at the fudge. 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione went over to where the other fifth year Gryffindors were sitting and talking. 

"Ten Galleons to whoever gets Fudge's shoes by the end of dinner," Harry mentioned casually. 

"What are you planning on doing with them?" Neville asked curiously. 

"Glue them to the wall possibly," Harry answered. 

The fifth year Gryffindors began to make their plans just as Fudge entered the Great Hall, de-fudged thanks to the owls. 

Neville waited for Fudge to sit down next to Umbridge before getting up and going over to Fudge. 

"Minister, I was wondering, since you're my role-model, if I could shine your shoes while you eat your dinner," Neville said, sucking up to Fudge. 

"Certainly," Fudge said as he handed his shoes to Neville. 

Neville went back to Harry, handed over the shoes, and accepted his ten Galleons. 

Harry and Hermione then left the Great Hall with Fudge's prized shoes. 

Hermione levitated Harry up so that he could touch the ceiling of the Entrance Hall. Then Harry stuck Fudge's precious shoes to the wall with a permanent sticking charm, the only way the shoes could be taken off the wall was to incinerate them off. 

They then went back to the Great Hall to finish their dinner, anticipating the moment Fudge would miss his shoes. 

Fudge and Umbridge ate their dinner, then went to a room near the Great Hall to talk about Voldemort's courting of Umbridge. 

After they talked Fudge went to get his shoes from Neville, who was waiting by the doors to the Great Hall. 

"Where are my shoes?" Fudge asked. 

"Your shoes?" Neville asked confusedly. 

"My shoes, you said you were going to polish them," Fudge said. 

"Oh yeah," Neville decided to act like Harry did, "I gave them to the Faeries to deliver them to you." 

"What are those?" A Hufflepuff asked, pointing up at the ceiling in the Entrance Hall. 

"They look like shoes," a Ravenclaw answered. 

Everyone who was in the Great Hall came to stare at the glowing shoes near the ceiling. 

"My shoes!" Fudge exclaimed. 

"Why don't you stay the night? Eat a pound of butter?" Harry suggested to Fudge from behind Neville. 

"I think I will," Fudge said weakly. 

= 

When Fudge woke up on Sunday the first thing he noticed was that the world had grew. A few minutes later he had figured out that his hair was purple and he had shrunk til he was a foot shorter than Flitwick. 

He ran out of his room, barefoot and in his pajamas, and over to his guard's rooms. 

They tried for over an hour to return him to normal with no luck. So Fudge was forced to go to breakfast as a purple-haired midget. 

Once Fudge entered the Great Hall he started to multiply. Within five minutes the room was filled with purple-haired midgets. 

As the midgets left the Great Hall, except for the purple-haired midget that was the real Fudge, an owl swooped down with a smoking, red letter. 

Fudge gulped before opening the howler. 

"How dare you try to take something of the Great Lord Voldemort! You tried to cosy up with my soon-to-be-bride!" Voldemort's voice rang out from the red letter. 

For the rest of the breakfast Voldemort's voice filled the Great Hall, ranting about how Umbridge was his woman. Voldemort ended his letter by telling Umbridge he loved her and couldn't wait for the wedding. 

Umbridge was about to exit the Great Hall at the end of the letter when another howler came. 

After Umbridge opened the howler Voldemort spent the rest of the morning til lunch telling Umbridge how much he loved her. 

At lunch, after Fudge had eaten, he turned into a purpled, giant rat. 

"Cornelius!" Umbridge shrieked. 

Fudge the rat ran around in circles with Umbridge chasing after him while a troop of midget Fudge's entered the Hall. 

"I'm a very important person, who knows other very important people and does very important things," half of the troop chorused as they marched. 

"The wizarding world wouldn't be the way it is with out me running it," the other half of the troop bragged. 

Just as the troop passed the Gryffindor table Harry snagged one of the purple-haired Fudges and started to talk to it. 

"Pens are the most wonderful things in the world, don't you agree?" Harry asked. 

"I am one of the most wonderful things in the world," Fudge answered. 

Harry grinned before floating two of the troop to the ceiling. 

He then glued three of the copies to the floor. 

Ron froze six of the troop and began to build a fort with them. 

Harry picked up one of the copies and twirled around with him as he sang. 

"Cause it's a bitter sweet symphony this life..." Harry sang while he twirled with the Fudge. 

"...you know the one that takes you to..." Ron joined in a bit later from inside his fort. 

"..but tonight I'm on my knees, yeah..." Hermione joined in a few seconds after Ron. 

"...and I'm a million different people from..." Dean joined in a few seconds later. 

"One day to the next, I can change..." Harry continued. 

"...bitter sweet symphony..." Neville joined in when he recognized the part they were singing. 

They sang the rest of the song, Harry twirling a Fudge, Ron in his fort of Fudges, and Hermione, Neville, and Dean sitting at the Gryffindor table. 

Nothing else happened on Saturday, except the real Fudge turned back from the rat when the sun had set. 

= Chapter 16 - Purple-haired Midgets = 

S 

ideas for this chapter come from: Kyra Invictus Black, fudging the Fudge and having the owls peck it off, and multiplying the Fudge. And Tony'sbedroomslave, getting a howler from Voldemort, being shortened to a midget and getting purple hair, and Fudge being turned into a rat. Sand in the next chapter! - Tatra 


	17. Sand, For Dinner

Note: I almost have 200 reviews! Thank you to: Cold-heartedsnake for R'n. Addictedtoshinythings for R'n. Kyra Invictus Black for R'n twice and suggesting. Phoenixfeather6988 for R'n. MackenzieRain for R'n. Prophetess Of Hearts for R'n twice and suggesting. Funnyme for R'n. Crazely for R'n {reply is:yes}. Kichikitsune for R'n. Masterdeeds for R'n and suggesting. EntropyMage for R'n and suggesting. Rotang007 for R'n. Chocolat for R'n and suggesting. Danalas for R'n and suggesting. And Lily Evans0 for R'n and suggesting. 

This chapter might have a few mistakes in it, cause I wasn't able to read it over with my brother, and that's how I prepare this story. 

= 

The chaos on Sunday started at lunch. 

Lunch was halfway over when Fudge and Umbridge entered. They had just sat down when the deep bong of a gong rang through the Great Hall, causing everyone to look around. 

After a minute everyone noticed the wall on the Slytherin side of the room. 

A long row of bottles had appeared on the wall, bottles of beer. Ninety-nine bottles of beer to be exact. 

Harry was the first one to start up the chant, followed by Ron and Hermione. 

"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer..." Harry sang, "if one should happen to fall, there'd be ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall." 

At the word 'fall' one of the bottles fell, flinging glass everywhere but on the students and teachers. Fudge, however, got the spout of the bottle in his lap. 

"Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-eight bottles of beer, if one should happen to fall," a crash of glass, "There'd be ninety-seven bottles of beer on the wall." 

When they got to ninety-six bottles of beer on the wall more people started to join in. 

Umbridge got up at eighty-two bottles of beer on the wall and tried to stop the bottles from falling. 

Fortunately they just went right through her, so the students could keep on singing. 

Through the rest of lunch the Great Hall was filled with the sound of kid's voices singing about the falling bottles of beer. 

After lunch Harry went down to the kitchens to inform Dobby about Umbridge's craving for dinner. 

So that was the reason Ron and Harry were grinning as they sat down for dinner. 

Ron, Harry, and Hermione discreetly watched Umbrdige and Fudge sit down as they talked. 

Dinner appeared right on time and Umbridge absently stuck her fork into what was supposed to be salad. 

She then put her fork into her mouth and chewed twice before spitting the sand out. 

"Not again!" Umbridge said as she looked at her plate. 

Her plate was filled with wet, molded sand. She had a steak, a lump of potato salad, and an ear of corn, all made out of sand. 

Umbridge picked up her cup to rinse her mouth out, took a sip with out looking, and then spit out sand. 

"That didn't happen the last time," Sprout muttered to McGonagall. 

Umbridge started to scrape at the sand steak in hopes that there was a real steak under the sand. 

But, unfortunately for Umbridge, the steak was one hundred percent sand. 

More and more people noticed Umbridge poking at her food. 

"As my mom always says, 'don't play with your food!'" Harry stated loudly. 

As one of the students walked back to her seat she noticed an envelope on the floor and picked it up. She then went up to Umbridge and handed over the envelope. 

Umbridge opened it and an announcer's voice filled the Hall. 

"The ocean goes... Shhh..." 

"He did this!" Umbridge exclaimed a minute after the sounds had stopped. 

"Who did what?" Fudge asked. 

"The person who keeps giving me these notes gave me all this sand!" Umbridge answered. 

"And who keeps giving you those notes?" Fudge asked. 

"I don't know!" Umbridge answered. 

"Then how do you know that he gave you the sand?" Fudge asked, confused. 

"This last letter is too much of a coincidence," Umbridge tried to explain. 

"I still don't get why you think he did this," Fudge said. 

= 

After dinner Harry skipped down to the dungeons. 

He closed the door to Snape's office, after entering, with his foot. 

Harry then hefted the huge watermelon he had brought with him onto the desk. 

"What is that for?" Snape asked. 

"They were out of apples," Harry shrugged, "and I figured that, if the doctors come for you, you could smash the watermelon on their heads and make a run for it." 

"Are you supposed to be taking medicine and forgetting?" Snape wondered as he stared at the huge watermelon that was on his desk. 

"Can't remember," Harry replied. 

Snape sighed before steadying his wand. 

"Legilimens," Snape said. 

Harry blocked Snape with a close up picture of a light bulb. 

"What was that?" Snape asked. 

"A light bulb, it's what actually makes the light, when you add electricity," Harry answered. 

Snape did the spell again and Harry blocked Snape with a picture of a button, from a push light switch. 

"That's a light switch too, you push the button and the light turns on or off," Harry said before Snape could say anything, whether Snape was planning to talk or not. 

The next item that Harry thought of to block Snape with was a light switch were you turned a dial. 

"Another light switch," Harry said, "only this one you don't push or flip, you turn it." 

"Legilimens," Snape growled, tired of Harry's explanations. 

Snape was met with a shining lamp in Harry's head. 

"That's a lamp, it's turned-" Harry was cut off by Snape. 

"Legilimens," Snape growled before Harry could finish his explanation. 

Snape almost got a headache from the flashing lights in Harry's head. 

"Clap on," Harry clapped his hands, "clap off." 

Ron, outside Snape's office, turned the lights on and off in the office as Harry sang. 

"Clap on, clap off, clap on, clap off, the Clapper!" Harry sang while he clapped. 

"Potter! Stop it!" Snape exclaimed angrily. 

"Clap on!" Harry clapped, tuning the lights back on. 

"Now be quiet unless you have something important to say," Snape commanded. 

Harry was quiet while he blocked Snape twice with images of the sun. 

"I love you," Harry then said before Snape could say the incantation. 

"What?" Snape asked, caught off guard. 

"Look out!" Harry shouted, "My arm's broken!" 

"Potter, what are you talking about?" Snape snapped. 

"You said that I could only talk if I said something important, wasn't what I said important?" Harry asked. 

"If you actually did love me, if there was something to look out for, and if your arm really was broken then it would be important to say those things, but, as none of it was true, it wasn't important," Snape said. 

"You could look out for the new brand of cookies," Harry suggested. 

"That's it, the session is over, get out of my office," Snape said. 

"Okay," Harry replied. 

"Our next meeting is on Wednesday, don't be late," Snape said. 

Harry nodded and left to join Ron in walking back to Gryffindor tower. 

= Chapter 17 - Sand, For Dinner = 

S 

Some of the ideas in here are brought to you by: Madness, both the beer song (which gave me a tiny bit of trouble cause I know a different version. 'You take one down, pass it around [or toss it around]') and the watermelon and clapper song. And Danalas the Lady Chaos deserves some credit because, though I actually wrote it before I saw her review, she suggested to have the sand in different shapes, maybe I was chanaling her! - Tatra 


	18. Talking Dead Body

Note: thank you to all who read my story. Thanks to: Masterdeeds for suggesting. Phoenixfeather6988 for suggesting. Rogue Maverick for suggesting. SmellyCat-190 for suggesting. Ryan Potts for reviewing{I already knew that grin thanks anyhow}. Kyra Invictus Black for suggesting. Nessie6 for suggesting and being my 200 reviewer. Selua for suggesting. Hots4harry73 for reviewing. N0b0dys-ang3l for suggesting. Prophetess of Hearts for suggesting. Richard for suggesting. Jack4 for suggesting. Kelenariel Khelekkir for suggesting. Crazely{hats coming soon} for reviewing. SesshoumaruSama43 for reviewing. Kichikitsune for reviewing. Mitch for reviewing chapter 3. Danalas the lady chaos for reviewing. Mystical Panther for reviewing. Candidus-lupus-full moon for Reviewing. Sillystory38 for suggesting. TonyDiMerasbedroomslave for suggesting. And skilledveela for reviewing {i can't tell you anything other than : insanity!} 

Last night wasn't working, and then when I tried to try again my dad was shutting the computers down. So I'm posting now, since this is only the second time in 18 chapters that I've posted a day late, can you please not kill me? 

= 

On Monday morning Snape walked through the two groups of fifth years and unlocked the door to his classroom. 

He was then surprised to see that his classroom was crawling with cats. 

"Kitties!" Harry called out as he rushed into the room. 

Harry crouched down and started petting the friendlier cats. 

The trio had gotten two house-elves to smuggle the cats into the classroom, so they weren't as surprised as the others. 

Snape was about to start shooing the cats from the room when Harry suddenly stiffened. Harry then collapsed face down onto the floor. 

"He's dead!" Hermione shrieked, even through she was now watching the cats leave the room. 

"I'm dead!" Harry exclaimed in horror. 

"Why so he is, don't worry, I'm a detective," Ron said proudly. 

"Don't worry, he's a detective," Harry said. 

"Now, seeing as we were all outside the room when the murder took place, the perpetrator has to be in this room," Ron said. 

"Unless he's a Tollan," Harry suggested from his position on the floor. 

"If he were a Tollan then..." Ron paused as he tried to remember what Harry had told him, "I've got it! A Tollan came in here, killed this man, and then used his superior technology to escape through the wall!" 

"It could of been Apophis, or any other Goa'uld," Harry pointed out. 

"Yes, and they left using the Rings!" Ron said. 

"You can definitely count the Nox out, even though they can become invisible," Harry said. 

"What about the people definitely in the room, you were pretty close to Mr Boots," Ron mused to the 'dead' Harry. 

"Why don't you ask the dead man who killed him? He is talking," Crabbe asked. 

"Cause Weasley's too dumb to think of it," Malfoy said. 

"Ask him yourself then," Ron replied. 

"Alright, who killed you Potter?" Malfoy asked. 

"How should I know? I'm dead, if you haven't noticed!" Harry exclaimed. 

"It could of been a Replicator, does anyone have a human projectile weapon?" Ron asked. 

"A what?" Malfoy asked. 

"He means a gun," Hermione spoke up, not helping Malfoy understand what Ron had said. 

"Then why didn't he say so?" Harry asked, even through he had told Ron to say that. 

"I did!" Ron protested. 

"I might of heard the clicking noise as they moved," Harry offered. 

"This is crazy! I thought you said you didn't know who killed you?" Malfoy exclaimed. 

"Just because there might of been a Replicator near me when I was killed doesn't mean it killed me," Harry answered. 

"Everyone to their seat," Snape said. 

He had let them carry on because he was busy getting all of the cats out of his classroom. 

"But I'm dead, I can't move," Harry protested. 

"You are moving, you're talking," Snape said. 

"No I'm not, I 'm dead," Harry insisted. 

"And I'm solving his murder!" Ron said. 

"An I am the murderer," Hermione revealed. 

"Really?" Harry asked calmly. 

"Yes, I couldn't stand the way you breathed when you were seven," Hermione answered, despite the fact that she didn't know Harry when he was seven. 

"Well, in that case," Harry closed his eyes. 

"Yes! He's dead!" Hermione cheered. 

"Now, who's gonna pay me?" Ron asked. 

"I will," Harry volunteered, opening his eyes again. 

"Great!" Ron cheered. 

"Ten points from Gryffindor for whoever's not in their seat," Snape growled. 

"If a person's dead, do they still have a house?" Harry asked. 

"For a while, until they read the will," Hermione answered. 

"And what's written on Will?" Harry asked. 

"Sell the house for lots of bananas," Ron answered. 

"Hey, Malfoy, I'll give you my house if you give me money!" Harry said. 

"You don't have a house," Malfoy replied. 

"All of you, be quiet and start you potion," Snape said. 

"Make something delicious!" Harry cheered as he got up off the floor. 

"He's alive!" Ron cheered. 

"I'm alive!" Harry cheered. 

"He's alive," Hermione said sadly. 

Harry and Ron sat down and started their Dementiana potion. 

= 

When everyone's potion was done and Snape had checked them to see if they were made correctly, Snape decided who was going to test them. 

"Longbottom and Malfoy, you're going to test your potion," Snape said. 

"Why can't Potter test his?" Malfoy asked. 

"Potter is insane enough," Snape said. 

Harry jump out of his seat and rushed up to Malfoy. 

"Eat, my pretty, eat!" Harry cackled. 

"Professor!" Malfoy yelped. 

Harry picked up Malfoy's vial and shoved it into Malfoy's face. 

"Eat! Eeat, eeaat!" Harry said as he pushed the vial into Malfoy's lips. 

"Potter, back away," Snape said. 

"Okay," Harry said in a disappointed tone as he put down the vial. 

Harry backed away and Malfoy swallowed the potion. 

"He ate it!" Harry crowed. 

"He ate it!" Neville cheered, having already taken his potion. 

"I ate it!" Malfoy cheered. 

"Class dismissed, I want you to observe these two and write an essay on it," Snape said, not wanting to deal with the students. 

Harry, Neville, and Malfoy left the classroom playing 'Follow The Leader', Ron following while taking pictures of Malfoy. 

= Chapter 18 - Talking Dead Body = 

S 

Feeding Malfoy the Dementiana potion is from Kyra Invictus Black. And the Tollan, Apophis, the Goa'uld, the Nox, and the Replicators are all from Stargate SG1. Tatra 


	19. Chap 19 which the author didn't tell Kyr...

**Edited 6/1/09 for formatting issues. Sorry for those who had to read it with the weird formatting; I had no idea that this chapter had even looked at that. I really only edited the formatting, though I do admit to giving it the once over and fixing some obvious things as well as fiddling with some lines. ^.^**

A/N: Thank you to all my reviewers, and all the people wondering where I went. First I got writer's block, and then was blocked from my computer because it was causing some problems. So I couldn't post this chapter. But thanks to Kyra Invictus Black, you still get to read Rebellion. Since I'm giving it to Kyra to post I can't write out all your names, but I will answer questions, and I'll continue to give credit for the ideas given to me.

Dementor's Kiss 1013: The other teachers know that Harry is acting like he's insane, but they don't really care because he's focusing on Umbridge. Malfoy Girl: Sorry, but Snape and Harry aren't going to get together in this fic, but I hope you keep reading anyhow.

This chapter is Dedicated to Kyra Invictus Black.

--

Umbridge looked up from the decorative pyramid, made out of bananas, that was sitting on her desk to see Draco Malfoy drag himself into the classroom. Harry and Neville entered the room right behind him in the same fashion.

"Are you injured, Mister Malfoy?" Umbridge asked.

"Are you injured, Mister Malfoy?" Harry repeated.

"Yes!" Malfoy shouted.

"Yes!" Harry and Neville shouted, still playing Follow the Leader.

"Where are you injured?" Umbridge asked.

"Where are you injured?" Harry repeated, distorting the tone of his voice.

"My hands, they were stepped on by a unicorn when I was in the Great Hall," Malfoy answered.

"My hands, they were stepped on by a unicorn when I was in the Great Hall," Harry and Neville mimicked.

"Your hands? I thought it was your legs," Umbridge said, confused.

"Nothing wrong with my legs, it was my hands that were set on fire by an angry bee," Malfoy answered.

"Nothing wrong with my legs, it was my hands that were set on fire by an angry bee," Harry and Neville repeated.

"But you were dragging yourself with your hands," Umbridge said, "and I though you said they were stepped on, not burned."

"I said that they were set on fire, not burned and," Malfoy paused before declaring, "I Am The Leader!"

"I am the Leader!" Harry and Neville crowed.

Harry then crawled over to his desk and opened the bag he had put there before classes started for the day.

"Ooh, wass that?" Neville asked.

"Yeah, wass that?" Malfoy asked, ignoring the puzzled Umbridge.

Harry grabbed a handful of what was in the bag and brandished it triumphantly.

"Pencils!" He declared.

"Yay, pencils!" Neville and Malfoy cheered, before pausing.

"What are pencils?" Neville asked.

"Utensils!" Harry stated firmly.

"Cils! Cils!" Malfoy cheered.

The next item Harry took out of the bag was a pencil sharpener.

"Yum, yum, eat 'um up, yum, yum, eat 'um up," Harry chanted as he started sharpening a pencil.

The rest of Umbridge's class filed into the classroom, peering curiously at the three boys.

"What's Malfoy doing here?" Seamus asked when he noticed the 'cils' chanting Malfoy.

"Watching soap operas!" Harry piped up from under the desk.

"Soap operas? I thought you couldn't get tv in Hogwarts," Dean said, knowing what soap operas really were.

"I know! I know!" Neville said, "Umbridge did it!"

"Umbridge killed Professor Plum in the kitchen!" Harry called out.

"In the kitchen you say? Well then ask the house-elves to get a witness," Malfoy suggested.

"Mister Malfoy, don't you have a different class to go to?" Umbridge asked.

"Yes," Malfoy said, but didn't move to get off the floor.

"Aren't you going to go?" Umbridge asked.

"Warning, my arm is prone to breaking," Harry interjected randomly.

"No," Malfoy replied to Umbridge's question, "I'm just gonna tell them I was with you."

"You better not let the Lord of Hypocrisy hear that," Harry said.

"Oh, yeah, forgot about that," Malfoy said.

"I didn't!" Neville replied.

"Your phone is ringing, ka thud," Harry said.

"Everyone be seated," Umbridge said, trying to stop the chaos.

"I am seated," Harry said as he switched to sharpening another pencil.

"Cils!" Malfoy said.

"Get your books out and turn to chapter forty-nine," Umbridge said.

"But 'Holidays with Hags' doesn't have forty-nine chapters," Harry replied, even though he was still sharpening pencils and didn't have a book.

"You're supposed to be reading 'Defensive Magical Theory,'" Umbridge said.

"I don't have that book with me, I wasn't planning on this class," Malfoy replied.

"I gots it, Umbridge told the tv to work, so it worked, and Malfoy watched soap operas," Neville said.

"Sing, Malfoy, sing!" Harry called as he moved onto another pencil.

"Yeah, sing!" Neville called.

Malfoy got off the floor and stood in front of Umbridge's desk.

"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling," Malfoy started to sing the song Harry had taught the two other boys on their way to the Defense classroom.

"Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand," Harry took over from Malfoy.

"Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming," Neville sang.

Then back to Malfoy, "Is this burning an eternal flame."

"I believe it's meant to be, darling," Harry again.

"I watch you when you are sleeping, you belong to me," Neville sang, nervously looking left to right.

"Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming," Malfoy sang.

"Or is this burning an eternal flame," Harry sang.

"Say my name, sun shines through the rain." Neville had calmed down a bit.

"A whole life so lonely, then you come and ease the pain," Malfoy sang.

"I don't want to lose this feeling," Harry sang his next line.

"Close your eyes, give me your hand," Neville sang nervously, unlike Malfoy when he had sung that phrase.

"Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand," Malfoy sang next.

"Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming," Harry sang.

"Is this a burning eternal flame..." All three boys sang the ending line.

"Oh, my, I don't know what to say," Umbridge fluttered.

"Brought to you by:" Harry paused, "The Lord of all Hypocrisy, Lord Voldemort!"

"Dear, old, Hypocrisy paid us to sing that," Neville grinned.

"Just sit down," Umbridge said, Harry's words deflating her.

Harry, Neville and Malfoy sat on the floor, without their books.

Umbridge just started her class, ignoring the, in her opinion, obviously insane students.

*=* Chapter 19 - Cils *=*

The banana pyramid was thought up by Madness, and singing 'Eternal Flame', by the Bangles, is Lily Evan's idea.


	20. Do You Believe In SnapeBob?

Note: This fic is on pause, I'm going to rewrite it and then post it at Fiction Alley, though that might take a while as my life is packed right now. But I will post here when it's finally up. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and who review this chapter. Also, I am not accepting anymore suggestions, so please do not send them to me. Thank you. If you have a bunch of ideas that you want written, why not write your own? Thank you to every one who did suggest things to me though.

This is an extra long chapter that is kind of an interlude as most of it takes place during Monday night. Have fun!

Snape was met by Harry and Malfoy when he tried to leave for a Death Eater meeting on Monday evening.

"Can I help you?" Snape asked the two boys.

"Take me with you?" Malfoy pleaded.

"What?" Snape asked, caught off guard.

"Take me with you," Malfoy whined.

Harry just sat there, dusting the floor with pencil shavings.

"No," Snape replied to Malfoy.

"But I'm useful," Malfoy insisted.

"Not where I'm going," Snape said.

"But I tie shoes, there must be shoes where you're going," Malfoy insisted.

"Unless he's going to a nude beach," Harry suggested.

"There won't be any untied shoes, and I am not going to a nude beach," Snape replied to the two boys.

"I could untie some," Malfoy offered.

"No, I have to go now," Snape replied.

"Take me with you!" Malfoy pleaded as he launched himself at Snape's legs.

"I'm not going to take you with me, now detach yourself from my legs," Snape replied.

"Take me with you, I wanna go!" Malfoy whined.

"Get off me or I'll give you a detention," Snape threatened.

"Oh, all right, but get me the moment someone's shoes untie," Malfoy said as he reluctantly let go of Snape's legs.

Malfoy backed away as Harry finished dusting the floor. Harry then launched himself at Snape's legs.

"Take him with you!" Harry cried.

"Potter! Get off of me!" Snape yelled.

Malfoy snuck up behind Snape while he was arguing with Harry and then gently stuck a sign on Snape's back before backing away.

Harry let go of Snape's legs after he saw that Malfoy had backed away a safe distance.

"I'll let you go with out taking Malfoy, but you owe me big time, buster," Harry said, acting like he was doing Snape a favor.

"Detention, Potter," Snape snapped as he finally made it past the doorway.

Snape then began the trek down to Hogsmeade, trailing pencil shavings with each step, while Malfoy headed over to Umbridge's office and Harry headed to Gryffindor tower.

Snape arrived at the spot Voldemort had picked out for this meeting just in time, just as Malfoy started to tell Umbridge that the toilets weren't working, and just as Harry collapsed through the Gryffindor portrait hole.

Voldemort was just about to start the meeting, barely giving the Death Eaters enough time to stop what they were doing and come.

"Snape, how good of you to join us," Voldemort said as Snape entered the condemned building.

"Sorry, my Lord, I had some trouble leaving the castle," Snape replied as he took his place among the Death Eaters.

"What happened?" Voldemort asked, both curious and annoyed.

"Draco Malfoy held me back," Snape answered as short as possible.

"What did he want this time, for you to appeal for him? Or does he have some more important information?" Voldemort asked.

"He wanted me to take him here, to tie shoes," Snape answered hurriedly.

"My sone wanted to come here to tie shoes?" Lucius Malfoy asked in an appalled tone.

"Side effects of a potion I had him test in class today, he's temporarily insane," Snape answered, as though it wasn't a big deal.

"Why did you have him test the potion?" Malfoy demanded.

"Draco was the only one to get away with it," Snape answered.

"Why didn't you make Potter take it?" Malfoy asked.

"I needed a Slytherin to take it as well as a Gryffindor," Snape said, knowing that his explanation to the younger Malfoy wouldn't work on the elder Malfoy.

"Enough," Voldemort ordered.

"Sorry, my Lord," Malfoy said as he bowed his head.

"Snape, explain to me why Fudge thinks this Umbridge and I are engaged," Voldemort demanded.

"I think it started when some one who said that they were you, My Lord, came to tea one evening at Umbridge's quarters," Snape reluctantly said.

"To tea in the evening, and she got the idea that we were engaged from that?" Voldemort asked, deciding to deal with the imposter later.

"No, she first got the idea in one of her lessons soon after that, but I can't be sure. I do, however, know that Fudge, when he was a midget, received a howler from the person claiming to be you that said that Umbridge was engaged to him," Snape said cautiously.

"What was that about Fudge being a midget," Voldemort asked.

"He came down one day as a purple haired midget," Snape answered, puzzled as to why Voldemort was more concerned about Fudge as a midget than the howler.

Just then Crabbe came up to Snape and slapped him on the head.

"Crabbe, what is the meaning of this?" Voldemort demanded.

Crabbe peeled something off Snape and held it up, it was the sign Draco Malfoy had stuck on Snape.

"I was just following the instructions on this," Crabbe answered.

"Give it to me," Voldemort commanded.

Crabbe shuffled forward, handed the sign to Voldemort, and then bowed his way back to his place.

"If you believe in Snape-bob, slap his head," Voldemort read.

"Snape-bob," Snape repeated dully.

"Snape, what is going on at Hogwarts?" Voldemort asked.

A way of answering Voldemort's question suddenly came into Snape's head, not a smart way of answering, but a way none the less. 'Everyone has taken upon themselves to provide the insanity at Hogwarts.'

"What was that, Snape?" Voldemort asked.

'Blast, the Lord of Hypocrisy heard that,' Snape thought before shaking his head, he had been around Potter too much.

"And what did you just call me?" Voldemort demanded.

Malfoy followed Umbridge down to Moaning Mrytle's bathroom, having convinced her that the toilets weren't working.

"How did you learn that the toilets weren't working?" Umbridge asked again.

This time Malfoy graced her with an answer.

"I was running from a bunch of mermaids, who were attending a concert in the library, and I ducked into the bathroom, watched them run past on their wet legs, and then tried to flush a toilet," Malfoy explained.

"A concert in the library?" Umbridge asked.

"A really loud one, but it's exclusive for merpeople," Malfoy replied sadly.

They had reached the bathroom at this point. Umbridge marched up to a stall, opened it and screamed. She hadn't expected a ghost when she opened the stall where Myrtle was sitting.

Umbridge's reaction caused Myrtle to burst into tears before she dived into the toilet, making it overflow. Right onto Umbridge's shoes.

"I thought you said these toilets weren't working!" Umbridge said as she jumped back.

"They weren't, but they are now," the floating Malfoy replied.

"I'm going to check the library for that concert," Umbridge said as she squished out of the bathroom.

"Okay, but remember, I fed you!" Malfoy paused, "To the dogs!"

"Ever since Dumbledore left everyone has been acting like they are insane, My Lord, and the title is something that Potter keeps calling you," Snape answered Voldemorts questions.

"I've heard about these extra lessons you are giving Potter, explain!" Voldemort commanded.

"Potter is abhorrent at Potions, so McGonagall asked me to give him remedial potions and I had to accept, as Dumbledore agreed with her," Snape said.

"You could not refuse then," Voldemort mused.

"No, My Lord, although I have often wished I could have," Snape said.

"Has Potter acted differently in your classes?" Voldemort asked.

"How so, My Lord?" Snape asked.

"Has he said anything about me?" Voldemort clarified.

"He was worried that you were going to make him dance the Macarena, and he suggested that you should retire," Snape answered.

"Retire? And do what?" Voldemort asked, curious in spite of himself.

"Play golf or shuffleboard," Snape responded.

"Find out what is happening to Potter, and find this imposter who started that rumor about the woman and I," Voldemort ordered.

"Yes, My Lord," Snape replied as he bowed back to his place.

Voldemort ordered a few more instructions before ended the meeting, causing Harry to wake up.

Harry decided that the meeting wasn't life or death, and Snape could tell McGonagall himself, and stopped by the kitchen before heading to McGonagall's office.

He took a bag of bananas from the kitchen and then headed over to the Defense classroom. Harry then stuck a note declaring his dream to be the first sock on the moon on Umbridge's office door. He placed the bananas on the floor in the middle of the room before leaving.

Harry then went to McGonagall's office and told McGonagall his vision about Voldemort's meeting.

On Tuesday, at breakfast, Hermione went up to talk to Snape about a sixth year potion while Harry snuck behind Snape.

Harry lifted his arm over Snape's head, an apple in his hand. He then dropped the apple onto Snape's head, where it hit and then fell into Snape's lap, before crouching down with his hands over his eyes.

"Potter!" Snape said as he stood up and looked down at Harry.

"You can't see me, I'm invisibibble!" Harry claimed as he started to inch backwards.

"Potter, you are visible," Snape said.

"I can't be visibibble, I have my hands over my eyes," Harry said.

"That doesn't mean that you can't be seen," Snape replied.

"Oh, I have to sue the birds for that," Harry dropped his hands, but kept his eyes shut.

"Sue the birds?' Snape asked, annoyed.

"That's what I said, didn't I? Any way, you still can't see me," Harry replied.

"And why not?" Snape demanded.

"It's too dark, that's why," Harry answered.

"You have your eyes closed, Potter," Snape said.

"Yikes!" Harry yelped before running away.

Harry spent the rest of the day, when he wasn't in class, following Snape around and then dashing off when Snape saw him.

Chapter 20 - Do You Believe In Snape-Bob?


	21. Spider Webs

A/N: I have finally returned!! And I'm back to writing Rebellion, although I do have to warn people that I'm now in college. Anyway, there's a better author's note in my profile, for those who are curious. Enjoy this chapter!

-

All through Wednesday Harry, Ron, Neville, Draco, and even Hermione discreetly spread rumors about Snape and Umbridge. All kinds of rumors, from the ordinary rumors about Snape being a vampire, to the extreme rumors that Umbridge was going to conduct a survey on how much wood a woodchuck could chuck.

Harry had suggested to Neville and Draco, as an offhand remark, that it would be interesting to see what rumors about the two teachers the other students would accept. This added the two boys into the rebellion without them knowing about it. Ron had cheerfully gone about spreading rumors to different students once he was told about the next plan in the rebellion. Hermione had join in once she had heard Ron's first rumors that he told the other fifth year Gryffindors, having figured out the plan once Harry had joined in. So there was currently a group of five spreading mischief, instead of the two that normally did.

The students didn't believe most of the rumors that the five spread, who would believe that Snape was a spider in disguise? But some of them, especially the ones spread by Hermione, were believed by the student body.

Breakfast and lunch had students whispering to the other houses, comparing rumors. Most of the teachers managed to hear the rumors, listening to the whispering. The only teacher that hadn't heard any of the rumors was Umbridge. She was too busy talking loudly to the other teachers, who were ignoring her, to even notice that there was something going on with the students. Umbridge was so involved in her monologue about the greatness of Minister Fudge that she didn't even notice the funny taste to her food.

Neville leaned over to Harry and spoke right next to his ear, making Harry wince, since he didn't even bother to lower his voice. "I've got something to tell you?"

"What?" Harry asked. He leaned slightly away from Neville, and rubbed his ear.

"Not here, follow me." Neville got up and motioned to Harry. Harry made his excuses to Ron and Hermione and followed Neville out of the Great Hall.

"What is it?" Harry asked when they were in the Entrance Hall. He noticed that Draco Malfoy had followed them out, and was now swinging his arms while he waited."You know that potion that Malfoy and I are on?" Neville asked. His eyes glowed brightly in the morning light.

"What about it?" Harry asked. He had a feeling he knew where this was going, and he was fighting not to grin too soon.

Both Neville and Draco were now grinning widely as they spilled their secret. "We managed to brew more of the potion," Draco proudly proclaimed.

"After only five tries," Neville added.

"We used those to melt away Bumbridge's door knobs," Draco informed Harry.

"You should have seen it." Neville nodded in his excitement.

"Sounds like a good job." The grin had now appeared on Harry's face at what the two hyped up boys were telling him.

"We did something even better." Malfoy's grin widened. "Go on, tell him."

"We put the finished potion, the correct one, in Umbridge's food today." Neville clapped his hands together as he waited for Harry's reaction.

"You put the Dementiana potion in Umbridge's food?" Harry asked. Neville and Draco nodded furiously. "You just made Umbridge insane?"

"Sorry, Harry," Draco apologized, though he couldn't quite feel bad enough to get rid of his grin.

"What for?" Harry asked. He couldn't help thinking of the fun that would be had today.

"We know that you wanted to be the one to drive her over the edge," Neville answered.

"To be the one to make her go insane," Draco said with relish.

"If it makes you feel better, it is a sort of artificial way to go about it," Neville said.

"You two, this is great," Harry exclaimed. "All we ever wanted is to get Umbridge out of Hogwarts."

"Oh, we haven't quite managed that yet," Neville replied.

"We better get to work then, haven't we?" Harry asked.

"Yes, sir," Neville and Draco almost chorused together. They began to march back into the Great Hall. Harry shrugged, and started marching behind them.

Neville and Draco marched right up to where Umbridge was sitting on her 'head' chair. Umbridge stopped her rant on the moles in the ministry, who seemed to love to dig holes in her office, to peer rather cross eyed at the three boys. "May I help you?"

"May I see your wand?" Draco asked sweetly. His tone was so fake, but Umbridge seemed to buy that it was real.

"What for?" Umbridge asked as she started fumbling for her wand.

"It's a test," Neville answered.

"A test for what?" Umbridge finally yanked her wand out of her pocket, where it had been caught on her cardigan. There now was a very nice hole in her sweater, but Umbridge hadn't noticed.

"If you can still cast spells with it, it should only take a few days," Malfoy said. He took her wand and put it in a pouch before anyone could say anything. The teachers around Umbridge were watching this newest stunt curiously, but they didn't bother to interrupt. Umbridge could take care of herself, although, the fact that she had just given her wand to the insane students in the school did suggest otherwise.

"Why wouldn't my wand work?" Umbridge spooned another mouthful of food into her mouth. As she chewed, she wondered about the newest spice that the house elves seemed to be using and why they hadn't used it earlier in the year, it was so good.

"Any number of things," Harry spoke up for the first time.

"Bad plumbing seems to be one of the largest factors in whatever is causing this," Draco added.

"I was just in a bathroom last night," Umbridge said.

"Don't worry, your wand will be as good as new in a few days," Neville said.

"Have a good day," Draco called out as the three boys walked away.

Umbridge went back to eating, humming happily away as she ate. The teachers near Umbridge made their excuses and left, not wanting to start laughing around her.

-

The next big stunt for the day didn't really happen until dinner, but that didn't mean that the day wasn't interesting. All day long students were deliberately prompting the insane Umbridge to do silly things. One person even got her to dance on the tables at lunch time. Mostly, people used the insanity to get out of classes.

Draco and Neville continued to run around the school like crazed chipmunks. This perplexed the teachers, as this was the day that the potion was supposed to wear off. What the teachers didn't know was that the boys had their own secret stash of the potion and were still taking it. Madam Pomphrey, Professor McGonagall, and Snape tried to get the boys to stand still enough so that they could find out what was happening, but they couldn't catch either of the two. So they just settled on watching the two teens closely, for any signs that something was wrong.

During dinner, Harry, Ron, and Hermione discreetly built up a spider web above the teacher's table. Most of the people in the Great Hall were distracted by Draco Malfoy throwing a temper tantrum because his house mates insisted that he eat actual food for dinner, instead of candy. This allowed the trio to build up a magnificent spider web, that gradually grew to envelope most of the Great Hall.

The spider web was brought to the attention of the students and teachers by Draco Malfoy. He abruptly stopped his temper tantrum by pointing dramatically at the spider web and exclaiming. Every one turned to look at what he was pointing to, knowing by now that there would be something good at the front of the room.

Most of the students started laughing, the Slytherins being the only ones who were quiet. Written in the spider web was "Property of Snape." Maybe there was something to the rumor that Snape was a spider.

The teachers looked up to the spider web above them and didn't do anything. The lot of them decided that this was another thing that Snape and Umbridge could handle. Unfortunately, Umbridge just looked up at the web and giggled, amused by the giant web above her head. Snape tried to vanish the web, but it didn't work. The irate teacher sent out curse after curse, but whatever the trio had did couldn't be dissolved by just any random spell. There was only one counter curse that would get rid of the spider webs and, unfortunately, Snape didn't know it.

Snape got up, shoving his chair back, and stalked out of the Great Hall. Harry was in place near the doorway, knowing that Snape's next move would be to leave the source of his irritation. He let Snape sweep past him and instantly started to follow along behind him.

"Wait," Harry called out, just meters behind Snape. "Wait for me, don't leave me behind."

Snape's only response was to growl at the Boy-Who-Lived. He didn't want to deal with the insane boy at the moment, even if he had agreed to give the boy lessons. Besides, it was at least an hour before those lessons were to start. Why Potter was following him, he didn't know.

"Wait," Harry wailed. He waved his arms in the air, almost hitting Snape's back as he followed close behind the teacher.

Snape continued to ignore the loud teen behind him. Harry continued to flail as he followed Snape, always pleading with Snape not to leave without him. The portraits along the way stared at the two wizards who were causing so much fuss. Hogwarts was so entertaining these days.

When they reached his office, Snape thought about slamming the door behind himself. But, Harry was too close behind him for Snape to shut the boy out if he slammed the door. While knocking Harry out with the door would be enjoyable, there would be too many angry people to deal with if he did so. So, Snape didn't bother with the door after opening it, letting Harry enter his office. Harry closed the door after entering the office, and took his customary spot before the desk.

"Let's get this over with, Potter." Snape held back a sigh, not wanting to show off any weaknesses. Although, at this point, it was mostly just boredom. No matter how hard he tried to teach the boy, he would just do the same thing over and over again. Snape was sure that Harry had a slight understanding of how his mind worked, given that the scenes Snape saw when he got through were almost always themed, but Harry didn't seem to fully understand the concept. Which is what Snape had suspected when he was first told that he had to teach the teen, but he was tired of trying to teach the insane boy.

"Would you like to take a nap first?" Harry randomly asked. He could tell that Snape didn't want to deal with him.

"Just get ready, Potter," Snape said, pulling out his wand.

"If you're sure you don't want to take a nap. I wouldn't mind a nap, it takes a lot of energy to eat dinner." Harry rocked back and forth on his heels as he got out his wand.

"Legilimens," Snape cast, not giving Harry any more time to prepare.

Harry had been kind of expecting that, so he quickly blocked the probe with a picture of Ron snoring on one of the couches in the Gryffindor common room. "I bet you can't guess what I'm thinking about," Harry cheerfully said when the spell was over.

"Potter, I was just in your mind, how can I not tell what you were thinking?" Snape demanded. The outrageousness of the question forced him to answer.

"But, can you tell what I was thinking?" Harry pressed.

"I am not taking a nap, so just forget about it." Snape brought his wand up again.

"You look like you could use one," Harry explained. "So you can dream up the solutions to your problems."

"You mean that if I dream, I'd know how to get rid of you?" Snape asked, pausing from casting the spell.

"Just remember that the logic in dreams is different than in real life, so setting loose a bunch of rubber duckies will not save you," Harry replied.

"Rubber duckies?" Snape raised his eyebrows at the absurd suggestion.

"Have you ever had a dream that Voldemort was attacking you with a giant wooden spoon?" Harry asked.

"A giant wooden spoon?" Snape repeated. He truly wondered about Potter's mind at times.

"A giant wooden spoon." Harry nodded solemnly. "Anyhow, the only solution to the attack in the dream is always to set loose all of those rubber duckies."

"This is pointless," Snape said to himself. He straightened his wand and cast the spell again.

Harry blocked the first spell with a picture of his bed and then he blocked the next spell with a scene from History of Magic class. His theme for the lesson was sleeping, so the next few spells were all blocked by sleeping images. Harry blocked each spell with as random an image as he could think of in the time allotted. Snape seemed to be too annoyed to give Harry any breaks, not wanting to follow another one of Harry's spiels.

When Harry sensed that Snape was getting tired of even the uninterrupted spell casting, he decided to try something new. Harry decided that he was actually going to try to completely block Snape's attempt in getting into his mind. He knew he probably wouldn't be able to succeed, but he should at least attempt to learn, right? So Harry smiled at Snape and said the first random thing that popped into his mind, in order to get Snape to give him a short amount of time to prepare.

"Your hair is blue," Harry blurted out, already trying to blank out his mind.

Snape looked suspiciously at Harry, but he did pause to check on the color of his hair. As he had suspected, his hair wasn't blue, but, with Harry the way he was, there was a chance that his hair had randomly been turned blue. Since his hair hadn't turned blue, he went back to the lesson. "Legilimens."

The small pause had given Harry enough time to stop thinking and clear his mind. So when the spell hit him, there was absolutely nothing in his head. He was concentrating on just listening to the sounds in the office, on his own breathing, and he was just one with the moment. The spell hit him, and Snape was pushing into his mind. Harry tried to block him out with the nothingness, but Snape got through. Instantly there was another picture of the Gryffindor dorm room filled with snoring boys.

Snape broke the connection and lowered his wand. "That's enough for today."

"How did I do?" Harry asked. Strangely enough, his breathing had stayed even throughout the whole spell, so he didn't even look like he had been trying anything different than his usual picture blocking.

"Pitiful as usual, Potter," Snape answered, dismissing him.

"I didn't win the prize," Harry said sadly. He gazed at the floor in apparent despair.

"The only prize to be won in these lessons is you finally learning what your supposed to, so I won't have to see you anymore," Snape replied.

"You mean, if I learn Occlumency, then I will know everything there is to know about Potions, too?" Harry asked about the double meaning that Snape's words had.

"You'll still have to go to Potions class, but I won't have to have you in my office again." Snape made his way around his desk to sit in his chair, still glaring at Harry.

"Does that mean I can act out in class without being lectured?" Harry found another double meaning in Snape's reply.

"Just get out of my office, Potter." Snape dismissed Harry, he was tired of the boy's antics.

"But we were having so much fun," Harry protested.

"The next lesson is at it's regular time on Sunday, be there at the exact time." Snape turned away from Harry, in an attempt at ignoring the teen in hopes that he would just leave.

Turning his back to his opponent really wasn't the brightest thing that the Potions Master could have done though. In his defense, he was really tired from staying up late the night before, informing the Order about the meeting with Voldemort. But, with his back to Harry, he couldn't have avoided the spell that Harry shot at him. When Harry left the office, Snape's hair really was blue.

- Chapter 21 - Spider Web. -


	22. A Blue World

A/N: So, the next chapter. I'm thinking that I'll probably update every week, if school allows. Although, I do have to say that I might end up posting a few short stories in place of chapters. Depends on what I have written. And I do not own the song in this chapter. Anyhow, have fun!

The next day the Gryffindor and Slytherin fifth years were greeted with an open door to their potions class room. They hesitantly stepped in, wary of both Snape and of all the weird things that had been happening around him. The first thing that they noticed when they entered the room was that the desks were a light shade of blue. The next thing that they noticed was that Snape's desk was electric blue. Then, as they stepped further into the room they noticed another thing.

"The wall are blue," Lavender pointed out.

"So is the ceiling," Parvati replied.

"And the floor," Dean added, pointing to the floor.

"Hello and welcome to Potions class," said the next thing that they noticed in the room. Draco Malfoy stood at the front of the room, behind Snape's electric blue desk.

"Malfoy, what's going on?" Dean asked.

"Professor Snape got called away before class, Umbridge seems to have gotten her self stuck in a window, and he left me in charge," Malfoy replied.

"He left you in charge?" Seamus asked.

"What a good idea," Neville said, causing the suspicious looks to increase.

"I was the only one in the room at the time," Draco explained.

"Why were you here that early?" Lavender asked.

"Why are you Gryffindors always so chatty?" Draco asked.

"We're just trying to be sure that Snape really put you in charge," Dean said.

"Why wouldn't Professor Snape put Malfoy in charge?" Neville asked.

"Because the two of you are insane," Seamus answered.

"Oh, good point," Neville replied.

"Snape did too put me in charge, you can ask him yourself." Draco crossed his arms and pouted.

"We will, when he returns," Dean replied.

"Anyway, all he told me to tell you was to start the potion on the board. Five points for every minute he's away and people aren't working," Draco said, brightening up.

"Well, we better get started, then. Class has just started," Hermione said. She walked over to a desk and started to set up her cauldron.

Harry, Ron, and Neville followed her example and started to set up as well. But, the rest of the fifth years didn't move until Draco stepped around from Snape's desk and set up his own cauldron. Then, the fifth year class slowly started to set up to do the potion.

When Snape entered the room fifteen minutes later, finished with the wild goose chase that the rebellious quintet had sent him on, the fifth years were halfway through their potion. He stormed into the room and glared at the students. "What are you doing?"

"Making the potion, just like instructed," Zabini said.

"Instructed by who?" Snape asked.

"We thought that it was your instructions, Professor," Hermione said. The other students in the room nodded their heads in agreement. "These instructions were written on the board when we arrived."

"I didn't leave any instructions." Snape looked suspiciously at the instructions on the board. Then he noticed the state of his desks, particularly his own. "Potter, what did you do to the desks?" Snape stalked over to where Harry was sitting.

"I don't know, what did I do to the desks?" Harry asked, sounding as though he was confused. He, of course, had turned the whole room blue, but Snape didn't need to know that for sure.

"The desks are blue," Snape pointedly said.

"Yes, they are a nice color. But, what does that have to do with me?" Harry asked.

"You turned them that color," Snape accused.

"Now, how did I do that?" Harry blinked at his professor.

"I know you know the spells to do this." Snape motioned to the desks.

"How's that?" Harry added the next ingredient to the potion. Most of the students hurriedly added the ingredient to their own cauldrons, quietly watching the argument unfolding before them.

"You turned my hair blue last night," Snape said in a menacing voice, the closest he would come to exclaiming his accusation.

"Can you honestly prove that? The one time I did say that your hair was blue, your hair clearly was not," Harry replied.

"I know you did it, Potter, you were the only one that visited my office for your remedial lessons." Snape smirked at Harry, obviously intending to leak the information so that his Slytherins could mock the teen.

"Did you have to mention that here?" Harry rose to the bait, although it wouldn't be in the manner that Snape had intended.

"What, you don't want your fellow classmates to know that you're having trouble?" Snape asked. He knew that he wasn't to mention the extra lessons, but Voldemort already knew about them, and maybe this would get Potter to shut up.

"Well, it's not like I would want anyone to know that you're tutoring me on how to get a girlfriend," Harry struck back. "That's something that most guys excel in during class."

Snickers and quiet laughter filled the room. Half the laughter was aimed at Harry, but the other half was the look on Snape's face when he heard Harry's claim.

"Tell me, Professor Snape, do you offer these classes to anyone else?" Ron asked. This renewed the laughter in the room.

"Weasley." Snape glared at the red headed boy, but Ron pretended like he didn't notice.

"I know how to get a girl, but a few tips would be nice," Ron continued.

"What about for girls?" Tracey Davis asked. She was seated far enough away that Snape couldn't glare at her, but, even though she was a Slytherin, he still tried.

"I am not giving out dating lessons," Snape protested.

"Leave off the guy, will you?" Harry defended. "It's obvious that he wants these lessons to be a secret."

"Sorry, Professor, I couldn't help myself," Ron said.

"Can we just get on with the lesson," Snape demanded. He was done with the subject, even if it meant not clarifying the purpose of the lessons. If he continued on, chances were that Potter would manage to twist things further and things were outlandish enough.

Snape stalked to the front of the room, ignoring the fact that the room had been turned blue. Once at the front of the room, he started to read over the instructions on the board, trying to figure out what the potion was. The title of the potion was deliberately not included on the board, they didn't want it to be to too easy for Snape to figure out what the class was making.

Murmurs flew through the class room while Snape looked at the instructions. The fifth years now knew that the potion they were brewing wasn't something that Snape wanted them to brew and chances were that they would be told to banish their potions. They were almost halfway through their class time, and there wasn't enough time to begin and finish another potion. Even the Slytherins didn't want to begin brewing again.

"Professor," Parkinson cautiously said when Snape stood back from the board.

"Yes." Snape was only that nice because she was from his house, any Gryffindor would have gotten a detention.

"Do we have to begin again? We're almost done this potion, can't we finish this one instead?" Parkinson whined.

Snape stared suspiciously at Parkinson, wondering if she was somehow roped into this current disaster. It was unlikely though, he knew that Draco was only acting the way he was because of the insanity potion. Although they had yet to find out why the two boys were still acting insane. "Fine, you can finish this potion. But, if you want to brew this potion then you have to test it out on yourselves."

More murmurs spread throughout the classroom. They weren't sure about trying out the potion on themselves, but they didn't want to start brewing another potion. The murmurs were calmed down, though, when Hermione assured the people around her that the finished potion was harmless. The fifth years went back to concentrating on their potions, wanting to make sure that they correctly made what they had to try out.

Harry loudly hummed while he worked on his potion. He was so loud that Snape could hear him from across the room, so he had no choice but to talk to Potter again. Snape stalked over to where Harry was brewing.

"Potter, stop that humming," Snape loudly said, hoping that Harry would just stop without a fight.

"All right, Professor." Harry stopped humming, quietly brewing his potion.

Snape moved away from Harry, over to the opposite side of the room. Harry added the last ingredient, stirred three times, and then dished out some of his potion into a vial to cool down.

"Yo listen up, here's a story about a little guy that lives in a blue world. And all day and all night and all he sees is blue. Like him, inside and outside. Blue his house, with the blue little window and a blue corvette and everything is blue for him, and his self and everybody around because he ain't got nobody to listen to," Harry loudly belted out, raising his vial to the ceiling. "I'm blue, Da ba dee da ba die, Da ba dee da ba die, Da ba dee da ba die." Harry stopped singing to swallow the potion in the vial. Quickly he started to turn blue, the color spreading from his hair down to his feet.

"Potter," Snape yelled from across the room.

"You said to stop humming, not that I couldn't sing," Harry called back. "I'm blue, Da ba dee da ba die, Da ba dee da ba die."

"You were meant to be quiet, Potter." Snape stayed at the other side of the room, afraid of what he would do if he got close to Harry.

"When am I ever quiet?" Harry asked the potions class room at large.

"It's true, Potter's never quiet," Draco confirmed.

"Yeah, never," Neville echoed.

"So, all the potion does is turn you blue?" Tracey Davis asked.

"We live in a blue world," Harry confirmed.

Tracey shrugged, and swallowed her potion. Half of the class followed her actions, turning blue themselves. The other half protested, as they were the ones that cared about how they looked and they didn't want to be blue. But, once they saw how annoyed Snape was, they capitulated and took the potion.

"Class is dismissed," Snape choked out when all of his fifth year students had turned blue, matching the color of the room.

The fifth years didn't complain and emptied out of the classroom. Harry fought his way through the crowd to the electric blue desk that was without its owner. Snape was at the other end of the classroom, making sure that all of the students were leaving. Harry quickly set up his last idea for Potions class and then let his Professor take a short break.

Snape returned to the front of the room after closing the door behind the last student and flopped down in his desk chair. He knew that Potter had left something on his desk, but he didn't want to know what it was until he had gathered himself together again. Finally, five minutes later, he took his hands away from his forehead and opened his eyes. He groaned at what he had found. In the middle of his desk was a carton of blueberries and a blue apple on top of the carton.

Snape sat and stared at the display, noticing that there was a piece of parchment underneath the blue apple. He cautiously reached out and lifted the apple to get the piece of parchment. Unnoticed, he turned blue from the spell on the apple. He was able to read the parchment with the apple lifted. "A Blue Apple a day keeps the Blue Doctor away."

"Why apples," Snape groaned to himself. He was tired of apples and he still couldn't get anyone to tell him the reference to the muggle joke that he was sure was there. His hands returned to his forehead and he slammed his eyes closed as he realized he was as blue as his students.

Chapter 22 – A Blue World.


	23. Quidditch

A/N: Finally got around to getting this chapter off of my laptop... I'll try to update sooner than before. XD And, thank you to the reviewers, reviews are love.

* * *

Saturday morning dawned, the morning of the Quidditch game between the Gryffindors and the Ravenclaws, and Harry and Ron were, for once, not obsessing over the game. Instead they were preparing something special for Umbridge. Today was the day that Umbridge would make her return to sanity, which was why the two boys were up and in the Great Hall so early in the morning.

The whole of Hogwarts wished that Umbridge would stay insane, but no one was quite brave enough to dose her again. Well, Draco and Neville would have been quite happy to give her another dose, but they were being too closely observed by the concerned teachers to be able to sneak another vial to Umbridge. They had been able to give her one dose of the potion Thursday evening, but that was it. It had certainly made Friday an interesting day, however.

Harry grinned as he remembered what had happened the day before. The insane Umbridge certainly fun to watch as she made an even bigger fool of herself. Which was what they were working on now for Umbridge.

"What're you thinking of?" Ron asked, a matching grin forming on his face in response to the one on Harry's face.

"Just remembering yesterday," Harry replied.

"Yesterday." Ron halted his motions, staring off into space while he remembered.

"Think she'll remember?" Harry asked.

"On her own, you mean?" Ron asked to clarify, his grin turning into a devious smirk.

"Yeah." Harry now matched Ron's expression. "Do you think she'll have fun?"

"I'm sure she will," Ron answered.

The two boys hastened back to work as they heard footsteps coming their way. Normally they might have panicked when they heard the footsteps, given that they were setting up a prank in the Great Hall, where anyone could walk in on them. But, alarm spells had been set up along the hallways heading to the Great Hall. So there was only one person who could have gotten past the alarm spells without setting them off and they would want to be working when she entered the room.

"Are you two almost done setting up?" Hermione asked when she entered the room. She didn't even look up from her book as she made her way to where the two of them were.

"Just about done," Harry replied. He and Ron banished the last pile of dust so that it coated the floor in the last spot. "There, finished."

"Good. We only have half an hour before people would start to arrive, so we should cast the spell now." Hermione looked up from her book as she spoke.

"What do you want us to do?" Rpm asked, looking to Hermione for instructions.

Ever since Draco and Neviile turned Umbridge insane, Harry had been planning their current prank that they were setting up. He had recruited Hermione to help them with this one, as he didn't know what spells he could use to gain the effect that he wanted. However, Hermione had known just where to look to find the spells that they wanted.

"Repeat after me and make sure you remember the pronunciation of the spell this time." Hermione gave them a warning look.

"It wasn't totally my fault," Ron protested. "And the orange spots did add character to the desk, didn't it?"

Hermione huffed in reply before starting the spell. The spell was an old one, which required that they chant the spell three times for it to work. Luckily, the spell was really short, only a few lines long. Harry and Ron carefully repeated the spell after Hermione, adding their magic to the ritual.

The powdered limestone on the floor glowed as the magic was pored into it by the spell and the three of them concentrated on their memories of the events that took place on Thursday and Friday. The last word was spoken and there was a flash of light from the crushed rock. When the light cleared, the rock on the floor was gone. They now had their prank set up and all they needed to do to activate it was to repeat the keyword. But, first, they needed to wait until everyone was in the Great Hall to be able to see.

Footsteps sounded from outside the room as they packed up their supplies. The trio exchanged looks, whoever it was had managed not to set the alarm off when approaching the Great Hall. The three Gryffindors scrambled to sit at their house table. Since Harry and Ron had left the supplies at the Gryffindor table, they didn't have far to travel.

Harry and Ron started up a discussion about Quidditch, starting at a point where it would seem as though they had been talking for a while. Hermione opened her book back up and started reading. Besides the fact that they were the only ones in the Great Hall and it was so early, they didn't look too strange sitting there.

The door opened and Luna Lovegood stepped in, her Gryffindor Lion hat on her head. "Hello."

"Luna, hi." Harry looked over to her in surprise.

"What are you doing up so early, Luna?" Hermione asked.

"I've been watching you," Luna said, though not totally as an answer to the question.

"You've been watching us?" Ron repeating, staring at the Fourth year Ravenclaw.

"And what have you seen?" Harry asked with a grin. He wasn't worried about anyone but Snape or Umbridge figuring out what he was really doing, as most of the people in Hogwarts wished that they could do this themselves, although, probably not in such an insane way. He might get scolded a bit for everything that he did to Snape, but that was it. So he stared at Luna expectantly.

"You're torturing Umbridge and Professor Snape," Luna replied, her face not showing the gravity of what she had pronounced. "I want to help."

"Are you sure?" Harry asked, his methods were quite different than most.

"Everyone already thinks I'm insane, they won't notice if I start to help you out," Luna calmly said.

"And it's fun." Harry nodded in agreement. "You're welcome to help out, Luna."

"What about us?" Neville asked as he stepped into the room, Draco Malfoy behind him.

"What about you?" Ron asked, his eyes moving from one teen to the other.

"We would like to officially help you in your crusade," Neville replied.

"Umbridge won't notice if we begin to help you out and, in fact, it might just get the other teachers to leave us alone," Draco added.

Harry peered closely at the two fifth years that had tried out the insanity potion. For supposedly being insane, they were talking quite clearly. He looked into their eyes and realized. "You're not insane."

"No, we're not." Neville sounded a little sad when he replied.

"Why?" Ron asked after a moment. Harry was staying silent, thinking everything through, and Hermione didn't want to voice her approval of their return to sanity.

"While we were insane, we realized what exactly you were doing to Umbridge and we decided to help you out. We then figured that we'd be able to help you better if we were sane, so we let the potion wear off," Neville explained.

"I hope you appreciate that, Potter," Draco said.

"Well, don't worry. Acting insane is almost as good as being insane," Harry cheerfully replied.

"I think we might still be insane, even if we're off the potion," Draco grumbled, more to himself than to the others. A Slytherin pairing up with a bunch of Gryffindors and a Ravenclaw sounded insane, so he must be insane for actually doing it.

"Don't worry, Malfoy, we'll keep your secret." Harry reached over to the Slytherin and clapped him on the back.

"So, what are you planning next?" Neville asked.

"We've actually just finished setting something up to help Umbridge remember the events of yesterday," Harry answered.

"When are you setting it off?" Draco asked.

"Probably during dinner, if the Quidditch match is over before then," Ron answered.

"You're not doing anything during the match?" Draco asked.

"Are you kidding, it's Quidditch," Ron almost exclaimed.

"I'm cheering for Gryffindor," Luna interjected.

"What made you decide that?" Harry asked, willing to go along with Luna on this sidetrack.

"Gryffindor has done more against Umbridge, and you are my friends," Luna answered, tilting her head.

"So, afraid that you'll lose if something happens to Umbridge during the game, Weasley?" Draco asked, a smirk sliding onto his face.

"More like afraid to miss anything good, Malfoy," Ron replied. He crossed his arms and smirked.

"There's one thing I am wondering about, Malfoy," Harry said before the bantering could turn into a fight.

"Just one?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow. Just because he agreed to help with Harry's quest didn't mean that he was willing to change his personality. He was still a Slytherin, after all.

"How do you feel about Snape? Are you willing to prank him, or just Umbridge?" Harry asked. Malfoy's answer would affect Harry's plans for the boy.

"I probably should do too much to his face, as I'm expected to act a certain way, even if I am insane. But, I wouldn't mind so much pranking Professor Snape," Draco replied. Although Snape was the head of his house, he really was fair game for any Slytherin.

"That's good. Pranking Snape is the fun part, since he's more intelligent than Umbridge," Harry said. "He still lets me get away with a lot of things, though."

"Why's that?" Draco asked, curious.

"He thinks that I'm like my father, so he doesn't think that I'm smart enough to think up all of these things on my own. So, I must really be insane," Harry answered.

"You are insane," Draco said.

"Deliberately," Harry countered, raising his index finger.

"So, why aren't you doing anything during the match?" Neville asked, changing the subject.

"Mostly because Umbridge still isn't of the mind to appreciate anything we set off just yet. And, partly because it is Gryffindor playing," Harry admitted.

"Speaking of Gryffindor playing, what do you think the chances of you getting Umbridge to allow you to play?" Neville grinned at Harry.

"Brilliant idea, Neville," Ron enthused. "Umbridge is so loopy that she might just happily allow Harry to play as Seeker for the match."

"Remember, though, that she's going to come to her senses during the Quidditch match," Hermione pointed out.

"That's another idea, Hermione. Umbridge's reaction will be brilliant if I'm playing in the game when she wakes up." Harry grinned at Hermione's groan.

"If you insist," Hermione paused while the Gryffindors and Luna frantically nodded their heads. "Then have Umbridge sign her permission and have McGonagall witness it."

"Have me witness what?" Professor McGonagall asked as she entered the Great Hall.

Draco slid into the shadows, unnoticed by the head of the Gryffindor house. Neville fixed an insane smile on his face. Luna had been looking vague for several minutes at least.

"Written permission from Umbridge for Harry to fly in the game today," Ron ventured, hoping that the stern teacher would allow them this ploy.

"Really, you think she would sign it?" McGonagall asked, her eyes twinkling.

"I think that Umbridge would agree to marry Voldemort, himself, if he proposed right now," Harry said seriously.

"He's been sending her expensive gifts, you know," Neville said knowledgeably, although also a tad bit insanely. "That's why she's been in such a good mood."

"Is that so?" McGonagall wasn't sure what was worse: the idea that Umbridge was being courted by Voldemort, or the truth of Umbridge being high on insanity potions.

"It is so," Neville replied.

"Well, if you manage to get Dolores to sign it, I'll witness it and keep watch over it," McGonagall decided.

"Yes," Ron exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air.

"Thank you, Professor," Harry said, almost as excited as Ron was.

Before anyone could say anything more, Umbridge came flouncing into the Hall. She halted once she saw the crowd around the Gryffindor table.

"Is it Christmas?" Umbridge said the first thing that came to her insane mind.

Harry seized the idea that Umbridge had given him and ran with it. "It is Christmas."

"Happy Christmas," Umbridge exclaimed as she clapped her hands together. "Where's my present?"

"Uh," Harry droned as he stalled for time. He still had yet to figure out this part of his plan. "I give you air from my lungs." Harry took a deep breath before exhaling in Umbridge's face.

"Hm, minty," Umbridge remarked.

"Now, where's my present?" Harry asked.

"I have some yarn?" Umbridge offered.

"How about written permission to be able to fly in the Quidditch game today?" Harry countered.

"What do you need that for, why can't you fly?" Umbridge asked.

"The foods are conspiring against me," Harry whispered to Umbridge.

"I hate the foods," Umbridge whispered back.

A parchment and quill were produced and Umbridge wrote the permission out, signing it with a flourish. McGonagall signed it as a witness and cast a spell to authenticate it. The permission slip was then tucked away in McGonagall's robes, ready for Umbridge's return to sanity. Umbridge skipped up to the teachers table and the Gryffindors left to tell the news.

Harry got Umbridge to give him his Firebolt back before the game, so he was happily soaring in the sky when the game started. Ravenclaw was flying sharp, despite Gryffindor's change in Seeker. Gryffindor didn't care, however, everyone's confidence had been bolstered by Harry's return to the team. Even if he was only allowed to play for the one game, it still gave them the confidence.

The game was really going well after an hour of playing. Gryffindor and Ravenclaw were close in score. Gryffindor was leading, but Ravenclaw wasn't too far behind in points. The Snitch had been seen a couple of times, but not long enough for either seeker to give chase. This was when Umbridge finally came to her senses as the potion wore off.

Harry had been keeping half an eye on her during the game. Most of his attention had been focused on the game, but he checked on her whenever he remembered to. It was just his luck that she awoke on one of the times that he was watching her.

Umbridge started at the chaos around her, trying to figure out what was going on. She halfway shook her confusion off and kept quiet about it. Another hour passed before she realized that Harry was playing. Harry had kept as high in the air as he could while still being able to watch for the Snitch. It was only when he swooped down in response to the challenge that the Ravenclaw Seeker had issued that Umbridge saw who was playing Seeker for the Gryffindor team.

"What is going on here?" Umbridge shrilly asked. No one replied, pretending not to hear her, so she repeated herself in a shriller tone.

"Oh, you were saying something, Dolores?" McGonagall asked.

"What is going on here?" Umbridge demanded again. "Why is Potter out there flying?"

"Well, he can hardly fly inside the castle," McGonagall replied. Potter's insanity must be catching but she deliberately misinterpreted Umbridge's question.

"He's not supposed to be flying at all," Umbridge ranted. "He's get a lifetime ban and his broom is locked in my office."

"We should get you to the hospital wing," McGonagall said, worriedly looking at Umbridge.

"What? Why? Am I purple?" Umbridge checked her hands to see if they had changed color.

"No, no, you look fine. But, you're telling me that you don't remember revoking Harry Potter's Quidditch ban?" McGonagall asked.

"I did?" Umbridge asked.

"You happily handed his broom over to him," McGonagall said.

"I don't remember," Umbridge said. She sounded dazed and was absently staring at the game.

"Why don't you go visit Poppy, have her give you a full check up," McGonagall kindly said.

"That's a good idea," Umbridge decided. This memory loss was a bit concerning. The only thing she could recall about the past few days was something about bubble gum and Snape.

Umbridge tottered off, puzzling over her memories of pink and black. Everyone else focused back on the game. Even Hagrid watched carefully, after speaking to Hermione. Everyone knew who would win, of course, but it was still a great game to watch.

Chapter 23 – Quidditch.


	24. Quite A Show

A/N: Thank's for all the reviews, I love getting reviews. And here's the next chapter of the story as a reward! This story is so much fun to write, I just love it. And, a bit of my small plot shows up within this chapter. Not that there's much plot to this story, but it's fun, isn't it?

* * *

Pomphrey was very happy to give Umbridge a full check up. Unfortunately that meant that Umbridge was stuck in the infirmary for the rest of the day. The rebellious students didn't really mind, however, especially those who supposed the Gryffindor team. Since Gryffindor had won the match, that meant the evening was spent celebrating anyway.

On Sunday, they waited until lunch to set their 'projector' off. The keyword was spoken, the rock dust under people's feet glowed, and the movie started.

"LV productions presents 'The Daze of Umbridge.'" An announcer's voice spoke. There were several puns in that sentence, but Umbridge wasn't to know that. She was delighted.

This delight quickly faded as she watched herself dissolve into a giggle fit onscreen. That was from the start of her 'Vacation,' after the two boys had slipper her the insanity potion. The giggle fit had lasted the entire night, Umbridge flailing around in the Great Hall as she contemplated whatever she thought was funny.

The next scene faded in, showing Umbridge skipping around singing 'I'm a Little Teapot." That was breakfast on Thursday. She flounced around the Great Hall during lunch, ballroom dancing with a stuffed figure that looked disturbingly like Voldemort's current form. Luckily, it was near the end of lunch that she started snogging him. The Great Hall was quickly vacated on that day, and the video only showed a few seconds of that part.

The next scene that presented itself was the entertainment for Thursday's dinner. Umbridge put on a pantomime of a normal day at her office at the Ministry. A large part of that day was spent talking to a picture of Fudge.

Friday had the best footage of all. The insanity potion had fully taken effect, instead of wearing off. And Umbridge was insane enough to dance on the tables.

The next scene showed Umbridge's love for kittens, as she conjured up litters after litters of baby kittens. Unfortunately for the kittens, Umbridge wasn't very good at magic when insane. Most of the kittens came out deformed, with glowing poka dots, or two tails.

The trio's favorite litter of kittens were the War Kittens. They had quickly spirited those away for a time when Umbridge would better appreciate her attempt at kittenery. The rest of the furry animals were handed over to Hagrid.

The last scene revealed when Umbridge had gotten a hold of bubblegum. Unfortunately, Snape had to sit next to her during dinner, and the bubblegum got all over him. The curses that he cast on her made her look as funny as Snape did covered in bubblegum.

Umdrige was spitting mad when the figures faded away. She sputtered to herself as she tried to find the words to express her displeasure.

1This gave Harry an idea and he shot a discreet spell at Umbridge. She continued to splutter, starting new sentences and discarding them, but now there were captions floating above her head.

"I didn't do those things," Umbridge started another sentence.

"I did them with style," the caption finished.

"All of those images were false."

"Except for the ones that weren't... Which is all of them."

"It was a prank, that's all."

"An excellent prank."

"By someone trying to malign me."

"Because I don't do nearly a good enough job on my own."

"Everyone just forget about these false images."

"Since I'll be making more scenes as soon as I can."

This last caption probed to be too much for the students eagerly reading the captions and they burst into laughter. Snickers had been floating through the room since the playback had started, but they had kept it contained enough that Umbridge hadn't really heard. But now the room rang with laughter and she couldn't help but hear it.

Umbridge's face turned red and her spluttering came back, activating the caption once again. She wasn't able to form more than a few words, but the caption was able to translate anyway.

"I am deeply humiliated, I wish I could melt through the floor. Stop laughing at me, or I'm going to throw a temper tantrum and storm out of here."

The laughter only increased, which silenced Umbridge and the captions completely. She then did what her caption had threatened and stormed out of the Great Hall in a fit of anger.

–

The Rebellion was quiet after that, although the playback would start every time that Umbridge entered the Great Hall. Dinner had been a lot of fun, as she had tried to endure the playback while she had dinner. But, after the ballroom scene where she danced with the Voldemort lookalike, she gave up an left with her dinner.

Finally, it was time for Harry's Occlumency lesson. He had decided to actually try to occlude once again, but he also wasn't willing to give up his private chances to annoy Snape. He decided to be careful about actually Occluding during practice, so that Snape wouldn't stop the lessons.

He hadn't dreamt of the corridor and door in a while, so he didn't feel too bad about dragging the lessons out. The dream had started many times, but each time Harry had been able to shift it to a dream about pranking Snape or Umbridge.

Harry had once even been able to dream that he nailed Voldemort in the face with a whip cream pie. Strangely enough, the dreams pretty much stopped after that.

Harry was still curious about the corridor and door, but he had always managed to figure the mysteries out in time on his own and this time wouldn't be any different. So, he wasn't worried about the dreams stopping.

Harry leaned against Snape's office door, breathing hoarsely into the keyhole in order for Snape to hear him. Snape decided to ignore the strange sounds. Harry breathed loudly for a minute before he started scratching at the door in tandem with the breathing.

Snape still didn't react, he knew that it was Harry making the weird noises and he wasn't prepared to deal with him just yet. It was still a minute until their lesson started, time enough for him to get a moment of quiet. If the boy would just shut up.

Harry started to push against the door, making the door rock in the doorjamb. As the door was closed, this was creating a loud thudding noise.

Snape sighed after a few seconds and finally got up. He opened the door and Harry sprawled on the ground. Snape had opened the door right as Harry put his whole weight onto it.

"You forgot, didn't you?" Harry accused as he scrambled up.

"I didn't forget about our lessons," Snape replied, annoyed already by Harry's antics.

"No. You forgot that it was 'Claw your way through the doors while breathing like a monster' day, didn't you?" Harry looked innocently up at his professor.

"'Claw your way through the doors while breathing like a monster day?'" Snape repeated.

"The title is pretty much self explanatory." Harry shrugged.

"What kind of holiday is that?" Snape didn't even want to think of what any buildings would look like if anyone actually celebrated the day.

"You should know," Harry exclaimed, clapping Snape on the shoulder with his hand. "We've celebrated it here at Hogwarts for three years."

"Three years?" Snape knew that he really shouldn't respond to Harry, but he couldn't help but to stare at him.

"You're the one who has the record of most doors destroyed and now you're telling me that you don't remember?" Harry asked.

"We haven't clawed doors to splinters in any of the past three years, which means that I can't have the record for most doors destroyed." Snape glared at Harry.

"You're so modest." Harry stared at Snape in admiration.

"Let's start the lesson, shall we?" Snape hastily said. Anything to get the boy to quiet down.

"I still say that it's improper conduct to open a door that someone's trying to claw though," Harry stubbornly said.

"With the way you were clawing, you wouldn't have scratched your way through the wood by the end of the day," Snape pointed out.

"Good point. That's also the reason why you have the record, since you can actually make your way through the doors in no time at all." Harry followed Snape into his office.

"Legilimens," Snape cast without warning.

Harry had been expecting something like this, and countered with one of Mrs. Figg's doors that had been scratched up by her many cats. Snape's glare increased and he quickly snapped the spell again. Harry knew that Snape would really be trying to get inside his mind, given how intense the glare was, so he blocked it with another picture of a scratched up door.

It amused Harry that Snape didn't really quite pay attention to Harry's mind anymore. He would cast the spells many times during their lessons, but he had ceased to be truly aware of what Harry was actually showing him. Snape was only seeing the pattern of the pictures shown to him. He allowed himself to zone out on that pattern, although he became aware if Harry changed the pattern. Thus, Harry was able to truly practice Occluding his mind.

Harry would show Snape three or four patterns of pictures, and then he would switch off to Occluding his mind. Snape would notice the break in pattern, but he wouldn't be able to tell what exactly Harry had done. Harry would just make an offhand remark, and the lesson would continue with a new pattern.

Although Snape could barely stand Harry's presence, this lesson actually lasted longer than the recent past lessons. Part of the reason why the lesson was longer was because Harry was being unusually unprovocative, allowing Snape to ignore him.

Of course, this unsaid truce between Harry and Snape only lasted for fifteen minutes. By that time, Harry figured that anymore of his true practice would cause Snape to realize that something strange was going on, and that it wasn't just the dancing flamingoes in his office. Although, he did seem to be noticing the flamingoes just now.

"Potter, why are there flamingoes in my office?" Snape's voice was borderline dangerous.

"You aren't throwing a party?" Harry's tone was a careful mixture of confusion and innocence.

"Why would I invite flamingoes to a party?" Snape glared at the dancing pink birds.

"Why wouldn't you invite flamingoes to a party?" Harry demanded, turning to look at Snape in bafflement.

"Why would I even throw a party? Do you honestly think that I would ever throw a party?" Snape asked a more relevant question.

"Not even after I graduate, or if I get expelled?" Harry asked, bobbing his head like the flamingoes.

"If you graduate, or get expelled, the only people at any party I might throw would be me and a case of firewhiskey," Snape replied.

"In which case, there might be flamingoes showing up," Harry concluded.

"That doesn't explain the flamingoes in my office right now." Snape tried to banish a flamingo as he talked. Unfortunately, the only thing that happened was that it duplicated itself, although the clone of the first one was significantly smaller than the original.

"Well, it's obvious that someone told them there was a party in your office tonight." Harry cloned another flamingo by banishing it, just for fun.

"And you wouldn't know who that is?" Snape said, his tone implying that Harry did know. Another flamingo was cloned in an attempt to get rid of it.

"Well, I might know." Harry tried to banish one of the smaller clones, resulting in an even tinier flamingo.

"And who might that be?" Snape tried a harsher method to try and get rid of the dancing creatures. This resulted in two clones being made of every flamingo hit by the curse.

"Dumbledore," Harry cheerfully replied.

"Dumbledore?" Snape demanded, his eyes widening. Dumbledore had sent dancing flamingoes to his office?

"Well, who else knew of our Occlumency lessons?" Harry asked.

"Dumbledore could not have sent these… monsters to my office." Snape stared at the dancing flamingoes in disgust.

"It's a reminder for the next Order meeting, so you wouldn't forget about it." Harry cloned another few pink birds nonchalantly.

"Why me?" Snape muttered, almost too low for Harry to hear.

"You know what you could do?" Harry offered.

"What's that?" Snape asked.

"You could usher all of them out of your office, let Umbridge take care of them?" Harry suggested.

Harry left before Snape could reply, since he kind of had the feeling that his only reply would be a glare. Although he did hear Snape's cursing and the rasping of the flamingoes' feet on the stone floor as he got farther away from the office. Looks like Snape was trying out his advice after all.

Chapter 24 – Quite a Show.


	25. Potions Nightclub

A/N: Wow, I got a lot of reviews for chapter 24, thank you! And don't worry about plots, the one plot I have is very thin and only really takes place near the end of the fic. The pranks and general insanity shall take place throughout the entire fic. And, I'm fairly sure that I will be writing a sequel to this story. It shall be fun.

* * *

As usual, the door to the potions class room was closed when the 5th year students gathered for their classes on Monday. They waited patiently for Snape to arrive and open the door. As it came closer to class time, the students noticed that a few of their fellow students were missing. Draco Malfoy was there, leaning against the wall by the door, but the trio wasn't to be found.

With Harry's current activities, and Ron's as well, the fifth years weren't too surprised at his absence, but Hermione's was surprising. Hermione was never late to one of her classes, even a class such as Potions.

"Seems Potter has given up and finally admitted himself to Saint Mungos," Pansy Parkinson remarked.

"Harry's not at Saint Mungos, we only saw him half an hour ago," Seamus exclaimed. The rest of the Gryffindor fifth years might not share Harry's insanity, but he was still one of them and they would defend him.

"Still enough time to be admitted," Pansy replied.

"Probably another one of his tricks," Dean said.

The sight of Snape stalking down the hall cut off the discussion. The absolute silence made Snape eye them suspiciously. Automatically he searched for Harry within the crowd, frowning when he wasn't able to find him. "Where's Potter?"

"We don't know, sir," Seamus spoke up.

"Very well." Snape didn't mind having a sane lesson, for once, so he wasn't going to make too much of a fuss. Still, he wondered what on earth Potter was up to, for he had to be up to something.

Snape flicked his wand at his classroom door, unlocking it. As he stepped forward, he didn't notice as Draco unobtrusively tapped the door with his wand. The door wouldn't open when Snape turned the doorknob, it was locked. He flicked his wand at the door once more and tried opening it again, but it still didn't work.

Snape tried every thing to get the door to open, tapping the doorknob with his wand, using all the unlocking spells that he knew, and glaring at it fiercely, but it stubbornly refused to open. The members of the Rebellion had truly done their homework, for they had found a way to lock the door so that it would only open with a password.

Finally, after several minutes of Snape cursing the door, Draco pushed himself off the wall with a sigh. "Professor, if I may?" Draco motioned to the door, making his intention clear.

"What could you possibly do?" Snape asked, backing away from the door anyway.

"You'd be surprised, Professor," Draco replied. His wand wasn't in his hand as he stepped up to the door, which surprised some people. What was he planning to do, kick the door down? There were a few snickers at his apparent insanity.

Draco knocked on the door loudly and then stepped back. There was a pause, where several fifth years exchanged glances with one another, and then a small window in the door opened. The window was only big enough for them to see green eyes staring out at them, which confused some of the students. Low, pounding music seeped out from the small window.

"Password?" Harry's voice was serious for once when he asked the question.

"Night Owl," Draco replied, using the same bored voice as Harry. The door swung open, letting Draco into the potions classroom. Unfortunately for Snape and the rest of the fifth years, the door closed before they got out of their stupor.

Snape got over his shock, however, and pounded his fist on the door. "Potter, open this door this instant."

The slat slid over to the right once again, and the same calm eyes stared out of the window. "Password?"

"Let us in, Potter." Snape glared, hoping to scare Harry enough that he would let the class in.

"Wrong password, try again," Harry replied.

"Potter," Snape growled out.

"That's not the password." Harry slid the slat closed, cutting off the rhythmic music.

Snape pounded on the door again until Harry opened the window again.

"Password?" Harry asked, as though Snape hadn't tried to enter the classroom before.

"Night Owl," Snape finally gave in and uttered the same words as Draco had said earlier.

The window was closed and Snape growled in annoyance, but the door slowly creaked open, letting the music loose once again. Snape wrenched the door open fully and stepped inside before coming to a halt in shock. This time the door didn't shut behind Snape, as it had done with Draco, and the rest of the fifth years could finally enter the potions classroom.

The only source of light in the dark room were lights of different colors flashing in time to the music. The music was fast enough, however, that the room was never truly dark, it was just kind of hard to clearly see. They could see enough that Ron, Hermione, Neville, Draco, and Luna were visible as they danced in the middle of the room, though. Harry was over by Snape's desk, flipping a bottle in a complicated pattern, he seemed to be using Snape's desk as a bar.

"Don't be so stiff, join us on the dance floor," Draco called out, since he was the only one of the Rebellion who could get away with it.

"Potter, what's going on here?" Snape thundered as he stormed up to where Harry was pouring drinks at the desk.

The Gryffindors drifted over to their fellow students and joined them in their dancing, since Snape wasn't paying attention. Draco grabbed Pansy and dragged her onto the 'dance floor,' where she reluctantly started dancing with him.

"The drinks are on the house," Harry dead-panned as he set the glass down in front of Snape.

"Why is my classroom in such a state?" Snape demanded, not even sparing the glass a glance.

"Potions Nightclub is up to codes, sir, nothing to worry about. Try your drink," Harry replied, though not with an explanation like Snape wanted.

"What is that?" Snape asked, finally looking down to the glass. Although he couldn't be sure with all of the different color lights, he thought that the liquid in the glass was an amber color. Did Potter sneak alcohol into his classroom?

"Potions is a nonalcoholic bar, sir. The special drink tonight, however, is apple juice." It took everything Harry had, but he managed to hide his amusement from Snape, still playing the nightclub owner.

"Apple juice," Snape repeated, staring at the cocktail glass.

"Liquid protection against doctors, so I'm told." Harry picked up a glass and started rubbing it with a cloth.

"Potter, why has my classroom turned into a nonalcoholic bar?" Snape asked, a dangerous gleam to his voice.

"This is a prime time and location for an establishment such as this. Apparently the residents of this area are very stressed for some reason, so a night club such as Potions is very well received by them." Harry set his current glass down and moved onto another one.

"And do you know why they are so stressed?" Snape gave Harry a sharp stare, even though he knew that it wouldn't do much good.

"I am afraid that I do not," Harry answered, pausing in his motions to listen to Snape's answer.

"The reason the students are here at this time is because I am supposed to be teaching a potions class. And the reason they are so stressed is because _I_ am teaching this class. So, kindly turn my classroom back into a classroom." Snape hoped that Potter would listen to him just this once.

"Well, if you insist, Potions could shut down operations for the length of your class time. But, I'm afraid that I cannot allow the remodeling done to create Potions be undone." Harry stared blankly back at Snape.

"Fine, I don't have time to deal with fixing your current mess. Just shut off the music and the lights." Already a quarter of their class time was used up by the argument, and it would take too long to turn the room back into his usual classroom.

"All right." Harry pleasantly agreed, shooting a silent spell to shut off the music and the lights. The lights froze on the color that had been flashing, turning the class room a brilliant purple. The lack of music and the strange light color froze the students, as they all paused to see what was happening.

"Everyone back to their seats, now," Snape said as he turned away from Harry.

Harry slipped past Snape to sit at his usual seat, Luna joining him a few seconds later. Both the Slytherins and the Gryffindors grumbled as they sat down, having much more fun dancing than they would have in class.

"Get out your books and turn to page 352," Snape instructed. He used his index finger to slide the glass of apple juice Harry had left on the bar further away from himself while the students got their books out. "Today we will be talking about the Sage Wisdom potion, which hopefully will finally make all of you smarter for once in your life."

At the word 'sage' the lights flashed to a different color, the room now a vibrant green. Snape ignored this and continued with his lecture. At the word 'life,' however, the music started once again, still a dull roar that filled the room.

"I didn't do a thing," Harry announced before Snape could even accuse him of turning the music back on. The force of Snape's glare told him more than words ever could, so he figured that he would be better off speaking first. Besides, Hermione was the one who did the spell that used random words as keywords to turn the music on and off.

"Then why is there music interrupting my lecture?" Snape asked. At lecture, the music abruptly shut off.

"I don't hear any music?" Harry tilted his head while pretending to listen.

"That's because you just shut the music off, Potter." Another glare was sent at Harry.

"There was music?" Harry blinked in confusion.

"Now that's a classic example of a number 52 glare. The official translation is 'I am willing to dig out your intestines with a rusty spoon.'" Draco suddenly announced, leaning forward to get a better look at Snape.

"What was that, Mister Malfoy?" Snape turned his glare onto the blond Slytherin.

"Now that's a number 56, 'I am past killing you, and I'm going to keep you locked up in my potions closet for the rest of your natural life.'" Draco nodded in appreciation.

"You know, I like Malfoy better since he turned insane," Seamus commented. The music turned back on with the last word of his sentence and he froze.

"Turn that blasted music off," Snape ordered, although he wasn't quite sure who exactly he was talking to. Although, as long as the music shut off, he didn't really care.

"Say the magic word?" Harry suggested.

"Incendio?" Snape made a suggestion of his own.

"No, setting things on fire never helped anyone, at least in this case." Harry stood up and faced his classmates. "Now, class, can anyone tell me what the magic word is?"

"Please," Luna promptly answered. The music shut itself off with Harry's magic word.

"That's right, class. Please will get you anything except a chainsaw," Harry lectured.

"What are you even doing here, Miss Lovegood?" Snape asked, as he finally registered the fourth year Ravenclaw's presence.

"I'm gathering material for the Quibbler on Hogwart's newest nightclub, Potions," Luna answered.

"And what class are you missing in order to cover this fictional nightclub?" Snape asked. Both McGonagall and Flitwick would kill him if he allowed a student to miss his or her class.

"Nothing important, just Defense Against Dark Paper Cuts." Luna returned Snape's dark stare with a blank stare of her own.

"If you would return to your class, Miss Lovegood, I could finally start my lesson." Snape hoped that Potter and the rest would get the hint and allow him to teach.

"You mean you're kicking out my Potions buddy?" Harry asked, tears filling his eyes as his lips trembled.

"Miss Lovegood is not your Potions partner, Potter," Snape replied.

"She is so, she's been my Potions buddy since negative first year," Harry protested.

"Hogwarts does not have negative years, Potter." Snape turned his glare on the teen once again.

"Honestly, Harry should have been burnt to a crisp by now," Draco exclaimed.

"What about zero? Because I remember my zero year very clearly," Harry stubbornly said.

"Hogwarts only has seven years of education for a student." Snape didn't even want to think of what Harry could have made of his sentence had he left off the last three words.

"Fine, Luna's been my Potions buddy since first year," Harry changed his statement again for the third time.

"Miss Lovegood is a fourth year," Snape pointed out.

"So?" Harry stared blankly at Snape, not understanding where he was going with his statement.

"As a fourth year, there is no way that she could have been even at Hogwarts during your first year, let alone be your potions partner." Was it too much to ask for him to be able to teach his class and take off points from the Gryffindors? Apparently it was, Snape silently sighed to himself.

"In spirit, she was." Harry jabbed a finger at Snape to make his point.

"Fine, Miss Lovegood may stay for the lesson, as long as there are not any more interruptions." Snape stared at Harry, letting him know exactly who he was referring to.

"I cannot guarantee absolute silence, since you expect me to answer all of your questions incorrectly," Harry informed Snape.

"Good enough." Snape stalked back to his place by his desecrated desk to try and teach his class at last.

Chapter 25 - Potions Nightclub.


	26. War Kittens

A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews. And, sorry about the week break. I'm still working on chapter 27, which you'll all love, so I posted another chapter in my other HP story, Compulsive Liar. That is a truly random story, but it is great fun. (Hint, hint, poke, poke.) I'll try to get the next chapter of Rebellion finished before next week, but I might just post another HP story anyway. Enjoy!

* * *

The rest of Snape's lecture had went smoothly, with the only interruption being from the one portrait of Lockheart that kept reappearing back in the Potions classroom, no matter how many times Snape got rid of it. Snape was so relieved that he let them go the second he finished the lecture, even though he still have five minutes of class time left. The student's didn't argue, even if being around Snape had gotten more interesting in the past few weeks.

"Potato beans," Harry pronounced right before he left the room, turning the music on once again.

The members of the rebellion ignored the sounds of cursing from the classroom, they truly didn't care much about Snape's attempt at destroying their nightclub. Unbreakable charms had been added to every tranfiguration they had made, so there wasn't much that Snape could do about his classroom before the spells wore off. Which might take a while, seeing as all six of the rebellion had worked together to create the room.

"We better get moving, get our supplies for Defense class," Hermione said while they walked through the dungeon.

"I'll split from you here. Have fun on your way to your common rooms." Draco smirked at the Gryffindors and Ravenclaw before he headed down the corridor leading to the Slytherin common rooms.

"Why is he still a git?" Ron complained.

"Because he's got Wiffles stuck in his throat," Luna replied.

"And he's Draco Malfoy," Harry added like it explained everything.

"You have a point," Ron conceded.

"Why did we leave them all the way in the common room?" Neville asked, puffing from climbing all the stairs to get to the common room. And they still had a few more staircases before they reached the Tower.

"You think bringing kittens to Snape's class was a smart idea?" Harry asked.

"That's what you did a couple of classes ago," Neville pointed out.

"They didn't stay too long, though, and there was no way he could have proven that it was us that shut the cats in his classroom," Harry replied.

"At least we shouldn't be late to Defense Against Practical Defense," Ron said.

"Yes, I'm sure the Mistress of All Boring Things will be quite busy with her new decorations." Harry grinned at Ron, pleased at the mention of their latest prank.

"Why did we put those up in Umbridge's class room, again? Aren't the kittens enough of a prank?" Neville questioned.

Harry and Ron came to a halt, staring at Neville in horror. "They've gotten to you, haven't they?"

"Who?" Neville stared fearfully back at the two.

"Erm, I don't know." Harry shrugged. "But I do know one thing, kittens will never be enough on their own, no matter how terrifying they are. There can never be an end to the pranks on Umbridge."

"Fear him," Luna intoned.

"What?" Ron turned to look at Luna.

"That was quite random, Luna," Harry agreed with Ron.

"If Umbridge is the Mistress of All Things Boring, than you are the Master of All Evil Pranks," Luna explained.

"I'm sure Fred and George would protest about that," Ron said.

"We're going to be late, if we don't start moving again," Hermione interjected. "And, Luna, shouldn't you be on your way to the Ravenclaw common room?"

"I left my kitten in the Gryffindor common room," Luna replied.

"Why is your kitten in our common room?" Ron asked as they started climbing the stairs once again. Luckily, the stairs had shifted back to their original pathway that they had needed to take.

"I gave it to Neville to watch over, and so that I could pick it up easily," Luna answered.

"You know, if we were really smart, we would have given our kittens to Malfoy before Potions," Harry said.

"Give Malfoy our kittens?" Ron looked horrified at the thought. "I still don't even understand why we gave him the one that we did."

"Malfoy wanted a kitten." Hermione shrugged.

"That sounds wrong on so many levels," Ron muttered in reply.

-

They heard Umbridge's shrieks even before they neared the DAPD classroom. Umbridge's temper tantrum was spectacular to watch when they finally reached the classroom, the five of them joined Draco by the sidelines and settled down to watch. Umbridge was ranting at Filch while they tried to remove the Rebellion's new decorations.

"You know, I would have thought that Umbridge would have liked the new decorations," Harry remarked. "After all, they're Ministry approved."

"Some people don't have good taste," Draco sniffed, sticking his nose in the air.

The DAPD's new decorations really did add character to the frilly classroom. All across the walls were new frames, each one dictating another Educational Decree from the Ministry. Harry's favorite was the one that said "Instead of bread, every student must eat cake."

"I don't understand how they got here," Umbridge cried.

"Probably the same way that all the other stuff got in here," Filch muttered a reply.

"And why can't you get rid of them?" Umbridge demanded, not even paying attention to Filch.

"I can't lift them off of the wall," Filch grumbled. He was starting to get disenchanted with the Defense teacher, all she seemed to do was complain about life at Hogwarts. She was lucky, she didn't have to live through the Marauders.

"The nerve of whoever did this." Umbridge blustered. "The Ministry's Educational Decrees are very important."

Several students snickered at this, clearly not agreeing with Umbridge. Filch gave up and wandered away. Umbridge didn't even notice as she ranted on.

"The Ministry would never even suggest for the students to 'Make love, not war.'"

"Does that mean that she wants us to fight? Merlin, that woman is so contradictory," Harry said, not even bothering to lower his voice. Umbridge didn't even hear him, but the other students did.

"Tell me about it," Draco sighed, joining in with Harry's play acting.

"First she tells us that we don't need to fight, and she doesn't allow us to even practice doing spells," Harry continued.

"And then she tells us that the Ministry wants to turn us all into their own personal army," Draco completed.

"For shame," Harry said, shaking his head.

Harry and Draco quieted down, but their surrounding area didn't stay quiet. The two of them had just started a new rumor, and it needed to be discussed. Was the Ministry really planning on turning Hogwarts into their own army? To fight against what? The Ministry still refused to believe that You-Know-Who was back, so who would they be fighting against? Was the Ministry planning on taking over the world? Would the Ministry be the new You-Know-Who?

"Why are you acting all strange, Malfoy?" Ron asked while they watched the room buzz with activity. The noise was enough to mask any conversation that they would have.

"What do you mean?" Draco asked.

"Well, joining us with our pranks, wanting a kitten, and being nice," Ron listed.

"First of all, I have Umbridge as much as you do. Second, it was a _war_ kitten, who wouldn't want one? And, third, I am not nice," Draco replied.

"Unfortunately, the way you answer has now deemed you nice," Harry said.

"What? That wasn't nice at all, Potter," Draco protested.

"Well, some one has to take on your old role," Harry replied.

"Okay, I have a question for all of you," Draco said, giving them a hard stare.

"What is it?" Hermione asked.

"What's the deal with Potter?" Draco asked.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, tilting his head reminiscent of Luna.

"Why are you always acting like you are insane?" Draco refused to admit how much it freaked him out.

"Who says I'm just acting?" Harry asked, smirking at Draco.

"Potter," Draco growled. "If I'm going to keep helping you, I want a straight answer."

"Fine. Psychological Warfare," Harry answered.

"What does that mean?" Draco asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Ever notice how my insanity has thrown the professors off, especially Snape and Umbridge?" Harry asked.

"Yes. So?" Draco wasn't the only one who truly wanted to know this. While Ron and Hermione knew some of his reasoning, they were still a bit uncertain about Harry's act.

"The more freaked out about my actions they are, the less they react to me, and the more stuff I get away with," Harry explained. "Tell me you haven't noticed this on your own, with your brief foray into insanity."

"We did get away with more while we were insane," Neville mused.

"Which is why we decided to pretend to be insane," Draco agreed.

"Besides, my acting insane drives the two of them insane as well," Harry said.

"There is a betting pool open as to which of the two you're going to drive insane first, Snape or Umbridge." Draco smirked as he imparted his knowledge.

"So, who are you betting on?" Harry sent back a matching smirk.

"Umbridge wasn't totally sane to begin with," Draco explained.

"An insane Snape sure would be funny, though," Neville said.

"I really think Hogwarts would be a better place if both of them were insane," Harry said.

"Okay, students, sit down now," Umbridge ordered, finally coming back to reality.

Harry raised his hand and waved it wildly. "But, Professor, we are sitting."

"In desks, if you'd please," Umbridge replied, her tone mockingly sweet.

"What if we don't please?" Harry further questioned, an idea taking root in his mind.

"Then I'm afraid that you're going to have to leave the room, Mister Potter," Umbridge answered.

"Fine, fine." Harry nodded disappointedly as he got up. He started singing softly as he made his way to his desk. "We are siamese if you please, we are siamese if you don't please."

"Thank you, Mister Potter," Umbridge shot Harry a disgruntled look. "Quiet please, class. Now, who can tell me what we're learning about today?"

"Drugs: which ones give you the best high," Harry announced, deciding not to bother with her phrasing.

"Not quite what I had in mind, thank you. Anyone else?" Umbridge looked around the classroom, hoping for someone to answer her question.

"A practical charm to defend against paper cuts?" Hermione asked.

"A practical charm to cause someone to bleed to death with a paper cut?" Ron questioned before Umbridge could reply to Hermione.

"A mind control curse in order to drudge up volunteers for Fudge's army?" Draco continued with their rapid questions.

"The new Educational Decrees that the Ministry has decided to bestow upon us?" Neville joined in.

"War kittens?" Luna added.

"No to all of them. Are you even supposed to be here, Miss Lovegood?" Umbridge questioned, confused at the rapid fire questions.

"Yes, I have DADA today," Luna said, telling the truth as her schedule did say that she had DADA. Of course, her schedule said that she had DADA as her first class, and Charms as her second, but she knew that Flitwick would allow her to miss a class.

"All right, then. Today we are going to learn about the correct way to address a vampire," Umbridge said, deciding to give up on getting her students back in order.

"Eat me," Harry piped up.

"Bite me," Luna said with relish.

"Hey, you," Ron called out.

"I've brought the ketchup," Neville added.

"Take me with you," Hermione entreated.

"Death by paper cut," Draco threatened the invisible vampire, thrusting out his Defense text book.

"I'm afraid that none of you have the correct way to address a vampire," Umbridge said sweetly. Denial was her friend.

In fact, Umbridge was so into denial that she had ignored the low scratching noises that filled her classroom. She ignored these sounds as they increased in volume, trying to teach her class and being slightly distracted by the student's interjections. The sounds were almost deafening by this point, but she could still ignore them. However, she could not ignore the fact that her desk just collapsed into pieces.

"What in Merlin's name?" Umbridge muttered as she stared at the desk.

Something emerged from behind her desk, a small black and white kitten. Several other kittens followed the first, all mewing cutely. Umbridge decided to ignore logic as she bent down and gathered up some of the kittens. Unnoticed, Draco tensed up while she gathered the kittens, finally relaxing when his kitten wasn't one of the kittens picked up by the woman.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Harry gave final warning.

Umbridge ignored him, cuddling the kittens in her arms. She ignored the kittens as they started to growl, even the ones on the floor. After all, these kittens were so cute, they couldn't be harmful, could they? Umbridge didn't remember her attempt at kittenery, nor did she remember the Rebellion's little production. Therefore, she did not recognize the War Kittens that she had created.

DADA was quickly ended as the War Kittens attacked. Half of the students left when the bloodshed started, and the rest were let go when Umbridge finally escaped the kittens and ran out of the room. The Rebellion gathered their now docile kittens and left to hide the evidence while the rest of the class shadowed the limping Umbridge.

- Chapter 26 - War Kittens -


	27. The Order of Things

A/N: Here's the next chapter! I'm still writing chapter 28, but I wanted to post this one. Mostly because I want to reach 400 reviews for this story! I love the 9 reviews for chapter 26, but I'm only two reviews away from 400!! This chapter is one you've been asking for, so, enjoy!

* * *

The Rebellion was suspiciously quiet all day Tuesday, which privately worried Snape. Umbridge wasn't really worried, as she was still trying to fix her classroom from Wednesday's redecoration from the Rebellion and the War Kittens. None of the students in the Rebellion had either Snape or Umbridge during Tuesday, so Snape expected that they would try something during breakfast or dinner. Instead, they did nothing.

His daily apple was delivered by owl, he did not turn colors, receive any strange packages, or anything like would usually happen. Nothing at all happened to Umbridge except that she kept tripping over nothing. Instead, he was watched carefully by the six students.

It was a weary stare, watching him cautiously, waiting for him to explode. Like he was going to go on a mass murdering spree. It was unnerving, to say the least. Snape honestly wouldn't have minded if they really were scared of him, but he knew that there was no way that they really felt the way they looked.

No, there was something going on. Snape fought from twitching at their heavy stares. They just stared at him, even while they ate and talked. That was the other thing, he was sure that they were talking about him. Talking about him in a low voice, plotting against him.

He had walked past the large group of Gryffindors, and the one lone Ravenclaw sitting at the wrong table, on the way out of the Great Hall and they quickly became quiet. Until he had passed them by, then they went back to talking about him, their voices slightly raised higher the further he got. Both times they did this, once during breakfast and once during lunch.

They were planning something, no doubt. He was glad, for once, that the Order meeting was this night. That meant he could escape from the castle after his last class, and eat dinner away from the Great Hall and their staring. Always staring. He would leave Umbridge to their tender mercies.

In truth, the four Gryffindors and the one Ravenclaw were not talking about Snape, or even about Umbridge.

While they were deliberately staring at the teachers table, they were instead discussing a new article in the Quibbler, which had absolutely nothing to do with Snape. It did have something to do with Umbridge, written by their own Luna Lovegood. This edition had an article on Umbridge's classes, transcripts of her recent class lectures. A few of the Rebellion's antics were included within the article, but the article itself was one of their attacks.

According to the article, Umbridge revealed more secrets to the students of Hogwarts. Secret confessions of her brief stint as a showgirl, kicked out for being too toad-like. The fact that she also likes mud baths also was made known, revealed to the Seventh years. Several other 'secrets' were revealed within the article, and quite a few of them were true, discovered by the Rebellion.

The article in the Quibbler was even more popular due to the fact that Umbridge had no idea that it even existed. So, even though Umbridge didn't forbid them to read it, it was appealing just for the fact that they could laugh at her behind her back. Snape didn't know of it either, which was why the Rebellion was having the one way staring contest.

Snape happily escaped the confusion as soon as he could, apparating over the Order Headquarters. It was only after he entered the building that he realized that he would have to explain everything that was going on at the school, again. He had been so focused on getting away that he had forgotten that only the teachers at the school knew about the current insane state of Hogwarts.

He had been in limited contact with the Order ever since Dumbledore had escaped from Hogwarts. Even his report of the last Death Eater meeting had been by owl, so they had no clue of what was going on at Hogwarts. This was the first time that he had been able to escape from Hogwarts, from Umbridge's notice, and he was the first teacher to be able to do so.

Of course, he was going to enjoy telling the Mutt and the Wolf that their godson was insane. Though, knowing those two, they will probably be proud of the insane boy. Snape shook those thoughts from his head and scowled, hoping to escape notice as he entered the kitchen.

Unfortunately, his dark mask was not enough to keep the attention off of himself. Of course, the pink flamingos on his robes might have had something to do with that. But, mostly it was curiosity about what was happening at Hogwarts that made the Order members bombard Snape with questions.

"What is up with the flamingos?" Sirius's question broke through all of the rest of the questions.

"Trying out a new fashion statement?" Remus added, eying the bright flamingos.

"Flamingos?" Snape looked down at his robes and growled. "Blasted Potter."

"What's this about Harry?" Everyone perked up at the question, even though Sirius had been the one to ask.

"I'm not sorry to tell you this, Black, but your godson is insane," Snape stated, and waiting for the results.

Confusion, and not horror, were the emotions playing across everyone's faces. The Order members clearly didn't know what Snape was talking about. Even the two people he had thought would have known all about Potter's antics, the Weasley twins, were wearing expressions of confusion. Of course, they had left at the beginning of Potter's insanity. And now Dumbledore was giving him a worried look.

"What, did he do something to defy you?" Remus asked.

"Like looking in this Pensieve that I've heard so much about?" Sirius added.

"More annoying than that." Snape scowled at the two.

"Talking back in potions class?" Remus asked, trying to figure out what exactly Harry was doing.

"Twisting your words around?" Sirius couldn't help but think of a few situations that could have happened.

"Worse than that. I tell you, your godson is insane." They just weren't getting it, were they?

"What would you call insanity?" Sirius asked.

"If not defying you," Remus added.

"In the past week, Mister Potter has turned my classroom into a nightclub, insist that a fourth year was his potions partner back in his first year, celebrated Hogwart's annual 'Claw your way through the doors while breathing like a monster' day, along with many other antics." There, let them deny Potter's insanity after that.

"Turn your potions classroom into a nightclub?" Fred and George seized the idea.

"Why did we think of that?" one twin asked the other.

"I wonder if the nightclub needs staff?"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"If you're thinking what I'm thinking." The other twin nodded in agreement.

"Then it's settled." The twins shook hands and then turned back to the rest of the room.

"'Claw your way through the doors while breathing like a monster' day has a nice ring to it, don't you think, Moony?" Sirius mused, rubbing his chin.

"It does, indeed, Padfoot," Remus agreed.

"We'll have to celebrate that soon," Sirius suggested.

"The next full moon?" Remus raised his eyebrow at Sirius.

"You're on." Sirius and Remus shook hands, mimicking the twins, and turned back to Snape. "So, tell us, Snape, what else has our Harry done?"

"Do you have a lifetime?" Snape asked, getting into the story, even though he hated talking to these two.

"I haven't left the house in months, what do you think?" Sirius grinned in anticipation.

"I haven't been the only one he's been tormenting, he's also been attacking Umbridge," Snape revealed.

"And how has Umbridge reacted to that?" Remus asked, concerned for the first time.

"What has she done to Harry?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, tell us how Dolores is getting on at Hogwarts," Dumbledore chimed in for the first time, wondering how Hogwarts was surviving with that woman in charge.

"Umbridge is half a step away from being completely insane, she actually went around the bend rather easily. I'm hanging in just fine, thank you for asking." Snape enjoyed the look on Dumbledore's face, as the renegade headmaster was unsure quite what to think of the news.

"Insane?" Dumbledore inquired.

"Potter has apparently taken on the task of driving the whole of Hogwarts into insanity. He's not alone, though, he has been joined by some of the students, all as insane as he is." The truth was beginning to dawn on the Order members, which was quite the sight to see.

"Explain to us from the beginning, if you would," Dumbledore instructed, suddenly wondering what state his castle was in.

"Who are the students helping him?" Sirius asked right after.

"I bet Ron and Hermione are two of them," Remus added.

"Shall I?" Snape asked Dumbledore, wanting to know if he should answer the Mutt's question first.

"Very well, tell us who composes Harry's group," Dumbledore gave his permission for Snape to deviate from the beginning of the story.

"Potter has been joined by Weasley and Granger, as you have guessed; a fifth year Ravenclaw, Luna Lovegood, has also joined with him; Neville Longbottom has also been acting out; and, last of all, Draco Malfoy." Snape smirked to himself at the reactions to the last name of the ragtag group.

"Malfoy?" Sirius yelped.

"Draco Malfoy, Slytherin Prince?" Remus added, knowing the student they were talking about.

"Malfoy has willingly joined Harry's group?" George asked.

"And Harry accepted him?" Fred added.

"Why on earth is this Malfoy helping Harry?" Molly asked, worried for the boy who she felt was her eighth child.

"Severus?" Dumbledore prompted when the reactions calmed down.

"Everything started after you were forced to leave, Headmaster." Snape started at the beginning of the story, just like the headmaster had instructed. Of course, that wasn't what everyone currently wanted to hear, but that was the point of it. "The next day was when everything started. At our next Occulmency lesson was when Potter first started acting strange, but I didn't notice much about his behavior. The next Potions class, he signed his essay by a strange name, claimed that the demon on his shoulder overpowered the angel and made him sign it that way."

"What does this have to do with _Malfoy_ helping Harry?" Sirius whined impatiently when Snape paused.

"I'm getting there. When this first started, Potter was acting on his own, with Weasley helping him out. Granger seemed to keep out of it for quite a while, but she eventually joined in with her friends. Lovegood, Longbottom, and Malfoy have only joined Potter recently. I have a fairly good idea why Longbottom and Malfoy joined in, but I still don't know why Lovegood has." Snape gave them a little bit of what they wanted.

"Get on with it, Snape," Sirius exclaimed, still impatient to learn what was going on.

"Very well." Snape began to tell them the whole story, beginning with Harry's antics at their next Occlumency lesson, continuing with how his next class with, Umbridge's apparent visit with Voldemort, the accusation of stolen cool socks, Umbridge's problems with exploding doors and disappearing Hogwarts acceptance letters, the insanity potions and the consequences from that, Fudge's visit to Hogwarts, his meeting with Voldemort, and all of the events of the week after that.

The retelling of The Great Rebellion of Hogwarts lasted quite a while, and left everyone in a pile on the floor, weak with laughter. Snape scowled down at the two adults on the floor, the Mutt and the Wolf, of course they would find this all hilarious. Snape didn't even admit to himself that he secretly found all of this entertaining, to even think that would ruin his reputation.

"Harry did all of that? Our Harry?" Sirius gasped out, recovering from his laughter fit.

"And he managed to get away from it without any detentions?" Remus asked.

"Worthy of being a Marauder, that one," Sirius added.

"Absolutely," Remus agreed.

"I did assign him a detention, but he's been impossible to catch. And I do not think that detention even occurs to Umbridge anymore. Your godson is insane," Snape answered. He had honestly tried to get Potter to show up for detention, several times in fact, but something always came up. Either his classroom door would turn a bright pink, Potter would stage a sit in, or, worse yet, flood his office with apples. So, Snape had simply given up on holding the boy to a detention, figuring that there wasn't anything he could do against the insanity.

"Who isn't insane?" Sirius questioned.

"Certainly none of us," Remus added.

"How is Harry fairing in Occlumency lessons, Severus?" Dumbledore questioned when he recovered from the retelling. His poor Hogwarts was taking quite the beating.

"Poorly. He keeps focusing on blocking me with one image, which doesn't even hold up to my probes, let alone the Dark Lords." Severus answered, with what he thought was the truth.

"That is indeed poor news," Dumbledore murmured to himself.

"I still say you should tell Harry why you're making him take these lessons," Sirius interjected.

"If we tell Harry, then he will not relax enough to learn, I have told you that before, Sirius," Dumbledore answered.

"I doubt Potter could learn Occlumency even if he knew the reason why," Snape added.

"Is Harry still having those dreams sent by Voldemort?" Dumbldore asked.

"I don't believe so anymore. The last time he talked of them, he told me that he discovered what was in the room." Snape paused here deliberately.

"Voldemort has gotten that far already?" Dumbledore gasped, having some idea of what Voldemort had planned to do.

"He told me that the room contained shelves," Snape paused for another second, "of rubber ducks."

"Voldemort wants a rubber duck?" Sirius asked, confused.

"Rubber ducks are useful," Remus commented.

"I doubt that Voldemort has gotten as far as we had thought, then," Dumbledore recovered.

"I think not. But, then, Potter's mind is dangerous, even for Voldemort," Snape replied.

"Does Voldemort suspect anything?" Dumbledore asked, changing the subject. "Your message said that the meeting went okay."

"The meeting was fine, and he didn't seem to suspect anything. Although, he does know that Potter thinks that he should retire," Snape answered.

"Retire?" Sirius spluttered.

"And play shuffle-board and bingo," Snape added with relish, enjoying this more that he would care to admit.

"Did Voldemort go for it?" Sirius eagerly asked.

"Please say yes," Remus added.

"Unfortunately, he wasn't quite as thrilled about the idea." Snape was kind of disappointed about that, himself.

"Is anything else important happening at Hogwarts?" Dumbledore asked another question on his list.

"Besides the insanity? We have been reviewing for the O.W.L.s as usual, and the examiners are scheduled to arrive this Sunday," Snape reported.

"Good, that's good," Dumbledore said, relieved that at least O.W.L.s would go well.

"And the students have been faithfully following Ministry Decrees 33 through 55," Snape added.

"More Decrees?" Sirius asked.

"And so many at once?" Remus added.

"Are they trying to kill the kids?" Sirius continued.

"The students are happily eating cake instead of bread, making daisy chains, dying their hair to match their house colors, talking like pirates and ninjas, and ushering all toads found into the Great Hall," Snape listed some of the responses to the new 'Ministry Decrees.'

"How many times has Umbridge been escorted into the Great Hall?" Remus asked, recognizing the keywords to the last item on the list.

"Thirty times that I know of," Snape answered, allowing a smile to slip through.

"Escorting all toads into the Great Hall," Sirius burst out laughing as he got the joke.

"Very well, Severus, we should probably let you get on your way back to the castle, before Umbridge notices that you're missing." Dumbledore broke in. He couldn't handle hearing anything more about his beloved castle.

"Actually, Dumbledore, I thought that you would have something that you wanted me to do? Something that takes me away from the school for a few weeks," Snape tried.

"In a few weeks school will be over," Dumbledore pointed out.

"Exactly," Remus said for Snape.

"What's wrong, Snape, can't handle Prong's son?" Sirius asked.

"I can handle him just fine." Snape scowled and swept out of the room. He really didn't want to return to the school, but he wasn't going to give the Mutt anymore ammunition against him.

And so Snape returned to Hogwarts, five hours after leaving the Order's headquarters. Umbridge never noticed that he was missing, to busy dealing with troubles of her own. The Rebellion had stayed well entertained, even though they had missed Snape. Dumbledore retired to his room to fully soak everything in. The four terrors broke up into two groups, each pair of trouble making wizards making some plans of their own. The rest of the random Order members who were present during the meeting gathered together to gossip over this news. It was a busy night.

- Chapter 27 - The Order of Things. -


	28. Masters of the Rebellion

A/N: Wow, 14 reviews for the last chapter, I'm so happy. Thank you very much. So, you get a few more words in this chapter, it didn't want to end. The Rebellion is starting to spread, it's fun. Enjoy!

* * *

There was a reason Snape wasn't missed during the Order meeting, and his time afterwards, Tuesday evening was quite eventful. As soon as the Rebellion's super-spy reported that Snape had left the building, the rest of the Rebellion focused their attention on Umbridge. Harry laid out a battle plan before the havoc started, giving everyone a role to play.

"Since when do we have a super-spy?" Draco had asked during the meeting. His kitten was perched on his shoulder, looking superior and dangerous in a kitteny way.

"You're not the only ones I've recruited to the Rebellion, the others just don't have such a large part," Harry replied.

"Technically, you didn't recruit us, we volunteered," Draco pointed out.

"I love the capital letter in Rebellion," Luna dreamily added.

"Just know that we have a super-spy, and that's all," Harry said. He handed out armbands to everyone. "Here, wear these."

"We get armbands signifying our roles in the Rebellion?" Luna was delighted.

"No, you get armbands signifying your worship of the Devil," Harry corrected.

"The devil?" Hermione practically shrieked, staring down at the three sixes decorating the armband.

"We're going to see how long it takes for someone to notice our new arm-wear, and then inform them that we worship the devil. You'll see, Snape will notice," Harry answered.

"You are twisted," Draco said, hints of appreciation in his voice.

"Thank you. Now, Rebellion away." Harry punched his fist in the air and raced away, leaving the rest of the Rebellion staring after him.

"And not in a good way," Draco added to his last sentence.

"When did Harry go insane?" Neville asked.

"A long, long time ago," Ron solemnly replied.

"Let's get going, Dragon Star." Luna broke the moment. She plucked Draco's kitten off of his shoulder, managing not to get scratched, and handed it over to Neville. The war kitten did manage to scratch Neville, who dropped it to the floor, earning him a glare from Draco.

"See you later," Hermione offered as the group broke apart.

Luna dragged Draco away, his kitten following behind them. The Gryffindors headed down to the potions classroom, as the Evil Bat was not at Hogwarts. While the Gryffindors set up groundwork for the next classroom prank, Luna and Draco found Umbridge. Harry was already traveling ahead of them, setting up further groundwork for this current plan.

Luna and Draco timed their part perfectly. They waited around the corner from Umbridge just long enough to check that she was there, then they moved. The two of them ran past Umbridge, screaming their lungs off.

"Merlin, what's going on?" Umbridge shouted, off balanced.

Luna and Draco came running back the other way, screaming gibberish that truly didn't mean anything. They turned around at the corner and came back to where Umbridge was standing.

"Professor, save us," Luna gasped out, feigning being out of breath.

"It's horrible, Professor, you have to come," Draco added.

"Come where? What's going on?" Umbridge asked, almost panicking herself.

"Hurry, follow us," Luna begged.

The two members of the Rebellion straightened up and ran to the end of the hallway, where they waited impatiently for Umbridge to catch up. Umbridge moved as fast as she could, which wasn't too fast, finally catching up to the two students. Luna and Draco didn't wait for Umbridge to catch her breath before they took off running again, down another corridor.

They led her on like this for quite a while, waiting for her at the end of each corridor, until they reached the arrows. Harry had set up the bright orange arrows, all pointing in a single direction and leading them down a corridor. This was Luna and Draco's cue to leave, so they took one last deep breath and ran off screaming.

If Umbridge had her wits about her, she would have realized that she was only a few corridors away from her office. As it was, she was too out of breath and too scared by Draco and Luna's act that she had no clue where she was. She stumbled after Draco and Luna, despite not being able to see them anymore. Without realizing it, she started following the flags, ignoring all other corridors along the route.

She ended up outside her office, a bright orange flag on the door. Potter was standing outside her office, waiting impatiently. He didn't even turn around as she approached, even with her huffing and puffing.

"Can I help you, Mister Potter?" Umbridge asked when she caught her breath.

"I doubt that there's anything that you can do," Harry replied, not even looking away from her office door.

"What makes you say that? It's obvious that you're here to see me," Umbridge asked.

"No, I didn't," Harry replied.

"Then why are you standing outside my office, Mister Potter?" Umbridge asked.

"Waiting for the bathroom to free up," Harry answered. "It's been occupied for more than five minutes."

"Bathroom? But, the nearest bathroom is at least two corridors away," Umbridge pointed out, bewildered.

"Are you okay, Professor?" Harry asked, turning to look at Umbridge for the first time.

"I'm fine, just a bit winded," Umbridge answered, wondering why Harry had asked her.

"That must be it, because this is the bathroom, see." Harry pointed at the orange flag on her door.

Umbridge looked at the flag and noticed that there was writing on it. She paled as she read what the letters on the flag said, Restroom. Had someone turned her office into a bathroom? And someone was using it?

"Who's in there?" Umbridge asked, her voice very high pitched.

"The Pig," Harry replied.

There was a flushing sound from within the office, and the red letters on the flag turned green. Umbridge paled even further, but Harry sighed in relief.

"He's finally done, the bathroom is free." Harry opened Umbridge's office door, revealing Umbridge's unchanged office. The office was empty, no sign of a pig anywhere.

"Where did The Pig go?" Umbridge asked, stepping in to inspect her office.

"He must have used the other door." Harry shrugged, even though Umbridge wasn't looking at him.

"What other door?" Umbridge asked. Umbridge waited for Harry to answer her, but she didn't received any answer at all. Surprised, she turned to look at her office door, but Harry wasn't there anymore.

As Umbridge was staring at the office door, wondering where her source of information went, she saw something flit across the doorway. She gripped her wand, what if it was something there to eat her? The shadow flitted across the doorway again, moving in the opposite direction. She edged closer to her office door, ready to slam it shut.

"Run!" Harry screamed, pounding past her office for the third time. "Even your office isn't safe!"

Umbridge started and glanced down the corridor, waiting for the monster to get her. When nothing appeared, she relaxed a bit. Decided that she was better safe than sorry, Umbridge left her office, following after Harry. The orange flags had been replaced by lime green flags, pointing in the opposite direction from the orange flags. Not that Umbridge noticed any of these details, only following the lime green flags when she reached the end of the corridor.

Umbridge was kept busy for the rest of the evening, chasing after screaming students and waiting for a monster to attack her. The whole of the Rebellion was in on this one, constantly trading Umbridge off to the next person. Later on in the evening, when the rest of the students finally took notice of this loud game of tag, more people joined in. The regular students decided that Harry had the right idea, and joined in with the screaming game of follow the leader.

Not in his right mind when he got back to the castle, Snape didn't even notice the five students who ran past him screaming. The other teachers knew about the insanity running around in the castle, it was hard not to notice it, but they knew how to use silencing charms. At eleven on the dot, the teachers started patrolling the hallways, letting the students know that it was time for the game to end. Harry and the rest of the Rebellion led the way, calmly walking past the frazzled Umbridge and heading back to their respective common rooms.

-

Both Umbridge and Snape still hadn't totally recovered from their eventful endings by the time Wednesday rolled around. Snape didn't even chance the Great Hall, receiving his apple by owl once again. Umbridge came down for breakfast, much to the delight of the Rebellion.

The Master Forger of the Rebellion, Draco Malfoy, was responsible for the owl that Umbridge received at breakfast. She fairly squealed when she opened the letter from 'Fudge,' inviting her to visit the Ministry for the day.

"What's that?" Harry asked, leaning over the Head table to peer at the letter. Of course, he knew what it said, but Umbridge didn't.

"A letter from the Minister, himself." Umbridge puffed up at the honor of receiving a letter from the Minister of Magic.

"Wow, what does it say?" Harry looked eagerly at the letter.

"The Minister needs me at the Ministry today, I'll have to cancel my classes." This last part caused McGonagall to frown at the woman.

"O.W.L.s are coming up, Professor, so we were wondering if we could use the Defense classroom today to study?" Harry brought up the whole reason for the letter from the Master Forger of the Rebellion.

"Why would you need to use the Defense classroom?" Umbridge asked, daydreaming about her visit to see the Minister.

"It's one of the classrooms that is designed to stand up to anything but raging penguins," Harry answered.

"Raging penguins?" Umbridge repeated, finally paying attention to Harry.

"Known to invade classrooms that are empty on the weekdays," Harry informed Umbridge. McGonagall, close enough to hear their conversation, choked on her drink, but she kept silent about the raging penguins.

"You can use the Defense classroom," Umbridge blurted out, her eyes open wide at the thought of raging penguins.

"Is it okay if people from other houses join us? For their own use, of course," Harry asked.

"Of course they can. Why would you need permission for that?" Umbridge asked.

"The Ministry Decree," Harry reminded Umbridge.

"The one about the overcrowded lift?" Umbridge asked.

"No, the one about school clubs and groups. After what happened to our knitting group, we were a bit worried. You understand," Harry answered.

"I have to get going. But, don't worry, you won't get in trouble this time," Umbridge replied. She was too preoccupied by her meeting coming up that she didn't even protest about the DA being labeled as a knitting club.

"Thank you," Harry said before walking away. He flashed a thumbs up to the Rebellion, signaling them to start telling people about their use of the Defense classroom.

Harry stopped off at the Hufflepuff table, halting behind Ernie Macmillan. At the sudden silence, Ernie twisted around to see who was behind him. He brightened when he saw Harry.

"What's up, Harry?" Ernie asked.

"The Defense classroom is ours for the day, stop off whenever you have a free period, and tell others the same thing," Harry announced.

"Are you restarting the DA?" Ernie eagerly asked.

"Unfortunately, we still don't have permission for our knitting club. But, I might have another organization for you to join," Harry answered.

"What group is that?" Susan Bones, sitting beside Ernie, asked.

"Show up at the Defense classroom, and you'll see," Harry answered, not wanting Umbridge to overhear his most recent plan.

"We'll be there," Ernie promised.

Harry nodded back and let a grin spread across his face. Unofficially, the DA was back in business. But, first, he had to go to Divination.

-

All day long, the Defense classroom was filled with students. Some were studying for their O.W.L.s, some for their N.E.W.T.s, and some students were just studying for their end of year exams. No matter what they were studying for, they still retained the DA outlook, helping each other out in practice. Although, they were careful to pair off one on one, so that they couldn't be accused of restarting a Defense group.

Umbridge went to the Ministry, where she could have discovered that she hadn't received a letter from Fudge. Fortunately, Fudge was flustered by dozens of packages of flying fudge that had flown into the Ministry. So far, they had no idea where the packages of flying fudge had come from, and they were no close to getting rid of them from when they first showed up on Friday. It had been a long weekend.

And the fight still continued, even with Umbridge's added help. Every time a spell hit the package, it would multiply, sending more packages of fudge flying. Umbridge was occupied for the rest of the day, shooting spells at the fudge. She never got the irony in that situation, but a few others did. No one ever found out that the boxes of flying fudge that multiplied with every touch of magic, so that they multiplied when ever they even touched a magical object, was all thanks to the Master Researcher of the Rebellion.

The Master Researcher of the Rebellion, Hermione, was currently glaring at Harry, the Master Leader of the Rebellion. The reason that the Master Researcher of the Rebellion was glaring at the Master Leader of the Rebellion was simple, the Master Leader of the Rebellion had just asked the Master Forger of the Rebellion to forge another letter.

"What do you need with another forged letter?" Hermione asked.

"Fudge would like to wish Snape a happy birthday. Therefore, our Master Forger needs to write us another letter," Harry answered.

"Why is Fudge wishing Snape a happy birthday?" Hermione asked.

"Because that might make him paranoid. Especially if Voldemort sends him a birthday card, too," Harry answered.

"Why are you calling Draco our Master Forger?" Ron asked, interrupting the impending argument.

"You remember the Marauders? Aren't we kind of like them?" Harry asked.

"You're right, but what does that have to do with the Master stuff?" Ron asked.

"Mind sharing with the rest of the class?" Draco drawled out.

"The Marauders were what my dad and his friends called themselves, and they were pranksters, themselves. They also had nicknames that they called themselves," Harry explained.

"And you decided that we needed nicknames, ourselves," Draco finished, rolling his eyes. Well, this wasn't the most insane thing that Harry had done, he decided.

"Of course," Harry replied, nodding his head. "I am the Master Leader of the Rebellion, you are the Master Forger of the Rebellion, and Hermione's the Master Researcher of the Rebellion."

"Ooh, who am I?" Luna asked.

"The Master Muse of the Rebellion," Harry answered.

"And is Weasley the Master Sidekick of the Rebellion?" Draco sarcastically asked, although Harry preferred to think of it as teasing.

"No, Ron is the Master Strategist of the Rebellion," Harry replied, reassuring Ron. "And Neville is the Master Manipulator of the Rebellion."

"Where did you come up with these names?" Draco asked, staring at Harry.

"After careful consideration it all became quite clear to me," Harry replied.

"How come Neville's the Master Manipulator?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, how come I'm the Master Manipulator?" Neville repeated, wanting to know the answer as well.

"Yeah, would have expected that you would name me that," Draco commented, everyone else nodding in agreement.

"Sorry, Draco, but Neville's done more manipulations in the name of the Rebellion than you have," Harry answered.

"Like what?" Draco asked.

"He got Fudge's shoes for me so that I could glue them to the Entrance Hall's wall, they are still there today," Harry answered. "Plus, he looks so innocent, authority figures can't help but trust him. That will take him far."

"All right, but, Master Forger?" Draco asked.

"If you think about it, a forger is also a manipulator, making people think that he's someone else," Harry reassured.

"Now, we have to talk about your name," Draco said.

"What's wrong with Master Leader?" Harry asked with a pout.

"It doesn't fit, you need a real name. Hmm, the Master Joker of the Rebellion," Draco said.

"Like Batman?" Harry asked, brightening up.

"Batman?" Draco asked, having no idea what Harry was talking about.

"Snape?" Neville asked, not knowing either.

"Muggle comic, had a villain named The Joker, who was insane," Hermione explained. "Fits in more ways than one."

"Wicked," Ron breathed out.

"Hey, I come up with good ideas on occasion, Master Strategist," Draco replied.

"There's one more thing I want to bring up, Harry," Hermione interrupted before another fight broke out.

"What's that, Master Researcher?" Harry asked.

"O.W.L.s," Hermione answered. "They are less than a week away, Harry, and we'll have to focus."

"I agree, Hermione. We'll let up during the exams, although I can't promise not to let off a prank or two," Harry replied.

"Thank you, Harry," Hermione said, relaxing in relief.

"I have this wicked idea for when the Examiners come, though," Harry said.

"You're going to prank the O.W.L Examiners?" Hermione fairly shrieked.

"Nothing major, Hermione, mostly head games for Umbridge," Harry tried to reassure.

"You can't prank the Examiners, Harry, the O.W.L.s are important," Hermione continued.

"Er, what do you know, I think Ginny could use some help. I'll get right on that, shall I?" Harry said, jumping up. He hurried away from the fuming Hermione, throwing himself back into his role as the leader of the DA.

- Chapter 28 - Masters of the Rebellion. -


	29. Happy Birthday, Snape!

A/N: I'm sorry, people! I honestly didn't mean to take a two month break from Rebellion, but life attacked me. My mom mentioned something against fanfic that blocked me, I fell out of the habit of writing, but I also tried to start original fics. I've gone through two ideas before settling on a rewrite of my '06 Nano. Also, I'm studying for my drivers permit.

Anyway, I'm back to writing, again. I love all the reviews, 20 reviews for this chapter and a few reviews throughout the entire story. But, shadowkitsune-chan raised a great point, I have reviewers, but I also have readers. And, I do have to say that I love everyone who just reads this fic, even if they don't review. Reviews are just like candy, though, and they are very good. So, while I have 451 reviews total, at this moment, I have 76802 hits on my story. That's a lot of people. Also, 20 reviews for this chapter, and 1703 hits for this chapter. So, I love all of you.

And now onto the story...

--

The Masters of the Rebellion gathered together at the Slytherin table during breakfast on Thursday. Ron had protested at first, but Draco had refused to sit anywhere else. Besides, the Slytherin table had a better view of Snape, and that was important.

Snape had come to the Great Hall for breakfast, after a comment from McGonagall the day before. Of course, McGonagall didn't know what the Rebellion had planned, but it set a good example having all the professors at the table during meal times. Plus, most of the time breakfast was entertaining now in days.

Snape had yet to see that the Rebellion was sitting at the Slytherin table, mostly because he was avoiding looking at everything but his plate. He glared down at his plate as the Owl Post arrived, wanting to escape from the Great Hall. He was rewarded by his refusal to interact with the world by an apple falling onto his head.

Snape still did nothing, however, except to poke his eggs with his fork. He was awakened from his funk by three envelopes falling onto his plate. He cautiously poked them with his fork, waiting to see if they were booby-trapped. Nothing happened.

"What have you got there, Severus?" McGonagall asked. She had seen the group of students at the wrong table, even if Snape hadn't, so she knew there was something going on.

"Probably something that will turn my shoes pink, or some nonsense like that," Snape replied. He pushed the envelopes off of his plate.

"Isn't that Dumbledore's handwriting?" McGonagall pointed at one of the brightly colored envelopes.

"Do you think so?" Snape asked, sparing the orange envelope a glance.

"It seems to have his taste in colors as well," McGonagall continued. Maybe he was also behind the lime green and neon yellow envelopes, too.

"Why is he sending me anything, though? We just had the meeting on Tuesday," Snape asked.

"Maybe he forgot to tell you something," McGonagall suggested.

"Three times, I suppose?" Snape raised his eyebrow.

"Open them and find out." McGonagall turned back to her breakfast, keeping watch on Snape out of the corner of her eye.

Snape huffed, but reached for the orange letter. He used his wand to open the envelope and pulled out the contents. He scowled at the brightly colored card wishing him a Happy Birthday! The neon swirls of pink, green, yellow, blue, red, and orange began to move, as if absorbed by the large words on the cover.

"This better be important," Snape grumbled as he opened the card.

"What does it say?" McGonagall asked, giving up on pretending to ignore Snape.

"Make Peace, Not War. Have a Groovy Birthday. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore." Snape dryly read.

"Some kind of hidden message? Warning you against killing your favorite student?" McGonagall suggested, hiding her amusement.

"He's behind this, I know he is." Snape sent a glare at the Gryffindore table, not even aware of the fact that Harry wasn't sitting there.

"How about you open up the other ones, maybe they'll have an explanation." McGonagall handed Snape the lime green envelope, that could probably light up a dark room by itself.

Snape refrained from replying opened the envelope. This card wasn't as blinding as the first, or as blinding as the envelope would suggest. There was a monkey in the jungle on the front of the card, holding a bright yellow banana.

"This Monkey would like to sing you happy birthday," Snape read without prompting. He opened the card and began to read again, his eye dangerously twitching. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too. Cornelius Fudge."

"Well, it was nice of him to send you a card for your birthday," McGonagall offered.

"It isn't my birthday," Snape retorted, "You know that my birthday is in January."

"Well, this year has been busy, maybe they forgot?" McGonagall suggested.

"The headmaster gave me a present, remember?" Snape countered, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Why don't you open the next card?" McGonagall handed him the last card, the neon yellow envelope.

Snape grumbled to himself as he slit the envelope open and pulled out the card. The cover had a cartoon of a young boy staring out at the reader, a shocked expression on his face. Snape scowled at the large words in the speech bubble, but didn't read them out loud.

"Wow, you're old," McGonagall read for him, leaning closer in order to see.

Snape scowled even further at hearing it, but opened the card without prompting. He was slightly mollified by the words inside the card, however, the scowl returned when he read the signature at the bottom of the card.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," McGonagall completed the card. "Signed, Lord Voldemort."

"The nerve of him," Snape grumbled to himself.

"Severus?" McGonagall asked.

"He's over seventy years and he dares to call thirty-six old?" Snape clarified, a bit louder this time.

"We have agreed that he's not in his right mind, right?" McGonagall tried to reassure.

"But, still, he's about have my age, that gives him no right to call me old," Snape continued to rant, forgetting his suspicion that Harry was behind the whole thing.

"Maybe someone else picked out the card?" McGonagall usually disliked to talk about Voldemort, but this was too good to pass up. Especially with the fact that Snape didn't even seem aware that he was even discussing it with her.

"Could be, I suppose," Snape replied, running through the likely culprits in his mind.

"It's almost time for class," McGonagall reminded him, standing up to get to her own class.

Snape followed her out of the Great Hall, muttering to himself about the birthday cards. The cards remained on the table, as Snape was too distracted to remember him. Luckily, the Rebellion rescued them; stopping off at Umbridge's place to hand her a peanut.

-

The main members of the Rebellion were sure to get to class ahead of time. They didn't have long to wait before the rest of the fifth year Slytherin/Gryffindor class arrived, though, as they had asked everyone to come before class.

"What's going on?" Theodore Nott, the Slytherin who had taken over in Draco's stead, demanded.

"It's Professor Snape's birthday today, did you know that?" Harry replied.

"Professor Snape's birthday is in January," Nott said, staring at Harry.

"That's just what he wants you to think," Harry exclaimed.

"What?" Nott asked.

"He wants you to think it's in January, so that you don't make a big deal for his real birthday," Harry explained.

"No, I'm pretty sure that his birthday really is the ninth of January," Nott replied.

"So he says, so he says," Harry rumbled.

"Anyway, what are we doing here, during the last minutes of our free time?" Nott asked, tapping his foot.

"For many years he has thwarted all of our desires to hold him a birthday party," Harry started, pausing for a breath.

"You desired to throw _Snape _a birthday party?" Nott demanded, staring at Harry in disbelief once again.

"Don't you?" Harry asked, blinking at Nott.

"No, not particularly," Nott replied.

"Anyway, for years we've been deprived of giving him a party, but no longer." Harry thrusted his hand in the air.

"I'm afraid to ask," Nott muttered.

"Today, on Snape's _real_ birthday, we will give him a party. A surprise party, the best party he has ever received," Harry finished.

"A surprise party? For Snape?" Nott asked, shaking his head.

"Potions Nightclub is still open for business and it's the perfect place for a surprise party," Draco pointed out.

"Finite Incantantum," Hermione cast, canceling the concealing charms on the room.

The nightclub now looked like it was ready for a party, decorated in brightly colored streamers. Harry bounced over to the bar area, which used to be Snape's desk, and picked up a stack of party hats.

"Come get your party hats," Harry called out.

"Party hats," Luna squealed, and rushed over to Harry. She proudly put the conical hat, decorated with pictures of bats, on her head. Everyone else stared at Harry like he was nuts.

"Fine, don't wear the party hats. Disappoint your favorite teacher," Harry said, putting the hats back on the bar.

"He's finally cracked," Dean whispered.

"Calling Snape our favorite teacher," Seamus agreed.

"We've been telling you," Pansy sniffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"What is Loony Lovegood doing here, anyway?" Nott asked, focusing on something other than a Gryffindor throwing a birthday party for the Slytherin head of house.

"What are you talking about? Luna's always been here?" Tracey Davis asked, staring at Nott as though _he_ was nuts.

"No, she hasn't," Nott yelped.

"You're right, she's missed a few classes. Probably off chasing after a yellow Pinta," Hermione replied.

"Professor Flitwick agrees that Yellow Pintas take precedence over Potions class," Luna said. "But, don't worry, the Showery Flox teaches me what I miss in class."

"Lovegood is a fourth year," Nott pointed out.

"Which means she belongs here," Harry agreed.

"This is a Fifth year class," Nott argued.

"Down is up, and up is down, Nott," Neville remarked.

"What about sideways?" Harry asked.

"Sideways is blue," Ron answered.

"He's coming, places everyone," Hermione called out. Her wand was glowing from the tripped alert charm set down the hall.

The Rebellion scrambled to get everything in place, helping their classmates find a place to hide. They were ready, though, and the room was dark by the time Snape opened the door.

Snape was scowling as he entered the room, annoyed at the lack of students waiting by the door. "Lumos."

"Surprise!" Harry was the first person to pop up from their hiding spots, the Rebellion and the rest of the students following his lead. As a result, the whole process was dragged out.

Snape gave them his most fearsome glare, causing a few students to cringe back from him. Harry just grinned in reply and ignored all of the warning signs.

"What is the meaning of this?" Snape asked, glaring at the decorations instead, hoping for a better reaction. The decorations refused to burst into flames and disappear, so Snape glared even harder.

"Happy birthday, Professor," Harry said. The banners started changing color, in spite of Snape's fierce glare.

"Why had my classroom turned into an eyesore?" Snape asked, trying to actually get an answer.

"It's your party, silly. Potions Nightclub has graciously allowed us to use the room and they provided the music and refreshments." Harry made his way over to the bar and picked up a cocktail glass. "Sparkling Apple Cider and apple pie for cake."

"Sparkling Apple Cider and apple pie?" Snape barely hid his flinch at the sight of the apples.

"It's better than health food." Harry shrugged before focusing back on the pie. He started lighting the sixteen candles that were stuck in the pie.

"What are you doing?" Snape asked.

"Lighting the candles, so we can sing 'Happy Birthday' and you can blow out the candles. Honestly, haven't you ever been to a birthday party?" Harry asked, lighting the last candle.

"Okay, everyone, it's time to sing." Hermione clapped her hands together before raising her wand. "Just follow the lyrics I create, and wish Professor Snape a happy birthday."

Snape stalked up to the front of the classroom, intending to put the candles out, and stop the whole thing. Hermione flicked her wand, and the music started up. A second flick created the lyrics for the song.

"Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo," Harry led the singing, "you look like a monkey, and you smell like one, too."

Snape growled as the students started to cheer. The fifth years, beyond the Rebellion, weren't really sure about celebrating Snape's birthday, especially the Slytherins who knew that Snape's birthday was in January. Of course, since there was pie, they didn't really mind taking part in one of the Rebellion's schemes.

"Now take a deep breath and blow out the candles," Harry instructed.

Snape flicked his wand and banished the pie. The students in the room, mostly the Gryffindors, groaned in disappointment. However, the pie reappeared after a second, the candles blown out.

"Hey, Harry?" Dean asked, leaning in to get a closer look at the birthday pie.

"Yes, fellow student?" Harry asked.

"Why are there only sixteen candles?" Dean asked, ignoring how strange Harry was acting.

"Fifteen for Snape's age, and one for luck. How do you feel, Professor, you're finally our age." This last part was directed to Snape, who decided to finally ignore every thing that came out of Harry's mouth.

"Everyone to your seats, and get your cauldrons and ingredients out," Snape ordered, using his wand to nudge Harry away from his desk/bar.

"But what about pie?" Ron asked.

"Forget about the pie, and focus on class. I know that's hard for your puny minds to handle, but do try," Snape said.

"But, pie," Ron wailed, sprawling across his desk in despair.

"Open your books to page 326," Snape instructed, ignoring his students.

"Accio pie," Harry called out, striking a heroic pose.

"Wingardium leviosa," Hermione cast a second later, as the pie threatened to splatter all over Harry. The pie was floated over to her desk, where she started cutting it into pieces.

"Aw, Hermione, what was that for?" Harry asked, slumping out of his heroic pose.

"You were about to get a face full of pie, since your hands were full," Hermione calmly explained. She started handing out plates of pie to the students crowding around her.

Snape threw his hands up into the air and stalked out of the classroom. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

No one really noticed that their professor was missing, their attention focused on the pie and the Sparkling Apple Cider. A small party did start up, even though their guest of honor was missing. Pie was consumed and dance music started up, students dancing in the middle of the room.

It was in the middle of these festivities that Hermione's wand started blinking, the alert charm going off again. The music abruptly shut off, stopping the party.

"Contingency plan number 52," Hermione called out.

"What does that mean?" Lavender asked.

"Everyone sit down, and pretend to behave. Snape has got reinforces, which means that we need to be on our best behavior and psych Snape out," Harry explained.

Everyone scrambled to sit down, mixing houses at times in their hurry. Cauldrons, kits, and books were pulled out and set up. By the time the door slammed open, the Gryffindor and Slytherin fifth years were innocently sitting in their seats.

- Chapter 29 - Happy Birthday, Snape! -

- The first ever cliffhanger in the Rebellion. So, a question for all of you, should Harry and The Rebellion go to the DoM at the end of the fic? -


	30. The Potions Master Saves the Day!

A/N: Finally, another chapter! This chapter was halfway finished and then I started a new semester at school. I've been very busy, but I did manage to get this chapter finished and half of the next chapter. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be updating this story at all in November. See, there's this marvelous writing challenge called NaNoWriMo and I'm going to be writing 50,000 words in 30 days. The good news is that my future novel will be inspired by this fic, the bad news is that it's not going to be this fic. But, I haven't updated in over a month, so I suppose it doesn't really matter, does it?

Okay, just one more piece of rambling to get through before you get to the story. Most of the reviews were for Harry and the rest of the Rebellion going to the DoM, with all sorts of conditions. I know what I'm going to do, and it will be fun for everyone. But, enough about the future, enjoy this chapter!

--

Snape entered the classroom, his idea of reinforcement right behind him. "They are impossible to teach, too busy behaving like toddlers and throwing a party," Snape grumbled before he really saw the students.

McGonagall looked around the calm room and fought to keep a smile off of her face. Music was still playing, although it had been turned down to a manageable volume. The room still looked like a nightclub that was throwing a birthday party and signs of the actual party could be seen. But the students were all busy 'studying' out of their books or setting up their desk areas.

"They seem quite calm to me," she remarked, playing as innocent as the fifth years.

"They did have a party going." Snape pointed to the colorful banner as his evidence.

"They do seem to be celebrating your birthday."

"This is another way of attacking me, all of this is a prank."

"I don't think it's as bad as that, Severus,"

"My birthday is in January, there's no reason to be celebrating it now." Snape glared at Harry instead of McGonagall.

"True. Mister Potter, can you tell me why you're celebrating at this time?" McGonagall asked, knowing that she was picking the student with the most interesting answer. He was the ringleader of this little operation, which guaranteed it.

"Dumbledore told us to," Harry answered.

"Dumbledore?" McGonagall raised her eyebrows, wondering where he was going with the explanation.

"It was his last dying wish, as he climbed on the back of a llama and rode away, never to be heard from again." Harry blinked up at McGonagall and Snape innocently.

"Professor Dumbledore is dead?" Seamus asked. Everyone in the classroom was staring at Harry with wide eyes.

"No, he's still alive. He's just taking a vacation from Hogwarts, traveling cross country on the back of a llama," Harry answered.

"What a relief." Draco sighed dramatically and collapsed onto his desk.

"The Headmaster told you to throw a party for Severus before riding off on a llama?" McGonagall repeated.

"Technically your phrasing was correct, I suppose," Harry mused instead of answering, "we still all view Dumbledore as the master of our heads."

"A very interesting way of looking at it, Mister Potter." McGonagall looked away from Harry and focused on the rest of the class. "I trust that any partying is over with and that all of you will focus on actually learning something?"

Hermione raised her hand, looking calm and collected. "Actually, Professor, we are supposed to be reviewing the 'burps a lot' series of potions, almost guaranteed to be on the O.W.L. tests."

"Burps a lot?" McGonagall turned to Snape for the answer.

"We're reviewing the Clover health potion, which does have the unfortunate side effect of the patient burping," Snape explained, sending a glare at Hermione.

"Otherwise known as Health Potion Number Nine," Harry cheerfully added.

"Carry on, then, but I do not want my class to be interrupted again." Snape was included in the sharp look that McGonagall gave the class.

"We'll pay as much attention to Professor Yaps-a-lot as we can," Harry promised.

McGonagall gave the class one last warning look before leaving. Snape fought the urge to cringe as everyone's eyes turned to him. Instead, he scowled at all of them and stalked to the front of the room.

"You should have your books open to page 326 and the ingredients for the Clover health potion already out." Snape paused and surveyed the room, acting as if he had a normal class for once. "Well, what are you waiting for? Start brewing."

Harry raised his hand and waved it around wildly, even though Snape was looking in his direction. Snape ignored Harry for as long as he could, even when the teen started waving his other hand in the same manner. He ignored it when Harry started bouncing in his seat, it was surprisingly easy to do so. However, he could not ignore the squeaks that started to come out of the teen. During each bounce, Harry squeaked with eagerness. It was a wonder that the teen didn't fall out of his seat.

"Yes, Potter?" Snape decided that it would be more disruptive if Harry actually did fall of the chair, plus the squeaking was getting on his nerves.

"What are we supposed to be brewing?" Harry asked, still bouncing in his seat, although all the other movements stopped.

"I thought you were going to stop disrupting my class?" Snape barely stopped himself from throwing up his arms in frustration.

"I'm not trying to disrupt your class, Professor. It's not my fault I have ADD." Harry crossed his arms.

"You were just talking about the potion minutes ago," Snape exclaimed.

"When was this?" Harry quirked an eyebrow in confusion.

"You called it Health Potion Number Nine," Snape practically growled out.

"I remember that, but I couldn't find the page number in the index." Harry's expression brightened and he returned to his bouncing.

"Let me guess, you tried searching for Health Potion Number Nine?" Nott asked.

"How did you know?" Harry swung around to grin at the Slytherin, almost falling out of his seat as he did so. Luckily, Neville reached out and steadied him.

"Did you try looking under the Clover Health Potion, or just at page 326?" Zabini drawled out.

"My book doesn't have three hundred pages, it doesn't even have twenty." Harry held up his potions book, 'The Potions Master Saves the Day.'

"That is a children's picture book, Potter, of course it doesn't have three hundred pages." Snape stared at Harry in disbelief.

"I always thought it was strange that we were learning out of a picture book, although I do love the pictures," Harry mused.

"That is not the text for fifth year potions. Get out your actual book, or I'll send you to Professor McGonagall," Snape threatened.

"Oh no, not Professor McGonagall," Harry wailed. "I'll do anything you want, Professor, just don't send me to Professor McGonagall."

"She eats children for breakfast," Ron whispered loudly, acting horrified.

"This would be more like brunch," Hermione corrected, although she corrected in a horrified whisper.

"She makes people write long essays before she eats them," Neville added.

"Covers them in Pollywaggle dust, too," Luna chimed in.

"Horribly itchy stuff, that is," Draco cheerfully whispered.

"I'm doomed," Harry groaned. "Doomed, doomed, doomed."

"Your book, and get to work," Snape ordered, ignoring Harry's muttering.

"Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed." Harry continued to mutter as he got his real potions book out of his bag. He opened the book to page 326: the Clover Health potion.

The potions room was silent, aside from Harry's doom and the sounds of the students brewing. Snape settled down in his desk chair, ignoring the desk set up as a bar, and kept a glaring eye on the room.

Harry worked on his potion, still muttering 'doom' under his breath. When it hit a certain point in the recipe, where he had to add a few more ingredients, he stopped his muttering for a moment. In a voice loud enough for Snape to hear, but not enough to really interrupt his fellow classmates, Harry said, "Now we add a cup of phoenix tears, healing all injuries. Then, we add a cup of unicorn's blood, freely giving and promoting good health. Some crushed Bezoar, in case someone was poisoned and we didn't know it. And some chopped basil, to spice things up."

"Did you even bother to read the book?" Snape asked, not even bothering to get up from his chair.

"Did you even bother to see that there was no way that I added any of that to my cauldron. My hands aren't sticky enough," Harry said.

"Get back to work." Snape knew that commenting on the sticky hands theory wouldn't get him far. Much easier to let the boy blow himself up.

The rest of the class passed without comment, the students focusing in preparation for their O.W.L.s. Even the Rebellion allowed Snape a break, Hermione sending Harry small glares whenever he made the smallest move. The O.W.L.s were almost upon them, Harry should be focusing on his class work, instead of his frivolous mission. The only other out of the ordinary thing was when Harry, Draco, and Ron had a contest at the end of class. They rolled their vials of potion-carefully spelled to be unbreakable-up to the desk. Draco won, his vial reaching Snape's foot before Harry's or Ron's.

Snape breathed a sigh of relief when his class was finally emptied. He wasn't allowed to rest for long, though, before the classroom doors opened once more and the next year filed in. Fourth year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws.

"Happy birthday, Professor Snape," Luna cheerfully commented as she entered the 'nightclub' for the second time.

"What are you doing here?" Snape demanded, he thought that he was done with them.

"This is the fourth year Ravenclaw and Gryffindor class, Professor, and I've been a Ravenclaw for four years." Luna gave him a dreamy smile and an apple.

-

Later that day, Ron and Draco walked Harry down to the dungeons for the Occlumency lessons. Ron had a plan to implement, but Draco wasn't there for Rebellion business. Draco was only there because he felt like it, and besides, it still freaked people out to see the Prince of Slytherin-even the crazy Prince of Slytherin- spending time with the Prince of Gryffindor without bloodshed. Draco had discovered what even Hermione had discovered: it was fun to freak people out. Even more fun that bullying people.

"So what's your angle this time?" Ron asked, rummaging around in his bag to find what he needed for his prank.

"Angle?" Draco asked before Harry could answer.

"You know about my meetings with Snape, right?" Harry asked.

"Yes, Snape said that they were remedial potions, but I know you told Tracey Davis that you were playing some princess game," Draco answered.

"He's giving me lessons because of Dumbledore, but it's prime Rebellion time. You won't believe what I can get away with." Harry sighed.

"So, what's your angle?" Ron repeated.

"Ode to presents. Do you think that Snape will enjoy hearing about the pocket sneakascope that you sent me for my thirteenth birthday?" Harry asked.

"Pocket sneakascopes never work correctly," Draco pointed out.

"Exactly." Harry nodded.

"You are evil, mate. Second only to Hermione," Ron complimented.

"So, what is Snape teaching you?" Draco asked.

"The Sacred Art of Patience and Anger Management," Harry intoned.

"Patience and Anger Management?" Draco raised an eyebrow. "You and Snape don't get along."

"Yup." Harry calmly nodded his head.

"And you're tormenting him," Draco continued.

"All in good fun," Harry defended.

"So why is Snape teaching you patience and anger management?" Draco shook his head in bewilderment.

"Subconsciously, Dumbledore wanted this Rebellion to take place. Technically he gave me permission to torment Snape." Harry raised his fist in the air with his declaration.

"And Voldemort will die of a heart attack before killing anyone else," Draco deadpanned.

"One can hope," Ron agreed, not even realizing that he was agreeing with someone he usually wouldn't.

"Whatever you say, Draco," Harry smirked.

The trio reached Snape's office door, but Harry remained to finish the conversation.

"Remember, Harry, the password is 'superstar.'" Ron instructed.

"And don't step on the carpet after activating it, or lighting it on fire," Harry continued.

"Unless you want to visit that many Lockhearts," Ron finished.

"I keep wondering about those, how they keep reappearing in the Potions classroom even after Professor Snape burns them to cinders," Draco said.

"You wouldn't believe how many copies of his portraits that Lockhart had here," Harry replied.

"We found them all over Hogwarts, and we have them stashed all throughout the dungeons," Ron added.

"We just keep discovering more of them. Either he had self-multiplying charms on them, or else we have an obsessed house elf somewhere." Harry grinned as he shook his head.

"An obsessed house elf?" Draco said in disbelief.

"Never underestimate the power of an obsessed house elf," Harry intoned.

Snape's office door swung open and the Potions Master glared at the three boys. "Are you going to stand out there the whole night chattering?"

"We were thinking about it," Harry blinked, "but we don't want you to be alone on your birthday, do we?"

"It's not my birthday," Snape said for the hundredth time that night.

"You know, Professor, the way you're so defensive is quite suspicious," Draco mused.

"It just confirms that it is your birthday and you were dining it all along," Ron informed Snape.

"Potter: inside, Wealsey and Malfoy: go away," Snape said, instead of curing the teens.

Harry flung his arms around Snape's middle and squeezed in a surprise hug. Everyone stared at Harry in bewilderment, but Harry just ignored them as he hugged Snape.

"Potter, get off," Snape yelped as he pushed the boy off of his middle.

"I love you too, Profisher Snape." Harry beamed up at his snarling teacher.

"Mental," Draco breathed.

"Inside." Snape gave Ron and Draco another glare as he pushed his most hated student into his office. As Snape was closing the door, Harry reached out and pinched his professor's arm before retreating to a safer place. "What was that for?" Snape almost reached for his wand, but managed to hold himself back.

"It's a pinch to grow and inch. Not that you need it, since you're tall as a pole already, but it's the thought that counts, right?" Harry said all in one breath.

"Why don't we just end this lesson now, just this once," Snape said after several deep breaths.

"But we haven't done anything," Harry wailed.

"You pinched me," Snape pointed out.

"But that does nothing to protect my mind. I can't just say to Voldemups: 'you can't invade my mind today because I pinched Professor Snape.'" Harry pantomimed the imaginary talk with the Dark Lord. "Unless he's afraid of your touch."

"Why would the Dark Lord be afraid of my touch?" Snape asked with a sigh.

"Maybe you secretly have the power to destroy him and he secretly knows it, so he secretly tries to stay away from you and that's needed to destroy the most feared Dark Lord ever to be bested by a baby's forehead is for you to hug Voldemups," Harry rambled, all while nodding his head frantically.

"What are you on?" Snape stared at the Boy-Who-Lived in amazement.

"Apples and Bananas," Harry replied.

"Fruit makes you crazy?" Snape raised his eyebrow skeptically.

"I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas. I like to meat, meat, meat mapples and mananas. I like to seat, seat, seat sapples and sananas. I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas," Harry sang.

"Occlude your mind, so we can get this over with." Snape took a few seconds to enjoy the silence as Harry closed his eyes… and stuck his tongue out. "Legilimens," Snape cast when Harry reopened his eyes and crossed them.

Harry focused part of his attention on Dudley's eleventh birthday, showing Snape the whole present opening sequence and the temper tantrum afterward. While he did that, Harry also focused on Occluding his mind, not so much against Snape as it was against everyone. Splitting his attention between the two wasn't really that hard; the pictures and scenes that he regularly showed to Snape faded away into the background noise in his head. In fact, playing for Snape helped him Occlude in a way, so much so that he was almost having trouble recognizing when Snape broke out of his picture show.

Harry let the distant-but-aware feeling that that was Occlumency last through Snape's cautiously snarky comments about the picture show. Harry gave Snape a lazy grin and responded at the end of the comments, "I just want you to have the best birthday ever, Professor Severus Elizabeth Snape."

"Elizabeth?" Snape fairly shouted, horrified at the turn Harry had taken.

"You mean you aren't descended from a long line of English Queens?" Harry stared at the bright red Potions Professor, wondering whether the color was from anger or embarrassment. "Then what have we been curtseying for?"

Snape tried to think of a time when any of his students curtseyed at him, but he soon broke off from that thought and glared at Harry. While his students were now prone to strange moves, they hadn't shown that sign of respect to him before.

"Legilimens," Snape cast, hoping to scare loose the single sane idea left in Harry's head.

Unfortunately, Harry was still Occluding his mind and was only letting a few random ideas through. This meant that Snape was treated to his very own showing of _Spring Time for Hitler_. Harry was faintly humming along to the music when Snape emerged from the program in Harry's head.

Snape growled to himself and resisted the urge to rub his forehead. "Lesson over." He flicked his wand and his door slammed open.

"But it's only been five seconds," Harry protested.

"It's been twenty five minutes," Snape corrected.

"Time seems to stop whenever we're together." Harry gazed adoringly at Snape.

"Lesson over, Potter," Snape repeated, stubbornly ignoring Harry's current and creepy opinion.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Professor," Harry waved as he went to leave. "Happy birthday." Harry hopped over the red bundle in front of Snape's door and faked a sneeze, "Superstar." Now all the carpet needed to do was to wait for its victim.

"That wasn't very long," Draco commented, pushing himself away from the wall that he was leaning against and falling into step with Harry.

"Snape can't stand me anymore." Harry shrugged.

"You know, you still haven't told me what these lessons really are," Draco said.

"Something to do with the dreaded Voldemups, a particularly killing type of the hiccups. It's to stop him from messing with me the next time he decides to invite me to one of his tea parties," Harry explained.

"Why didn't you just say so?" Draco rolled his eyes.

"Because it's more fun spreading misinformation than the truth." Harry hopped up the first few steps out of the dungeon.

"Having a madman afer you must really screw with you mind," Draco remarked.

"It does, it really does." Harry solemnly nodded.

"Remember me when you begin your world domination," Draco requested, widening his eyes.

"You'll be the first one I blackmail," Harry replied.

Harry and Draco reached the top of the steps, heading through the Entrance Hall to get to the Great Hall. They paused, however, when the Entrance doors opened. A black blur sped through the Hall and collided with both boys. A man entered the castle, unnoticed by the dog-pile, and burst into laughter as he recognized both boys on the floor.

"What the hell is this, Potter?" Draco demanded as he forced the creature off of him.

"Why are you blaming me?" Harry whined.

"It's always your fault." Draco shrugged.

"Well, that's something I thought I would never see," the man said, interrupting the impending banter session.

"Remus," Harry exclaimed. He shoved the large, black dog off of himself and grinned when he finally saw who it was. "Sirius!"

*=* The Potions Master Saves the Day! *=*

-Final note, another question. In regards to the sequel of Rebellion, the sixth book, Snape as DADA teacher or not? What about Slughorn? (And, only 23 reviews to 500, the same amount of reviews I got for this chapter... Plus, this chapter hit 3,000 words.)-


	31. A Serious Star

A/N: This one took a long time! Well, not really. I had this halfway written, wrote 75K in Nano, and then finished the chapter later on. But, I had to type all of this up and that didn't happen until yesterday. Erm, hopefully the next chapter won't take that long. But, just to reassure some people, there's still about 20 or so chapters left to Rebellion. I'm just asking sequel questions now so that I have time to write out an outline before I finish this fic. Speaking of questions, do you want the events of the sequel to follow the sequence of events shown in HBP, or do you want the fic to follow along the same lengths as the style in this fic? Where I basically go day by day for the most part? Also, and I ain't promising anything, what do you think about relationships for Harry in the next book? Honestly, it won't be a big focus, as this is no where near a romance fic, but what kind of SHIPs can you see in this universe? Keep in mind this universe, and not just your favorite SHIPs. ;D Okay, now onto the fic! Also, says that this is 4K, but it's really about 3.6K...

Also!! I have 500 reviews for this story! Hearts!

—

"Sirius? As in?" Draco left the rest of his question unasked as he motioned to the large, black dog.

"Seriously speaking, the dog star, my godfather, your mother's cousin?" Harry listed.

"Your godfather's a star?" Draco deliberately misinterpreted as he tried to figure out what was going on. He had heard of the convict's innocence, but hearing and knowing were two different things.

"You've seen his picture in the papers, haven't you?" Harry reasoned.

"So, what's a celebrity like him visiting a place like this for?" Draco asked.

"For the potatoes, of course. The House Elves play a mean game of hot potato." Harry nodded like he knew what he was talking about.

"Explains why he's here incognito." Draco nodded with Harry.

"Hello Harry, Draco," Remus broke in before they could go on.

"Hello Remus. Are you Sirius' entourage?" Harry asked.

"I wouldn't call it that." Remus blinked.

"Welcome to Hogwarts, home for the insane." Harry spread his arms out, indicating the Entrance Hall.

"So the rumors are true?" Remus asked.

"That Harry is gay, yes," Draco answered before Harry could.

"What?" Remus exclaimed as Sirius stumbled back in shock.

"It's true, I have come to my senses and am madly in love with Draco." Harry put his arm around Draco's shoulders.

"How?" Remus stuttered out. It wasn't that he minded Harry's preferences, or the choice in boyfriend, but it was just so sudden.

"How did I come to my senses? It involved a can of paint, a screwdriver and the absence of a brush," Harry answered.

"That doesn't make sense," Remus pointed out.

"And I asked myself, how am I supposed to eat without a brush? And then Snape told me I was gay," Harry continued, ignoring Remus' comments.

"Snape told you that you were gay and you believed him?" Remus asked, not sure which was harder to believe: that the surly potions professor would give out dating advice or that Harry would believe him.

"When your god tells you something, you believe him and obey." Harry smiled up at his surrogate uncle and squeezed Draco's shoulders tighter.

Sirius shook himself out of his stupor and then the black dog bounded away toward the dungeons, determined to give Snape a piece of his mind.

"Watch out for the red carpet," Harry shouted after him.

Remus just stared in confusion, especially as Draco shoved Harry's arm off of his shoulders. Harry pouted as both boys scrambled up from their seated position. Draco brushed himself off as Harry ran over to hug Remus.

"What was that?" Remus demanded as he recovered from the shock of it all.

"Insanity and a small prank on you and Sirius," Harry answered.

"So you aren't gay and with Draco?" Remus asked, just to make sure.

"Well I am with Draco. See, he's right over there," Harry pointed to the silver haired Slytherin, who was waiting for the reunion to end. "But, no, I'm not gay and Draco isn't my boyfriend."

"So, Sirius is going to chew Snape up over nothing?" Remus asked.

"If he doesn't get caught by the red carpet, or fall into the swamp," Harry answered with a shrug.

"The swamp is on the way to the Charms classroom, not Snape's office," Draco pointed out.

"You never know in this place." Harry blinked at Draco as he explained.

"We were kind of hoping to keep our visit a secret," Remus mused to himself.

"Then you probably shouldn't have chosen to come through the front doors," Draco replied.

"Don't worry about it, I think I have a plan," Harry reassured with an evil chuckle.

"Does this plan your thinking of involve two dice and a salmon?" Draco asked with a suspicious look at Harry.

"No, but I still say that it was a brilliant plan," Harry defended.

"No one wants a smelly fish, even Umbridge." Draco shook his head at Harry.

"Just follow me and look cute, or professional, which ever is the easiest," Harry instructed Remus.

"What are you planning?" Remus asked, uncertain about the whole thing.

"Follow my lead." Harry led the way into the Great Hall, pausing to pick his bag up. Once in the Great Hall, conversations ended when the students saw Harry, Draco, and Remus marching up to where Umbridge was sitting at the teacher's table.

A few brave students abandoned their chess games, homework, and classmates to follow the trio up to the Head table. McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout followed the few students and took their seats at the table in order to hear what was going on.

"What's all this about?" Umbridge asked.

"Your replacement," Harry answered.

"The only way to replace me as the head of Hogwarts would be if Fudge replaced me himself," Umbridge protested.

"No, no, you're still the Head of Hogwarts at this time, Mr. R. J. Lupin is your replacement for Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher," Harry reassured.

"I am perfectly able to continue teaching, regardless of my current status as Headmistress," Umbridge blustered, sitting up straight in her strange seat.

"Minister Fudge will be disappointed," Harry remarked with a sigh.

"What about Minister Fudge?" Umbridge quickly asked.

"Why, he's the one who sent Professor Lupin so you could have a bit of a break when the examiners arrive." Harry blinked innocently at Umbridge.

"That's very kind of him." Umbridge started to preen.

"But, you if don't want a replacement," Harry trailed off, giving Umbridge her cue.

"No, no, I'll keep him. Professor Lupin can stay and take over my classes immediately," Umbridge cut in, like Harry knew that she would.

"Good, we'll handle the offices and living quarter arrangements," Draco said.

"Arrangements?" Umbridge asked in confusion.

"Well, the professor will need some place to stay, unless you were planning on stuffing in into a bathroom or broom closet, or something like that," Draco sarcastically commented.

"No, there's no need for that. Find him a good place to stay for the duration," Umbridge tried to reassure the Slytherin.

"Let's go, then." Harry spun around and bounced out of the Great Hall.

Draco and Remus followed more calmly, giving Hermione, Ron, Luna, and Neville a distracted greeting as they joined the strange precession.

"We'll give Remus the office near Umbridge's and give her an office in the broom cupboard two floors up from the D.A.D.A. classroom," Draco stated as they walked.

"Why?" Remus questioned.

"Why not?" Harry shrugged.

"Umbridge could stand to lose some weight, anyway," Neville added.

A big, black dog skittered up the dungeon stairs before anyone could say anything else. The dog transformed into his human form and collapsed on the floor.

"Sirius," Harry almost squealed as he flopped down on top of the fugitive.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that there is some 'Harry Potter' reason that says that Sirius Black is not the threat that the papers say he is," Neville said, staring as Harry squished the escaped convict.

"No, hugging a criminal is the latest thing, every one is doing it," Draco replied.

"I never knew that you were that obsessed with what others are doing," Neville shot back.

"Simplified explanation: Sirius is innocent and is Harry's godfather," Ron interjected.

"Oh, that's good." Neville nodded in relief.

"Harry, get off Sirius and Sirius, transform back into Padfoot before some one comes out and sees you," Remus ordered, glad that none of the others had screamed already.

"Snape said that he didn't tell anything to Harry about being gay and then shot a shaving curse at me," Sirius informed Remus as he heaved his godson off of his stomach.

"Of course he didn't say anything like that to me," Harry said, staying on the floor as Sirius scrambled up. "Professor Snape isn't gay."

"Transform, Sirius, and I'll explain everything later." Remus glared at his friend.

"We'll have Dobby set everything up and you can talk to Harry tomorrow," Hermione spoke up.

"Why tomorrow?" Sirius whined before transforming to get away from Remus' glare.

"We need to study for our O.W.L.s, which means we can't have you distracting us. Besides, you have to get caught up before you can teach tomorrow, Professor Lupin," Hermione explained.

"I suppose you're right," Remus said, still a bit shell shocked.

"Good. Dobby," Hermione called, smiling as the house elf appeared with a pop. She handed Dobby a list and said, "Professor Lupin needs a place to stay, as well as an office, and Umbridge would like these changes done to her office."

"Right away, Miss Master Researcher." Dobby bounced in place before leading the way to the stairs.

"I'll go with you, you could use a bit of Muse power," Luna decided before drifting off after the house elf.

"See you tomorrow, Harry," Remus said, nudging Sirius into motion.

Sirius nudged Harry in return and barked his goodbye before racing off after the rest of his strange group. Hermione collected the remaining Rebellion members and herded them back into the Great Hall to continue the study session.

-

Umbridge got up on Friday in a cheerful mood, she even hummed a little to herself as she made her way down to breakfast. She didn't have to teach today, or ever again this year. All thanks to Minister Fudge. More proof of how great the Ministry of Magic really was. Now, if only the students would behave.

Before, she could blame it on Dumbledore and his mad ways, but the students went even more crazy once he was gone. Maybe it was Potter, he was an instrumental part of that rogue student group. But, her Inquisitorial Squad hadn't reported that Potter was up to anything like that anymore.

Umbridge frowned, thinking of her Inquisitorial Squad. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, bestowing a great honor on some of the most influential students. Lately however, the only thing her squad would report were childish fights and news of random destruction due to pranks. Well, maybe she could guide them back to their original purposes, now that part of her schedule was freed up. She still had those horrid staff meetings filled with trivial arguments.

Who honestly cared whether the desks looked like they were walnut or cherry wood when they were still going to be made out of oak? And why would they need to change the penalty for large writing if they didn't have one in the first place? That was what grades were for and she still didn't see what listening to lounge music had to do with large writing at all. Sometimes Umbridge found herself wondering how Dumbledore had handled all of this for so long. It was no wonder he went mad.

"Professor Umbridge?" Draco Malfoy interrupted her thoughts. A small contingent of her Squad members, along with a few other Slytherins, stood behind him. Pansy Parkinson, Vincent Crabbe, and Gregory Goyle from her Squad stood with Tracy Davis and Theodore Nott, all of them looking very serious.

"Yes, Mister Malfoy?" Umbridge asked, smiling sweetly at them.

"We're here to show you to your new office. The house elf I've Lost My Marbles has given us the instructions on how to find it." Draco stood back to let Pansy take the lead and she eagerly came forward.

"Very well." Umbbridge nodded as she glanced once at the Great Hall, where breakfast waited for her, before turning back to her eager students. "I've Lost My Marbles is a strange name for a house elf."

"Follow me," Pansy grandly said, looking to the instructions that Draco had given her and ignoring Umbridge's comment.

Umbridge followed the procession back across the Entrance Hall and up the stairs to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Pansy paused when she reached the entrance to Umbridge 'old' office and consulted her instructional packet. "Turn left and walk past six doors, turn the corner to reach the professor's new office." Pansy frowned for a second before following the instructions.

The group walked past the DADA classroom and then past five other doors before they turned the corner and discovered what looked to be a dead end. But, when Tracy and Nott lit up their wands, there was a bright orange door at the end of the corridor.

"An orange door," Pansy said in surprise.

"That curse must have reactivated once they moved my office. Don't worry about it," Umbridge reasoned. She opened the door and blinked. Her new office wasn't an office at all, it didn't even have a desk, just a lot of brooms and a mop.

"Your new office is a broom cupboard?" Pansy's eyes were nearly bugging out at the sight.

"Fudge or the Dark Lord?" Goyle asked before Umbridge could answer.

"What?" Nott, who had almost become closer to the two large Slytherins during Draco's trip to insanity, asked. He might have been willing to instruct the two, but that didn't mean that he understood their thought processes.

"Why Umbridge would need a broom cupboard for her office; is it for her affair with Minister Fudge or the Dark lord?" Goyle clarified.

"Or both," Crabbe offered.

"Ew," Pansy squealed, covering her ears. "I did not need to hear that."

"I agree, Miss Parkinson," Umbridge declared, causing the Slytehrins to glance at each other worriedly. "This will not do at all, it must be some kind of a mistake. Check the papers again, dear, maybe you read it wrong."

"I did not read anything wrong," Pansy muttered to herself, although she did relax in relief that their comments hadn't registered to the comatose Umbridge. Pansy looked back at the packet in her hands. It still read that this very spot was where Umbridge's new office was located. Pansy gave Draco a suspicious look as she turned to the next page in the bundle of papers. "This way."

Draco followed at the end of the precession, Pansy and Tracy in the lead with Umbridge right behind them. Nott, Goyle, and Crabbe were the next in line, discussign the identity of Umbridge's affections. Draco watched as Pansy led the group to a sickly looking pink door.

"This looks kind of familiar," Pansy mused as she stepped back to let Umbridge open the door. "I think the color's off, or something."

The door opened with a rusty creak and water spread across the floor, causing everyone to jump back.

"Coming to make fun of me again, are we? A whole group of you to gang up on me, talking about Moaning Myrtle in the girl's toilet," a silvery figure cried out before vanishing into a stall. A clunk was heard and a fresh stream of water flowed toward the door, which Umbridge quickly slammed shut.

"Give me those," Umbridge spit out, snatching the pile of papers out of Pansy's hands. "I'll find my office by myself, you six go on to your classes."

"Very well, Professor," Pansy said in a sugary voice.

"To the Entrance Hall, out the door, take a left around Hogwarts, and walk straight for a shortcut to the ultimate office," Umbridge read out loud as she left.

"I don't think I like her anymore," Pansy mused, a dark look on her face as she glared after Umbridge.

"Just figuring that out now?" Tracey asked, a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Doesn't that lead to the Forbidden Forest?" Nott suddenly asked.

"What?" Pansy asked, broken out of her thoughts of revenge.

"Those instructions, they lead straight to the Forbidden Forest, passing the Whomping Willow along the way," Nott explained.

"Draco, dear, where did you get those instructions?" there was a dangerous hint to Pansy's sweet voice as she asked.

"Harry," Draco answered with a shrug.

"That explains everything." Pansy shook her head. "Come on, Draco, you're going to act like a Slytherin for a while."

"You mean you'll dress up like Snape with me and casually cross paths with him multiple times?" Draco asked, perking up. Pansy could swear that she caught a glimpse of a smirk hidden within the smile.

"We'll see, Dragon boy, we'll see." Pansy rolled her eyes as she gave Draco a shove. They had classes to show up late to, people to sneer at, and maybe they would have time to dress up as the head of their house.

-

Harry met up with Sirius and Remus in Remus' new office during the break between the end of classes and dinner. After the almost frantic babble of greetings that came from Sirius subsided, they sat in silence as Remus and Sirius thought of a way to phrase the question that both of them wanted to ask Harry.

"I think Umbridge is still in the Forbidden Forest," Harry commented to break the silence.

"What?" Remus asked, shaken from his thoughts.

"Why is Umbridge in the Forbidden Forest?" Sirius asked, confusion showing on his face.

"Oh, she's searching for her office, but so far I think she's only found some Cornish Pixies and a tea cosy." Harry calmly took a sip of his tea and nibbled on a chocolate.

"Are you crazy?" Sirius blurted out, forgetting about phrasing his question right.

"You're right, the tea cosy was a bit much, but the pixies loved it." Harry deliberately answered the question with the wrong content.

"What I think Sirius was trying to say was, what in Merlin's name is going on? We heard Snape's report to the Order, but we still can't figure it out," Remus rephrased the question.

"Things have changed since Dumbledore left. Simply put, we rebelled." Harry shrugged, answering truthfully.

"Rebelled against what?" Sirius asked.

"Well, at first we just rebelled about the simple things: Pants, ink, Umbridge, Snape. But, then we rebelled against a greater force: sanity." Harry watched as Sirius and Remus flinched at each topic he mentioned.

"You rebelled against pants?" Sirius demanded, focusing in on that issue first.

"Forget about the pants, what did you mean when you said you rebelled against sanity?" Remus asked before Harry could answer Sirius. Harry pouted a bit, he wanted to answer the pants question first.

"Rebelling against pants is insane," Sirius pointed out to Remus.

"Just let Harry answer the question." Remus kicked out at Sirius.

"Because insanity is the best weapon, we don't get detention for anything we do, because no one knows how to react. In short, insanity begets more insanity." Harry rambled on for a little while longer, allowing Sirius and Remus to see more of the prank nature of his insanity, but still keeping them guessing.

"My godson is insane," Harry remarked as he stared at Harry. "I guess he took after me more than I thought that he would."

"You got that right," Remus sighed, "and what about this part time job as a professor, sent by Fudge no less?"

"You don't want to teach young, impressionable minds anymore?" Harry pouted at his favorite professor.

"There's only exams left of the term," Remus exclaimed, thinking that it explained it all.

"You might want to give them a quick practical review beforehand," Harry advised. "In fact, I bet I could get people together right now."

"Are things that bad?" Remus asked. Both he and Sirius stared as Harry fiddled with a Galleon, staring at it intently, before he answered the question.

"Umbridge used to be a toad before the plastic surgery; kind of like a glamor, except Muggle and more real," Harry explained the term he used when he saw Sirius' bewildered face. "So, of course it's that bad. But, don't worry, a group of students will meet us in the Great Hall after dinner."

"Just explain to me one thing, why did you say that Fudge had sent me?" Remus repeated his earlier question.

"Umbridge speaks another language than the rest of us, Ministriese with a Fudgian dialect," Harry answered. "You have to mention Fudge several times before her brain can translate what you're saying."

"Okay, tell me about your better pranks with this insanity thing," Sirius said, almost bouncing in his seat with anticipation.

"Or about how your extra lessons with Snape are going," Remus suggested. Sirius made a face at him and shook his head at Harry.

"Oh, my lessons with Snape are going just peachy," Harry answered Remus first. "I started learning a lot once Snape stopped eating my potions."

"What were you making?" Remus demanded with a strange look on his face, as he wondered what exactly Snape was teaching Harry that he could take in such large doses. Even headache reducers were a potion that one could overdose on.

"Oh, just his usual mind farts," Harry dismissed.

"So, why did Snape stop eating your potions?" Sirius asked, a bit hesitantly.

"We were running out of caudrons, plus I think he finally realized that those were the standard pewter cauldrons that he was eating and not iron at all." Harry grinned as Sirius and Remus started spluttering as they realized just what Harry was saying.

"Snape was eating the cauldrons, too?" Remus demanded as he connected together everything.

"Who else was eating cauldrons that you know?" Harry turned to his godfather. "Sirius, did you eat all of Remus' cauldrons?"

"What, no," Sirius exclaimed. He frowned and created the outline of a standard cauldron with his hands. "How did Snape eat one, anyway?"

"Magic and a teaspoon of sugar to make it go down," Harry answered.

"You know what, let's go to dinner," Remus suggested. "I don't think I can stand to hear much more of this."

"I wanna hear," Sirius whined, but he still transformed into Padfoot when Remus gave him a look. Harry led the way down, Remus and Sirius still shooting him worried glances.

*=* Chapter 31 - A Serious Star *=*


	32. Envis E Bill

Yeah, I'm finally updating this. Been in school the past few months, so I haven't really had the time to work on this. Plus, I've been focusing on writing original fiction. Took me a while to get back to fanfiction until one day I let one plot bunny slip through... I would say keep an eye out for new stories, but I am horrible with procrastination. Anyway, I'll try not to let another 4 months pass before the next chapter! Also, some of the ideas in this chapter were inspired by the reviewers.

--

Friday's evening review went perfectly, even with the ministry order against more than two or three students being able to meet. Since this was a class event, supervised and taught by the actual Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Umbridge didn't have any protests. Of course, Umbridge only arrived back at the school when the meeting was halfway through and at that point she was more interested in getting something to eat than a Defense class. But, there was still nothing she could do after escaping from the kitchens covered in salad.

Remus was surprised at how bad most of his new students were at the practical portion of Defense. Although, it was obvious to his eyes that some of his students had been practicing outside of class and it wasn't just Harry's group that he could spot the differences in. He had known about Harry's defense group from the Order meeting when Dumbledore had first been kicked out of the school, but it seemed like the older students had their year hard in hand. He eyed the group of seventh years and decided that it must have been a combination of the Slytherins and the Ravenclaws that first got this started up and the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs had followed afterwards. The skills from this seemed to trickle down through the years, until he reached the first years and discovered that they already knew the basic jinxes that every first year learned. House rivalry could be a good thing at times.

Even with the observation of the illicit studies, Remus still felt like he was missing something. Something was going on right underneath his nose, he just wasn't sure what it was. He would swear that it had something to do with his adoptive godson, who was managing to avoid both him and his actual godfather while circulating through the room, talking to all of the students.

At first Remus just chalked it up to the leftover teaching instincts from Harry's defense group, but now Remus suspected that Harry was doing more than just giving people extra tips. The problem was, he had no idea if Harry was sane or not, let alone what he might be up to. All he knew, as he dismissed all of his students for the night and Harry slipped off before he could question him, was that whatever Harry was up to, it would take place tomorrow.

So, he wasn't that surprised when he came down to breakfast and the Great Hall was completely silent. It wasn't that the tables were empty, in fact, the tables were completely filled with students, it was just that no one was talking. The silence even seemed to have affected the staff, who were whispering softly to one another while shooting glances at the students. They seemed to be as confused as he was, so Remus took a detour on his way to the teacher's table and stopped off at the Gryffindor's table.

"Good morning, Harry," Remus said as he reached the silent group of students, deciding to start of slow. He was absolutely certain that something was going on, as the group that Harry usually was with was broken up this morning. True, the Trio was still all together, but Neville was sitting next to Dean and Seamus a few seats down from where Harry, Hermione, and Ron were sitting. Plus, Draco and Luna had taken to sitting with the group, Remus had noticed the day before, and they were sitting at their own House tables, not talking with everyone else.

"Good morning, Professor Lupin," Harry spoke, which slightly surprised Remus. He wasn't expecting the boy to respond at all. Of course, the reply had been very quiet, somehow even quieter than the whispers the Professors were using.

"Mind letting me in on the joke?" Remus asked, slightly frowning as he realized that he was being as quiet as Harry was.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," Harry replied, although the twinkle in his eye said something else.

"Why is everyone so quiet?" The longer he remained at the table, the more he could tell that the students were still communicating with one another, just through notes and calm little hand signs. They were talking, they just weren't using their words.

"It's almost time for the OWLs, Professor, we're just trying to calm down." Both Harry and Remus glanced around at how nervous the students looked, which looked to be not very.

"Well, whatever you're doing is working," Remus said, still not sure what was going on.

"Oh, it is, all right." Harry grinned at Remus and the newly reinstated Defense Professor was reminded that this whole thing definitely a prank. Now he just had to figure out what it was.

"I'll speak with you later, Harry." Remus nodded his greeting to the rest of the table and made his way over to the staff table. He greeted the professors there the same quiet way and struck up a quiet conversation with McGonagall.

Umbridge entered the room about fifteen minutes later, not even noticing how quiet the Great Hall was. She didn't say a word to anyone, though, as she served herself breakfast and ate. Remus was starting to wonder about the Ministry Headmistress when she stood up and half coughed. Even thought the Great Hall was silent, everyone continued to talk amongst themselves, not seeming to have noticed Umbridge's attempt at getting their attention.

"Hem, hem," Umbridge tried again, starting to notice the abnormality to the silence in the Great Hall. Still, no one looked toward her. "Attention, students, I have an announcement." Her loud voice echoed through the Great Hall and everyone finally turned to look at her, though they didn't say a word. Umbridge hesitated before she spoke again, "As many of you know, the Ministry Examiners will be arriving on Sunday and staying for two weeks while they proctor for the OWLs and the NEWTs." Umbridge waited for anyone to respond to her comment, but not a sound was spoken. "I expect you to be on your best behavior. That is all."

A few students blinked at Umbridge after her short speech, but most of them instantly turned back to their silent conversations. The silence was getting to Umbridge, though, and it only took her five more minutes before she made her blustering excuses and left the room. Breakfast ended and the plates of food disappeared, but the students remained behind. They were still silent, but books started appearing out of bags. Most of the younger students, first and second years, disappeared from the room as the older students started to study. Remus chuckled to himself as he watched the silent students study for their exams.

"What's so funny?" Professor Sprout asked.

Remus pointed out a bunch of sixth and seventh years who were working on their silent casting, causing things to move around the room sporadically. He then pointed to the fifth through third years, who were trying to study for the practical exams silently. "This prank of theirs is great, but not really good for studying."

"Should we do something about it?" McGonagall asked, peering at the students.

"We could go and try to help them out," Remus suggested. "This is obviously more than the sort of things that usually happen, based off what I've heard of, so this is probably the start of an even bigger prank."

"What prank could it be," McGonagall asked, after checking to make sure that Snape had left right after breakfast had ended.

"I'm not sure yet, but I would bet that it has something to do with the Examiners," Remus mused.

"We'd best try and break this up, then," McGonagall said, glancing worriedly down at her students. "Another review for the OWLs wouldn't hurt them, in any case."

The remaining teachers agreed with the deputy headmistress and they stood up before drifting down to mingle with the students. There was finally sound within the Great Hall, as people started having whispered conversations and casting quiet spell. For some reason, the silencing spell was the favorite spell flying around the Great Hall and hitting random people. Remus quite suspected that there was a secret game of tag going on, as the silenced students were the ones shooting out the next round of silencing charms.

All in all, it was a very interesting and quiet day. The Professors made themselves available for everyone who needed them all day long and the students were diligently studying. Of course, the feeling that something was going on persisted in haunting Remus the whole day. He still could not figure out what Harry and his gang were planning and that slightly worried him.

Still, he got a laugh out of seeing Umbridge react to the silence, she was clearly upset by the whole thing. Whenever the Ministry Headmistress entered the Great Hall, there was instance silence, though at least the spells were fully cast before the students stopped talking. It was never for very long, though, as Umbridge never lasted in the completely silent room. The quiet would get to her and she would leave. By the time dinner came around, she had taken to avoiding the Great Hall and took her meal down in the kitchens. She smelled slightly fishy when she emerged, however, and Mrs. Norris had taken up following her around for the rest of the evening.

-

The Great Hall was back to normal the next day, if not just a bit quieter than normal. For the first time in a while, Harry actually put the Rebellion mission behind him. As much as he was able to, he still couldn't help but to grin every time he saw Umbridge. They had certainly gotten to her yesterday and even now she was on eggshells, waiting for the silence to start up again. She kept eying the students in the Great Hall, but Harry acted as normal as ever as he quizzed Hermione on Charms. Hermione was the only one who was frantic about studying, although the rest of the students were starting to panic as well. That was part of what the events yesterday were all about, calming everyone down before they needed to be hyped up.

Yes, Harry was a normal student at the moment, calmly studying for his OWLs, but all that was set to change later on. He had gotten an owl that morning at breakfast from Snape, telling him that his Occulmency lesson was moved forward to the afternoon. As much as it meant to Hermione to have him acting like a sane person during exams, Harry knew that he couldn't let an opportunity like this escape him. He had a few more things he wanted to try on Snape before school was over and he only had two weeks until that happened.

Harry was almost bouncing as he made his way down to Snape's office that afternoon. He felt bad that he didn't have the time to talk with Remus and Sirius, but he knew that Remus would have sent him down to see Snape regardless. At least this way he had time to get to Snape before OWLs really started. He would have to try harder now that regular lessons were ending and he wouldn't be seeing Snape that often. He must not allow the Potions Professor to avoid him for very long.

He knocked on the door to Snape's office and opened the door as commanded. He refrained from entering, however, pausing until Snape looked up. He then motioned as if directing someone to enter the room first, "After you, Mr. Bill."

"What in the blazes are you up to this time around, Potter?" Snape asked as Harry entered the office and shut the door.

"I'd like to introduce you to someone, Professor," Harry answered, motioning off to his side. "This is Mister Envis E. Bill, he works for Bush-bob in a security fashion and is here to check on my progress in Potions work."

"There's no one there, Potter," Snape pointed out.

"That's the whole point, isn't it? How can you protect a Bush, if everyone can see you?" Harry flailed his arms in the air, but was careful not to hit the invisible person he insisted was still there. "If they know that Mr. Bill is there, then they would try more sneaky techniques and they might succeed in killing him."

"They might succeed in killing a bush using more sneaky techniques," Snape dryly repeated. "And this has what to do with your Occlumency lessons?"

"Well, just that Tommy-boy has it in for me and my friends and you _have _to remember our discussion about my killing Bush-bob." Harry didn't give Snape a chance to respond before he charged on again, "Well, this summer his cousin, Bush-san, is going to visit us from Japan and we want to make sure that Tommy-boy doesn't make me kill him."

"That's something I've been wondering, Potter," Snape said when Harry finally was quiet. "How do you know that we've been teaching you Occlumency on account of the Dark Lord?"

"I'm not blind, Professor." Harry rolled his eyes. "Tommy-boy has been after me for years and years and years and years, of course this has something to do with him. I would be worried if it wasn't. Besides, who else would have me dreaming about rubber ducks?"

"You've been dreaming about rubber ducks?" Snape gave him a worried look. Maybe it was the Dark Lord rubbing off on the boy now that the connection had been strengthened?

"That's what's in that room, Professor, and I believe it's Tommy-Hippo." Harry looked toward 'Mr. Bill' and nodded his head. "I doubt that Fudge would be the one to send me dreams, even if he is in love with rubber ducks the most, I have a restraining order against him."

"Explain, Potter," Snape just said, instead of listing the things that he didn't understand.

"Mr. Bill just suggested that it could be Fudge, who has been known to be married to a giant rubber duck, but I have a restraining order against him, so he couldn't be sending me dreams." Harry nodded wisely. "I have a restraining order against Hippopo-Tomus, but Fudge listens to authority better than the Dark Hippo."

"We have a limited time, Potter, let's start, shall we?" Snape asked, wanting time to stave off his own headache from following Harry's twisted logic. He couldn't wait for the lesson to be over; Potter was now calling the Dark Lord a hippopotamus.

"Be careful not to hit Mr. Bill, he's a skilled Occlumens, Professor," Harry warned as he shut his eyes to prepare his mind. As such, he didn't see the Potions Professor roll his eyes at his student. Harry struggled not to even smile as he got ready for Snape to cast the spell, he had his plan all ready and showing amusement could potentially fail it.

"Legilimens." Snape was met with a light barrier and he broke the spell with a scowl. "What was that, Potter?"

"Sorry, Professor, I tried to warn you." Harry made a show of patting a person's arm right in front of him. "Mr. Bill accidentally stumbled and got in the way of your curse. He wanted to get a better look at my eyes while you had me under the spell." Harry frowned. "I guess it doesn't work that way."

"No, it doesn't, Potter." Snape stared at Harry, suspiciously. He didn't believe that there was someone that he couldn't see in the classroom, but he was also unwilling to believe that Harry could have learned Occlumency in that short of time. He cast the next round without giving Harry any time to prepare and was treated to various views of shrubbery. Apparently the boy was serious about that bush person he was going on about. But, try as he might, Snape could not sense any sign of a shield in the boy's mind.

Harry slowly let his breath out as Snape relaxed his spell. Now came for the next bit; Harry looked over to where 'Mr. Bill' was supposedly standing and squinted at the invisible figure. "I'm not sure about that, you'll have to ask Professor Snape."

"Ask me what?" Snape glared at Harry, although he also sent a glance over to where Harry was still staring.

"Fine, I'll ask him. You need to work on your English," Harry scolded 'Mr. Bill' before turning to look at Snape. "Mr Bill is wondering if you wouldn't mind trying out his Occlumency shields? He thinks his is pretty strong, but if the Dark Hippo is after his boss, then he can't be too sure."

"The Dark Hip-" Snape cut himself off with a scowl. "The Dark Lord is not after a bush."

"Please, Professor? After my brain, you probably could use a bit of a challenge," Harry tried to wheedle.

"Fine, if your Mr. Bill turns visible, otherwise how would I know where to send the curse to?" Snape's lips twisted, hoping that he had finally caught Harry in his lie.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Bill no longer has permission to turn visible, not until the Bush-bob releases him from the curse, so we'll have to figure out a way." Harry took a second to appear as though he was thinking before he came to a decision. He reached out and tugged on an invisible sleeve, directing 'Mr. Bill' to stand right in front of him. "There, just send the curse at me and it will hit Mr. Bill, like before."

"Legilimens," Snape cast to humor the boy, expecting to be treated with the same thoughts of shrubbery. Instead he bounced off of a thick shield and came back to his body with a snap. He snarled the curse out again and the same thing happened again, though this time he managed to keep himself from hurtling back to his body. He poked around the shield, searching for any way inside of it. There was no way that this was the boy's shields, so that meant that there really was an invisible person inside of his office.

"You okay, Professor?" Harry asked when he felt that Snape was back to himself. He peered worriedly at his Potions Professor as he waved 'Mr. Bill' away from in front of him.

"The lessons are done, Potter." Snape checked the time to make sure that enough time had passed that he could send Harry back with no trouble and discovered that all of this took up about half an hour. That would have to do and he could just make something up if either of the mutts came questioning after him. "Just one more thing, Legilimens." He slipped into Harry's mind without notice and found himself flying into the Whomping Willow. A nice, normal memory, unless one really thought about shrubbery.

"Good bye, Professor," Harry said before he let himself and 'Mr. Bill' out of the office.

Snape waited for a couple minutes before he followed after the boy, trying to see if there really was an invisible, soundless person following Harry Potter around. It was easy to follow the boy unnoticed, with the stream of chatter coming from the Gryffindor. So far, Snape could find any indication that there was an actual person with Potter, but then there was the matter of the Occlumency shield.

The doors were opening as they reached the Entrance Hall from the dungeons and the OWL and NEWT Examiners entered the building. Snape paused by the entrance to the dungeons, not wanting to be seen by his target, but he started forward as Harry strode across the Hall to go greet the instructors. "Welcome to Hogwarts," Harry called out.

"Ah, Harry Potter, is it?" one of the Examiners asked as they recognized the boy.

Snape scowled and went to intervene as Harry started up a conversation with Griselda Marchbanks. He got there just in time for Harry to motion to his side and say, "This is Professor Envis E. Bill, Professor Snape's recent assistant. He is still working on his English, but Professor Snape should be able to translate for you. I'm afraid that I must go study for my OWLs."

Snape stood there speechless as Harry exchanged farewells with Professor Marchbanks before he skipped off into the Great Hall. He turn to where Harry had indicated and cast a detection charm soundlessly, but there was no one there.

"What's all this about an assistant, young man?" Professor Marchbanks asked as she looked away from the empty spot.

"I'm afraid that in addition to my assistant's trouble with our language, he has also managed to make himself completely invisible and almost totally soundless," Snape made up on the spot. He did not want to be in the position where he had to explain the insanity of the Boy-Who-Lived. "That is the reason why he came to work with me, in hopes that we might be able to find the antidote to whatever he did to himself. I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me."

Snape nodded at the examiners before he retreated back to his dungeons, just as Umbridge, McGonagall, and Flitwick came out of the Great Hall to greet the examiners. He winced as he heard the examiners start to question the three about his supposed assistant: Professor Envis E. Bill. He would never be able to live this down and it was all Potter's fault.

*=* Chapter 32 - Envis E. Bill *=*


	33. The Start of Paranoia

A/N: You got lucky, I've got this chapter for you! And I'm working on the next chapter; I am feeling productive. So productive that I've started another fic, a HP/Naruto fic that is mostly set in the HP world. And, yes, that statement was meant to tell you to go check it out. So, check it out by clicking on my profile after reviewing this fic! Yeah, that wasn't subtle at all! Have fun!

--

The night passed easily enough as the Examiners settled down. Hogwarts was unusually quiet and Professor Marchbanks kept asking about Dumbledore and Professor Bill. Umbridge kept deflecting those questions, however, not wanting to talk about the first and having no idea whom the other was. She managed to fend off the questions that night, but Professor Marchbanks started on it again on their way down to breakfast. The tough Examiner looked around the Entrance hall as though they had hidden the old Headmaster within a nearby broom cupboard.

"I really cannot believe that he's not here," she was saying as Draco passed by.

He had his standing orders, but he couldn't help but react to the opportunity given to him. He sidled up to Professor Marchbanks as Umbridge loudly talked about herself. "I've heard that they're keeping the Headmaster locked up in his office. You can't get into it the normal way, you see, ever since she took over. I think she has him locked up and is keeping him captive until she has full control of this school."

"Really, young man?" Professor Marchbanks stared down at him with a stern look, but Draco didn't let that bother him. He merely sent a cautious look over at Umbridge and continued with his impromptu plan.

"She slips off at odd times and I'm certain that she's gone to torture him some more. She's dangerous; we all know that she is." Draco sent another weary look at Umbridge and said the words that he actually was supposed to say. "Have you seen how listless the students are? We're all scared of her; I shouldn't even be talking to you. What if she sees me?"

Draco scurried off at that point before Professor Marchbanks could reply. He knew that he had made an impression and he smirked as he made his way over to Harry to report. He had deviated slightly away from their original plan, but he had only made it better, in his opinion. Moments later, a wave of gossip went through the hall before the students settled down once again.

The flinches and hunched shoulders started as soon as Umbridge entered the room, finally tearing the Examiners away from the subject of Dumbledore. Of course, Professor Marchbanks started speaking of this Professor Bill, whoever that guy was, so it wasn't as though she really gained anything. Umbridge's gaze went around the Great Hall, trying to find some way to distract the Examiners. The room was even more silent than the day before: the students weren't even trying to study and they were all staring down at their plates.

"Students, these are the O.W.L.S. Examiners; I would ask that you give them the respect that they deserve." She waited for the flow of whispers to begin, but the room remained silent. The students were sending her fearful glances and those nearest to her even slipped down under the table. One of those students was Harry Potter, who was the first to slip under the table with his friends, and Umbridge glared at him.

If she had bothered to look, she would have seen a calculating look on Professor Marchbanks' face, but as it was she glared at Harry and his friends for the rest of the meal. Complete silence ruled the Great Hall during breakfast: not even the teachers were talking this time around. The normal frantic energy of the upcoming exams didn't seem to be affecting the students, but the energy of all encompassing fear seemed to take over the room instead.

Harry knew that Hermione was converting her nervousness over the exams into that fearful energy and he was glad that they were under the table when she started to slip and frantically mouth spells. It was amazing how a few flinches transformed the Examiner's perspective, Harry mused as he tried not to think of the exams. Their plan really was so simple, but he couldn't help but worry. He only had just two weeks to drive Umbridge from Hogwarts or else she would have her claws stuck into the castle for forever. He wasn't worried too much, though, as Draco's improvisation really did seem to help out, judging by the look that was on Professor Marchbanks' face right now.

Finally Hermione couldn't take it anymore and dragged both him and Ron out to the Entrance Hall half an hour before breakfast ended. Most of their year mates followed after them, also nervous about their exams. The Seventh years had already disappeared about the same time, but they didn't have to wait around in the Entrance hall for the Great Hall to be rearranged. Harry shoved that nervous thought away and focused on remembering the list of likely charms that they were going to be tested on. These were the same ones they went over in class a multitude of times; he shouldn't have any problem with them. _Hey, what would happen if he mixed that cheering charm with the water charm; would the water cheer anyone up? If it did then he could slip it into Snape's drink and wouldn't that be fun?_

These thoughts kept him from thinking about the upcoming exams until his class was called into the transformed Great Hall and McGonagall was there passing out their exams. Harry focused on school for once and started marking down his answers. This was not a time to be thinking of pranks, even if that idea of the odor charm and the flower charm would create an interesting prank. Hermione would kill him if he managed to fail his O.W.L.S. because of his juvenile behavior. Though, the only reason why he didn't try anything was because Umbridge wasn't there and McGonagall was. Their Transfiguration teacher was almost as bad as Hermione.

The written test for Charms passed faster than Harry would have liked they were released for lunch before the practical test started. Harry spent most of his lunch scribbling his ideas down; happy that Hermione was busy muttering spells again. The Great Hall was barely populated for that meal as students disappeared outside for more last minute cramming. It was a good thing that they weren't in the Great Hall, as it started raining within the Great Hall. The rain sent Umbridge into a tizzy, but Professor Marchbanks was certain that she was the only one to notice the message asking for help that the water formed.

As they waited for the exams to resume, Harry noticed Professor Marchbanks leave the Great Hall. Earlier he had noticed that she had stuck close to Umbridge, watching her in suspicion. Harry made his excuses to Ron, bypassing Hermione, and followed after the elderly Examiner. She ended up in front of Dumbledore's office and Harry hung back while she started listing names of sweets. She finally moved on to what Harry assumed to be catchphrases from the Ministry. None of the supposed passwords worked, however and Harry ducked behind a statue as Professor Marchbanks stalked off.

He made it back in time for the first student to be called into the Great Hall and he leaned back against the wall with a sigh. Finally, Harry was called into the room and assigned to and elderly gentleman, one of the oldest there, named Professor Tofty. He seemed to recognize Harry's name, but not anything that had been said about him, so Harry relaxed a bit. As the test started, he drew upon his ideas for pranks in order to remember the actual incantations. Thus, his levitation charm cart wheeled an eggcup around the room, almost bumping into Umbridge when Professor Marchbanks wasn't looking, and his rat turned orange with purple spots. He then discreetly sent that over to Umbridge, causing her to shriek in surprise. Ha, and Hermione said that his pranks wouldn't be useful.

Even with all of his almost pranks against Umbridge; Harry was suitably wilted each time Umbridge would drift through the room. Professor Marchbanks was the proctor for Draco and she definitely noticed each time that happened. Harry repressed a smirk as he performed a cheering charm on the examiner. Things were going exactly as he had planned and he barely noticed as the Charms practical flew by. He was sure that he made a few mistakes on both of his tests, but he really couldn't remember any specifics. As interesting as he made taking the test, Harry was still glad when the tests were over and they were freed for the afternoon. Hermione immediately dragged out her notes on Transfiguration and went over them with the rest of her year mates while they ate dinner.

Remus cornered Harry after the end of dinner and dragged him over to his office where Sirius was waiting. He sat Harry down and offered him some tea before getting to the point. "What are you doing?"

"Drinking tea," Harry answered, taking obvious sip of his tea.

"No, I mean what is going on with the students acting as oddly as they are right now?" Remus refined his question.

"Exams are going on, Remus; surely you remember how stressful they are?" Harry calmly asked.

"This isn't stress; students are huddling into corners to keep away from Umbridge when it's broad daylight out." Remus waved his arm while Sirius just grinned at him.

"What does the time of day have to do with anything?" Harry asked.

"Curfew; now drop the act, Cub," Sirius finally interjected.

"Why are the students avoiding Umbridge?" Remus firmly asked.

"It's a game called tag and Umbridge is It." Harry took another sip of his tea. "This is good tea."

"Tag? You're playing a game during the exams?" Remus frowned at Harry and ignored the comment about his tea.

"We came up with it as a way to not stress so much over exams. People are having fun playing and they don't worry about their grades as much. We're still studying, but also playing keep away from Umbridge." Harry grinned at his two adopted uncles.

"Did anyone happen to tell the other professors about this? " Remus sighed as Harry gave him a clueless look. "I suppose that's why the Examiners are all freaking out because of your behavior. Is there any way that you could stop the game?"

"And have people's hair fall out because of stress? Ask Madam Pomfrey if you have to; this game is good for us. Now, I should probably go study for my other games." Harry blinked at his uncles before leaving.

"Other games?" Remus repeated several seconds after Harry had disappeared. "What did he mean, 'other games'?"

"I suppose he means that this game of tag is not the only game he has going on." Sirius shook himself, almost appearing to be an actual dog. "I'll go see what he's up to."

Remus murmured his agreement and Sirius slipped out of the room. It wasn't until a minute later that Remus realized that he let his prank loving best friend go to join his prank loving godson and that wasn't a good thing. A few seconds later, his office was empty as he went to track the two of them down.

Harry stayed well away from the Great Hall, though, knowing that Hermione would just drag him over to study Transfiguration and now was not the time for studying. Sirius caught up to him in no time, but Harry only grinned as he led the dog down to the dungeons. He quietly stalked his way over to Snape's office, actually behaving a lot like the Potions Master. He silenced Sirius and crouched down in the shadows.

A few tricky spells later and a figure made out of air knocked on Snape's office door. It had been surprisingly easy to find the spell work that would create the figure made out of pure air, but difficult to actually cast it. The figure, however, would behave exactly like a human being, controlled by Harry, but it was completely invisible. Therefore, this figure made a perfect likeness of Envis E. Bill. Harry still thought it was funny that Snape didn't catch the meaning of his incredibly stupid name.

Snape opened the door and scowled at whoever was there. Only, he couldn't see anyone, so he scowled even further as he slammed the door. Seconds later there was another knock on his door. Snape once again stalked over and yanked his door open. Still, he couldn't see anyone there. "Potter, is that you?"

There was a whispering noise, but no one stepped forward. Snape cast a detection spell, but it didn't pick anything up; missing the nook that Harry had crammed himself and Sirius in. Snape was about to head back into his office when there was a scrape on the floor. "Accio invisibility cloak."

Still nothing. There wasn't a flying cloak, or shifting feet; nothing but faint footsteps heading down the hallway to his office. Snape scowled as he waited for whoever it was to reach him. His dark look disappeared as Professor Marchbanks came into view. She was influential enough that he couldn't glare and scowl at her. "May I help you, Professor Marchbanks?"

"You haven't seen Dumbledore recently, have you?" Professor Marchbanks demanded.

"I haven't seen Professor Dumbledore since he left the school some months ago," Snape carefully answered, his mind whirling. Did she somehow suspect him of being in the Order? Why would she be looking for Professor Dumbledore otherwise, surely Umbridge had at least told her that Dumbledore was in hiding?

"So, you haven't seen him around the school?" Professor Marchbanks hummed to herself, glancing around. Her eyes lit upon Harry still crammed in the corner. "What are you doing back there, Mister Potter?"

Harry sheepishly crawled out of the corner and Snape glared at him. "I knew that you were out there, Potter; that knocking was your doing, wasn't it?"

"I was merely helping Professor Bill find your office again. I was worried that you would be mad if you found out that he had to get help from me in order to find your office, so I hid. I guess you didn't see Professor Bill when you opened the door." Harry gave his potions professor a mournful look.

"Professor Bill does not exist, Potter, and even if he did, he would be invisible. How can I see something that is invisible?" Snape demanded.

"You could always free Professor Dumbledore from Umbridge's evil clutches. I can hardly sleep for feeling bad about what's being done to him." Harry clutched his chest. "Which is why I came down here to ask for a sleeping potion."

"I thought you said that you were helping Professor Bill to find my office?" Snape raised his eyebrow at Harry.

"And he said that you would give me a sleeping potion in gratitude." Harry looked pleadingly up at the two adults.

"Give him the sleeping potion; he's got to be ready for the O.W.L.s tomorrow." Professor Marchbanks stared at Snape until he reached into his robe's pocket and handed Harry a vial.

"Take one sip or you'll sleep through your exams," Snape advised, trying to glare a hole through Harry's head.

"Take good care of Professor Bill, will you?" Harry waved good bye before leaving. Sirius stayed behind to watch what happened next, knowing that Harry wasn't done quite yet.

"I better get back before that infernal woman realizes that I'm gone." Professor Marchbanks wandered off, grumbling under her breath.

Snape stared after the two of them, not even noticing Sirius skulking in the shadows. He did, however, notice as someone tapped him on the shoulder. He whirled around, wand out and a spell on his lips. There was no one there. Something poked him in the back and he whispered a spell as he turned. His spell splashed against the stone wall and he scanned the hallway. There was no one there.

He cast a detection spell and entered his office when he discovered that there was no one there. He didn't really trust what the spell was telling him, but he figured that Potter couldn't bother him when he was locked within his office. He sent out another detection spell, but it didn't register the almost mindless construct made out of air that hovered behind him.

He settled down at his desk, marking the first of his exam essays, confident that there was no one in his office. Outside his office, Sirius slunk away, disappointed that the show was supposedly over. There was silence in the time it took for Snape to go through a paragraph and mark it with little red comments. Then, something poked Snape again in his shoulder. Snape turned around and growled when he saw that nothing was there. He tried a different detection spell as there was another poke on his other shoulder, but it didn't even pick up the presence of a ghost.

There was no one in his office, but something kept poking Snape even after he went to sleep. Harry, meanwhile, was studying for his transfiguration exam to be held the next day. Hermione had given him a glare when he returned, but he had just shrugged at her before opening his book. He had been going crazy without a visible prank, though the irony of thinking that statement after leaving an invisible prank for Snape made him chuckle to himself. Still, he couldn't wait until he could truly prank Umbridge once again.

Tuesday dawned and the fifth and seventh years were up earlier than usual, impatiently waiting for breakfast to be over. People still avoided Umbridge, although everyone stayed in their seats above the table during the meal and they were talking once again. The students were still really quiet, but they were quietly practicing for the exams. Not that this made Umbridge feel any less paranoid.

Transfiguration was proctored by another one of the Examiners, so Harry behaved himself during both of the tests. He almost forgot the definition of a switching spell, but he had used the actual spell a couple of times in his crusade against Umbridge, so he was able to cobble together a definition. He figured that he might get a few points off for that, but also thought that his practical might have made up for it. The best part was when poor Hannah Abbot lost her head completely and managed to multiply her ferret into a flock of flamingos. This halted the examinations for ten minutes while McGonagall and Snape escorted the birds out of the Great Hall. Judging by the smirks on their faces as they did this task, Harry had a good guess as to where the birds were actually going. Three guesses and they weren't going to Hagrid's. All in all it was a good day.

--

*=* Chapter 33 - The Start of Paranoia *=*


	34. Hallucinations

A/N: I wasn't gone for too long this time! I'm hoping to keep updating this every week or so, but we'll see what happens. Also, as most of those who reviewed the last chapter have seen, I'm going to start to reply to the reviews that I get for this story. I love everyone who reads my story, but it took me forever to finally getting around to learning how to reply to reviews. I am oldschool...

This chapter is a bit choppy, but only because they've entered their exams and I didn't want to ignore them, but also couldn't totally copy off of the book. Plus, it didn't help that I had my own finals last week, so it was easy to write about the fifth years hyped up about the exams. We are also getting to the end of the book, but don't panic just yet! First, even though we're reaching the end of the HP timeline, there's still about 16 chapters left of Rebellion. Second, I won't leave you hanging with the sequel! I plan on writing the first chapter of the next story and posting it before I post the last chapter of Rebellion. So don't worry and just enjoy the fic!

--

Tuesday evening went about the same as Monday evening, except the fifth years were studying for the Herbology exams instead of Transfiguration. The flamingos created by Hannah Abbot, plus a few extra hundred slipped in by the Rebellion, kept Umbridge busy as they were under a slight compulsion spell to keep coming back to her office.

Professor Marchbanks was back at the entrance to Dumbledore's office, speaking to the portraits that lined the hallway. Sirius was keeping Snape busy. He had convinced Remus to do a disillusionment charm on him and he was using this to escape Snape's detection. He was maintaining Harry's figure of air, which was instructed to torment Snape.

So the cycle ended and started again. The fifth years quietly studied during breakfast and then trooped out to wait in the entrance hall to be taken down to the greenhouses by the Examiners. They had an early start that morning as they did not have to wait for the Great Hall to be rearranged.

They had their practical exam first for a change; assigned to an Examiner and given a range of plants to deal with. Harry rather absently dealt with his plants, earning himself a bite from a fanged geranium. His Herbology Examiner seemed to sympathize with him a bit, so he didn't think he would fail from it.

He wondered what would happen if he sent Umbridge some fanged geraniums and he barely held back his laughter at the picture that popped into his head. He would have to send her one to see if he could really get a fanged geranium to hang from Umbridge's nose.

Professor Marchbanks was drifting around and talking to the students during lunch. Instructed by the rumors sent out by the Rebellion, the students mostly told the truth about Umbridge. They took great relish in telling stories about Umbridge's reactions to the pranks, without mentioning that they were reactions to actual pranks. Most of them had no idea of where Dumbledore was or why Umbridge was currently the headmistress. The one thing that they all knew and agreed on was that Umbridge was cracked and was slowly going insane.

"It won't be long now before she breaks completely and starts sacrificing us to the God of Chaos," Draco informed the Examiner. "Even my father is scared of her."

Near the end of the lunch period, the Examiner sat down and started watching Umbridge, but Harry didn't have time to watch her growing paranoia. Hermione shoved his Herbology textbook into his hands and glared him into reading even while she queried Neville about the subject.

Hermione was the one who dragged them out of the Great Hall when the time came, still repeating the properties of plants under her breath. They waited for the fifteen minutes it took to rearrange the Great Hall and then entered it again. Harry found that the theory test on Herbology was actually easier after having the practical exam first, though he was still not an expert on the subject.

Harry was not one of the first ones to finish, but he also wasn't one of the last ones to finish. He was on the latter end of the scale, taking his time to think of the answer, but he was not the very last to finish because he didn't look over his answers once he filled them in. While the Herbology theory exam was not a multiple choice test, he still couldn't remember any more information than what he had put down, so he didn't bother to go back. He never mentioned this fact to Hermione, though, as he did want to live.

After the test, the Fifth year Gryffindors all went out to collapse under an ordinary tree by the lake. Draco, Tracey, and Pansy joined them a couple minutes later, but no one protested. They were all tired form the tests and there wasn't any real point to protesting to the Slytherins' presence after Draco's temporary insanity. Luna, Ginny, and Colin joined the silent group almost a half an hour later. Ginny sat down next to her brother and watched the group curiously. Colin sat down next to Ginny and fiddled with his camera, for once not bothering to take Harry's picture. Luna sat down next to Harry and relaxed against Harry's shoulder. Neither of them acted like this was out of the ordinary, so none of the Gryffindors and Slytherins said anything about it.

"Why are we so quiet?" Ginny finally asked.

"Is a bookwyrm near?" Luna asked. "They eat words."

"Nah, it's just the OWLs," Harry answered. "They eat brains."

"I knew it," Luna breathed out.

"You've got to admit that it is strange to see the fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins together without a huge fight erupting," Colin said without looking up from his camera.

"Just the fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins?" Draco lazily asked.

"Well, the seventh years can be a bit bad, too, but the younger students aren't at each other's throats," Colin answered, looking up at the group.

"What do you mean? I thought that the years after us would be even worse due to the disagreement that Harry and I had," Draco asked, blinking in shock.

"That's exactly the reason; the two of you fight enough for all of us, plus Felicity Montgomery wants to be a model after Hogwarts." Colin shrugged and went back to his camera.

"We weren't that bad." Draco pouted.

Pansy rolled her eyes. "Draco, dear, Slytherins do not pout."

"You actually have rules about that sort of thing?" Neville absently asked, concentrating more on the flowers that grew by the tree.

"You can talk without stuttering?" Pansy asked in returned, looking at Neville in fake shock. Neville just murmured a reply and Pansy sighed at the lack of attention. "So, what are we doing out here with the Gryffindors, again?"

"Escaping from the OWLs," Luna answered.

"Alibis," Harry answered seconds after Luna.

"Alibis for what?" Dean asked.

"What did you do this time, Potter?" Pansy asked.

"Why do you assume that I've done something?" Harry pouted. "Draco could have done something this time."

"Slytherins never need alibis because Slytherins never get caught." Pansy haughtily sniffed.

"Slytherins have some weird rules," Neville told the plant and ignored the twig that Pansy threw at him.

"All right, I may have read Umbridge's diary about her feelings for Hagrid, knew that the Weasley twins were back in Hogwarts and may have fed Umbridge a potion that makes her hallucinate." Harry said the last part really fast, but everyone still turned to look at him in disbelief. Well, except for Luna who was busy writing an article for the Quibbler.

"Why did you feed Umbridge a hallucinogenic potion?" Seamus asked.

"Because I want her to believe that Dumbledore was still in the castle." Harry smiled innocently at them all.

"Why would you want her to believe that?" Lavender asked.

"Why not?" Harry shrugged. "It's amusing and it keeps her busy."

"You're insane," Pansy shook her head and sent Draco a glare. "Help us study for the Defense exams and I'll forgive you for making us your alibi."

"All right. So, tell me the top five defensive spells that you know." Harry grinned as he started the lesson.

--

It had been surprisingly easy to get Umbridge to take the hallucinogenic potion. All that Harry had to do was give Dobby the potion and the House Elf took care of the rest. Mixed in with everything that appeared for Umbridge's tea, she didn't even realize that she was taking anything other than tea. It wasn't until Dumbledore entered the room that she even noticed that there was something off, though she didn't even suspect a potion.

Umbridge bolted out of her seat and flung her arm to point at the hallucination of Dumbledore. "You! What are you doing here?"

"Are you all right, Delores? Would you like a lemon drop?" the imaginary figure created by the potion asked. The hallucinogenic potion that Harry had given Umbridge was relatively new and was designed to pull a topic from the victim's mind and then continue to use the information given by the victim's memories to create a near perfect version of that topic. Near perfect only because people's minds are generally faulty, the potion overcame that somewhat by also drawing on the subconscious, but if the person really believed something about the topic, even if it was false, the hallucination would mimic it. This would explain why the hallucination of Dumbledore was wearing battle armor while carrying a large bag of lemon drops.

"You're not supposed to be in Hogwarts," Umbridge said, not even seeing what the hallucination was wearing. "You ran away and I'm the Headmistress now."

"Very good, Delores. Would you like a lemon drop?" the fake Dumbledore offered again.

"Why are you in Hogwarts?" Umbridge questioned, still pointing her finger at the fake Dumbledore.

"I have come to gather up my army; we're going to attack the Ministry as soon as the OWLs are over," Dumbledore answered, using what Umbridge was currently thinking of. "Would you like a lemon drop?"

"I must warn the Minister," Umbridge gasped out. "I'm placing you under arrest, Dumbledore."

"All right, would you like a lemon drop?" Dumbledore didn't offer the bag this time as he turned and calmly left the room. Umbridge stumbled a bit as she got out from behind her desk.

"Where are you going? You're under arrest," Umbridge cried out as she followed after the fake Dumbledore.

"War waits for no one, my dear, so I'm afraid that I don't have time to chat. Would you like a lemon drop?" Dumbledore repeated this line as he led Umbridge straight towards the real Dumbledore's old office. To Umbridge, it looked like Dumbledore rode the staircase up before the goblin settled back down, but in reality the stone goblin steadily stared at Umbridge the whole time.

Professor Marchbanks had been lurking behind Umbridge, following her close enough that she was able to keep track of where Umbridge was going, but far enough away that she couldn't quite see what was going on or hear what exactly Umbridge was saying. Once at the entrance to Dumbledore's office, she was able to close the ranks and actually hear what Umbridge was rambling about. Umbridge's rant to the hallucination of Dumbledore confirmed Professor Marchbanks' suspicions and the older woman remained at the entrance to try and guess the password as Umbridge scurried off.

The hallucination of Dumbledore might have disappeared from Umbridge's vision, but that didn't mean that the hallucinogenic potion had disappeared from Umbridge's system. In fact, Dumbledore was only the first of the hallucinations that Umbridge was about to see. She ignored all of the strange things that flitted across her line of sight as she made her way back to her office. Unfortunately, she couldn't quite ignore the dark figure that was currently slouching against the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom door.

Umbridge gasped as she noticed the red eyes and pasty skin. "You, you can't be here!"

"And why not?" the hallucination of Voldemort asked, smoothly straightening up from his slouched position. Unnoticed by Umbridge, Remus opened the defense classroom door at the same time. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he realized that Umbridge really wasn't looking at him.

"You're not back, you can't be back, even with all of those times I've seen you before," Umbridge rambled to the Dark Lord that only she could see. Remus stared at her in bewilderment.

"I'm hurt, darling, that you don't want to see me. After all of my gifts, I can't tempt you with the gift of my time?" The fake Voldemort held out his hand as an offering.

"I've got to alert the Minister," Umbridge exclaimed again and rushed off, never having noticed Remus. The fake Voldemort calmly followed after Umbridge, reciting poetry about his love for her. All of the half remembered lines of poems that she had heard before mangled into one horrid love poem. Remus raised his eyebrow and decided to go search after Harry before sending a letter to the real Dumbledore.

Umbridge hurried back to her office, ignoring the love poems from the fake Voldemort, and knelt down in front of the fire. "Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic! Minister, Dumbledore's in the castle and he's going to gather everyone together and attack the ministry after the OWLs are over. We have to prepare! Send a bunch of Aurors to the castle to get him when he emerges from his office to gather the students. I'll put the castle into lockdown, do something to prevent this."

"A freshly pickled toad, strung together with hearts and unseen powers twirling on their toes," the fake Voldemort was reciting as Umbridge paused to catch her breath.

Umbridge looked towards her beloved Minister Fudge to see how he was reacting to this news, already anticipating receiving instructions from him, but she could not see him. She looked all around the fire grate, searching for his head, but he just wasn't there. This was the time when Umbridge realized that she hadn't put any floo powder into the fire. She trilled anxiously as Voldemort started waxing on about her smooth legs that almost looked like a pigs from a certain angle and tossed a handful of the powder. The roaring fire miraculously turned green, considering the fact that most of the handful had fallen onto her robes instead of the fire.

"Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic," Umbridge shouted out and this time his head actually appeared in the fire. Umbridge dismissed the horns as debris from the actual fire and started speaking in double time. For the first five minutes Fudge couldn't understand anything that she was saying. Of course, he didn't get a chance to tell her that when she paused to take a breath as she started talking once again as soon as it was over. This time she spoke slower, not quite as fast, but what she was saying still shocked him.

"You-Know-Who is in my office with me now, reciting love poems," Umbridge announced.

"You mean he's attacking the school?" Fudge asked, his eyes wide.

"No, he's reciting love poetry to me. He says he loves me and that's the only thing that he will say when questioned, besides all of these poems." Umbridge gestured wildly.

"Blood is red, the lake is blue, you look like a toad, but I love you," Voldemort offered as Umbridge turned to look at him.

"You say that he's in the office with you?" Fudge asked.

"Yes," Umbridge shouted out. She reached out to try and grab the fake Voldemort's robes to drag him down and show him to Fudge through the fire, but he managed to avoid her grasping hands.

"I'll send a few Aurors to the school to make sure that everything is fine," Fudge said as Umbridge chased after the fake Voldemort. No one heard him and soon the fire fizzled out.

--

Harry wasn't that worried as Thursday started; Umbridge had caused a lot of entertainment the night before and this was the Defense OWL. He was confident that he and the rest of the students that he had taught would be fine, but he still went over a last minute session with a bunch of other students. With his being in charge of the study session, the time before the exam passed very quickly. Soon they were waiting in the same small room to be called into the Great Hall for their theory exam.

Harry found the Defense theory exam to be very easy and he was one of the first ones to finish the exam. Like before, he didn't bother to go over his test and simply handed it in. Unlike before, this was because he was confident that he had answered everything with sufficient detail. He smirked as he passed Umbridge and headed down to the kitchens for a snack. Never mind that breakfast had been only about an hour or so ago, Harry felt like getting a snack. Besides, he needed to hand the next dose of the hallucinogenic potion over to Dobby for Umbridge. He thought it might be fun to lightly dose the whole school, but he knew that Hermione would kill him if he did so.

After getting his snack, he headed outside and waited for the rest of the group to show. Hermione was the first one out and she immediately started in on how her exam went; the same as always. Pansy was the next one to appear, which surprised Harry that she was willing to seek them out. She didn't say a word to him, however, and started to discuss the exam with Hermione. Slowly the rest of the group trickled over to them and Harry revealed the picnic basket that Dobby had given him during his trip down to the kitchens.

They ate lunch outside and held another mini practice session to prepare for the Defense practical exam. Once again time passed very quickly and Harry was inside the Entrance Hall waiting for his name to be called. McGonagall directed him to the same elderly Examiner, Professor Tofty, and Umbridge gave him a glassy look as he passed her. The actual exam went well and Harry couldn't help but shoot some smug glances over at Umbridge. Of course, Umbridge didn't really notice as she was busy talking to the figure of Voldemort that had shown up again.

Professor Tofty stopped him before Harry could leave at the end of the exam, asking to see his Patronus. Harry grinned as he cast the spell, always happy to see the animal formed by the spell. The elderly professor was delighted, which was lucky because it distracted him from the fact that his Patronus charged Umbridge. Harry left the Great Hall, but he also left his Patronus to fade on its own, tormenting Umbridge until it did so. Harry figured that he had a guaranteed O on that OWL exam, so he was in high spirits as he headed out to the tree by the lake. He and Ron were done with their OWLs for the week, though he knew that Hermione and Draco had their Ancient Runes exam the next day. At least he didn't have to pay attention to their studying and he could focus on his plan of attack for his Occlumency lessons that evening.

*=* Chapter 34 - Hallucinations *=*


	35. Giant Robots

A/N: Thanks to everyone who read the last chapter and thanks to those who reviewed! Sorry this chapter took so long. I do hope to have another chapter posted next Friday, though! However, hope is the keyword. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Also, I've reformatted chapter 19; sorry for it being in that horrible formatting for so long!

--

Once again, as was their habit, the Gryffindor and Slytherin fifth years met outside after the exams. This time Draco had brought along Crabbe, Goyle, Nott, and Zabini and no one said anything about it. After they got over the stress from the last exam, they split up into two groups so that the group without OWLs the next day didn't have to be bothered by the group that didn't have OWLs. Harry was with the second group and he and Ron started up a mini chess tournament.

Luckily, Harry had just lost his game with Ron when Sirius came to drag him off. Harry flailed on the ground for five minutes in order to preserve his reputation before calmly following his godfather. Nott and Zabini shot him a few weird looks as he followed the large dog, but everyone else pretended like it was all normal.

Sirius led Harry over to Remus' office and scratched at the door to be let in. Remus didn't answer right away, so Harry took out a marker from his pocket and started to doodle on the door. His rather stunning picture, in his opinion, was interrupted when Remus finally opened the door. Harry shrugged, capped the marker, and put it back in his pocket before entering the office.

"What were you doing?" Remus asked as he looked at the picture on the wall.

"I call it the Marauders go Marauding by the Lake during the Full Moon because that is when Moony comes Out to Play," Harry answered with pride.

"Then what is the giant robot for?" Remus asked as he studied the picture in confusion.

"What giant robot?" Harry asked as he came over to peer beside Remus.

"That giant robot," Remus said as he motioned to the door.

Harry squinted at the picture before shaking his head. "I still don't see it."

"Why don't you try backing away a little bit?" Remus tugged at Harry until Harry didn't have his eye pressed up against the door.

"I still don't see it," Harry said after a second.

"You have your eyes closed," Remus pointed out.

Harry blinked at the picture for a minute before shaking his head again and sighing. "I still don't see this giant robot you keep talking about. Maybe you need glasses."

"But you're the one who drew it," Remus exclaimed.

"Drew what?" Harry asked.

"The picture." Remus threw his arms up and looked at Harry in expectation.

Harry was silent for a minute. "What picture?"

"The one that you drew on my door," Remus fairly screamed as he hit the door right over where the picture was.

"Oh, you mean that picture?" Harry pointed at the picture that he had just drawn.

"Yes, that picture," Remus said, relieved that Harry had come to his senses at last.

"Oh. That's been there for years, Remus." Harry shot his adoptive uncle a concerned look. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No it hasn't." Remus paused to count to ten and take very deep breaths. "Let's just forget about the picture."

"But I wanted to talk about the giant robot," Harry whined.

"You can see the giant robot?" Remus asked, relief flooding his system again.

"What giant robot?" Harry asked, staring blankly at Remus.

"The one in the picture," Remus exclaimed again.

"What picture?" Harry blinked in confusion as Remus stomped away.

Remus paused in front of the Defense classroom before he came back, smiling with a bit of an edge at Harry. "Never mind about the picture; I'd rather talk to you about an interesting thing that I witnessed the day before."

"Ooh, what was this?" Harry asked as they entered the office once again. Sirius was still rolling on the floor laughing at the whole picture discussion. Harry stepped over him, but Remus deliberately stumbled into the dog.

"I was just grading a few papers in the Defense classroom when I heard a voice outside the room. I stood up to see who it was in case it was a student looking for me and can you imagine what I heard?" Remus asked as he sat down in his desk chair.

"Voldemort is a vegan?" Harry asked.

"What? No, I heard this person say that I shouldn't be at Hogwarts, that she didn't know that I was back, and that she was going to go alert the Ministry. Now, do you know just who this was that I saw?" Remus asked.

"Dumbledore?" Harry suggested.

"Why would Dumbledore be saying those kinds of things?" Remus asked, momentarily derailed by Harry's insane answers.

"Because you're really not supposed to be here at Hogwarts?" Harry grinned as he leaned in to whisper, "Don't worry, I won't tell him that you're here."

"It wasn't Dumbledore outside my door, it was Umbridge. Now, can you tell me just why Umbridge was acting as though she were speaking to nobody that I could see?" Remus asked.

"Why would I know that?" Harry asked with wide eyes.

"Because you're the one that everyone blames when something odd happens," Remus dryly replied.

"Well, I didn't do nothing, but I heard a rumor that Umbridge has been drugging pretty hard. She isn't happy here at Hogwarts, since she's so far away from the Ministry. She's been pining for Fudge and using the drugs as a substitute," Harry told Remus in a low voice.

"Is any of that true?" Remus asked.

"It's just rumors, but it explains some things, doesn't it?" Harry said. He glanced at his wrist and frowned. "I should be going, I have remedial make out courses with Snape at this time."

Remus blinked as he realized something. "You aren't wearing a watch."

"Nah, those make my wrists all itchy," Harry said as he got up.

"Then how do you know what time it is?" Remus asked.

"I just looked at the time and saw that it was a hair past a freckle. Don't worry, Remus, my timepiece never steers me wrong." Harry struck a pose before moving to the door.

"But aren't your classes after dinner?" Remus asked as he remembered something that Snape had reported before.

"Usually, but these are no ordinary times. No, with all these alien attacks we must meet when we can." Harry struck another pose as he opened the door behind him. He pointed to the corner of the office. "Look, it's Voldemort in a hairnet!"

As Remus turned to look at the weird suggestion that he knew couldn't be true, and wouldn't want to see if it was, Harry slipped out the door and down the hall. Harry glanced at his wrist again and debated on whether it was worth going back to the lake or going down to torment Snape early. Snape had told him something about this lesson, but Harry really couldn't remember what the Potions Master had told him, so he decided to go down early. He hoped that his professor would be there.

Harry raced down to the dungeons and pounded on Snape's office door. "Professor Snape, Professor Snape! Hurry, hurry, he's after me, he's after me!"

"What?" Snape growled as he yanked the door open. He glared as Harry innocently blinked at him.

"Are you okay, Professor Snape? You look like you're in a hurry," Harry asked as he gave Snape a puzzled look.

"You're the one who was making a racket, shouting that someone was after you and that I should hurry," Snape pointed out, wishing that his glares really could set Harry on fire.

"First of all, I wasn't making a racket, I don't even play badminton and secondly," Harry trailed off, staring into the distance.

"What?" Snape growled out.

"What?" Harry blinked at Snape in confusion.

"You were saying," Snape tried to prompt Harry, though he honestly didn't have a clue why.

"What was I saying?" Harry stared as Snape clutched his door, almost sure that the Potions Professor was gouging the wood.

"You said 'first of all' that you weren't creating a racket, using the wrong use of racket, and then you said 'secondly' without continuing," Snape pointed out. He almost sounded quite civil, except for the growl mixed into his voice.

"Oh yeah; secondly," Harry trailed off with a grin.

"Secondly," Snape gritted out.

"It's time for our Occlumency lessons," Harry cheerfully said.

"Our lessons are usually held after dinner, Potter," Snape said, resisting the urge to groan. He couldn't show any signs of weakness or that brat would finish him off.

"I thought you told me to show up before dinner because of the examiners." Harry once again blinked in confusion.

"I didn't say anything about arriving early for lessons," Snape said. He looked at Harry suspiciously, wondering what the brat was up to.

"Well," Harry dragged the word out and looked around the hallway. "Can we have the lesson now, since I'm here anyway?"

"Might as well." Snape sighed as he stood aside to allow Harry to enter. Harry hopped over the entrance and went around to the other side of the desk, where Snape usually stood. Snape's eyebrow twitched, but he decided not to say anything about it and just cast the spell at Harry.

Entering into Harry's head, Snape was surprised to see three strange creatures staring at him and holding a sign that read: "Please be our special friend." He couldn't tell exactly what these creatures were, they almost looked like monkeys or giant bugs. He wasn't sure what they were, but the way that they were looking at him was freaking him out. The one in the skirt was looking at him with hearts in her eyes.

"Hello, Nurse," the female trilled.

Panicked, Snape broke contact and stumbled away from Harry. "What on earth was that?"

"What was what?" Harry asked.

"What were those things in your head?" Snape asked.

"Oh, those were cartoons. I had the doctor check them out, but he said that they weren't harmful and that they could be educational at times." Harry tilted his head to the side. "For the most part they just seem to run around and ogle every male and female they meet."

"But what are they?" Snape stressed.

"The Warner Brothers, and the Warner Sister; I can't believe that you didn't recognize them." Harry shook his head in disappointment.

"But what are they: monkeys or giant bugs or something else?" Snape was still trying to find a category to put them into.

"Oh, they aren't monkeys; they're just coo-coo." Harry grinned at Snape.

Snape decided to cut his losses and cast the spell again. However, he was met with the same characters again. He tried to break the connection, but they were on him before he could do so. His mind went blank as they all leaned in and gave him a big, smacking kiss. He finally broke the connection as he jerked away from them to find Harry staring at him in concern.

"That is it; I want you out of here." Snape pointed towards the door. "That was the last straw, Potter."

"But I can't help it if the voices in my head act out," Harry protested.

"I am done delving into the mind of a lunatic; I'm surrounded by them already. Our lessons are done; now get out." Snape propelled Harry out of the door and slammed it closed.

"I'm telling Remus," Harry called out before he left in a huff. However, he didn't go back to Remus' office and instead wandered down to the Great Hall to wait for dinner.

He watched with amusement as Snape avoided Remus during dinner and also avoided looking in Harry's direction. Unfortunately that meant that he was ignoring his own House, as Harry was seated right at the head of the Slytherin table. The Slytherins were all programmed to ignore him at this point and the Examiners didn't pay any attention.

After dinner Harry went back down into the dungeons. He then proceeded to knock politely on Snape's office door. Snape opened it in his usual fashion and then growled when he saw who it was.

"What are you doing here?" Snape asked.

"It's time for our Occlumency lessons, duh," Harry said, tapping his foot.

"I told you earlier today that we're done with those lessons." Snape scowled at Harry.

"Er, when was this again?" Harry asked.

"Right before dinner, Potter," Snape reminded.

"Really? Cause I have no memory of this." Harry frowned in puzzlement.

"You attacked me with those cartoon characters and I kicked you out," Snape said.

"That's just not possible, why would I be in your office having an Occlumency lesson before dinner when everyone and their Dark Lord knows that we have our Occlumency lessons after dinner?" Harry asked.

"Everyone and their Dark Lord?" Snape raised his eyebrow.

"Erm, I might have done an interview with Luna for the Quibbler, but don't worry; the V-man only reads the Daily Prophet," Harry reassured Snape.

"The V-man?" Snape raised his other eyebrow, knowing what Harry was going to say, but asking anyway.

"My current Dark Lord of Hypocrisy." Harry rolled his eyes. "Remember, the very reason we are holding these lessons."

"We aren't holding any lessons, Potter; I told you that we were through." Snape glared at Harry.

"All right, Knucklehead, if you want to believe in that imposter, then I guess there's no point in my protesting. I'll just go kill a bush now." Harry started walking away, dragging his feet a little.

"An imposter?" Snape asked before he could stop himself.

"Well, obviously there must have been someone impersonating me earlier today, as there is no way that I waltzed down here to have my lesson early," Harry said, not totally lying. It was true that he didn't dance on his way down to the dungeons.

"No one else knows about these lessons; do they, Potter?" Snape gave him a suspicious look.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Harry shied back.

"Did you tell anyone about these lessons, Potter?" Snape asked.

"Just the mailman," Harry answered before looking at Snape in worry. "Do you think that the mailman works for Volly-polly?"

"The mailman? Volly-Polly?" The last part was said under his breath, not wanting the explanation that would follow about Harry renaming Voldemort to Volly-Polly.

"Yeah, you know the guy who always brings our mail in?" Harry asked, his tone indicating that Snape really should know this.

"Hogwarts doesn't have a mailman; the owls bring in the mail each morning." Snape started to wonder just how far gone Harry was not to remember that. The boy was at breakfast that morning and his owl did bring him a letter, so the boy really didn't have an excuse to forget beyond his insanity.

"She does have a mailman; how else do you think the owls know who to go to?" Harry asked.

"The owls already know who to go to and there isn't a mailman who tells them where to go." Snape sighed.

"Just visit the Owlrey and you'll see." Harry crossed his arms. "So how about that Occlumency lesson?"

"There isn't a lesson, Potter, I'm done. Not even Dumbledore could change my mind." Snape gave Harry one last glare before retreating back to his office and locking the door.

Harry pouted at the door, wondering if Snape was truly serious. Maybe two lessons in one day was really pushing it, or maybe Snape had heard of Remus' new door art. Maybe Snape was jealous; he always wanted the Defense against the Dark Arts position. Harry frowned and took out the marker of doom once again. He scribbled something on Snape's door, basically drawing almost the same thing as he had on Remus' door, except for the fact that the animals had been replaced by cauldrons with feet. Harry had a feeling that Snape would enjoy it.

"What are you doing?" Pansy asked as Harry capped the marker of doom.

"Professor Snape seemed to be unhappy tonight, so I decided to do something nice for him," Harry answered.

Pansy gave him an odd look and stepped forward to look at the picture. She frowned at it as she tried to figure out what it was. "What is that strange thing in the middle of the picture? And why do the cauldrons have feet?"

"That's a robot, it's a mechanical thing that moves by remote controls," Harry answered, keeping the explanation as simple as possible. "And the cauldrons have feet so that they can dance."

Pansy made a note never to walk around Muggle areas so that she didn't get stepped on by giant machines. "Cauldrons don't dance."

"How do you know?" Harry asked.

"What do you mean?" Pansy turned to look at Harry.

"For all you know the cauldrons go out dancing every full moon, but you're never there to see it," Harry pointed out.

"Cauldrons don't usually have feet," Pansy countered.

"But what if they are like werewolves and grow feet when the full moon rises?" Harry suggested.

"Werecauldrons?" Pansy laughed at the thought.

"You never know." Harry shrugged.

"So, tell me, Potter, are you actually insane as you seem?" Pansy asked.

"What do you mean?" Harry tilted his head to the side as he looked at Pansy.

"I mean all of those stunts you do and all of those comments that you make, are they the real you or is all of this a mask?" Pansy tried to clarify her question. She stared at him as though she were trying to see through him.

"Well, if you pull, my face won't come off." Harry wiggled his eyebrows.

"So you are insane?" Pansy laughed. "I'm sure that everyone will love that."

"Hey, you never know, it could be make-up hiding the truth," Harry countered.

"So you are sane? Hiding behind a mask?" Pansy frowned at the contradiction.

"I'll never tell," Harry said in a lilting voice.

"Fine, then answer another question for me." Pansy took a step forward, ready to force the truth out of him. "Are you gay?"

"What?" Harry stumbled back in shock.

"It's a simple question. I mean, what kind of guy wears make-up?" Pansy smirked at Harry.

"I'm not gay," Harry fairly shouted.

"So are you with Lovegood, then?" Pansy asked, giving him a sly look.

"I'm not allowed to give out that information, I'm afraid that it is classified." Harry smirked at Pansy before turning to walk away.

"I knew it; you are with Lovegood." Pansy grinned as she followed after Harry. "So, tell me more about how you two got together. You looked so cozy the day before, cuddled up under the tree."

"I'm not telling you," Harry loudly said.

"Oh, but you will." Pansy let out a laugh that promised such. Harry broke out running, trying to get away from her. Not that his tactic worked; Slytherins always got what they wanted.

*=* Chapter 35 - Giant Robots *=*


	36. Dancing Queen

A/N: Sorry this was late; I was on my way here and there was this cat stuck in a tree... Okay, that's not true; I just got stuck on other writings. First my other fic was giving me a bit of trouble and then I started an original fiction story and that took up all of July. I think Pansy has been talking to the main character of that novel, though, and I blame this whole chapter and the next on those two. I can't make promises on when I'm going to update again, because that never turns out well, but I can say that I've already started the next chapter. Enjoy!

-

Hermione was the only one to have an exam scheduled for Friday, so she entrusted Harry, Ron, and Neville to Pansy and left to take her Ancient Runes exam with Draco. Harry and Ron had been totally surprised when Hermione had dragged them over to Pansy and shoved them at her. "You're the only one I trust to keep these two from disrupting the exams," Hermione told Pansy.

"So, they're mine for the day?" Pansy asked, smirking at Harry.

"Yes. They can do whatever they want, as long as it doesn't disrupt the OWLs or the other classes," Hermione answered. "Also, we're trying not to let the examiners know how insane Harry actually is, but keeping them from disrupting the exams is the most important thing."

"Don't worry; I'll keep them busy." Pansy grinned at Hermione and Hermione sighed in relief.

"Hermione, how could you give us to the snakes?" Ron shouted when what was happening finally caught up to his brain.

"I wanted to dance on the tables during your exam, provide the entertainment!" Harry said, pouting at Hermione.

"You know how I am about the exams, right? Now, do you honestly want to take the chance in disrupting my exam?" Hermione sent them a dangerous look and the boys took a step back.

"We'll just be over here with the snakes," Ron said.

"Have fun with your exam and throw a spitball or two at Umbridge for me." Harry ducked the swat that Hermione sent at him and hide behind Pansy.

"Just focus on your exam, we'll be outside when you get outside for lunch," Pansy interjected. She stood up from the Slytherin table and dragged Harry and Ron out of the room. She collected the rest of the fifth year Gryffindors and the few Slytherin fifth years that didn't have the Ancient Runes exam.

Pansy led the way out to the edges of the ground, just a short distance away from the lake. When she reached the perfect place, she twirled around and clapped her hands. "So, what are we going to do now?"

"Go to outer space," Harry cheered. "We can build a space ship and interrupt the exams by going to the moon."

"You're not fooling me, Potter, just because you're acting goofier than normal doesn't mean that I won't get more information out of you," Pansy said. She pinned Harry with a look and stepped closer to him. "In fact, we could hold an interrogation right now. That will certainly keep us busy."

"Ooh, truth or dare," Lavender squealed as she clapped her hands.

"A marvelous idea," Pansy said as she gave Harry a wicked grin. "We have enough people for a game and there is no way that this could interrupt the exam."

Pansy chose a relatively clean place on the ground and sat down. The other girls in the group eagerly joined her on the ground, but the boys only reluctantly joined them.

"Who goes first?" Parvati asked.

"Harry: truth or dare?" Pansy asked.

"Dare," Harry confidently stated.

"Fine, I dare you to kiss Luna when she gets here," Pansy said and the girls of the group burst into giggles. Ron laughed at the expression that appeared on Harry's face and Harry glared at Ron in reply.

"I will then." Harry crossed his arms. Kissing Luna wouldn't be that bad, she wouldn't get upset with him over it and she certainly wouldn't cry while he did so. "Ron, truth or dare?"

"Er, dare," Ron chose.

"Since you thought that my kissing Luna was fun, why don't you kiss Hermione when she gets out of the written exam?"

"Shoot," Ron muttered as he reluctantly nodded his agreement to the dare. "Crabbe, truth or dare?"

"Truth," Crabbe grunted out after some contemplation.

"Er, what kind of music do you like?" Ron asked, clearly not expecting that answer.

"I like heavy metal the best, but the wizarding world just doesn't do it properly." Crabbe sighed in disappointment, not noticing that he practically admitted to listening to muggle music. Crabbe looked around at the choices in people who hadn't gone so far and he settled on a fellow Slytherin. "Tracey, truth or dare?"

"Truth." Tracey grinned.

"What's your favorite snack food?" Crabbe asked after some thought.

"I like cherry pie the best. Lavender, truth or dare?" Tracy shot the question right after answering her own.

"Dare," Lavender answered.

"I dare you to clean off your make up and go natural for the rest of the day," Tracey ordered after a bit of a thinking period.

"For the rest of the day." Lavender stared at Tracey in shock before sighing. She spoke a quick cleaning charm and the makeup faded from her face. Harry spared her a glance, but Lavender didn't really look too different. "Goyle, truth or dare?"

The large teen stared at her for a minute before hesitantly answering, "Dare?"

"I dare you to kiss someone in this group. Male or female, it doesn't matter." Lavender grinned at the looks that she received.

Goyle shrugged and got up from the ground. He lumbered around them and Ron gave Harry a panicked glance. But, Goyle stopped beside Lavender and dropped down to peck her on the lips. He smirked at her before heading back to his previous spot beside Crabbe. "Parvati, is it? Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Parvati hesitantly answered.

"Do you ever switch places with your twin? During classes or during a date?" Goyle asked.

"Sometimes," Parvati admitted with a light blush. "Sometimes we switch when our classes align right and none of us are really missing any classes and I'll sometimes scope out a guy for my sister. Pansy, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Pansy answered.

Parvati leaned in to whisper her dare into Pansy's ear. Pansy nodded in agreement to whatever it was, but no one could hear what Parvati had asked and Pansy didn't move to fulfill that dare. Instead, Pansy just smirked at the group and turned to Harry. "Truth or dare?"

"What about your dare?" Harry warily asked.

"I'll do it later. So, truth or dare?" Pansy grinned at him and Harry winced, knowing that he was dead no matter what he chose.

He gathered together all of his Gryffindor bravery and named his choice: "Dare."

"I dare you to let us make you up." Pansy reached into her purse and pulled out a tube of lipstick.

Harry blanched and he tried to scramble back, but Crabbe grabbed a hold of Harry's ankle and cut off his escape. "I think we're done with this game, why don't we just call it quits?"

"Ah, come on, Harry. We all know that you're with Luna, so you're not going to be seen as gay and Luna won't care if you're wearing makeup." Pansy grinned as Lavender and Parvati started emptying out their makeup supplies onto the grass. Even Tracey added a few items to the collection.

"I'm not getting away from this, am I?" Harry asked as he stopped trying to leave. Pansy firmly shook her head and Harry slumped in resignation. "Get on with it, then."

"Good, hold him still, will you, Vincent?" Pansy asked.

"Sure," Crabbe said, switching his hold so that he was holding onto Harry's shoulders from behind.

Pansy uncapped the first piece of makeup equipment and moved forward to make the first marks on Harry's face. Harry suffered in silence as Pansy put on the foundation, eyeshadow, mascara, a bit of blush and lipstick onto Harry's face. It took her a few minutes, with a lot of input from the two Gryffindor girls and the one other Slytherin girl, but Harry's face was finally done and they handed him a mirror.

Harry frowned at his reflection, not totally happy with the makeup. It was strange, seeing himself look so pretty; he almost looked like he was female. It made him look kind of freaky and he grinned as a thought occurred to him.

"This isn't going to cause trouble with the exams, will it?" Pansy asked, recognizing the look on Harry's face.

"It really shouldn't, though, maybe it would be best to unveil it tomorrow so that Hermione won't kill me anyway," Harry admitted.

"So, spill," Ron said, grabbing onto Harry's sleeve.

"What do you think Umbridge's reaction to the way I look right now would be? Especially given the fact that she seems to hate unnatural things?" He smirked at the expressions that appeared on his fellow fifth year's faces.

"She would be really confused and would have a fit," Pansy nodded as she got the idea that was in Harry's head. "You're right; we're going to need to wait until tomorrow to unleash this so that we can have the proper time to prepare."

"Yeah, I need to think of a few more things before we can go through it; though, it might work to do this tonight during dinner," Harry said. He needed to convince some of the other boys to wear some makeup, but he could get that done by dinner time.

"No, dinner would be too soon, there wouldn't be enough time to find all of the dresses and we'll need muggle suits for the girls," Pansy shot down, and Harry stared at her in bewilderment and horror. "Also, we're going to have to pick out the perfect jewelry and figure out what to do with hair."

"Growing charms might work," Lavender suggested, apparently understanding Pansy's grand idea.

"Yeah, I'd be willing to cut my hair for tomorrow if someone will lengthen it for me after we're done," Parvati added.

"And we can lengthen the boys' hair for tomorrow." Pansy nodded decisively. "Let's get to work. First we'll need measurements and then I'll be able to Floo my tailor."

"Do we all have to dress in drag?" Crabbe asked, frowning at the thought.

"Think of Umbridge's reactions," Pansy replied. "You did want to get back at her for the Inquisitorial Squad, right?"

"You were the one who was snubbed the worst," Crabbe muttered, but not high enough for anyone but Harry, who was still pinned down by Crabbe, to hear.

"You know, dressing in full out drag is kind of better than what I had planned," Harry finally said. "You are evil, but an evil genius. I will not underestimate you again."

"Thank you." Pansy smiled at him sweetly. "Now, Crabbe, let Harry up so that we can start the measurements. Harry will have to be the drag queen, since he's in charge of this whole rebellion thing. I'm thinking a green ball dress to go with his eyes, what do you think?"

"He looked so handsome in his green dress robes," Parvati answered.

"He really did, but they'll both need some instructions on how to dance," Lavender added.

"I'll take care of that," Luna offered as she approached the group. "Why am I teaching Harry to dance for? Are the bears coming?"

"Bears?" Crabbe asked.

"They like to waltz, and if you're not careful, they will come to fetch you every night to dance with them." Luna gave them a serene look.

"We're going to hold an impromptu ball tomorrow," Pansy answered. She grinned at the Ravenclaw fourth year. "I'm glad that you're here, we need to measure you for your tux. If your date is Harry, then you'll have to look as handsome as he will look beautiful."

"Oh, goody, I've always wanted to dress up." Luna clapped her hands in delight.

"Speaking of going to the ball with Harry, Harry, didn't you have something that you wanted to do with Luna?" Pansy sent him a pointed look.

Harry sighed but stood up and headed over to Luna. "Hi, Luna," he said, stalling for a bit. After all, he couldn't just go up and kiss her, could he?

"You look very pretty, Harry. Were you keeping the Ugly Tomatoes away from you?" Luna asked, tilting her head. "Or did you just feel pretty today and want to express that?"

"Yeah," Harry answered, allowing Luna to think what she wished. He bent down and quickly kissed her before backing away and watching her for her reaction.

Luna looked fairly surprised, but she quickly grinned at Harry. "You're very good at spreading your prettiness, Harry. Thank you."

"Er, you're welcome," Harry answered, ducking his head to hide his blushing.

"Okay, now that that is done, every one line up for your measurements," Pansy ordered and everyone scrambled up.

"What's going on?" Hermione asked as she led Draco over to the group. "I see that you managed to stay away from the Great Hall, but I also know that you are up to something now."

"We're going to hold a ball tomorrow for the rest of the students. We're just doing measurements now, fitting all of the girls with tuxedos and all of the men with ball gowns," Pansy answered.

"Tuxedos?" Hermione frowned before smiling in realization. "We're going in drag, aren't we?"

"Ball gowns, you mean I have to wear a dress?" Draco fairly screeched as he took a step back. "Are you crazy?"

"No, you are. Potter is as well and we're doing this to get back at Umbridge," Pansy said, darting forward to stop Draco from running away.

"Please tell me that I'm not the only one being made to wear a dress," Draco said. He tried to dig his heels in, but Pansy still was able to maneuver him into the line with the rest of the boys.

"We have to wear dresses, too," Harry solemnly said. He turned to Hermione and gave her puppy dog eyes. "How could you leave us with her? She is evil incarnate."

"You look very interesting, Harry," Hermione said, distracted by noticing Harry's makeup.

"Isn't he very pretty?" Luna asked as she drifted over to Hermione's side.

Hermione raised her eyebrow, but she nodded in agreement. Harry scowled at her, but that didn't really detract from his appearance. "So, this ball, it won't disrupt the exams, will it?"

"It won't, we're just preparing today and only those who don't have exams today," Pansy quickly reassured Hermione. "We're holding the ball tomorrow during dinner, so the students will have plenty of time to study for the next exams."

"I suppose that will work out; we can have a few short study sessions in between getting ready and it will work out." Hermione frowned at Harry, still looking at his makeup. "Are you going to lunch looking like that?"

Harry opened his mouth to answer, but Pansy interjected before he could say anything. "Yes, he is. Besides, Luna likes it, don't you, Lovegood?"

"Harry could probably attract faeries looking like that," Luna replied.

Hermione gave them all an odd look, but Harry ended up going to lunch wearing makeup. The other students and some of the examiners gave him even more odd looks, but the examiners at least dismissed it from their minds. They decided that their old eyes must be playing tricks on them.

After lunch, Hermione and Draco stayed around for their practical Ancient runes exam, but Pansy dragged the rest of the group out to further prepare for their mock ball. Harry found himself learning to dance with Luna leading him. He had the vague idea that it should be the other way around in regards to who was leading whom, but Luna reassured him that her method was correct and he didn't bother to protest it.

Harry kept the makeup on the whole day, finally getting Hermione to banish the stuff off of his face, but he wasn't the only one by the end of the day. Pansy, Lavender, and Parvati cornered each guy and decided on the perfect makeup for each of them all in the name of preparation. Ron moaned that the girls were just tormenting the guys, but the girls did make each boy look kind of pretty.

The next day was even worse, though at least most of the attention was then focused onto Draco, who had missed some of the drama while taking his exam. Still, the clothing arrived at breakfast and the partygoers spent the time before lunch trying the clothing on. The girls mostly handled their suits by themselves; they didn't even need help with their ties since the Hogwarts uniform included ties even for the females. The boys needed active help with their ball gowns, getting the fake breasts to sit right and to get the pantyhose on straight. Luna helped Harry out and Harry found that it wasn't actually as embarrassing as he thought it would be.

Harry really wasn't sure why they bothered to get changed back into their normal clothes for lunch, but he didn't dare to argue with Pansy. Harry figured that it hadn't mattered too much, as there were still some things to do before they could go out into public with their plot. Harry was made into the spokesperson with the House elves, asking whether the house elves could help them with the impromptu ball in terms of decorations and food. They didn't really want an extravagant sort of a thing, as they wanted to surprise their fellow students, but they did want some decorations and they needed help in order for it to happen.

An hour and a half before dinner, Pansy ushered all of the men into the abandoned classroom that they had gotten dressed in before and told them to get dressed. The boys found it slightly easier to get all dolled up this time around, but they still ended calling the girls into the room to help them out with some things. That took almost a whole hour, but there was still time for the girls to help the guys out with their makeup and so on.

The girls had already taken care of their hair by that time, most of the girls wearing short haircuts. Hermione was a bit of an exception, with slightly curly hair down to her neck. Luna had gotten a buzz cut on one side of her head, but she had slightly longer hair on the other side of her head; it suited her perfectly. While the rest of the girls' hair was short, it wasn't to the extremes that Hermione and Luna had taken with their hair. After the boys saw the girls' hair, they all paled as they realized that they were next.

Pansy and the rest of the girls formed something of an assembly line for the men; two girls cutting the boys' hair and two girls there to put the makeup on the boys. Pansy supervised it all, giving her opinions when needed and Luna floated around and did almost the same thing. Harry's hair was grown out until it reached the middle of his back. His hair was still messy, even with the length, but Pansy added gel to his hair and this calmed it down a bit. His hair now looked wavy and just a bit frizzy, instead of looking all over the place. Luna calmed his hair down even further with a spell that Hermione said was a spell to tame a wild animal. Harry just shrugged at that, amazed that it actually worked.

The rest of the preparations were finished just a few minutes after dinner started and Pansy rushed them all down to the Entrance Hall. They paused just long enough for the men to put their high heels on before Pansy slammed the doors open and they strutted into the Great Hall.

*=* Chapter 36 – Dancing Queens *=*


	37. Honorary Hufflepuffs

A/N 2: Edit! Sorry to those who read this chapter with the A/N in it. I meant to take it out, but things got a bit hurried when I posted this chapter and I forgot to take it out. I hate it when that happens, so I'm reloading the chapter with that phrase taken out.

A/N: Yay, I finally finished this chapter! Plot bunnies kept nipping at me and this took longer than I thought. If you're interested in Leverage, Psych or Drop Dead Diva, I have a couple of fics posted in those categories. Yeah, so I finally got around to finishing this chapter. I felt so bad when I kept getting reviews for this fic, and I know that I had even more readers: Thank you for that!!! Also, I'm going to have to plug my stuff once again, but I'm sure that all of you who read this story will want to check out my latest one shot! This one shot, A Dare and a Date, is set within the Rebellion universe! A reviewer pointed out that Ron didn't follow through with his dare and he was super stubborn within this chapter, so I wrote a one shot for it. It's a missing scene for chapters 36 and 37, so enjoy that and this chapter!!

Also, I do have to warn you that it is time for school once again. Not that I'm really sure if that fact really impacts my posting rate or not, but just to let you know.

-

Luna and Harry led the way into the Great Hall, with Pansy and Draco right behind them. Hermione and Ron came in next, followed by Parvati and Goyle, Lavender and Crabbe, and Tracey and Neville. They got proof that the students were getting used to Harry's antics when the students only applauded at their entrance. The examiners just stared at the spectacle, but automatically classified the male fifth years as females and the female fifth years as male students. Umbridge started spluttering when she realized exactly who the students were and what they were wearing.

Music came on and the couples started to dance, the female students twirling the male students along in a waltz. The students watched and cheered the dancers on. The teachers whispered to one another, but allowed the fifth years their event. They all thought that it was a great way to diffuse the stress that the fifth years were suffering.

Remus and Sirius were having a kick at seeing their godson in drag. Remus summoned his camera the moment he realized that the pretty green eyed girl with the blond haired male was his godson. Remus left the teacher's table and made his way around the room, taking pictures of Harry and Luna, along with all of the rest of the drag performers.

Snape stayed only enough time to grab a plate of food before leaving the Great Hall. Sirius was already planning on making a poster of the Slytherin 'King and Queen' and posting it on the inside of Snape's office door. Maybe he could ask Kreature about that permanent sticking charm that the house elf had used on his mother's portrait? It would have a twofold purpose; he would be able to permanently stick things on the wall to annoy Snape and maybe gain enough information to get rid of his mother's portrait.

As soon as the waltz music ended, a faster beat started up and the couples switched to a different dance. Pansy made the announcement that the other students could join them and a few students did actually get up to dance. Fred and George, evicted from the Potions classroom, got into the whole event and started making people over. Fred even made George over to look like a girl and they started dancing as soon as they had finished transforming people.

After all of the students had joined it, the ball stopped being just an act and Harry and Luna were able to relax and have fun. Luna continued to lead Harry in dancing and didn't seem to want to stop dancing. Harry found that he really didn't mind, however, as he didn't seem to step on Luna's feet when he wasn't leading them. Harry was having fun, despite wearing the full ball gown. He was even starting to get used to the dress, although he found that the fake breasts really were too much for him.

He and Luna talked about many things that night, about near mythical creatures and what would happen if the Great Hall was flooded with bubbles. Harry tried to encourage Luna's enthusiasm over the mythical creatures that she spoke about and Luna gave him plenty more ideas to try out on Umbridge. "I think I might miss her when she's gone," Harry confessed while they danced to a slow song. "I mean, she really isn't that bad once you get to know her and how to drive her insane."

"Still, she really isn't a good person to have along. She attracts negative energy and you never want to meet a creature attracted by negative energy." Luna tilted her head and smiled at Harry. "Still, that negative energy really has decreased since you started your whole rebellion. You've undermined her, Harry, but you do have to finish her off at the end of the year."

"Yeah, I suppose so," Harry muttered. "We don't want her to recover during the summer."

"Besides, you'll still have Snape to torment. You're slowly undermining him, but he won't break as easily as Umbridge will," Luna reassured Harry.

"I've been planning something big for Umbridge, but keeping it under wraps just in case," Harry said.

"The ceiling has noses," Luna agreed.

"I haven't had this much fun in a long time." Harry smiled down at Luna, not really sure if he was speaking about the year or the ball at the moment.

"I haven't had this much fun since the last time Daddy and I went Snorcack hunting." Luna smiled back at him.

"Ooh, tell me about that? Maybe I can convince my godfathers to go Snorcack hunting this summer," Harry eagerly said.

"You can travel with Daddy and I; we go Snorcack hunting every summer," Luna offered.

"All right," Harry replied. The rest of the ball was spent in a discussion about the Crumpled Horned Snorcack and all of the methods that the Lovegoods used to attract them as well as the methods they planned to use that summer.

All in all, Pansy declared the ball to be a success. Umbridge had tried several times to shut the ball down with her polite coughs, but the other teachers managed to stop her each time. They stayed to supervise the whole thing and they shut the party down at nine for the first through third years. The other years were able to remain until Eleven o'clock, when they were finally sent back to their common rooms. Harry said goodnight to Pansy's entire group before heading back with the other Gryffindors. It hadn't been quite what he had planned, but he still thought it was a success.

The next day, Harry came down wearing the makeup that Ron and Neville had forced onto him. He took comfort in the fact that at least he wasn't the only one with long hair, though he was the only one who put it up. That was mostly because his hair was all over the place and it was getting on his nerves.

The other boys headed straight over to Hermione, who had grown her hair out back to normal. Lavender and Parvati had also returned their hair back to normal and they helped Hermione return the boys' hair back to normal. Harry was the last one to sit down to have his hair done, but first he had to endure the three girls laughing over his makeup.

He pouted and crossed his arms at them. "Ron and Neville made me do it and you don't think I'm pretty?"

"Of course you're pretty, Harry," Lavender reassured, patting his head. She pulled the pony tail out of his hair and ran her hands through it. "Now, what should we do with his hair?"

"It's still messy when it's long," Parvati observed as a strand fell back into place over Harry's eye.

"I kind of like it though, what do you think, Hermione?" Lavender asked.

"It does kind of work for him," Hermione answered, tilting her head to look at Harry appraisingly. "But, I don't think that it should be that long."

"Hmm," Lavender mused as she stared at Harry. "What about if we cut it to about mid neck?"

"That sounds great," Parvati exclaimed as she clapped her hands together. "It will still be long, but he won't look like Snape or Malfoy."

"All right," Hermione nodded as she mentally set the length. "Stay still, Harry, I don't' want to cut your head off instead."

"Er, you wouldn't, would you, Hermione?" Ron asked as he worriedly fingered his own neck. His hair had been cut by Hermione and he was now questioning whether he should have trusted her to do it or not. Never mind that his head hadn't been cut off by her wand, he was still worried about it.

"If I die, should I haunt Snape or Umbridge?" Harry asked as he obligingly held his neck still.

"Run Umbridge out of the castle and then concentrate on Snape," Lavender answered.

Hermione murmured the spell and Harry's hair started falling. It only took her about five minutes to cut his hair to the perfect length and Harry jumped up as soon as she was done. Lavender and Parvati started cooing about his hair as he stood in front of his mirror, but he just frowned at his reflection.

"You don't like it, Harry?" Hermione asked, a bit worried about it.

"No, I love it." Harry shook his head, sending hair flying into his face instead of removing it from his face. He had had hair as long as it was in the back before, but the bangs were something new. Even though the strands kept falling across his eyes, he still did really like the look. "I was just thinking about whether I want to turn myself white and pretend to be a ghost or not."

"Why don't you? I think I know a spell or two," Hermione offered, having become used to the way her friend behaved now. It had taken her some time, but at least Harry was happy now. He had been so moody when the year had first started and Umbridge hadn't helped, but it seemed like acting insane was a bit of a stress reliever for him and she was happy about it. Of course, Harry still seemed to be insane and she was currently building a psychiatric profile on him, but that really wasn't any different than before. At least now he seemed to have given up on his saving people thing, concentrating on a driving people nuts thing.

"But, if I turn myself white then you wouldn't be able to tell that I'm wearing makeup," Harry pointed out. He might have been forced into it, but he still kind of liked the dark green eye shadow that he was wearing.

"Well, we could turn you white except for the makeup, I suppose." Hermione frowned as her mind raced with the spells needed to do that.

"Leave his eyes the way that they are," Lavender quickly suggested.

"And his hair," Parvati added.

"All right." Hermione shook her head, but spoke the spells and Harry slowly turned a pearly white. He really didn't look see through, like the other ghosts did, but that wasn't the point. In fact, one best acted insane when there was obviously something wrong with their idea, but they pretended like it was perfect.

"Brilliant, thanks Hermione," Harry said as he headed to the exit of the common room.

Harry led the way down to the Great Hall, where they met up with the Slytherins and Luna. The Slytherins' hair was back to normal, although Draco had his hair cut shorter than it usually was. Harry blinked as he realized that he had noticed that small detail; although it was quite noticeable to see Draco with just shy of a buzz cut.

Luna had kept her odd hair style that almost matched Draco's new look. The length of the hair on the right side of her head was only a tiny bit shorter than Draco's cut and the hair on the left side of her head was long enough to reach the tips of her ears.

Luna clapped her hands in excitement when she saw Draco's new haircut. "You look marvelous; this suits you much better than your previous hairstyle."

"I see you've decided to keep your own hairstyle from the ball," Draco replied.

"You two almost look like twins; all Draco needs is to have the hair on the right side of his head grown out a bit," Neville pointed out.

"Actually, my hair is platinum blond, while Luna's hair is more like a pale blonde," Draco pointed out. Harry peered closely at the two, but he really couldn't see all that much of a difference, though Draco's hair was more silvery than Luna's in the sunlight. Luna's hair seemed to drink in the sun, while Draco's seemed to repel it.

"That's a great idea, Neville; I am so glad that the Wrackspurts left your mind. I did always say that a little insanity could cure anything." With that, Luna took her wand out from behind her ear and waved it in Draco's direction. Draco stumbled back, but the damage had already been done and the hair on Draco's right side of his head was now as long as Luna's hair was on the left side of her head. Luna started happily humming as she turned around and headed to the Hufflepuff table.

"What did she do to me?" Draco asked as he started patting his head.

"Here." Pansy handed Draco a compact mirror before pulling Ron aside to talk to him. The rest of the group didn't notice between Draco's drama and their heading over to the Hufflepuff's table.

The Hufflepuffs stared at them as the group of Gryffindors and Slytherins sat down with the Hufflepuff fifth years. Ernie was the first one to say something during one of the pauses in Draco's rant. "You guys do know that this is the Hufflepuff's table, right?"

"Of course," Luna answered.

"Then why are you guys sitting here?" Zacharias Smith rudely asked.

"Because the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables are in mourning," Harry answered.

"Mourning?" Susan Bones asked.

"Haven't you heard?" Harry stared at the Hufflepuffs with wide eyes. "Harry Potter is dead."

"What?" Hannah Abbot shrieked.

"You do realize that you're sitting right here talking with us, right?" Ernie asked with a look of confusion on his face.

"I am the ghost of Harry Potter," Harry replied. "Would you like to leave a message?"

"But, aren't you Harry, even if you are a ghost?" Ernie asked.

"One would think so, but I don't feel like Harry today." Harry frowned at this point as he contemplated the matter. "Maybe I will feel like Harry tomorrow."

"Maybe." Ernie gave Harry an odd look, but let the whole thing go. "So, are you guys going to eat all of your meals here at the Hufflepuff table?"

"Quite possibly," Luna answered.

"All right, then." Ernie shook his head and turned his attention back to his meal. The rest of the Hufflepuffs soon followed suit and the Gryffindors and the Slytherins made themselves at home.

-

Harry and his friends spent most of the day hanging out at the Hufflepuff table. This infuriated Umbridge, who did not like the chaos, but she couldn't do anything about it. The Examiners loved the showing of the inter-House cooperation and Umbridge couldn't go against them. The rest of the teachers just figured that having three fifth year students from different houses at one table was just normal.

The Hufflepuffs took things in stride, integrating themselves into the strange group for lack of anything else to do. It wasn't like they could get the group to leave their table, so they decided to join in the fun. Compared to their antics the day before, the Gryffindor and Slytherin group was actually fairly tame in what they were doing. Luna was busy mimicking Draco and the rest were studying for their Potions OWL and their various electives; Care of Magical Creatures and Muggle Studies had their test at the same time on Monday.

Harry slipped away after dinner, following Snape down to the dungeons and actually keeping out of sight and hearing for once. He waited until Snape had entered his office before he knocked on the door. He didn't have to wait long for Snape to open the door and scowl down at him.

"What are you going here?" the Potions Master asked.

"It's time for our Occlumency lessons, unless we're not having them because of the Examiners?" Harry glanced around as if Marchbanks was about to pop out of the stone walls.

"We're not having Occlumency lessons, Potter," Snape growled out.

"Why not? Is that bust of Harry the Great really Professor Dumdums in disguise?" Harry peered at the macaroni sculpture that had found its way in front of Snape's office. The fifth year prankster would deny having anything to do with it; it was all Ron's fault.

"There is no Professor Dumdums in the Examiner's group. We are no longer having lessons, remember Potter?" Snape hoped that Harry would spontaneously combust and leave him alone, and he was glaring at the boy to tell him of this fact.

"I clearly remember this one person with a name that starts with a D in the Examiners; he tested me in Confectioner's OWLs." Harry frowned before snapping his fingers as it suddenly came to him. "Dumbledore, that's his name!"

"Dumbledore is the Headmaster of Hogwarts, Potter, and there is no Confectioner's class," Snape corrected.

"I thought the Headmaster was a frog named Umbridge, but he really is an ugly woman, so it's no wonder you blocked him out." Harry grinned at Snape. "And you're right about there being no Confectioner's class here at Hogwarts, luckily Honeydukes teaches it for free."

"Good god," Snape groaned out. "Listen, Potter, I wouldn't teach you Occulemency even if Dumbledore vowed to give up lemon drops. Now, get out of my sight."

"Voldemort's sight," Harry corrected out of nowhere.

"What?" Snape frowned in confusion.

"Voldemort broke through my shields today; he said to tell you that dirty socks taste horrible." Harry wrinkled his nose. "He really should get better help; those were supposed to be clean."

"And with that, I'm locking you out of my office." Snape slammed the door closed and Harry could hear the click of the locks. He heard the first two locking spells, but he couldn't hear anything more after the silencing ward went up.

Harry shrugged before heading back to the Hufflepuff table. He hoped that Snape would appreciate the flamingos that Harry had shrunk and snuck in during dinner; it had taken Hermione ages to get through all of his wards to get into the office. It really was too bad that the school year was ending soon; though he did think that maybe the summer break would calm Snape down. He also wondered if they could convince the Hufflepuffs to allow them to spend the night in their common room as well as sharing their table. It was worth a try!

*=* Chapter 37 – Honorary Hufflepuffs *=*


	38. Perfect Poking Sticks

A/N: Okay, I admit that I have totally failed in updating this in a timely manner. I really didn't mean to take a year's hiatus, but I got writers block in one story and then real life exploded. Such events include the birth of my niece and surgeries for three people in my family. Even still, I hadn't planned on taking so long in getting this chapter out. But, I come with presents!

I was not totally idle during this past year and I've got three stories to post. I'm already mostly through posting one of them, Apopalips, which you should check out if you like insane!Harry and don't mind a few crossovers. Rambling Through the Woods, a pure Harry Potter fic, will be posted after that.

Beyond that, I also bring Rebellion goodies. I've said several times that I'm going to rewrite Rebellion and it really needs it because I was not the best writer six years ago when I first started this story. That being said, I'm still focusing on finishing this story and continuing on to the sequel to Rebellion, so I will not drop everything to do this serious editing. I am also going to be posting the unedited chapters in a separate story, because I hate it when old stories disappear and I figured that I would keep it up some place so that anyone who likes the old version can still read it.

So, to recap, editing really won't change anything except to make the story better. In fact, you can even go back to the beginning and read the newly rewritten first chapter of Rebellion. Enjoy that chapter as well as this new one and I promise that I will not take another year to post the next chapter.

* * *

On Monday they had their Potions O.W.L. Unlike Umbridge, Snape didn't bother to hang around while his fifth years tool the exams. Harry was kind of glad for that, though. He had promised Hermione that he would focus on his exams and it was hard to do that while acting insane to drive someone else insane. Of course, that didn't stop him from convincing the examiner that Snape sent Envis E. Bill in his stead, but that only took a minute of talking to thin air before starting his exams. Professor Bill attended both Harry's written and practical exams, though Harry was also sure to send him over to the doors when the exams started; Hermione would kill him if he failed because the examiners thought he was cheating.

All in all, Harry though that his potions exam went well, with his potion in the practical turning out nicely. Not having Snape looming over his shoulder definitely helped, though Harry had figured that out before the exams. Ever since he had begun his Rebellion, Snape alternately tried to intimidate him into behaving or stayed away from him to try to keep from catching the insanity or to keep from trying to kill harry. Harry wasn't sure about getting an O in Potions, but he was confident enough to go searching for Snape when he was done with exams.

Snape was still in class at that point, so Harry sat down opposite the door and started to wait. Pretty soon he was bored, so he set about transfiguring small pebbles into flamingo statues that he lined up to his side. Luckily for the dungeon, Harry didn't have to wait too long before the classroom door opened and Snape's current potions class streamed out. It happened to be the fourth year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, which meant that Luna joined Harry in sitting on the dungeon floor.

"Are we avoiding the spleen-diggers?" Luna asked as she started fiddling with the flamingos. "We used frogs' spleen in class today, so they have been crowding."

"I'm waiting for Snape," Harry replied.

"He's missed you recently," Luna said. "He took twenty points away from me today in class."

"Sounds like he's missing me, alright," Harry replied.

The potions class door opened once again and Snape emerged, scowling down at Harry and Luna. "What are you doing there, Potter?"

"Sitting on the floor," Harry said.

"Avoiding the Spleen-diggers," Luna said. She motioned to the ground next to them. "You're welcome to join us."

"No, I will not join you in sitting on the floor." Snape's scowl deepened. "Don't you two have a class to attend?"

"Duct tape 101 usually, but it's been cancelled," Harry said. "For some reason Dumbledore is on the run and can no longer teach it."

"The Headmaster does not teach any classes at all, let alone Duck Tape 101," Snape said. EH closed and locked his classroom door with a spell.

"I had my Potions O.W.L. today, Professor," Harry chirped as he bounded to his feet, leaving the flamingos where they were. "It reminded me of you and I swear that I could almost see your form hovering over us while we took it."

"If you took your Potions O.W.L. then what are you doing here for?" Snape asked.

"Are you sure you weren't astral projecting to spy on us taking our exams?" Harry asked.

"Why would I bother to spy on your O.W.L.s? Snape asked, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Because you're worried that Neville is the next Potions Master," Harry said.

"Mister Longbottom is currently insane," Snape pointed out. He smirked at them. "I only expect to see one of you in my classroom next year."

"Because they wouldn't let me have a time turner," Harry said.

"What?" Snape asked.

"They wouldn't give me a time turner, so of course there would only be one of me in your class next year," Harry explained.

"I don't expect to see you at all, Potter," Snape said. "I was talking about your insane group of friends."

"Oh, you meant that you were planning on seeing Ron, right?" Harry nodded his head like it was a given fact.

"Why would Mister Weasley be in my sixth year class?" Snape asked.

"Because you expect Neville to be in it," Harry answered.

"Why don't you go annoy the werewolf instead of me?" Snape suggested when he couldn't take it anymore. He looked like he wanted to pinch the bridge of his nose to fight a headache.

"Because poking a werewolf with a stick on the full moon is a bad idea," Harry answered.

"It's not a full moon, Potter, so why don't you try it?" Snape gave them a sneer before sweeping away, almost quite literally. Somehow his robes had grown longer while they were talking and they were dragging on the floor behind him.

"I wonder if he'll trip," Luna mused.

"Let's go poke Remus with a stick," Harry said after a moment.

"Shall we get the others?" Luna suggested.

"We'll need sticks," Harry agreed.

The two of them made their way outside to the lake in order to find the perfect stick. The usual group of students was already lounging by the lake and some of them looked up when Harry and Luna approached.

"Potter, where did you wander off to?" Pansy asked when she finally caught sight of the two.

"To see Snape," Harry answered with a shrug.

"Snape missed Harry," Luna said. "I could tell all through our potions class."

"He's expecting to see you in class next year, Ron," Harry said.

"I don't want to take Potions anymore," Ron whined.

"Don't worry; this is all just a cover so that Snape doesn't try to stop Neville from becoming a Potions Master."

"A Potions Master?" Neville almost squeaked as he stared at Harry.

"Neville's horrid at Potions, mate," Ron reminded Harry.

"That's just what Snape wants you to think," Harry said as he clapped Neville on the shoulder. "You can do it, Neville. I believe in you."

"You know there's crazy and then there is crazy," Draco said to break the silence.

"Being around Slytherins so much again has gotten you snarky once more," Harry replied.

"I'm supposed to be snarky," Draco said. "Plus, Snape has started to monitor all of my food, so I've had to adjust my behavior a little."

"We're still taking the O.W.L.s so we should be serious," Hermione said. She was studying for the next exam already.

"I'll go get the Polyjuice potion," Harry volunteered.

"I didn't mean that literally," Hermione replied.

"So, if Weasley isn't taking Potions next year, then who is?" Pansy asked. "Neville?"

"Merlin, I hope not," Neville said.

"Nah, we'll send Hermione in his stead," Harry replied.

"She's already going to be attending class next year," Tracy said.

"You can't know that already," Hermione protested.

"We already know that you got an O, Hermione," Ron replied, waving a hand in dismissal.

"See, it's perfect," Harry started to explain. "He'll be so focused on the evil that is Hermione that he will forget to keep track of Neville."

"Why is Professor Snape keeping an eye on Neville when Neville isn't attending his class?" Pansy asked.

"Because Neville is going to secretly study potions in his spare time and learn more than he ever did in potions class," Harry answered. "You see, Snape's known since the beginning that Neville was a threat to his Youngest Potions Master title."

"You're incorrigible," Hermione told Harry.

"Why, thank you, Harry replied.

"I found some," Luna exclaimed.

"Found some what?" Ron lazily asked.

"Found some perfect sticks," Luna answered.

"Found some perfect sticks for what?" Ron asked.

"Found some perfect sticks for poking Professor Lupin," Luna answered. She handed Harry one of the sticks.

"What are you doing poking Professor Lupin for?" Ron asked.

"Snape told us to," Harry answered.

"Harry, you can't poke Professor Lupin with sticks," Hermione said.

"Why not?" Harry asked.

"Because it isn't nice," Hermione scolded.

"Okay, Luna and I are going to go be mean to Remus," Harry said.

"Harry," Hermione warned.

"Okay, Luna and I are going to go and see Remus with our sticks," Harry said. He held his stick up. "This does not mean that I am going to poke him with it."

"But it probably does," Luna said.

Harry glanced at Hermione's face and turned to Luna. "Run!" The two with sticks ran off towards the castle. The rest of the group just stared after them.

"Aren't you going to go after them?" Pansy asked after a minute.

"Remus can deal with Harry," Hermione said. She turned back to her book. "I want to finish this chapter before dinner."

"Do you think that I could be a Potions Master?" Neville asked.

Pansy eyed the Gryffindor who held the record of potions accidents and shrugged. "Why not?"

* * *

Harry and Luna ambushed Remus in the Entrance Hall, poking him in the back with their sticks. Remus froze, but turned around when they poked him again. He blinked in confusion and they took the time to poke him several times in the chest and once in the arms.

"What are you two doing?" Remus asked.

"Poking you with a perfect poking stick," Harry answered as he continued to poke Remus.

"Why are you poking me with perfect poking sticks?" Remus asked.

"Hermione says that we're mean," Harry said.

"Did you get in a fight with her?" Remus asked, wondering how their poking him with sticks would make it better.

"Nah, she just thinks that poking you with a perfect poking stick is mean," Harry answered.

"Well, I suppose that it's true," Remus mused. He was glad that Harry wasn't arguing with his friends, but still curious as to why two of his students were poking him.

"Shh," Harry scolded as he continued to poke Remus. "This is hard work that we're doing."

"I can see that," Remus said. And he could; Luna had a look of actual focus on her face, something that he had only seen on her face when she was writing an essay on Blithering Humdingers. Harry had a look of intense concentration and the tip of his tongue was sticking out.

Remus wasn't sure exactly why, but he stood still and allowed the two students to poke him with their perfect poking sticks. Then again, at least they weren't poking him too hard and it was fascinating to watch them poke him.

Voices filtered into the Entrance Hall as the doors to the Great Hall finally opened. The elder Examiners stepped out of the Great Hall, along with Umbridge, but Harry and Luna didn't stop poking Remus.

They all stared at the spectacle. "What are they doing?" Madam Marchbanks asked.

Remus cringed, remembering her tone from his own examinations, particularly when Sirius and James turned his hair purple right after their Divinations exam. "They're poking me with perfect poking sticks."

Madam Marchbanks blinked and turned towards Umbridge. "Can you tell me why two of your students are poking their Defense Professor?"

"You see, Mister Potter isn't really feeling well," Umbridge simpered. "We've been keeping it from the public, but he really belongs in St. Mungos."

"He's been remarkably well behaved during his exams. In fact, his work was exceptional," Professor Tofty said.

"Mister Potter, will you cease torturing your professor?" Madam Marchbanks said.

"Can't," Harry said as he continued to poke Remus with his perfect poking stick.

"And why not?" Madam Marchbanks asked.

"Because Professor Snape told us to do it," Harry answered, "and he's our Lord God and Master."

Remus choked at that, although Harry wasn't sure if it was because of laughter or because he was horrified by Harry's reply.

"Professor Snape told you to poke your professor with sticks?" Madam Marchbanks asked.

"Yes," Harry answered.

"Because he's your Lord God and Master?" Madam Marchbanks continued.

"Professor Umbridge has weeded out most of the Demigods," Harry said.

"Professor Snape is not a god, Mister Potter and I over rank him even if he was," Madam Marchbanks said. "So will you stop poking your professor?"

"Can I keep the stick?" Harry asked as he paused in the middle of poking Remus. "Because this really is the perfect poking stick."

"Fine, you may keep the stick," Madam Marchbanks said.

"Okay, then," Harry said as he stepped away from Remus.

Luna continued to poke Remus.

"Miss, why are you still poking your professor?" Madam Marchbanks asked when she noticed that Luna had not stopped. "I told you to stop."

"You told Harry to stop," Luna replied.

"Well, then will you stop poking your professor, Miss?" Madam Marchbanks trailed off, clearly expecting Luna to tell her who her name.

"Professor Umbridge should know my name," Luna said as she looked at the ceiling.

"Just tell the examiner your name," Umbridge told Luna.

"Dumbledore always knew everyone's names," Harry said. He sighed and shook his head. "Let's go see the Giant Squid, Luna."

"We can show him our perfect poking sticks," Luna said as she stopped poking Remus with the stick.

"What kind of school are you running?" Madam Marchbanks asked Umbridge as the two students skipped away. "Dumbledore never had any issues with disrespect like this."

Umbridge's reply was lost as the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw went back to their friends over by the lake.

"You went and poked Professor Lupin, didn't you?" Hermione asked without looking up from her book.

"Yep, he liked it," Harry replied.

"Professor Lupin said that he liked being poked by a stick?" Ron asked.

"Well, he didn't try to stop us," Harry said with a shrug.

"Then who did?" Pansy asked.

"The Examiners," Harry answered. He scratched the back of his neck and gave a sheepish smile. "I think the Rebellion is back on."

"The Rebellion?" Pansy asked, reminding the Rebellion that they weren't alone.

"It's a charity group," Harry said. "A nonprofit organization."

"Named the Rebellion?" Pansy asked, raising her eyebrow at Harry. "What is it, really?"

"It is a charity group, but it's made out of students," Harry explained. "Dedicated to driving professors Snape and Umbridge insane."

"Is that why you are so mental all the time?" Pansy asked.

"Who knows?" Harry shrugged.

"Harry, you said that you would hold off during O.W.L.s," Hermione said as she put her book aside.

"And when did we start actually trusting the Slytherins?" Ron asked as he bolted up.

"You've just noticed that?" Harry asked, amused by their reactions. "Pansy convinced you to dress like a girl and also got you to finally ask Hermione out on a date."

"Blimey." Ron shook his head as he realized how deep it was. "Seriously, how did that happen?"

"We really didn't interact with the Slytherins only because of the house rivalries and the fact that Malfoy was a brat," Hermione pointed out.

"But still, Slytherins." Ron threw his hands up in the air.

"In this war, we must use whatever weapon necessary in order to complete our goal," Harry informed Ron.

"First it was a charity and now it's a war?" Pansy muttered to the rest of the group.

"Speaking of this war," Hermione said. "Why aren't you focusing on your O.W.L.s?"

"Relax, Hermione," Harry said, being sure to stay out of her reach, just in case. "I just wanted the Examiners to see how Umbridge actually runs the school."

"With an iron fist that has no authority," Hermione replied. "But you should really study every two hours for an hour that you put into your little war."

"I bet I could take over the school," Harry mused.

"And what brought this on?" Hermione asked, raising her eyebrow at him.

"You called it a small war and you're right. It is a small war. If I was engaged in a larger war, I'd have to drive more than two professors insane," Harry said.

"And why aren't you?" Pansy asked. "You've never acted out in any of the other classes beyond Potions and Defense against the Dark Arts and you clearly could."

"Hermione would kill me if classes suffered if the professors couldn't teach because of me," Harry answered.

"And you weren't worried with Umbridge?" Pansy asked.

"It was Umbridge and I think her teaching skills actually got better because of me," Harry answered.

"She stopped giving detentions to anyone who raised their hand," Pansy admitted. "But what about Professor Snape?"

"Snape's teaching skills got worse," Harry acknowledged. He then shrugged. "But it wasn't like he was that great of a teacher to begin with."

"You were a Gryffindor," Pansy shot back.

"And a Potter," Harry said with a nod. "But did he give any Slytherins anything beyond points?"

"You may have something there," Pansy admitted after thinking for a moment. "But he's still our Head of House and he's good at that."

"That reminds me, we need to have a sleep over," Harry said.

"You have a death wish?" Pansy asked.

"A slight one, or else I would have never had set this Rebellion up in the first place," Harry said. "I would have thought that I had been expelled as soon as she could pin it on me, but I think I unhinged her before she could."

"You know, you almost sound sane," Pansy said.

"But the fact that I've just chained myself up while we spoke negates that fact," Harry replied as he held up his hands.

His hands were bound with a set of manacles and there was a long chain between them so that he could use his hands like he normally would. There was also another chain attached to the manacles that was perpendicular to the chain that bound his hands. He handed that chain over to Draco. "Umbridge made me into your slave as punishment for poking Remus."

"And I got away because Umbridge still doesn't remember my name," Luna cheered. "But Pansy and I can be friends."

"Willingly giving yourself to the Slytherins; you are insane," Pansy muttered.

"This way I can sleep over at your House and Draco will have to protect me," Harry cheered.

"Let's get to dinner, slave," Draco said as he stood up. He yanked at Harry's chain. "I'm hungry.

"Yes, Master," Harry said.

They went back to the castle with Draco and Harry leading the way. They garnered a lot of stares, but they ignored everything until they reached the Entrance Hall.

"What is going on here?" Madam Marchbanks asked as she caught sight of them while emerging from the dungeon stairs. "What are you up to now, Mister Potter?"

"Umbridge gave me to Master Malfoy as my punishment for poking a professor with a perfect poking stick," Harry said.

"Master Malfoy?" Madam Marchbanks asked, turning to Draco.

"I honestly think it's weird, Madam Marchbanks," Draco said. "But one does not argue with Professor Umbridge."

"Given this knowledge, I over rank Professor Umbridge, as well," Madam Marchbanks said. She tapped the chains that bound Harry and vanished them. "Consider your punishment to be to spend the rest of the evening studying for your next exam, Care of Magical Creatures, is it not?"

"Yes, ma'am," Harry said, giving her an innocent smile.

"Avoid Professor Umbridge for now; I need to make a fire call," Madam Marchbanks said. She reversed her direction, heading towards her quarters instead of into the Great Hall.

"Your plan is actually working?" Hermione asked as they watched the Examiner go on her way.

"Who would have thought?" Pansy agreed.

"And that is the power of the Rebellion," Harry said as he led them into the Great Hall for dinner. His impulsive plan had worked perfectly, but it had also backfired for him. Hermione enforced his study punishment and the Slytherins refused to let Harry sleep over in the Slytherin common room. Still, Umbridge's tower was beginning to fall.

*=* Chapter 38 - Perfect Poking Sticks *=*


	39. Who Knew

Author's Note: Okay, it is not 2011 and not even 2012... Sorry about that. Turns out, I suck at rewriting. I flail about, making it oh, so complicated (timelines/matching dates for OotP suck) and now I have finally cut it down to simple. So simple, all of the rewritten stuff will catch up to what is posted at chapter 9. Keep your eyes peeled, because I have a date to finish this in mind (but I will not make any more promises).

Two bits of plugging: Rebellion is on AO3 - search for Tatra and you'll find it. Also, I am posting a backlog of short stories, most of them Harry Potter, so check them out if you are curious. :D

Thank you to all of the people who have stuck with me or simply read this story while I was away! 116 reviews for chapter 38 alone and I know that there were hundreds more people who read it.

* * *

Professor Marchbanks kept a careful eye on Harry even though it was Professor Tofty who was giving him his exam. He could tell that she was trying to figure out whether Umbridge was telling the truth about him. So, Harry regretfully restrained himself from setting off a prank. Instead he behaved like a normal student, well, as much as he could. He had no idea what the introduction of Spleendiggers would do to his grade, but they really needed to get the population down. Besides, Harry knew that it would tell him how deep the examiners were in the Rotfang Conspiracy. Luna was deeply interested in the answer and he couldn't resist helping her.

During lunch, he activated a prank that he had set the night before. Umbridge's hideous Pink Cardigan turned into black leather with the phrase 'No Resistance' written in hot pink on the back of the jacket. Umbridge was so used to the random pranks that she no longer even threw fits about them during the meals. He had learned that it was best to eat when she could, or else her food would either disappear or turn into something less desirable. So Umbridge continued to eat her lunch without letting on that she was aware of the change.

"Interesting new look, Madam Umbridge," Marchbanks commented. "Rather different than Albus's taste in clothing, but odd all the same."

"Oh," Umbridge laughed her simpering laugh. "I just felt like a change. You know how it gets sometimes, when you've been doing the job for a while."

"She's only been doing it for two months" Tofty muttered to Marchbanks.

"Are you tired of it?" Marchbanks asked, meaning the job.

"Very tired," Umbridge sighed, meaning the pranks.

The conversation stopped with that, Marchbanks having a gleam in her eye. Umbridge was oblivious to it all.

Hermione gave Harry a discouraging look, but she still snickered at Umbridge's new look, as the woman practically strutted out of the Great Hall. "Focus, Harry," She reminded as they headed out to their Care of Magical Creatures' practical exam.

Harry focused, but not really on the exam. He could deal with the creatures just fine, even with half of his attention on Hagrid's hut.

"Is something the matter, Mister Potter?" Tofty asked.

"I'm worried about Hagrid," Harry confessed. "Professor Umbridge has been making a number of changes to Hogwarts and I don't think that she thinks that Professor Hagrid can fit in."

"Because of his parentage?" Tofty asked, remembering the article in the Daily Prophet and knowing something of Umbridge's feelings for outsiders.

"Well, that too," Harry said. "But mostly it's because Hagrid's too big to join the motorcycle gang and not draw all of the attention to himself."

"What is a motorcycle gang?" Tofty asked.

"It's a gang for those who use a muggle machine for traveling, usually only tough people join them and Umbridge wants to form one for all of the Hogwarts staff," Harry said. "I think maybe even the examiners will be expected to join."

"But Professor Hagrid won't be able to join?" Tofty asked.

"I'm afraid that she's going to kill him and insist that he ran away to join Dumbledore," Harry said. He frowned. "You know, sometimes I even wonder about that."

"About what, Mister Potter?" Tofty asked.

"About whether she was telling the truth about Dumbledore being on the run from the Ministry," Harry paused. "I mean, how likely is it that a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor would just let him escape like that?"

"It is Dumbledore," Tofty muttered, sounding uncertain.

"But Professor Umbridge was the best that the Ministry had to offer," Harry said. "She must be better than an Auror in their eyes."

"An interesting point," Tofty said.

"So, either she's grossly incompetent but managed to blackmail the ministry or," Harry trailed off.

"Or," Tofty prompted.

"She killed Dumbledore and hid his body before coming up with the story that he had escaped her and ran away," Harry whispered, glancing around as though he were worried that Umbridge would appear out of nowhere.

"Why haven't you alerted the authorities to this possibility?" Tofty asked.

"She screens the mail," Harry answered, "So I couldn't send an owl."

"You mean she reads your mail?" Tofty asked.

"I don't even know if any of it ever makes it out to the castle for fear of how the parents would react to all the kids could say," Harry answered, speaking truthfully this time. "It's not like Dumbledore where you could send a letter saying whatever you wanted."

"All right, Owls are out, but what about the Floo?" Tofty asked.

"She's got them all monitored, too," Harry answered. "So the only place that you can send one that isn't monitored is her office, but it's suicidal to go in there."

"You wouldn't want to speak of her in her room" Tofty murmured to himself.

"Plus, pit bulls would get you and chew you up," Harry said with a shudder. "She makes you think that she loves sweet innocent kittens and then wham! She'll sic the pit bulls after you."

"Oh dear," Tofty said.

"So I really couldn't contact anyone at all," harry said.

"But you're telling me," Tofty said.

"I trust that you're not under Umbridge's control," Harry said.

"Oh, the examiners are completely independent from the Ministry," Tofty reassured. "Well, do not worry. I will make sure that this information goes to trustworthy people."

"Just be careful of how you do it," Harry said. "When I said that Umbridge screens all letters and Floo calls but her own, I mean that she monitors all of them, even yours."

"She monitors us?" Tofty asked. A thunder cloud appeared on his face. "We'll just have to see about that"

"Good luck," Harry said as he gently put the normal sized blasted end skrewt down.

"Would you be willing to travel with us to make a report?" Tofty asked.

"If you can get me out without Professor Umbridge noticing me," Harry said.

"I will let you know about dinner," Tofty said in a low voice. He raised his voice to just over normal level to say, "That's everything, Mister Potter."

"Thank you, Professor," harry said as he left. He headed over to the lake, not even bothering to head up to the Castle. Tofty would spread the rumor around to the other examiners and Operation White Room Umbridge would continue to unfold.

Not everyone was at the lake, given that some of them were still taking the exam, but most of the group was there.

"So, what were you up to during the exam, Potter?" Pansy asked.

"Who says that I was up to something?" Harry asked.

"Because you are always up to something," Pansy replied.

"That might be true," Harry said.

"So what were you up to?" Pansy asked.

"Convincing the examiners that Umbridge is a killer," Harry answered.

"What?" A chorus of voices - Hermione the loudest of all.

"Well, she's either incompetent or a killer," Harry said. He tilted his head as he thought of something. "An incompetent killer?"

"Why are you trying to convince the examiners that Umbridge is a killer?" Hermione asked.

"She could kill people with her old fashion sense," Pansy muttered. "She looks ridiculous in that leather jacket, but it's better than that cardigan."

"Step one in convincing the examiners that Umbridge is going to kill us all," Harry said.

"Umbridge is going to kill us all?" Dean asked as he joined the group. "What did you do, Harry?"

"This is just the next step in Harry's Rebellion," Hermione explained as she glared at Harry.

"Well, that would definitely get rid of Umbridge at Hogwarts, but it would end up in at least some of us dead," Dean mused.

"Which is a good thing that this is only what Harry is trying to convince the examiners of," Hermione said. "He was just getting to explaining his thought process to us all."

"Okay, I think cheese between every word sometimes when the moon is waxing," Harry said. "So it goes: cheese, change, cheese, Umbridge's, cheese, jacket, cheese, to cheese, leather, cheese, to, cheese, give, cheese, her, cheese, a, cheese, tougher, cheese look."

"Say that again without all of the cheese," Hermione said giving Harry a dirty look.

"It does get hard to follow when you're saying cheese jacket," Ron said as he joined them.

"I still don't know if you're insane or not," Pansy said.

"He is insane," Draco said.

"Thank you," Harry said. "Okay, so I changed the target's clothing to make her look tougher, then I acted worried for Hagrid through the exam."

"Why?" Pansy asked.

Harry shrugged. "We've been worried about him for a while. So far Umbridge has been incompetent, but she could be trying to regain control from me soon."

"And turn into a killer?" Dean asked.

"I told the examiner that I was worried that Umbridge would kill Hagrid and say that he ran off to join Dumbledore and then I suggested that Dumbledore was killed by her," Harry said.

"Dumbledore isn't dead," Hermione said.

"But Umbridge has been monitoring the mail and the floo connection," Harry said.

"Which doesn't sound good whether Umbridge really is a killer or not," Hermione said.

"And Umbridge will be looked into," Pansy agreed.

"So Professor Tofty might be taking me to report it in person," Harry concluded.

"Harry, you can't give a false report to the Aurors," Hermione scolded.

"I'm not going to," Harry replied. "I'm telling the truth about the mail and the floo and anything else is just worries and speculation."

"Just be careful," Hermione said.

"Tofty's going to sneak me out," Harry said. "And if we get caught, I'll just tell Umbridge that they are locking me up."

Hermione still didn't like the idea, but that didn't stop Harry from slipping away after dinner to meet with Tofty and Marchbanks in the Entrance Hall.

"You believe that Umbridge really killed Dumbledore?" Marchbanks asked Harry.

"I think it's something that she's capable of and so I can't help but be worried," Harry answered. "I had no contact with my dad's friend all this year before he showed up to take over the Defense posting."

"And you're sure that she is monitoring the mail as well as the Floo network?" Marchbanks asked.

"Yes, none of my letters were sent and when I tried to Floo Professor Lupin to talk to him, she thought that I was contacting Sirius Black just because we mentioned his name," Harry said.

"Very well," Marchbanks said. "We have done some testing of our own, and we believe that you have a valid concern."

"We'll be side-alone apparating with you to the Ministry of Magic," Tofty said.

"Side-along apparition?" Harry questioned.

"I will be apparating and bringing you along with me," Tofty explained. "We figured that it would be safer."

"Okay," Harry said as he followed the examiners down the path to the gates of Hogwarts. "But how do I know you are who you say you are?"

"We recently walked in to see you poking Remus Lupin with 'perfect poking sticks,' was it?" Marchbanks asked.

"And your Patronus was simply stunning. It's a brilliant piece of magic that will definitely earn you an O in your Defense OWL," Tofty said.

"Thank you," Harry said. "Even if Umbridge is right and Voldemort isn't back, someone dressed like him and his Death Eaters are determined to kill me and I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"The Minister also believes that the Dark Lord is not back," Marchbanks said.

"Well, just because I've faced him three times before the cemetery doesn't mean that I'm an expert or anything," Harry said with a shrug. "Maybe it's a copy cat."

"A copy cat?" Tofty asked.

"Someone who impersonates other criminals using the criminal's signatures in place of their own," Harry explained.

"And that's who you think kidnapped you?" Marchbanks said.

"As I've said, I'm not an expert. Even if I am old enough to be fully tried for defending myself of something that reminded me of a dementor, doesn't mean that I can identify Voldemort or anything," Harry said.

"You continue to amaze me, Mister Potter. I can see why some people believe you to be mad," Marchbanks said.

"Why thank you, Madam," Harry said.

"And we've just passed the apparition wards, if you would hand me your arm," Tofty said.

"Hold on tight," Marchbanks advised.

Harry took the advice and clung to Tofty's arm as the man spun them around. Harry felt like he was being squeezed in a long tube, almost feeling like he would explode. They emerged at the Ministry, in the atrium. Harry focused on just breathing and not throwing up as Tofty drew him off to the side. Professor Marchbanks appeared and led the way over to the security guards at the desk.

"We've got an appointment," Marchbanks said, giving the man a look. He hurriedly waved them through without bothering to check their wands.

"Wow," Harry said as he got onto the elevator.

They were the only ones on the elevator for the first floor, but a harried worker entered the lift at the second floor. At first he paid them no mind, but then he saw Harry.

"Harry?" Arthur Weasley exclaimed. "What are you doing at the Ministry for? You're supposed to be at Hogwarts."

"He's here to make a report," Marchbanks said.

"Why? Did something happen at Hogwarts?" Arthur asked.

"Umbridge has been screening all forms of communication," Harry said. "And I'm worried that she killed Dumbledore and is going after Hagrid next."

"You're worried that Umbridge killed Dumbledore?" Arthur asked, blinking in shock.

"And that she'll go after Hagrid next," Harry said.

"I had heard from Professor Snape, of course, but I really didn't believe it," Arthur dazedly said. He was talking about the Order meeting where Snape had said that Harry was insane, but Marchbanks and Tofty took it as a confirmation that Umbridge had killed Dumbledore.

Before he could say anything more, their stop came up. Arthur seemed reluctant to part with them, but he didn't follow them any further.

Marchbanks and Tofty took Harry to what seemed to be a conference room and Harry was surprised to find Shacklebolt and Tonks waiting for them.

"Harry," Tonks exclaimed when she saw him.

"You know him?" Marchbanks asked.

"Er, yeah, I do," Tonks said hesitantly.

"And you'll be willing to listen to him and investigate the matter?" Marchbanks asked.

"Of course," Tonks gave Harry a worried look. "Is everyone okay at Hogwarts?"

"It's Umbridge," Harry said.

"Is she causing more trouble?" Tonks asked.

"She monitors the owls and floo," Harry said. "And I'm worried that she's going to kill Hagrid like she did to Dumbledore."

"You believe that Umbridge killed Dumbledore?" Shacklebolt asked, staring at Harry.

"Harry," Tonks said before stopping. She wanted to ask him why he was saying that Dumbledore was dead when they all knew that he was alive, but they weren't supposed to know where Dumbledore was, so she couldn't say anything. "That's a big accusation; we'll have to look into Umbridge."

"We'll have to be careful," Shacklebolt mused. "I can see why you insisted on a private meeting."

"I think she'll ill us all one day," Harry said. "Just snap and kill us all."

"Yeah, we're definitely going to investigate her," Tonks said. "Tell us more."

Harry started talking, telling the two Aurors all the things that Umbridge was doing t oppress the students. Marchbanks and Tofty even chimed in to tell of the things that they had witnessed. Tonks and Shacklebolt made notes of everything, partly to be able to investigate the situation, but also to be able to share it with the Order.

Tonks helped them sneak out of the Ministry unnoticed and Harry had to endure another trip by apparition. It was almost curfew when they got back, but Hermione and Ron where there to greet them.

"Umbridge is busy," Ron informed them, proudly smirking.

"So how did it go?" Hermione asked.

"It went well," Harry said. He waited until they were on the next floor before continuing. "The room that I'm occasionally dreaming about is at the Ministry."

"Harry," Hermione started.

"Yes, the room of ducks is at the ministry," Harry said. "Who knew?"

* * *

*=* Chapter 39 – Who Knew *=*


	40. Sirius Black at Hogwarts?

A/N: I bet you didn't expect to see an update so soon! I am utterly amazed at how many people have come back to read this story and all of the reviews that I have gotten. Thanks!

* * *

The next day, the schedule was different than the normal OWL routine. Instead of having the written exam in the morning and the practical in the afternoon, they would have the Astronomy theory exam in the morning and the practical exam at night. Obviously it was so that they could see the stars, but it still gave some students a break. Of course, the Divinations OWL took place in the afternoon, so Harry didn't have the time off.

The written Astronomy exam went as well as Harry had expected. The course was never anything that he was too focused on, so he figured he got a decent score. Afterwards, Hermione hauled out the star charts and started quizzing them on that while they headed down to lunch.

Ron finally groaned when they sat down at the table. "We do have our Divinations OWL in the afternoon. Shouldn't we study for that first?"

"Like you need to study for that." Hermione sniffed. She did put the star chart down for the moment. "The two of you just make things up anyway."

"But this is our OWLs," Ron protested. He caught Harry's eye and winked. They weren't really planning on studying for their Divinations OWL, though they couldn't just make death predictions up, but it stopped Hermione from hounding them.

She sniffed once more and helped herself to food. Harry snickered along with Ron and did the same. It almost felt like a normal day at Hogwarts without the insanity. He hadn't seen Umbridge or Snape all day, though they were sitting up at the teachers' table now.

And then the doors to the Great Hall flew open and someone fell to the floor. He almost expected the person to mention trolls as an afterthought, but instead she stumbled back to her feet. "Ouch. Sorry about that folks. I tripped on something."

"There's nothing there," Shacklebolt said as he entered the room behind her.

Hermione's elbow poked into Harry's ribs. "Why are Tonks and Shacklebolt here?" she hissed.

"Huh, I didn't think that they would actually come to investigate," Harry replied. To be honest, he had thought that they would just pass him off as insane, but maybe there was a chance that they would be able to actually do something about Umbridge. Hey, one could hope.

"Hem, hem," Umbridge cleared her throat as she stood up. "What is going on here? Why are there Aurors here at Hogwarts?"

"We've heard a rumor that Sirius Black has been spotted here at Hogwarts," Shacklebolt answered. "The actual report was made a couple of months ago, but I am afraid that we've only just now gotten the time to investigate it."

"We got a flood of reports ever since the Quibbler said Stubby was Black," Tonks said. "But we're here to look around now."

"Sirius Black is not here at Hogwarts," Umbridge said. She frowned. "I haven't heard anything about this."

"Sorry, Madame Umbridge, but we have to investigate. Even if it turns out to be a false report." Shacklebolt shrugged. "It's been long enough that he probably isn't here, but he might have left clues behind."

"Do we have your permission to ask around?" Tonks asked.

Umbridge was still frowning. "I suppose it is procedure. Very well. Do what you see fit."

"Thank you." Shacklebolt and Tonks split up, wandering through the Great Hall to interview groups of people.

None of the students interviewed were in the Rebellion - in fact, the two Aurors avoided Harry entirely. The Ravenclaws told the facts and nothing but the facts. The Hufflepuffs did not make anything up, but they did play along enough to talk about the things that the Rebellion had done. The Slytherins refused to talk, but they did admit that Sirius Black could have been at Hogwarts.

Tonks and Shacklebolt excused themselves before lunch ended and left to go investigate the rest of the castle. The Great Hall emptied, but Harry and Ron waited around in the Entrance hall for their next exam. Divinations was a fairly popular class, so most of the fifth years hung around with them.

Harry bluffed his way through the exam, just with a little less in the way of death predictions. He couldn't help the fact that Marchbank's lifeline said that she had already died the Tuesday before. It was what her lifeline said and there was no getting around it.

Still, he refrained from fooling around in the exam and tried to do well. Her tea leaves said that she would meet a soggy stranger. With Trelawney he would say that the stranger would probably be a mass murderer, but that wouldn't fly with Marchbanks.

At the end of the exam, he wasn't quite sure how well he had done. Marchbanks had kept up a blank expression through his whole OWL, even when he had said that she was some kind of zombie. He shrugged as he left the Great Hall. It was only Divinations, after all.

After the exam, they had until sunset before the practical Astronomy OWL started. Instead of heading out to the lake, like they usually did, the group of fifth years stuck around the Great Hall to watch the two Aurors. Shacklebolt and Tonks had passed by on their investigations right as the OWL let out and took the time to try and get the fifth year students to talk to them.

Earlier everyone had been focused on the exam that was right after lunch, but now they had a couple of hours before the next exam. Some students still left to go study, most of the Ravenclaws and some of the Slytherins who weren't in Harry's group, but the Hufflepuffs stayed to talk.

Harry found all of the rumors to be fascinating. It was funny hearing about the things that he had done from a different perspective. He hadn't realized just how far his reach had spread. Of course, he should have realized that announcing Snape had stolen his cool socks or some of the other things that he did would have affected the other students.

Shacklebolt and Tonks stopped questioning when dinner started. Harry and his friends kept an eye on them as the two Aurors approached the Teachers' table. For some reason Remus and Sirius hadn't shown up for lunch, but they were there for dinner.

Seats had shown up for the two and it wasn't until Shacklebolt and Tonks reached them that they spotted Padfoot on the floor.

"Remus," Tonks exclaimed as she spotted the man. "What are you doing here?"

"Eating dinner," Remus replied, like it was a normal thing to do.

"But why?" Tonks asked. "I thought that you were busy with that thing."

"I delegated that out after coming here," Remus said.

"You know Professor Lupin, Auror Tonks?" Marchbanks asked as she took her seat.

"Er, yes," Tonks replied. She turned back to Remus. "Professor?"

"I was hired once again to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts while Professor Umbridge got used to her new position," Remus said.

"So you might know the answer to this question more than anyone," Tonks said. "Is Sirius Black here at Hogwarts?"

"It certainly is possible," Remus said. He folded his hands in front of him. "In fact, all of these pranks that have been going on might be the work of Sirius Black. He was quite the prankster back in the day, you know."

Harry softly growled at Remus taking away his credit. This must be his revenge for poking him with perfect poking sticks. Although, more than half of what he did was act insane, so was there any credit to take?

"Sirius Black is the one behind all of this?" Umbridge exclaimed. "But what about Potter?"

"What about me?" Harry asked, approaching the table.

"Forget about you. What about me?" Ron demanded. "Why is it never about me?"

"Because no one cares about you," Draco called. He hung back, seated at the edge of the Slytherin table.

"But why?" Ron asked. "Why am I not loveable like Harry is?"

"Because you're just not as awesome as Sirius Black," Harry said. He clapped Ron's shoulder in sympathy.

"Sirius Black likes to imitate awesome people," Remus said without even blinking. "It's a proven fact."

"So Harry Potter could be Sirius Black in disguise?" Umbridge stared at Harry in horror. She motioned at Shacklebolt and Tonks. "Get him."

"Please, Madam Umbridge," Marchbanks said. "He has been attending his OWLS the whole afternoon and afterwards he was in plain sight of everyone in the Great Hall. There is no way that he could be Sirius Black."

"Still, it very well could be possible," Umbridge said. "What if it was Black all along?"

"Really, stop this nonsense," Marchbanks scolded. "Why in Merlin's name would Black want to stick around after two Aurors showed up looking for him? Why would he be taking the OWLS once again? As I recall, he hated them."

"He certainly did," Remus added. Padfoot barked in agreement. "It is a bit doubtful that he would attempt to do so again disguised as Harry Potter."

Marchbanks nodded. "While I do agree that it is possible that Black might have been here at one point in time, I doubt that he would be foolish enough to imitate a student."

"Yeah, I'm really me, Professor Umbridge," Harry said. As amusing as it would be to pretend to be Sirius Black, he had a feeling that people could over react at this point in time. Umbridge seemed to be fingering her wand, nervous for what seemed like the first time since Fudge had come to Hogwarts. Of course, she was a naturally twitchy person after Harry had started in on her, so it was a bit difficult to tell. Still, that gave him an idea. "Are you sure that you are really you?"

"What are you talking about?" Umbridge asked. She seemed unable to follow Harry's tongue twister.

"Are you sure you are really you?" Harry repeated. "You might be Sirius Black, after all."

"I am not Sirius Black," Umbridge exclaimed, drawing herself up to her tallest point.

"That's what Sirius Black could make you believe," Harry said. His words made no sense when thought about. He was basically trying to convince Umbridge that she was Sirius Black without knowing that she was Sirius Black.

"No, I am quite sure that I am not Sirius Black." Umbridge patted her face, as if to check to make sure.

"That's good, then," Harry said. He waited for a minute, to allow Umbridge to calm down. "Of course, who knows what else could be wrong with you if Sirius Black were really here at Hogwarts."

He knew he was walking a fine line here with Marchbanks in the room. He was trying to convince the examiner that Umbridge was the one off her rocker, not Harry.

"You may be right." She whirled around to look at Shacklebolt and Tonks. "Catch Sirius Black, no matter what you must do. You have my full permission."

"We'll do our best," Shacklebolt said, carefully looking anywhere but at Padfoot.

"Excuse me." Umbridge scurried out. Snickers echoed through the room, but a sweeping glance couldn't pin down the ones doing it.

Harry was careful not to react as he headed back to the Gryffindor table. Hermione still gave him a disapproving look. "I thought I said to be careful. That was not careful."

"I couldn't resist," Harry said. He ducked his head. "Sorry."

"You do realize that Madam Pomfrey might not appreciate having to examine Umbridge for spells?" Hermione changed the subject.

"I'll send her a gift basket later," Harry said. Umbridge didn't have any spells on her that he knew of, so hopefully it would be a quick thing for the Madam Pomfrey.

Hermione sighed. "You need to think before involving people who have nothing to do with this in your Rebellion. They are under as much stress as the rest of us. In fact, we have our Astronomy OWL next."

"And I should study for it," Harry said before she could.

"If you say so," Hermione replied. She returned his dirty look with an impish smile.

"You've been spending way too much time with the Slytherins," Harry said as he shook his head. "Especially with the girls."

"You were the one who got them to spend time with us in the first place," Hermione said. "It really is amazing how much this Rebellion is spreading through the whole school. Even the rivalries between houses are breaking."

"It's too bad it hasn't broken Umbridge just yet," Harry said. Every time he thought that he was getting close, she managed to hang onto one shred of denial and maintain strong. And the end of the year was quick approaching.

"But then what would you do without someone to annoy?" Hermione asked. She raised her eyebrow at him and slid a star chart in front of him.

"He'd go even more bonkers," Ron replied, "and then he'd start annoying all of the rest of us."

"Snape would still be around and I'm sure that I can find other ways of channeling my energy," Harry said. He crossed his arms and avoided looking at the star chart.

"Or you could always go poke poor Professor Lupin again," Hermione said. She sent him a look out of the corner of her eye.

"Hey, that's not a bad idea," Harry said, acting like he was considering it. "Except, I get the feeling that I won't get too many more freebies from him. Sooner or later he is going to strike back worse than stealing my credit and giving it to Sirius."

"He was a Marauder, so you do have a point," Ron said.

"Yea, so it's probably not a smart idea to try and prank him too much," Harry said. He had a feeling that Remus at least thought that it was all amusing and was willing to put up with a bit more than he would have otherwise.

"Glad to see that you at least have some limits," Hermione said. She reached over and tapped the star chart. "Now, you'd better start studying."

"Yes, ma'am," Harry replied. He pulled the star chart closer and started picking out constellations.

Umbridge didn't come back to the Great Hall and Harry put her out of his mind once dinner was over. They had one last exam for the day and he needed to study for it. He knew that the schedule was like that for a reason, but it was still hard switching his mind from Astronomy to Divinations and back. Still, he needed to focus so that Hermione wouldn't kill him.

The practical exam was held in the Astronomy tower, the only exam besides Care of Magical Creatures to be held someone besides the Great Hall. Of course, they needed the telescopes in order to see the stars.

The OWL started and Harry began marking things down on his star chart. Studying during dinner had helped somewhat, but he was still wasn't sure about some of the constellations.

A shout from one of his classmates had him swinging his telescope around to look at the ground instead of the sky. Umbridge was done annoying Madam Pomfrey and was back to being up to no good. She marched towards Hagrid's Hut with what seemed like purpose.

Tofty told them to get back to their exam, but he also seemed interested in what was going on. The students ignored him; whatever was happening on the ground was more interesting than their OWL.

Umbridge was talking so loud that they could almost make out what she was saying. She was trying to make Hagrid leave, saying that he had let Sirius Black into the castle. The whole year gasped as Umbridge pulled her wand on Hagrid.

Before she could say a spell, however, she was hit by a red bolt of light. Shacklebolt and Tonks finally made it onto the scene and stunned her. She collapsed and the two Aurors talked to Hagrid before carting her back to the castle.

"Well, now that all of the excitement is over, I should remind you that this is a timed test," Tofty said, bringing them all back on track. He sat back down in his own seat with a sigh.

Harry turned his telescope back to the stars, but didn't really pay them much attention. He absently found Mars and noted that it was bright. The test ended before he could regain his focus and he wandered off.

On the long way back to the common room, using a different route than everyone else, Harry wondered if he was doing the right thing. He had never really put that much thought into the consequences of his actions, but Umbridge had almost cursed Hagrid. He had been the one to put the idea that Sirius Black could be in Hogwarts in her head, though she had come up with Hagrid's involvement on her own. Was this the right thing to do?

He found himself back at the dorms and got ready for bed. The day was over, but he couldn't stop thinking of that question. Should he continue acting insane or should he end the Rebellion before people actually got hurt?

*=* Chapter 40 - Sirius Black at Hogwarts? *=*


	41. The Vision

A/N: I swear one reviewer is psychic. :D Now things start happening.

* * *

In the end, Harry talked the whole thing over with Hermione. And she promptly hit him over the head with a nearby book.

"Ow! That hurt," Harry complained.

"It was supposed to," Hermione said. She put her hands on her hips and glared at Harry. "You were the one who wanted to start this whole adventure and you certainly didn't mind it if Umbridge ever got into any trouble."

"Well, who really cares about Umbridge?" Harry said with a shrug. "Or Snape."

"And you certainly didn't really care if anyone else got hurt during this whole thing," Hermione continued. "Merlin, Harry, you are not your father."

"Of course I'm not my father," Harry said, clenching his fists at the reminder.

"That means that you don't have years of practice of being a practical joker," Hermione said. "So there was a very real possibility that you would end up getting people hurt."

"You never told me that," Harry said.

"You never cared until now," Hermione replied. "Besides, I kept an eye on you and you started off simple enough."

"I guess so," Harry said. He really didn't think that he had hurt anyone in his quest to rid the castle of Umbridge.

"What brought this on, anyway?" Hermione asked.

"Hagrid," Harry answered.

"Look, you said it yourself, Harry, it was inevitable that Umbridge would start on everyone who went against her," Hermione said. "You want to know the reason why I finally joined in on all of these pranks?"

"Why?" Harry asked.

"Because you distracted Umbridge enough that she stopped hurting other students," Hermione said. "She is so focused on what is going wrong with the castle, events that you brought around, and you yourself that she's not giving detentions to anyone else."

"Really?" Harry asked. "I mean, I know that she stopped trying to give me detentions because of what always happened when she did, but I didn't know that she stopped with everyone else."

"Can you really blame her?" Hermione asked. "And just think of what could have happened if Umbridge was in her right mind when she went down to talk to Hagrid?"

"It wouldn't have ended well," Harry said.

"At least not for Hagrid," Hermione agreed. "So, you see why you're good for this school, Harry?"

"Yes," Harry said and rubbed his head where the book had hit him. "You don't have to beat it into me anymore."

"Good," Hermione replied.

"Sorry," Harry said.

"I forgive you for going mental," Hermione said.

Ron shook his head and decided it was finally safe enough to enter into the conversation. "He can't even go mental in the sane way either."

"There's a sane way to go mental?" Harry asked, tilting his head to the side.

"You've got to give him a bit of slack, Ron," Hermione said. "He's changed a lot from how he was like in the summer."

"In my defense, no one was telling me anything unless I yelled at them," Harry said. He crossed his arms.

"And now he's back to sulking," Hermione said with a sigh.

"Time to plan out another prank," Ron said.

"Okay, you've got my attention," Harry said. He scooted closer to his two friends. "I've been thinking a lot about the finale of this whole thing, how we can really drive Umbridge around the bend."

"Oh, do tell," Ron said and even Hermione perked up in interests.

"Well, it first starts with the flying monkeys," Harry began to tell them. Planning lasted well into the night, so it was a good thing that their last OWL took place in the afternoon.

The History of Magic theoretical OWL took place at two pm in the Great Hall. Harry still felt kind of tired after all of the planning that took place, but he was able to focus on the exam for the most part. History was not really his strong point and Hermione had insisted on waking them up before lunch to study one last time before the exam, so he was not firing on all cylinders.

The question in front of his eyes blurred as his eyes started to close. He blinked once, twice, and the third time his eyes stayed closed. The Goblin war of 1873 was raging in the Department of Mysteries; the goblins throwing rubber ducks at one another from across the corridor that Harry was walking down.

Harry ducked close to the ground and ran through the chaos to get to the door. He had seen what their next ammo was and he knew that they were getting close to finishing with the rubber ducks and moving on to pie. And it was sweet potato, as well.

He much rather preferred being hit with the rubber ducks than sweet potato pie, though the goblins were hard throwers. Harry reached the door just as they brought out the pies and he slipped through with relief. To his surprise, the shelves were empty of rubber ducks; it seemed as though the goblins had taken them to use as ammo. Harry wondered where the sweet potato pies had come from, but then, this was the Department of Mysteries.

Harry forgot about that for a moment as he wandered through the shelves of orbs. He wondered why the goblins hadn't used those as ammo instead of the rubber ducks, but he supposed it must have been taken over by people who wanted to kill witches. But then, they burned witches with tickle spells, they didn't stone them.

Harry frowned, but forgot about that as he spotted a people standing in the middle of one of the corridors between the shelves. He wondered if they were the ones who owned the spheres and if they had taken the space away from the goblins.

Harry then recognized Sirius, who was collapsed on the ground with Voldemort standing over him. Voldemort has his wand trained on Sirius and Sirius was writhing in pain. Harry gasped and Voldemort turned to him.

"It's about time you've got here," Voldemort said. "You better get here soon, or else your poor godfather will be gone."

"Leave him alone," Harry called out, throwing a rubber duck that was in his hand.

Voldemort reeled back, looking stunned at the blow by the rubber duck and the next thing Harry knew he was on the floor. His scar was burning. It was going to ignite his whole head and set him on fire. He was aware that he was calling out and he forced himself to stop, although he didn't stop himself from pressing a hand to his scar.

"Are you alright, lad?" Tofty asked.

"Headache," Harry croaked out. "A really bad one."

"Do you think you'll be able to finish your exam?" Tofty asked.

Harry turned to look at the desk and shook his head, grimacing at the pain that went through him. "I don't think so."

"Well, then, why don't you go down to the infirmary," Tofty said. "I believe that one of your friends has finished, already. He should be able to help you down to the infirmary."

"Who?" Harry croaked out, but Tofty was helping him to his feet and pushing him out of the door.

"Merlin, Potter," Draco said as he sauntered up to where Harry was clutching onto the door. "Did you strain your brain or something?"

"Had a vision, need to check on something," Harry said as he pushed off the door. HIs head spun and he staggered.

"You need to check yourself into the infirmary is what you need to do," Draco said.

"No, I need to see Professor Lupin," Harry said.

"Fine, but don't die or I'll be blamed," Draco replied. "And I am halfway thinking about abandoning you in front of the professor's door."

"Let's go," Harry said. He managed to walk all right, but Draco steadied him as they headed up the stairs and over to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. The classroom was empty, so they went to the office door and knocked.

"Lovely bit of art, there," Draco said, peering at the door in interest.

"Thanks," Harry said. "I also did one on Snape's door."

"I saw that one, yeah," Draco replied. He pointed at the large robot in the center of the picture. "What is that?"

"What is what?" Remus asked as he opened the door. He glanced down to where Draco's finger was pointed. "Oh, I must have spilled something on my robes at lunch."

"I was talking about your door," Draco said.

"Oh, that," Remus said. He glanced at it. "I have no idea what it's supposed to be."

"Professor Lupin," Harry interrupted.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Lupin asked as he finally caught sight of how Harry looked.

"I need to see Snuffles," Harry said.

"He's not here right now, Harry," Remus replied. "He had to go do something."

"What?" Harry asked, staggering forward a step.

"Tonks and Shacklebolt took care of the ban on Floo, though we haven't told the students just yet," Remus said. "And we got a message asking for Snuffles."

"You got a message in the Floo asking for your pet?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, I did," Remus answered. "And I'm due to leave momentarily, which is why my class is canceled. In fact, it's only good luck that you caught me before I left."

"But what about Snuffles?" Harry asked.

"Come in and sit down, Harry," Remus said. "You don't look too good, did something happen? You had History of Magic, right? What happened to make you this bad? Shouldn't you be in the infirmary?"

"He can't answer you while you're asking all of the questions," Draco snapped.

"Do you know what happened?" Remus asked Draco since he was too busy settling Harry down with a cup of tea to ask him.

"I finished my exam early, so all I know is that he came out looking worse than that," Draco answered. "I suggested that he go to the infirmary, as he mentioned something about a vision and he was clutching his head, but for some reason he insisted on checking on your dog."

"A vision?" Lupin asked, turning to Harry.

"I saw Voldemort and he had Snuffles," Harry answered.

"Why would the Dark Lord want with a dog?" Draco asked, wrinkling his nose in confusion.

"Because Snuffles is very important," Harry said.

"Harry, that vision can't be true," Remus said, not bothering to comment on why Voldemort would want his dog or the fact that Sirius really wasn't a dog. "Snuffles is perfectly fine."

"Can you check?" Harry asked.

"No, I'm afraid that I don't have time to check," Remus answered. He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. "I've got to go, Harry."

"But, you've got to check," Harry said.

"Listen, Snuffles should be back later this afternoon, by the time that exams are meant to be over," Remus said. "We didn't really want you to notice, so we made up a schedule."

"But Voldemort has him," Harry insisted. "Surely you can just check somehow?"

"I can't," Remus said. He sighed and glanced at Draco. "Look, why don't you go ask Professor Snape to check to see if he's back yet?"

"He's not talking to me," Harry replied.

"With good reason, I suppose," Remus said. "All right, how about you have Mister Malfoy check with Snape?"

"I don't think that will work, please, Remus?" Harry pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Harry, but I've got to go," Remus said. "Look, I should be back after dinner, so just wait until then. If Snuffles isn't back by the time the exams are over, then tell me when I get back."

"I don't like this," Harry said, crossing his arms.

"Promise me that you won't go after him, Harry," Remus said. "Promise me."

"I promise that I won't go after Sirius," Harry replied.

"Very well, I'll see you later," Remus said. He paused before heading to the fire. "Don't worry about Sirius, there's a reason that you've been learning with Snape after all."

"Yes, Professor," Harry woodenly said.

"Goodbye," Remus said. He threw Floo powder in to the fire and disappeared with a green flash.

"Let's go wait for the others in the entrance hall," Harry said.

"Are you going to take his advice?" Draco asked.

"We'll see," Harry said. "After all, we can't do anything until the others get out of exams."

"We could go ask Snape first," Draco suggested.

"Let's do that," Harry said, carefully nodding. "You're definitely going to have to do that alone, though."

"How about I drop you off in the infirmary while I talk to Snape?" Draco asked. "If I can trust you not to rush off on your own?"

"No, I won't go rushing off on my own," Harry said.

"Let's go then," Draco said. He led the way out of the office, and over to the infirmary. He dropped Harry off there before heading off to track Snape down and ask him about Remus' 'dog.'

"What's the matter?" Madam Pomfrey asked, her voice soft.

Harry had a brief glance of Umbridge sleeping on a hospital bed before the curtains were drawn. "I have a horrid headache."

"Oh dear, this always happens to someone," Madam Pomfrey said. "Give me one second and I'll get you a potion for that."

Madam Pomfrey bustled off, muttering about stress under her breath. Harry was glad that he wasn't going to be stuck in the infirmary any longer than he needed to. She had a tendency to mother hen him to death.

His eyes kept being attracted to where Umbridge was sleeping. It was a prime opportunity, even if it wasn't the best of times. Harry hesitated and then crept forward. He tiptoed over to Umbridge's bed, ducking soundlessly through the curtains. He had a feeling that they needed her out of the way for a few hours and this would be a brilliant method of doing so.

It just took a pinch of the DreamBig dust that he had received from Fred and George to dose Umbridge, which was great as he had to hurry back out before Madam Pomfrey got back from her office. He still wasn't sure exactly why he had been given such a large bag of the experimental stuff, but he was curious to know how it would work on Umbridge. Even from across the room he could hear her snoring.

"Here we go," Madam Pomfrey said as she returned with a potion.

"Thanks," Harry said. He quickly gulped it down, grimacing at the taste, but his headache faded away. "It's all gone now."

"Why don't you go and rest before the rest of your classmates get out of the exams," Madam Pomfrey suggested. "You can use one of the beds here if you wish."

"No, thank you," Harry said, backing away in case she tried to trap him there. "I'll just go to my own bed."

"Just be sure to rest," Madam Pomfrey softly called out as he left the infirmary.

Harry did go up to his dorm room, but it wasn't to rest. Instead he got a few things out of his trunk and headed back downstairs. He wanted to be able to leave as soon as the exams were done.

Draco was waiting for him on the steps in the Entrance Hall and he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw Harry. "Good, I thought for a minute you'd gone off on your own."

"I said I wouldn't," Harry said. He sat down on the other side of the step that Draco was on and stared at the doors to the Great Hall.

"Well who knows about you Gryffindors," Draco said as he snorted.

"So, why were you done so soon?" Harry asked after a couple of minutes had passed and everything was silent.

"Because I'm interested in History," Draco answered. "No, really," he insisted at Harry's skeptical look. "There's a lot of blood in history and it's a great way of gaining new ideas. Uric the Oddball would be a great mentor for you."

"Thanks," Harry said, a bit sarcastically.

"You might want to watch yourself around Pansy, or she'll wonder whether you're actually insane," Draco said.

"Shouldn't that be the other way around?" Harry asked.

"Possibly," Draco replied with a shrug. "Maybe your insanity is catching."

"How long until the exams are done?" Harry asked.

"We've got an hour or so," Draco said. "Just long enough for you to tell me who the dog really is."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked. "I told you a while ago that he's my godfather."

"So, he's really your godfather and you weren't pranking me?" Draco asked.

"Did you take another insanity potion back then? Or mess with your memories somehow?" Harry asked.

"No, you just look like you needed a bit of distraction," Draco said. "Besides, you never really explained just how your godfather really was innocent. I mean, I know about Pettigrew, but I'm sure that you have some story to tell about how you found out and I want to know."

"That's a long story," Harry said.

"And we've got time," Draco reminded. "Besides, we're going to have to wait until the dog is supposed to be back from his mission before we can go anywhere."

"My vision," Harry said.

"Is another thing that you can explain when there's more people around," Draco interrupted. "You know better than I do that Granger will insist on it, let alone everyone else."

"I suppose so," Harry said, knowing that Draco was right.

"Besides, we'll have to take care of some other stuff, like figuring out exactly how we'll get there and how to deal with Umbridge," Draco continued.

"I've taken care of that part already," Harry said. He grinned, sowing lots of teeth. "She'll be dreaming for hours."

"Okay, now spill about your godfather," Draco demanded.

"Well, it all started in my third year," Harry said. He slumped down with a sigh and continued telling Draco the tale, all the while staring at the Great Hall doors and wishing that they would open.

*=* Chapter 41 - The Vision *=*


	42. Traps for a Trap

A/N: In true Rebellion Fashion, I am keeping my mouth shut on what will happen.

* * *

Harry was on his feet the second the doors opened and most of the students streamed through. Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the Rebellion made their way over to where Draco and Harry were standing, looks of concern on their faces.

"Are you all right, Harry?" Hermione asked. "Did you go to the infirmary?"

"What happened?" Ron asked.

"I'm okay and I did go to the infirmary," Harry answered. "And I had a vision. Voldemort has Snuffles."

"Are you sure?" Hermione asked.

"He can't have," Ron protested. "He's in the castle, we saw him this morning."

Harry shook his head. "He's been sent away on a mission and I'm just sure that he's been captured."

"Snape didn't say anything," Draco said. "I asked him, but he just stared at me and told me that he didn't have anything to do with that mutt."

"Sirius is not a mutt," Harry said.

"Well, in any case, if Sirius was sent off on a mission, then there's no way that Snape would have been able to check for him, anyway," Hermione said.

"I suppose so," Harry replied. "But what are we going to do?"

"First we are going to find a place to discuss this in private," Hermione said, shooting looks at the other fifth years who were still hanging around the Entrance Hall. "And then you are going to tell us everything."

"Where should we go?" Harry asked.

"Outside, but not out to the lake," Hermione decided. "We'll need to be able to check to see if Sirius is back yet and we can't do that from inside the castle."

"He's supposed to be back around this time," Draco chimed in.

"Let's go," Hermione said. She led the way out of the castle, with Harry right beside her. She picked a place close to the entrance so that they could see if Sirius returned from any angle, but far enough away that no one could eavesdrop.

"So, spill, Potter," Draco commanded when they were settled.

"Right," Harry nodded. "So, I was kind of tired during the exams and I kind of fell asleep."

"Harry," Hermione gasped.

"Later, Hermione," Ron murmured from beside her.

"Fine," Hermione huffed.

"So I started dreaming about the goblin wars; they were fighting in the Department of Mysteries using rubber ducks," Harry said. "And I got through the door just before they started to use sweet potato pies as ammo."

"Thank goodness," Draco muttered, rolling his eyes.

"So, I walked along and all of the shelves had orbs on them. Maybe Voldemort is a Divinations fan," Harry said. "In any case, Sirius was there, being tortured by Voldemort, so we have to go save him."

"Are you sure that it wasn't just a dream?" Hermione asked.

"I'm sure, it felt real," Harry said. He rubbed his elbow. "Even the rubber ducks."

"Er, I'm pretty sure that was from when you fell out of your chair," Ron pointed out.

"Well, it still felt like it was the rubber ducks," Harry said.

"How did Sirius look?" Hermione asked. "Because I can't imagine him being caught by just anyone."

"But this is Voldemort," Harry said. He paused. "It was strange, though, he didn't have that dark pink streak down his back from this morning."

"What did you do to him?" Draco asked.

"Oh, I was setting up a trap for Umbridge and somehow he managed to walk under it," Harry said.

"A trap for Umbridge at Professor Lupin's office," Hermione pointed out.

"Or I was setting a trap for Professor Lupin," Harry said with a shrug. "But, can we move on, people?"

"Have you thought about the possibility that Voldemort is trying to trap you?" Hermione asked.

"To turn my hair pink?" Harry asked, his hand going up to grip his hair.

"Or to kill you," Hermione replied. "Which ever one is more painful."

"Voldemort really should know better than to try to prank people," Harry said. "But, you might have something. That pink stripe would be hard for Sirius to get rid of, since it was a potion, and I don't think Voldemort would have bothered to pretty Sirius up."

Ron snorted. "Voldemort the makeup artist."

The rest of the group cracked up, Harry included. They calmed down in couple of minutes, just in time for a pink striped dog to bound past them. The dog headed into the shadows of the castle, a small alcove where no one could spot them.

They scrambled up and rushed after Sirius. Harry reached the man first and hugged him. "I thought that you were captured by Voldemort."

"No, nothing like that," Sirius said, speaking quickly. "Look, is Remus here?"

"He isn't back yet," Harry answered.

"Okay," Sirius said, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I've got to go again, but I wanted to check up on things here. Listen, be careful." Without waiting for a reply, Sirius changed back into a dog and ran off.

"Voldemort's leading me into a trap, Sirius. What should I do?" Harry asked the part of the wall where Sirius used to be. He hopped until he was standing in that spot and facing his friends. "What? Don't worry, Harry, we'll take care of that for you!"

"Maybe he is taking care of it?" Hermione suggested. "There must be a reason why he and Professor Lupin ran off today."

"They really didn't listen to me," Harry said, walking forward until he was back where he had started from.

"Well, at least we know for sure that You Know Who is planning a trap for you," Draco said. "And it's a good thing that you didn't get caught in it."

"Yes, it is a good thing that you didn't mindlessly run off after Sirius," Hermione said, deciding to ignore the fact that she had just agreed with Draco Malfoy. It was happening often enough that they just agreed to ignore it.

"So, something big is going down at the Department of Mysteries," Harry said. "Come on, we should be able to get there before they really expect us to be."

"What?" Hermione and the rest of the group exclaimed.

"Well, Voldemort and the others will figure that we'd wait until evening before we could sneak out of the castle, right?" Harry asked.

"Possibly?" Hermione said.

"Or else he would have expected me to show up within an hour of my getting the vision," Harry said. "So if we strike now, then we can get there while no one expects us at all."

"Harry, it's a trap," Hermione protested. "You're going to get caught and it's obvious that Voldemort wants you there for some reason."

"It is a trap, Hermione," Harry said. "Which is why we should turn it around and get back at the snake."

"That's an idiotic idea," Draco sneered. "I know you make a living fighting off the Dark Lord, but it's stupid to go when he's expecting you. Besides, what are you going to do, dye his hair pink?"

"He doesn't really have hair anymore," Harry said. "In fact, I doubt that I could really improve his looks."

"I didn't mean that you had to try to make the Dar Lord look better," Draco replied. "I was trying to point out how much you can't go against him."

"I don't know, we were planning on giving Umbridge a heart attack," Harry said. He looked at each member of the Rebellion. "We've got enough pranking material for this big bang to take on an army."

"Childish tricks are no way to fight a Dark Lord's army," Draco protested.

"I don't know, he's taken down people with less complex charms," Ron said. He scowled at the looks he got. "Trying to charm someone to look like a rainbow, or see only a rainbow, is much harder than a spell that second years picked up off of one duel. Even I know that."

"We can do it," Luna piped up. "Wrackspurts will help."

"Good job, Luna," Harry said with a nod. "Listen, by the end of all of this Umbridge was supposed to be a sobbing mess, now, it obviously will have less of an effect on so many people, but we should reduce some to tears."

"We'll reduce them all to unconsciousness as soon as we can," Draco said. He scowled. "I hope you realize how stupid this whole idea is."

"Harry, Sirius practically told you to stay in the castle and not go looking for danger," Hermione said.

"No, he told me to be careful and I will take him to heart," Harry said. "I'll be careful while I sneak into the Department of Mysteries and prank the Death Eaters."

"Professor Lupin also told you to stay inside the Castle," Draco said.

"He told me not to go running off after Sirius," Harry clarified. "I'm not running off after Sirius, I'm going off to prank the Death Eaters. Two completely different things, even if Sirius does happen to be at the Department of Mysteries."

"This is wrong, we shouldn't do this," Hermione said.

"It's been what, almost two months since we started this whole thing?" Harry asked. "We've gotten in a lot of practice and we're prepared to prank an area a lot larger than the Department of Mysteries."

"This is still a foolish idea," Hermione said. "Besides, how are we going to get there?"

"Tonks and Shacklebolt removed the watch on the Floo," Harry said. "We'll just take Remus' Floo and head to a less than obvious fireplace. They have those at the Ministry of Magic, right?"

"They do," Draco said. He smiled. "I even know the address of the Minister's personal Floo entrance."

"That'll be useful," Harry said.

"Harry," Hermione scolded.

"Right, so we take the Floo to the Minister's office and make our way to the Department of Mysteries," Harry said. "And we set up the traps and then we just have to set them off."

"You've already taken care of Umbridge, right?" Hermione asked.

"She's out like a light," Harry said. "It was supposed to be my grand finale, but I thought that the situation had changed. Which is really why we have to go, because we are ready for them."

"I'm not sure if I'm coming with you all the way," Draco warned. "My father doesn't really care what exactly I'm doing at the moment as he assumes that I'm behaving perfectly rotten, but somehow I doubt that pranking Death Eaters is the kind of rotten that he wants me to be."

"Don't worry, Malfoy, it's a good kind of rotten," Harry said. He paused and rubbed his chin. "You might have a point there; we should disguise ourselves! Confuse the Death Eaters even more."

"What'll we disguise ourselves as?" Ron asked.

"Runbuggers," Luna suggested.

"I think I've figured out a way to lock down the glamour spell to keep it from being dispelled with one counter curse," Hermione said. "I didn't bother telling you, seeing as how Umbridge never bothers to check for glamours."

"Even when it's the Dark Lord himself," Harry said. An evil grin spread across his face. "Which gives me an idea."

"I'm not going to like this idea, am I?" Draco asked.

"I don't think anyone will like this idea," Neville finally spoke up.

"We're going in as old Voldie himself," Harry confirmed. "Except, we obviously have to be different so that the good guys don't try to off us."

"Right, that's always good," Draco said, glaring at Harry.

"We'll need to look like we're wearing tie-dye shirts and bright, poufy hair," Harry said.

"Would you like squeaking shoes as well?" Hermione asked, raising her eyebrow at Harry.

"No, we'll want to sneak around too much for that, but a red nose would also be good," Harry said.

Hermione sighed and swished her wand, turning Neville into a Voldemort who looked like he couldn't make up his mind whether he was a hippie or a clown. "How's that?"

"Give him a clown smile, as well," Harry said. "Then no one will mistake him for the Dark Lord, but he's close enough that the Death Eaters will pause."

"And then try to kill us even more because we're making fun of their leader," Draco said.

"Well, he is kind of pathetic," Harry replied.

Hermione dropped the spell on Neville and nodded at Harry. "I'll spell the rest of us when we get to Remus' office, since we don't really need anyone to see that."

"I don't think anyone would really bat an eye anymore," Ron said.

"Let's go storm the castle, then," Harry said. He led the way back up the stairs to Hogwarts and into the castle. They headed up to the Defense Against the Dark Arts office without meeting anyone. They were able to get in without any problems, seeing as how Remus had left the closing of the door to Harry and Draco and Harry had already been planning on going to the Department of Mysteries. They closed and locked the door before Hermione started applying the glamour charms.

It was six funny looking Voldemorts that stepped through the Floo and out into the Minister's office. Draco was the first one through and Harry was close after him. While they waited for the others to go through, Harry scribbled something out on a piece of parchment and left it in the middle of Fudge's desk.

"What was that?" Draco asked as they prepared to leave the room.

"Oh, just a letter to Umbridge," Harry whispered back. They quieted down and Draco carefully led the way out of the offices.

"We'll have to take the lifts up to the ninth floor," Draco said. "But, there's a good chance that no one will be on them, if they're waiting for you to make it to the prophesy room."

"Right, we should still hide, I think," Harry said. Right before Draco summoned the lift, they ducked out of sight and waited until they were sure that the coast was clear. There was no one on the lift, so they piled on and Draco inserted a key into a small keyhole and hit the ninth floor.

"What's that?" Hermione asked.

"It's something that Fudge uses to control the lifts so that he doesn't have to share with anyone that he doesn't want to," Draco said. "I've only seen him do it a couple of times, but I figured this would be a good way of getting to the ninth floor without running into any of the Death Eaters."

"Good thinking," Harry said.

"I think we should rig all of the other rooms before we even step foot inside of the room that he wants you to," Hermione said. "Who knows what kind of spells they have there to alert the others that you've come."

"Don't worry, we'll get the whole thing set up," Harry said, rubbing his hands together.

"And we'll want to be careful as well," Hermione said. "I don't think that the Department of Mysteries really sounds like a great place to fool around with."

"We'll set the usual charms down on everything," Harry said with a wave of dismissal.

Hermione sighed. "Well, I suppose Dark Lords mucking about is worse than kids mucking about."

"That's the spirit," Harry said.

The lift finally stopped on the ninth floor and they all pressed against the wall until they made sure that once again there were no Death Eaters waiting for them. And, once more, they were all alone.

The Department of Mysteries was a very weird place, Harry thought as he and the others hurried from place to place setting traps for the Death Eaters. It was very easy to get lost with the rotating room and the other rooms gave them the creeps.

Especially creepy was the room with the archway and the veil. Harry had heard voices coming from behind the veil and afterwards they decided to avoid that part of the room. They set traps everywhere except for the Dias, because it was one of the largest, emptiest rooms in the Department of Mysteries.

Finally, once the other rooms were set up and the Department was no longer quite so mysterious in layout if not in content, they made their way to the room that Harry had been dreaming about. Harry carefully opened the door, revealing the shelves that he remembered. Just like his most recent vision, the shelves were filled with hundreds and hundreds of small orbs instead of rubber ducks.

"Rubber ducks would hold up better," Harry muttered.

"These are prophesy orbs," Draco breathed out. "This must be what the Dark Lord is after."

"But why would he need me for that?" Harry asked.

"Well, you are a very important person," Ron pointed out. "After all, Sirius Black doesn't imitate just anyone."

"It's the first contact point, but we have to be careful," Hermione said. "I'll ward each shelving unit as we go down to where Harry's vision was while you guys set up."

"Right," Harry said. With that, they got to work, softly running up and down the shelving units, setting up pranks. Finally they reached the end of the room, where shelving unit 97 was. Hermione and Neville continued down to the end of the rows, warding them, but they didn't bother to set up too many traps down that way. If things went how they thought that they would go, then no one would be heading down that way.

When they were ready, wands out and shields all read in place, Harry picked up the prophesy orb that had his name on it. He left something in its place and ran as fast as he could to where the others were waiting. They didn't have to wait long: the Death Eaters had arrived.

*=* Chapter 42 - Traps for a Trap *=*


	43. The Death Eaters Party

A/N: Wow, I have 1K in reviews. I never thought that I would ever get that many reviews in one story so thank you to everyone who reads and reviews this story! Bit of a POV shift in this one, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

* * *

Lucius Malfoy startled when the proximity alarms on the prophesy went off. They hadn't figured that Harry Potter would be able to leave Hogwarts until the evening, knowing that Hogwarts was locked up tighter than a drum. But there was the alarm and they had the whole Ministry shut down except for letting the fifth year through.

Lucius gathered up his people and apparated into the prophesy room. He had planned to appear right behind the boy as the boy stared at the prophecy, but something wasn't right. The Boy wasn't there, in fact, there was no sign that the boy had ever been there.

"Spread out and look for him," Lucius ordered. He frowned and finally looked at the prophecy shelf, trying to figure out whether something had unsettled it. Everything appeared to be in its place, even the rubber duck. "Rubber duck?" Lucius said as he jerked his head back to looking at the shelf. Instead of the prophecy orb, there was a rubber duck sitting on the shelf above the paper that said the Dark Lord and Harry Potter's name.

"They've got the prophecy," Lucius called out as he picked up the rubber duck. The next thing he knew, yellow slime fell from the ceiling, coating all of the death eaters as well as the floor. Seconds later, feathers drifted down.

Malfoy growled as he flicked his wand. Unfortunately, the slime only turned to a bright pink and all of the feathers turned into bright flowers.

"What in Merlin's name?" someone called out.

"Did you screw the proximity alarm up?" another one asked Lucius.

Lucius scowled and shot a minor pain spell at the guy who dared to question him. "My proximity alarms were cast perfectly. They got the damned prophecy, therefore the alarms went off."

"I'm covered in pink and _flowers_," Bellatrix said. She glared as she tried to prowl around. "Come out, come out wherever you are!"

"Where are they?" McNair asked. He slid on the slime and bumped into a shelf. He squeaked, sounding like a mouse and Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Squeak, squeak, squeak. Squeak!" McNair continued to talk, his voice getting even more screechy as he realized what had happened.

"Don't touch the shelves," Lucius warned, but it was too late.

Several others slid or tripped and grabbed a hold of the shelves. It seemed that certain shelves gave you certain voices, as all of the others that touched McNair's shelf also started squeaking like mice.

Bellatrix tried to prowl around the room, but lost her balance. She didn't go for a shelf, but she allowed herself to fall onto the floor. Unfortunately, once she was down, she didn't seem to be able to get up. Apparently once you got through the slime, the floor stuck to you.

Lucius cast a spell to harden the slime and tried to make a path out of the door. Unfortunately, it seemed that it was just a feature of the slime to harden when it got dry and Bellatrix happened to stumble onto a hardened patch on the floor. Lucius was now stuck in place, the only way of getting out would be to touch one of the shelves and he in no way wanted to lose his voice to the spells on them.

All of the first wave of Death Eaters were incapacitated on one way or another. They had either lost their voices, were stuck to the floor, or else had somehow gotten buckets stuck onto their heads. Lucius figured that the buckets were from another spell, because why would the prophesy room have buckets?

Everything had settled down, if you ignored the animal noises and the cursing. That was when the strange creatures appeared. They looked like they were straight out of the Quibbler, not that Lucius ever read that magazine. It was mimicry of his Lord, he knew it, but he couldn't do anything about it. The strange, bright creatures all gave the Death Eaters cheeky waves as they left the room. Lucius couldn't even curse them, as the slime had hardened around him and he couldn't move at all.

The last thought that Malfoy had before he fell unconscious was that this was going to hurt when Voldemort found out what had happened. Whether the strange creatures were really creatures of the Department of Mysteries or the fifth years, it didn't look good for the Death Eaters who were caught in a trap.

Nott was part of the second wave of Death Eaters. Originally they had all intended on ambushing Harry Potter all at once, but Crabbe and Goyle had left for the bathroom, so Malfoy only took half of the forces. After all, it was still a fifth year, who had only managed to escape from the graveyard because of luck; did they really need all of them for that?

Nott was thinking all of that to himself while he waited for Malfoy's triumphant return. How he really wanted to wipe the smirk off of Malfoy's face. After a few minutes Nott thought that he might have a chance.

"How much are you willing to bet that Malfoy got in over his head?" Nott asked the Death Eaters who were still there.

"No bet," Jugson replied.

"Yeah, sure," Goyle said. "Five galleons?"

"Five galleons it is," Nott said, smirking at Goyle.

Crabbe just grunted his willingness to get in on the bet.

"Well, let's get going and rescue Malfoy and the others," Nott said. They had been waiting up the stairs to the court rooms, so they trooped down the stairs and headed over to the rotating room.

Nott was the first one to step into the rotating room and he came to a halt as he noticed how much the room had changed. There were mirrors everywhere, so he couldn't tell where any of the doors were. "Wait, don't close the door," Nott called out. There was a click as the door behind Crabbe shut.

"Oops," the man said, glancing back at the door that disappeared into the rest of the mirrors.

"Well now what are we going to do?" Jugson asked.

"We'll just have to find the doors," Nott said. "I mean, they're just fifth years, it's not as though they could really do anything more than an illusion."

Nott and Jugson moved over to the mirrored walls and started running their hands down the mirror. Nott frowned when he realized that he couldn't feel anything but the smooth material of the mirrors. No matter how far he moved his fingers along the mirrors, he couldn't feel any doors.

"I can't find any of the doors," Jugson said, glaring at Nott through his mask.

"They're there," Nott snapped. "They must have learned some other charms along with illusions. Finite Incantum."

But that spell did nothing, not being strong enough to dispel any of the charms on room. Nott scowled and cast a blasting curse at the wall. The magic hit the mirrors and bounced off, hit another mirror and bounced off. IT continued in that fashion, hitting the mirrors and bouncing off. Jugson had to dodge the spell and he glared at Nott again.

"That did not help at all," Jugson snapped.

"All right, apparently Hogwarts curriculum has changed more than I thought," Nott said. "My son didn't tell me anything about learning this."

"Who cares about your son?" Jugson said. "We need to get out of here."

"Apparate," Nott called out.

"Where to, oh leader?" Jugson drawled out.

"Just outside the room, going into the time room," Nott said.

Jugson didn't reply to that, simply apparating away. Nott followed a second later, apparating right in front of the time room. He barely paid attention to the sounds of Crabbe and Goyle apparating in, as he looked around the room.

"So far so good," Jugson said. He stepped into the time room and found himself stuck to the ceiling. "Get me down from here!"

"Crabbe, go help him," Nott ordered.

Crabbe walked into the room and found himself stuck to the ceiling next to Jugson. He was able to pry himself up and he helped Jugson stand. He stared down at the desks and simply blinked. "This is strange," Crabbe observed.

"The same sort of charm to pull people upside down," Jugson said. "But unusually strong."

"Go check out what's happening in the prophecy room," Nott said.

"Why don't you come in here and look yourself?" Jugson grumbled.

"Because we might need to have someone pull you off the ceiling from outside the room," Nott said.

Jugson continued to complain under his breath, but he moved forward to where the door to the prophecy room was. It was slow moving, each step being a struggle, but they had made it halfway across the room before the door opened.

Jugson and Crabbe stopped in surprise as six strange creatures exited the prophecy room. The creatures were so strange looking that they didn't even try to stop them as the creatures that vaguely looked like their Lord ran past them on the ceiling.

Nott stared at the creatures when they dropped lightly to the floor in front of him. "What are you?"

"Don't you mean who are you?" one of the creatures with the red hair asked.

"Who are you?" Nott asked.

"Don't you mean what are you?" the creature with the orange hair asked.

"I asked you that in the first place," Nott snapped.

"So why won't you ask again?" the creature with the purple hair asked.

"Because I already asked it," Nott said.

"We did say that you should ask again," the creature with yellow hair said.

"I'm not going to ask again, so who, what are you?" Nott said.

"You asked again," the creature with blue hair pointed out. "You said that you wouldn't."

"Answer me," Nott said, glaring at them through his mask.

"We're the Vodmetot," the creature with green hair answered.

"What in Merlin's name is the Vodmetot?" Nott asked.

"The Vodletots are creatures bred for the protection of the Department of Mysteries," the one with red hair answered.

"Wait, I thought you were the Vodmetots," Nott said.

"We are the Voldemrots," the creature with orange hair said.

"Your name changed again," Nott accused

"The Vodlemrots wish you well on your journey through the Department of Mysteries," the purple haired creature said.

"The Voldmeorts created the defense just for you," the creature with yellow hair said.

"Your companions are right past there," the creature with blue hair said. "We Voldetators already made friends with them."

"We Vodlemorts were very friendly," the green hair creature said.

"But now we the Voldemorts must go," the creature with red hair said. "Good luck."

With that, the six strange creatures ran into the next room. Nott cursed as he realized that he had let them get away.

"Why didn't you try to catch them?" Jugson called out from the center of the room of time.

"I didn't think about it," Nott said.

"Do you think that they're telling the truth?" Jugson asked.

"That they were created by the Department of Mysteries?" Nott asked. "Who knows? Why don't you go and free the others while I go and track them down."

"Be sure to try and catch them this time," Jugson called out. "They might actually be Potter and his friends."

"Potter isn't that strange," Nott protested.

Jugson turned back to head towards the prophecy room and Nott turns toward the room that the creatures had disappeared in.

"Do we have to go after them?" Goyle asked. "They were freaky."

"Don't be scared of them," Nott said. "They're only magically created creatures made by the people in the Department of Mysteries, they can't hurt us."

"Maybe there's a reason why people don't work here unless they're insane," Goyle said.

"Let's go," Nott said and he stepped into the planet room. He had to duck before a planet hit him, but he then started walking deeper into the room. There was a brief period where he was just walking in blackness, but he just continued on, waiting for the strange creatures to pop out. But there was nothing.

He insisted on checking the whole room, but there was nothing within the room, including any of the strange creatures. He kept twitching as they finally left the room, having expected something to happen played havoc on his nerves. That nothing happened to him shot his nerves even more. They stepped out of the room, and a cloud of flour fell on him and Goyle.

Goyle started sneezing and he couldn't stop. He grabbed onto Nott and then Nott started sneezing as well. Finally Goyle let out one particularly explosive sneeze and he stopped. Nott didn't see him right away, as he had to close his eyes as he let out a particularly explosive sneeze himself, but then he looked and just stared at Goyle.

"You have flowers sticking out of your nose," Goyle pointed out.

"So do you," Nott said.

"I think they might be roses," Goyle continued. The flowers in his nose bit his lip. "Biting roses."

"I can see that, ow," Nott exclaimed as one of his own roses bit his lip. The other rose started chewing on his nose. "How do we get rid of them?"

"How did we get them?" Goyle asked.

"The flour?" Nott suggested.

"We could try cutting them off?" Goyle asked, raising his wand.

"I don't think that's smart," Nott said, stopping the wizard before he cut his own nose off. "We'll just have to wait for them to fall out. Ouch."

Nott continued cursing as they headed into the next room, after a quick peak where Jugson and Crabbe had disappeared into an apparently pink prophecy room. The next room was the Death Chambers and Nott avoided the dais. Every step he took, something snapped under foot. There didn't seem to be anything on the ground, but each step a crack rang out. The same held true with Goyle and Nott flinched every time they walked.

He waited for something to happen, but nothing did. The only thing was the room kept getting smaller and smaller. Nott screeched as he realized that he was getting shorter instead of the room getting taller. "What in Merlin's name, I want a pink pony."

"Really? I always wanted to be a monster," Goyle said. "I think the flowers coming out of your nose are very pretty."

"They aren't pretty, and your face looks like a monster was sick on it," Nott said.

"Take that back," Goyle cried out.

"Or what?" Nott asked.

"Or I'll tell my mommy," Goyle said.

"Oh, I'm scared," Nott said, feigning that he was scared. "I'm not, but I doubt that you can tell that."

"You big meanie," Goyle said. He took a swing and punched Nott out.

Nott fell to the ground, looking like a twelve year old. Goyle burst out crying, looking like a thirteen year old. He sat down on the ground and cried until a spell hit him and he fell asleep.

"Well, that was pathetic," the creature with green hair said.

"I don't think I can look at your housemates the same way," the creature with yellow hair said.

"You're telling me," the creature with orange hair agreed.

"Well, that seems to be all of them," the creature with red hair said.

"Except for the two that walked into the prophecy room, but they'll probably be stuck by that point," the creature with the purple hair said.

"We should go check," the creature with blue hair said.

"And then wait until the Order gets here?" the creature with the red hair asked.

"I was surprised that they weren't here yet," the creature with the purple hair said. "I would have expected them to be here already."

"I suppose they must have had something else to do," the creature with orange hair said. "They'll be here eventually."

"Should we really stay until they get here?" the creature with the yellow hair asked.

"There you are," Lucius Malfoy said, as he stalked into the room. Bits of pink crud scattered in his wake.

"Oh, poo, the poo must have worn off," the creature with blue hair said.

"Well, at least it worked on most of them," the creature with orange hair said.

"Or, the spells on the shelves might still be in effect," the creature with purple hair said.

"You're Potter and friends, right?" Malfoy asked, stepping forward a crunchy step.

"We are the Voldmerots," the creature with the red hair said.

"The Vodlmerots are creatures created for the defense of the Department of Mysteries," the creature with orange hair said.

"We the Volemeorts take care of this place," the creature with the yellow hair said.

"Against creatures such as you," the creature with purple hair said.

"Really, there are better uses of your time then playing with the Voldmerots," the creature with blue hair said.

"And it can't be good for business," the creature with green hair said.

"What did you do to Nott and Goyle?" Jugson asked.

"Goyle knocked Nott out," the creature with the red hair said. "Nott said that Goyle's face looked like a monster sicked it up."

"The meanie," Crabbe said.

"The meanie?" Lucius asked, turning around to stare at Crabbe incredulously. He blinked when he saw that Crabbe now looked like a thirteen year old boy. "What in Merlin's name did you do?"

"Who says we did anything?" the creature with the red hair asked. "It could just be that your fellow Grim Reaper Cannibal likes to de-age every once in a while."

"I try to do so every Saturday," the creature with the blue hair said.

"Of course, the others should have watched where they stepped," the creature with the purple hair said. "That was us, and they should turn back from being cardboard eventually."

"And what about me?" Lucius asked. "What are you planning on doing to me?"

"Say cheese," the creature with the red hair cheered as he blew some dust at Lucius Malfoy.

Lucius chuckled. "Dust is your secret weapon?"

"Just wait until you feel the kick," the creature with the red hair said. "You should feel it just about now."

Lucius closed his eyes and keeled over, snoring as soon as he hit the floor.

"Pleasant dreams," the creature with the orange hair said.

There was a clatter from the other rooms and the six creatures disappeared. Except for the snoring, all was quiet in the Department of Mysteries.

*=* Chapter 43 - The Death Eaters Party *=*


	44. Behind the Masks

A/N: Hopefully this will answer some questions, but it's still not over yet.

* * *

Harry huddled in the corner with the other members of the rebellion, waiting for the fun to start. Nine Death Eaters showed up soon after Harry had taken the prophecy, which was why he was glad that he had waited until the last moment to touch it. He was kind of curious as to what the prophecy said, but this was going to be a lot more interesting.

"Spread out and look for him," the lead Death Eater said. Harry imagined that he was kind of disappointed that Harry wasn't in front of him. Draco shifted nervously beside Harry and Harry nodded to himself, taking it as confirmation that the lead Death Eater was Lucius Malfoy.

The Death Eaters moved out, looking, but not finding Harry and the others. Lucius seemed to be scanning the shelves. Harry snickered quietly as Lucius seemed to take a double take when he spotted what Harry had left in place of the prophecy. "Rubber duck?" Lucius said, sounding bewildered. "They've got the prophecy!" Lucius picked up the rubber duck and the fun started.

Yellow slime fell down from the ceiling thanks to the charm attached to the rubber duck as a trigger. Harry had known that someone would have picked up the rubber duck. Hermione's charm held up to the yellow slime, not letting any of it touch them, but also not revealing an empty spot on the floor for the Death Eaters to spot.

The feathers floated down from the ceiling, making the Death eaters look like chickens. There were more than a couple of snickers from the others.

Lucius growled and then did the most idiotic thing that he could do: the predictable thing. He tried to clean the goo up; unfortunately, that only made the goo turn into a day glow pink and for the feathers to also turn into flowers. That had been a difficult thing to charm, but Harry thought it looked better on the Death Eaters than it would have on Umbridge.

"What in Merlin's name?" one of the Death Eaters called out, trying to flick the slime off of his wand.

"Did you screw the proximity alarm up?" another Death Eater asked Lucius. Harry nodded to himself, glad that he had waited until the last second to pick up the prophecy.

Lucius cast a spell at the Death Eater. "My proximity alarms were cast perfectly. They got the damned prophecy, therefore the alarms went off."

Harry looked down at the prophecy orb, vaguely wondering what exactly it was. He shrugged and put it away in a pocket, deciding to figure out what it was later. He would have left it on the shelf if it hadn't have been a good way to alert the Death Eaters of their arrival as well as a good way to sew some more chaos.

"I'm covered in pink and _flowers_," a woman said. Neville clenched his hands as he watched the woman try to glide across the floor. It wasn't working out too well for her, but she still tried. "Come out, come out wherever you are!"

"How about not," Harry muttered in reply.

"Where are they?" McNair asked. He slid on the slime and bumped into a shelf, activating one of the spells that were set on the shelves. True to form, none of the prophecy orbs moved even a fraction of an inch. Also true to form, McNair could say nothing without sounding as though he were a mouse.

No one seemed to notice until McNair was screeching in panic. Lucius caught on quickly and warned people not to touch the shelves. Of course, several of the Death Eaters couldn't avoid touching the shelves and several animal voices rang out.

The woman Death Eater kept trying to sniff the Rebellion out, but she lost her balance. Unlike the others, she didn't try to catch hold of the shelves and simply slid to the floor. Neville muttered a quick heating charm at the woman, heating up the slime and making it harden around her. The third trick to the slime kicked in and she couldn't move, as the slime got sticky.

Lucius cast a spell at the floor and tried to make a path to the door. Harry snickered as he waited for Lucius to try it out. Lucius obliged him and started to stalk out of the room. The slime stuck to his feet and he jerked to a halt. He froze in place, which was a bad thing to do, as the slime on him started hardening. Soon the next part of the slime would kick in and knock him out.

Harry glanced around the room, looking to make sure that everyone was taken care of in the room. Most people were now stuck to the floor, or had their voices incapacitated in one way or another. The few who tried to leave by one of the doors had buckets over their heads, which would make aiming very hard.

"I think we can leave now," Harry said.

"It seems clear," Hermione replied.

"It's a shame that they all went down that easily, I was hoping to lead them into some of the other traps," Harry said, pouting a little.

"You do know that Death Eaters are deadly and it's better off that they aren't able to chase you?" Draco asked.

"I suppose so," Harry said. He stood up, dispelling Hermione's charm that was hiding them. A quick spell on their shoes took care of any problems having to do with the slime and they set off. Harry waved as they walked past Lucius Malfoy, enjoying the look behind the mask.

Harry opened up the door to the Time Room. He spotted someone standing on the ceiling halfway through the room, so he started running. The pathway through the room was normally very narrow, as the room was filled with desks, but being on the ceiling helped and they were able to run past the two on the ceiling. Harry did a quick flip when he got to the end of the room and he landed on his feet. The charms that Hermione applied to the room made sure that everyone would land perfectly if they had the correct charms to counteract the increased gravity on the ceiling. The Death Eaters wouldn't have a great landing, but the Rebellion did.

Two Death Eaters stared at the Rebellion, taking in their disguise. "What are you?" one of the Death Eaters asked.

"Don't you mean who are you?" Harry asked.

"Who are you?" the Death Eater repeated.

"Don't you mean what are you?" Ron asked.

"I asked you that in the first place," the Death Eater snapped.

"So why won't you try again?" Hermione asked.

"Because I already asked it," the Death Eater said, sounding stubborn.

"We did say that you should ask again," Neville said, getting into the banter.

"I'm not going to ask again, so who, what are you?" the Death Eater asked.

"You asked again," Luna pointed out. "You said that you wouldn't."

"Answer me," the Death Eater growled out, glaring at them through his mask.

"We're the Vodmetot," Draco answered, giving Harry an idea.

"What in Merlin's name is the Vodmetot?" the Death Eater asked, not connecting the name at all to his Master's name.

"The Vodletots are creatures bred for the protection of the Department of Mysteries," Harry said. He figured that if they expected him to be a strange creature created by the Department of Mysteries, then they wouldn't think that he was Harry Potter. It could be safer that way; despite what Draco might think, he really didn't have a suicide wish.

"Wait, I thought you were the Vodmetots," the Death Eater said, still not connecting the name to his Master.

"We are the Voldemrots," Ron said, picking up Harry's line of thought.

"Your name changed again," the Death Eater said.

"The Vodlemrots wish you well on your journey through the Department of Mysteries," Hermione said.

"The Voldmeorts created the defense just for you," Neville continued the game.

"Your companions are right past there," Luna said, pointing at the Time Room. "We Voldetators already made friends with them."

"We Vodlemorts were very friendly," Draco said, an unholy smile spreading across his face.

"But now we the Voldemorts must go," Harry said. He wondered if the Death Eater would finally connect the name. "Good luck."

Harry led the way into the next room, darting off to the side of the room. It was a very odd room, filled with planets and brief periods of nothingness, so they ended up deciding not to prank the room at all. The room was disorienting enough and sometimes just the thought of a prank was a pretty good one itself.

Through the door they could hear the death eater cursing up a storm. The death eater in the time room was too far away for them to be able to really make out what he was saying, but they could hear the Death Eater in the other room's reply.

"I didn't think about it," the Death Eater in the hallway said. He waited a moment, listening to the other. "That they were created by the Department of Mysteries? Who knows? Why don't you go and free the others while I go and track them down." The other Death Eater replied. "Potter isn't that strange," the Death Eater protested.

Harry and the others broke into snickers, glad that none of the Death Eaters seemed to realize the truth.

"Do we have to go after them?" the other, huge Death Eater in the hallway asked. He sounded reluctant as he added. "They were freaky."

"Don't be scared of them," the other Death Eater said, causing the Rebellion to snicker once more. "They're only magically created creatures made by the people in the Department of Mysteries. They can't hurt us."

"Maybe there's a reason why people don't work here unless they're insane," the large Death Eater said.

"Let's go," the other Death Eater said instead of replying. The Rebellion quieted down as he stepped inside the planet room. He had to duck a planet that moved over the Rebellion's heads. He then started walking deeper into the room.

Harry and the others watched the two Death Eaters for a brief moment of time before they slipped out of the room. "That'll keep them busy for a while. Shall we go wait at our other trap?"

"Let me set up this quick one for when they come out again," Ron said. He attached a bag to the top of the doorway and hit it with a quick burst of magic from his wand. "It's another one of Fred and George's experimental products. Supposed to be Flower Flour, flour that creates flowers to grow out of the cake, but it keeps coming out wrong."

"How so?" Hermione asked.

"The flowers grow out of anything that the flower touches, particularly noses," Ron said. "And there's also the fact that they keep getting biting flowers, which is why they gave it to me."

"Good thinking," Harry said. He nodded towards the Death Room. "Shall we?"

"That room gives me the creeps," Ron muttered, but he followed Harry into the room anyway.

Harry and the others took the time to check on all of the spells put on the floor before the other Death Eaters got done with the Planet room. They turned their attention back to the doorway as they could hear the Death Eater from the hallway cursing some more. "I don't think that's possible," Harry remarked.

"Not if you use magic," Draco countered.

"Ew," Harry said with a shudder.

They hid behind Hermione's glamour shield once more as the two Death Eaters entered the room. The Snap powder that they had coated the floor cracked with each step that they took. It was yet another one of the twin's experiments, which meant that the thin layer of dust had a special property.

The Death Eaters gingerly walked across the floor; they were clearly waiting for something to happen. Of course, something was happening; they just couldn't see it just yet. The Death Eaters were shrinking: de-aging, to be exact. Something had gone wrong in the formula and each footstep took off another year from them.

Various other fumes were released by the powder on the floor, which was probably why the Death Eater said exclaimed that he wanted a pink pony after realizing that something was happening to them.

"Really? I always wanted to be a monster," the not so large Death Eater said. He apparently caught a whiff of a different potion as he added, "I think the flowers coming out of your nose are very pretty."

"They aren't pretty and your face looks like a monster was sick on it," the Death Eater snapped, just like the twelve year old kid he was.

"Take that back," the not so big Death Eater cried out.

"Or what?" the twelve year old asked.

"Or I'll tell my mommy," the other Death Eater, who looked like he was thirteen years old said.

"Oh, I'm scared," the twelve year old said, shaking his arms in front of him. "I'm not, but I doubt that you can tell that."

"You big meanie," the thirteen year old said. He swung and punched the twelve year old out.

The twelve year old fell to the ground and the thirteen year old burst out crying. He sat down on the floor next to his fellow Death Eater and continuing crying. Hermione seemed to take pity on him and hit him with a sleeping spell.

"Well, that was pathetic," Draco said as he stared down at the thirteen year old in disgust.

"I don't think I can look at your housemates in the same way," Neville said. The Death Eaters masks had fallen off as they de-aged and they could clearly tell that the large Death Eater had been either Crabbe or Goyle and Harry was reasonably sure that the twelve year old was Nott's father.

"You're telling me," Ron said, shaking his head.

"Well, that seems to be all of them," Harry said, since they hadn't seen any other masked creeps walking around.

"Except for the two that walked into the prophecy room, but they'll probably be stuck by that point," Hermione said, confident in all of the spells put upon the rooms.

"We should go check," Luna said, nudging Crabbe or Goyle with her toe.

"And then wait until the Order gets here?" Harry asked. He wondered if it might be better to simply disappear and let the Order wonder what on earth had happened in the Department of Mysteries. But then, he didn't want any of the Death Eaters to get loose and leave before they could be caught.

"I was surprised that they weren't here yet," Hermione said. "I would have expected them to be here already."

"I suppose they must have something else to do," Ron said with a shrug. "They'll be here eventually.

"Should we really stay here until they get here?" Neville asked, looking uncertain.

"There you are," Lucius Malfoy said as he stalked into the room. Bits of the dried pink goo fell off of him as he walked, but he ignored both that and all of the noise that he made as he crossed the room.

"Oh, poo, the poo must have worn off," Luna said, sounding disappointed. She had helped Harry create the strange goo and it had meant to last for quite a while. Obviously it needed some more work before it was ready for pranking use.

"Well, at least it worked on most of them," Ron said, noticing that there were only five Death Eaters out of the eleven that there would have been in the prophecy room.

"Or the spells on the shelves might still be in effect," Hermione said, reminding them that those Death Eaters would be useless for a while yet.

"You're Potter and friends, right?" Lucius said stepping forward with a crunchy step.

"We are the Voldmerots," Harry said. Lucius probably knew that he was Harry Potter because of the prophecy being replaced with a duck, but that didn't mean that Harry couldn't try to confuse him.

"The Vodlmerots are creatures created for the defense of the Department of Mysteries," Ron took over the explanation.

"We the Volemeorts take care of this place," Neville said.

"Against creatures such as you," Hermione said.

"Really, there are better uses of your time than playing with the Voldmerots," Luna said, sounding vaguely serious.

"And it can't be good for business," Draco said, scowling at his father.

"What did you do to Nott and Goyle?" the Death Eater that they had passed on their way through the time room asked.

"Goyle knocked Nott out," Harry said, now knowing for certain who the Death Eater kids on the floor were. "Nott said that Goyle's face looked like a monster sicked it up."

"The meanie," Crabbe said. The potion on the floor had affected him as well, and he now looked to be the same age as Goyle was.

"The Meanie?" Lucius repeated turning around to stare at Crabbe. "What in Merlin's name did you do?"

"Who says we did anything?" Harry asked. "It could just be that your fellow Grim Reaper Cannibal likes to de-age every once in a while."

"I try to do so every Saturday," Luna said.

"Of course, the others should have watched where they stepped," Hermione said. "That was us and they should turn back from being cardboard eventually."

"And what about me?" Lucius asked after seeing that he was relatively unaffected. "What are you planning on doing to me?"

"Say cheese," Harry said as he blew the same sleeping powder that he had used on Umbridge in Lucius' face.

Lucius chuckled, not knowing what Harry had just done. "Dust is your secret weapon?"

"Just wait until you feel the kick," Harry said. "You should feel it just about now."

Lucius' eyes closed and he keeled over, snoring as soon as he hit the floor.

"Pleasant dreams," Ron said, knowing exactly what Harry had done to Lucius.

A clatter came from one of the other rooms and the Rebellion left the room to go find what it was. They left behind a quiet room; all of the Death Eaters were defeated.

*=* Chapter 44 - Behind the Masks *=*


	45. Unnatural Mind

A/N: And the adventure continues! :D

* * *

Thursday had been a very busy day for the Order. All signs pointed towards the Death Eaters being up to something, but the Order couldn't figure out what it was. They hadn't heard anything from their guard at the Ministry and there didn't seem to be any attacks.

Dumbledore had contacted Remus in the morning, giving him and Sirius a mission. Tonks and Shacklebolt had already freed the Floo, so Remus sent Sirius off to check Hogsmeade while he Floo'd to Diagon Alley to check it out. After hearing Harry's worries, Remus did send a message to Headquarters about checking on the Ministry. He didn't have too much time to worry about that, as he set a brisk pace down Diagon Alley.

Sirius spent the afternoon checking every inch of Hogsmeade, skulking inside the Three Broomsticks to listen to the gossip there. He found gossip, just not gossip detailing an attack on Hogsmeade. He heard from a group of cloaked men that soon what they needed will be theirs.

Sirius practically vibrated while he waited for the men to finish up, hoping for more information. They didn't really give anything before they left. Once they had left, Sirius shot out of the pub and headed up to Hogwarts. He caught sight of Harry and the rest of his group sitting in front of the school instead of their usual spot by the lake.

He had no time to be wondering about his godson's habits while said godson was currently acting insane, so Sirius just grabbed his attention. He was briefly startled by Harry's worry that he had been captured by the Dark Lord, but he didn't have time for that. They needed to nip this in the bud before anything happened to Harry.

After finding out that Remus hadn't returned to Hogwarts yet, Sirius headed back out, this time making his way to Headquarters. He apparated there and burst into the house, remembering just in time to be as quiet as possible. "He's making his move," Sirius called out as he entered the kitchen where the rest of the Order was seated.

"What do you mean?" Jones asked.

"The Dark Lord is after the prophecy," Sirius said. He started pacing. "I heard these Death Eaters talking about how their master was going to get what he wanted by the end of the night."

"That's what I found out," Remus said as he entered the room behind Sirius. "What did you find when you checked in at the Ministry?"

"Mundungus is on duty tonight," Albus replied. "And he has reported seeing nothing.

"Can we really trust him? He was supposed to watch Harry in the summer and you saw what happened with that," Sirius said.

"He has learned his lesson from that," Albus replied.

"I'm worried about it, though," Remus said. "We've heard a lot of things that make me think that something is happening tonight. Even Harry was saying something about it."

"He thought that I had been captured by You Know Who," Sirius said. "I kind of think it's just the stress of everything getting to him, but he hugged me."

"I told him to stay in the castle and not to go looking for Sirius," Remus said. "I'm glad that you got back in time."

"I got back a bit late, but he's seen for himself that You Know Who doesn't have me and I told him to be careful," Sirius replied.

"Well, that might be why Draco Malfoy was asking about you," Snape said as he swept into the room. "He seemed to be convinced that something had happened to the mutt; I should have known it was Potter's influence."

"You love me, you really love me," Sirius dryly said. "So, do you know anything about this?"

"No, I've been stuck at Hogwarts longer than you have," Snape answered. "The Dark Lord is aware that something is happening at Hogwarts. It is possible that he has tried to make contact with Potter through their connection to lure him to the Department of Mysteries."

"See, that settles it, we need to go," Sirius said. "Before Harry gets any crazy ideas into his head."

"You told him to wait at the castle," Jones said.

"Harry's a bit insane right now, I'm not sure that he'll listen to me," Sirius replied. "Look, can we just get in contact with Dung?"

"I will send him a message to report back to us," Dumbledore said. He sent a Patronus out of the house.

Sirius continued to pace around the room while Snape and Remus both sat down to have a cup of tea. Over ten minutes passed before they got a message in reply back from Fletcher; more mumbling than anything saying that the Death Eaters were there. "Caught me unaware," Dung's voice said before the Patronus blinked out.

"Can we go?" Sirius asked.

"Very well," Dumbledore said. "Apparate there ahead of me."

Sirius didn't wait for anyone else before he disapparated and apparated into the Department of Mysteries. He chose to bypass the stairs to head up to the last floor of the Ministry; the Wizingott rooms had bad memories for him and he wished it was because of his trial, but it was for his lack of one. He was about to head straight to the prophecy room when there was a banging on the door to the rotating room.

Sirius paused and looked back; no, someone was banging on the wall next to the door. He went over to the door and opened it. The others had apparated to the stairway and taken the door into the rotating room. They had then found out that it was completely mirrored and they had no idea how to get out once again. Sirius gaped at the mirrored room as the others pushed passed him.

"That wasn't like that the last time I was out this way," Sirius said.

"Well, it's a veritable roach trap now," Remus replied. "Have you found anything yet?"

"No, I had to come rescue you," Sirius said. "But there is some white powder over there."

"We should go check the prophecy room first," Vance said. She and Jones started into the Time Room and exclaimed as they found themselves on the ceiling.

"That didn't happen the last time I was here," Sirius said. He squinted down the narrow room to look at the door that was left open. "I don't remember the prophecy room being pink, either."

"Something's happened here," Moody said. His eye whirled around. "Vance, Jones, keep going until you make it to the prophecy room; there are several Death Eaters incapacitated there. Diggle, go with them."

"Right," Diggle said, also ending up being stuck to the ceiling of the time room.

"The rest of them are this way," Moody said. "Along with some very strange creatures."

"Strange creatures?" Sirius asked as he followed after Moody into the Death Chamber.

"Hello," a creature that looked like Voldemort had joined an amateur clown school said as he popped into view. It had pale skin with bright clothing, red poufy hair, and a round, red nose.

"Gah," Sirius shouted as he backed away.

"You're a bit late," another creature that looked almost exactly like the other one said. This one had orange hair, and he gave them a disapproving look.

"We were expecting you ages ago," a creature with purple hair said.

"Did you get held up or something?" a creature with yellow hair asked.

"Or did you just not get the clues in time?" a creature with green hair asked.

"Did you like what we did?" the creature with blue hair asked. It waved a blue wand and Sirius blinked as he realized that his robes had turned indigo.

"What the hell are you?" he blurted out.

"We are the Voldemorts," the creature with red hair said, unnaturally smiling at him.

"Voldemtots," the creature with orange hair said.

"Vodelrots," the creature with yellow hair said.

"Voldmeorts," the creature with purple hair said.

"Voeletators," the creature with blue hair said.

"Vold-i-rots," the creature with green hair said.

"Potter," Moody said before they could say anything else.

"How did you know?" the creature with red hair asked, pouting.

"I can see through glamours," Moody said. "Or did you forget?"

"The only thing my spells did was cement them for the night," the creature with purple hair said with a shrug.

"Harry?" Sirius exclaimed.

"That's me," the creature with red hair said.

"And so, the others are?" Remus asked.

"Ron," the creature with orange hair said, waving at them.

"Hermione," the creature with purple hair said, also giving them a brief wave.

"Neville," the creature with yellow hair said, giving them a nervous look.

"Moonlight," the creature with blue hair said, staring over their heads.

"That's Luna," the creature with green hair said. He didn't say anything else.

"And you're Draco," Remus said.

The green haired creature gave a grudging nod.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sirius exclaimed. "I told you to stay in the castle!"

"So did I," Remus said.

"Actually, all you said was that I couldn't go after Sirius and I should be careful," Harry said. "And look, I didn't go after Sirius because he really wasn't in danger and I was careful. Not a scratch on me."

"That wasn't what I meant," Remus exclaimed.

"I meant for you to be careful by staying in the castle and out of trouble," Sirius added.

"Oh, well, in any case, it's too late now," Harry said with a shrug. "And I didn't get into trouble, I created trouble."

"What if You Know Who had come?" Sirius asked.

"Well, then the surprise party would have been ruined," Harry said with a sigh.

"This isn't a game, Harry," Sirius replied.

"Fine, then focus on the big fish and forget about the thirteen or so Death Eaters that we took care of," Harry said, beginning to sulk.

"What on earth did you do to them?" Moody asked, stomping over to the Death Eaters.

"Oh, most of it started when we got here," Harry said, perking back up again. "You see, we knew that we were walking into a trap."

"After all, Voldemort couldn't have taken you if you were just fine," Hermione spoke up.

"And we tried to talk Harry out of it, but you know how it is," Neville said.

"He never listens," Draco said, shaking his head.

"Hey, you guys came along with my madness," Harry protested. "Anyway, we knew it was a trap, so we decided to trap them instead."

"We went through and set up traps everywhere that we could," Ron said.

"You mean that was you in the rotating room?" Remus asked, sounding surprised. "Moody's eye couldn't even see through that."

"I guess I must have applied it a bit strongly then," Hermione said. "But it gave us a good warning when the other Death Eaters apparated out of it."

"Yeah, we could hear the pops from down the hall," Ron agreed.

"But that's later," Harry said. "We set up the prophecy room last, just in case the Death Eaters were waiting for us there."

"They weren't, by the way," Ron said.

"So, we made our way down to where the prophecy was and finished setting the room up," Harry continued. "We figured that the prophecy was the trigger for the Death Eaters and it was. SO we left a trigger for the Death Eaters."

"And they set it off," Neville said.

"We took out that group of Death Eaters with our traps," Harry said. "And then we left, going past two other death eaters."

"We had a lovely chat with another two Death Eaters," Luna said.

"That's when we first did the name thing," Draco added.

"Which I don't think they got," Neville said.

"In any case, we told them that we were created by the Department of Mysteries, so they didn't try to curse us," Harry said.

"I can see why," Sirius muttered, flinching as he looked their disguises over once more.

"We led them into the planet room, which is completely untouched," Harry continued. "After they came out, they came into this room, where we were waiting."

"So where are the Death Eaters?" Sirius asked, peering around for them.

"Harry, you didn't take younger students with you, did you?" Remus exclaimed as he caught sight of several sleeping teens.

"Not unless you count Luna," Harry said. He pointed at the sleeping teens. "Those are de-aged Death Eaters."

"And why is that one just sleeping?" Remus asked.

"Nightmare powder," Harry said with a shrug. "Really, Remus, we did good. You guys should just recognize it."

"You shouldn't be here at all," Remus said. "Come on. Let's get you guys back to Hogwarts."

"We're fine with letting you guys clean up," Harry said. "Just, be careful with some of this stuff. I think the Death Eaters set everything off, but I can't be sure."

"We'll be extra careful, boy," Moody said.

"Come on," Remus said. He led the group out of the Death room, opened the door to the rotating room, left Sirius holding it opened, and apparated over to open up the other door. Sirius helped the six students across the room and they headed over to the lifts.

They took the lifts down to the Atrium, where Remus planned on sending them across by Floo. Of course, things went wrong. There was a couple of pops of apparation and Remus and Sirius shuffled the students to hide behind the large fountain.

A curse flew through the air and chopped off the human's head. Remus cast a quick protego and protected the students from the falling head.

"Woah, what did the statue ever do to you?" Harry exclaimed. "Yes, it was ugly as hell, but that didn't mean that you had to chop its head off."

"Come out and face me, Harry Potter," Voldemort called out.

"I don't think you want me to do that," Harry called back. He quirked a grin at Remus. "I don't think my looking like this will really make him happy, don't you think?"

"Face me, Harry Potter," the Dark Lord called out once more.

"What part of no don't you understand?" Harry shouted back. "Seriously, where are your manners?"

"Where are your manners?" Voldemort countered. He sent another cutting curse at the fountain, chopping off the arm at the elbow. "I'll destroy your hiding place until you have no choice but to face me."

"I still don't think that you want me to do that," Harry said. "Besides, if you keep chopping the statue to pieces, it's going to take a while. Dumbledore will be here before long."

Voldemort sent a blasting curse at the statue, blowing more than just an arm or a head off. "Face me!"

"All right, you big toddler," Harry called out. He ducked around Remus and Sirius and emerged from the statue.

Remus and Sirius cursed, but managed to keep the remaining students from following Harry. Remus kept them behind the fountain, while Sirius went to try and coax Harry back.

Voldemort hissed when he saw how Harry looked. "You dare mock me?"

"I told you that you didn't want to see me face to face," Harry said. He twirled. "What do you think of my costume?"

"Crucio," Voldemort cast in reply. Harry neatly sidestepped it, and it splashed against the wall of the atrium.

"Well, that's not nice," Harry scolded. "Whatever happened to using your words? Besides, this isn't permanent." Harry waved his wand and his disguise melted away, leaving the green haired boy wearing his student robes. "Here I am, Voldemort. Ready to face you."

"Fool," Voldemort called out. He sent another hex at Harry, but Harry blocked it with a protego. "I'd like to see you protect yourself from this."

The Dark Lord didn't say anything, but Harry collapsed onto the floor. The Dark Lord was still, so Sirius took a chance and darted out after Harry.

"Don't touch him," Dumbledore commanded before Sirius could do so. Sirius barely registered the sudden appearance of Dumbledore, more concerned over Harry.

"What's wrong with him?" Sirius asked.

"Voldemort's trying to possess him," Dumbledore said.

"Can't we do something?" Sirius asked, staring down at Harry as though it would help him wake up.

"It is up to Harry now," Dumbledore said. He turned to look at Voldemort. "If we interrupted either of them right now, it would turn out bad for both of them. We must let them wake up on their own."

"No, no," Harry moaned as he started to writhe around.

"Fight him, Harry," Dumbledore called out. "Do not let him take over your mind."

"Come on, Harry," Sirius said. "I know you can do it."

"Let me out of here," Harry called out before he slumped down.

The Dark Lord jerked and took a step back. "There is something wrong with that child. His mind is unnatural."

"What?" Sirius demanded. "Take that back!"

"I thought that you were above such things, Dumbledore, but I see that I was wrong," Voldemort said. He shot a glare at Harry and seemed to shudder almost imperceptibly. "Well, since this mission was a bust and the prophecy has been destroyed, I'll leave you and your pitiful force. Wormtail!"

There was silence. Voldemort looked around, but he couldn't see anything. "Wormtail!"

"Whoops," Harry said. "I didn't mean to drop that."

The Dark Lord scowled and apparated away, apparently giving up Pettigrew as a loss. Harry started snickering and he lazily pointed up at the ceiling. Sirius glanced up and gaped at the sight of Pettigrew stuck to the ceiling with what looked like bubblegum.

"Sirius Black," Fudge called out as he briskly walked into the Atrium. "I should have known that the whole You Know Who nonsense was you."

"Peter Pettigrew," Sirius said as he pointed up.

Fudge looked up at the ceiling. "Why yes, it appears so." Fudge looked down again to scowl at Sirius. "You won't get away this time, Black."

"But it's Peter Pettigrew," Sirius said, pointing up at the ceiling again. "He's the one who killed all of the people that day, not me. And he was the Potter's secret keeper."

"Bubblegum cannon activate," Harry muttered to himself.

Sirius stood up and stepped away from Harry, motioning for Remus to get the students away. "Listen, interrogate me and interrogate Peter Pettigrew and all of the Death Eaters who are up in the Department of Mysteries and then decide on whether I'm guilty or innocent."

Aurors stepped up and restrained Sirius just as the Floo flared, taking the others back to Hogwarts. Sirius just stared right at Fudge, waiting for an answer.

"Find some way of getting him off the ceiling and figure out what in Merlin's name is going on here," Fudge ordered before heading over to the lists.

"We'll take over here," Tonks said as she and Shacklebolt grabbed a hold of Sirius.

"Watch your step up there," Sirius advised. "Some creatures got loose and really got into things."

*=* Chapter 45 - Unnatural Mind *=*


	46. Voldemort with Fur and a Ball Gown

A/N: And finally we get to Harry's POV of this section.

* * *

It wasn't that much of a surprise that the noise was from the Order instead of more Death Eaters. They hadn't even crossed the room before they heard Moody's voice directing the Order around.

"Strange creature?" Sirius asked as several Order members entered the room.

"Hello," Harry said as he hopped forward into sight.

"Gah," Sirius shouted, backing away from Harry. Harry pouted at that, but was also pleased at their disguises.

"You're a bit late," Ron said, giving them a disapproving look.

"We were expecting you ages ago," Hermione said. She also gave them a disapproving look, as though they had forgotten to do their homework until the last second.

"Did you get held up or something?" Neville asked.

"Or did you just not get the clues in time?" Draco sarcastically asked.

"Did you like what we did?" Luna asked. She waved her newly blue colored wand and turned Sirius' robes into a nice indigo.

"What the hell are you?" Sirius asked, still looking freaked out.

"We are the Voldemorts," Harry said, now grinning at Sirius.

"Voldemtots," Ron continued.

"Vodelrots," Neville added.

"Voldmeorts," Hermione chimed in.

"Voeletators," Luna pronounced.

"Vold-i-rots," Draco said with some satisfaction.

"Potter," Moody interrupted them.

"How did you know?" Harry asked, giving Moody a pitiful look for stopping their fun.

"I can see through glamours," Moody said. "Or did you forget?"

"The only thing my spells did was cement them for the night," Hermione said with a shrug.

"Harry?" Sirius exclaimed, staring at Harry in amazement.

"That's me," Harry said with a quick nod.

"And so, the others are?" Remus asked, still staring at them in bemusement.

"Ron," Ron introduced as he waved at them.

"Hermione," Hermione said, also giving a brief wave.

"Neville." Neville gave them a nervous look, obviously not looking forward to the fallout.

"Moonlight," Luna said, staring at something over everyone's heads.

"That's Luna," Draco said. He scowled at them, refusing to say who he was.

"And you're Draco," Remus said, ruining it. Draco glared, but grudgingly acknowledged that Remus had figured out the truth.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sirius exclaimed. "I told you to stay in the Castle!"

"So did I," Remus added.

"Actually, all you said was that I couldn't go after Sirius and I should be careful," Harry pointed out the same things that he had used to convince the Rebellion to go after the Death Eaters. "And look, I didn't go after Sirius because he really wasn't in danger and I was careful. Not a scratch on me." On the Death Eaters, sure, but not on Harry.

"That wasn't what I meant," Remus protested.

"I meant for you to be careful by staying in the Castle and out of trouble," Sirius added, ending the possibility of Harry stirring up any more confusion.

"Oh well, in any case, it's too late now," Harry said with a shrug. "And I didn't get into trouble, I created trouble."

"What if You Know Who had come?" Sirius asked.

"Well then, the surprise party would have been ruined," Harry said with a disappointed sigh.

"This isn't a game," Sirius scolded.

"Fine, then focus on the big fish and forget about the thirteen or so Death Eaters that we took care of," Harry said. He sulked, bemoaning over the fact that adults never appreciated the lengths that kids went to succeed.

"What on earth did you to do them?" Moody asked, stomping over to the death eaters. Harry was kind of glad they had defused the powder; he didn't think that Moody would appreciate being turned into a kid.

"Oh, most of it started when we got here," Harry said. He grinned at the adults as he began to tell their tale. "You see, we knew that we were walking into a trap."

"After all, Voldemort couldn't have taken you if you were just fine," Hermione spoke up.

"And we tried to talk Harry out of it, but you know how he is," Neville said.

"He never listens," Draco said, shaking his head and ignoring the look that Harry gave him.

"Hey, you guys came along with my madness," Harry protested. "Anyway, we knew it was a trap, so we decided to trap them instead."

"We went through and set traps up everywhere that we could," Ron continued.

"You mean that was you in the rotating room?" Remus asked, sounding surprised. "Moody's eye couldn't even see through that."

"I guess I must have applied it a bit strongly, then," Hermione said. "But it gave us a good warning when the other Death Eaters apparated out of it."

"Yeah, we could hear the pops from down the hall," Ron agreed.

"Btu that's later," Harry said, taking over the narrative once again. "We set up the prophecy room last, just in case the Death Eaters were waiting for us there."

"They weren't, by the way," Ron said.

"So, we made our way down to where the prophecy was and finished setting the room up," Harry said, not minding the brief interruption. "We figured that the prophecy as the trigger for the Death Eaters and it was. So we let a trigger for the Death Eaters." Harry snickered at the reaction to the rubber duck left in the prophecy's place.

"And they set it off," Neville said.

"We took out that group of Death Eaters with our traps," Harry continued. "And then we left, going past two other Death Eaters."

"We had a lovely chat with another two Death Eaters," Luna said.

"That's when we first did the name thing," Draco added.

"Which I don't think they got," Neville said. Of course, it was doubtful that the Order really got it, either.

"In any case, we told them that we were created by the Department of Mysteries, so they didn't try to curse us," Harry said, ignoring the fact that the Death Eaters had been too freaked out to react in their normal manner.

"I can see why," Sirius said, flinching at them once more.

"We led them into the planet room, which is completely untouched," Harry said, ignoring Sirius. "After they came out, they came to this room, where we were waiting."

"So where are the Death Eaters?" Sirius asked, looking around for them.

"Harry, you didn't take younger students with you, did you?" Remus exclaimed as he and Sirius noticed the knocked out Death Eaters.

"Not unless you count Luna," Harry said; the others were all fifth years like him. He pointed over at the Death Eaters. "Those are de-aged Death Eaters."

"And why is that one just sleeping?" Remus asked, not knowing that it was Lucius Malfoy.

"Nightmare powder," Harry said with a shrug. "Really, Remus, we did good. You guys should just recognize it."

"You shouldn't be here at all," Remus said. "Come on. Let's get you guys back to Hogwarts."

"We're fine with letting you guys clean up," Harry said. IT was always nice not to clean up after pranks and he doubted that the Unspeakables would be too pleased with them. "Just be careful with some of this stuff. I think the Death Eaters set everything off, but I can't be sure." That was what happened with chaos.

"We'll be extra careful, boy," Moody said.

"Come on," Remus said, dragging Harry with him as he headed to the door. He led the way out into the hallway and over to the rotating room. He then apparated across and opened up the other door. Harry had great fun making his way across the room, probably driving Sirius mad at the same time.

They then went over to the lifts and took them down to the Atrium floor. Draco still had Fudge's key, but it wasn't like they were going to return that, especially with Remus and Sirius being in adult mode. They would want to know where Draco had gotten the key and would want to return it and make sure that Harry and the others didn't prank Fudge's office. And that was one prank that he didn't want ruined before it came to fruit.

They exited the lifts and started to head deeper into the large room. Harry wasn't sure whether Remus was planning on Flooing them back to Hogwarts or taking them back to Grimmauld Place, but that thought shot out of his head when two people apparated in. They were close to the fountains, so that's where Remus and Sirius chose to hide them.

Of course, it was also the most obvious hiding place, so that explained why the human statue's head went flying soon after. Remus protected them from the falling head, but now the statue was headless.

"Whoa, what did that statue ever do to you?" Harry called out in surprise. "Yes, it was ugly as hell, but that didn't mean that you had to chop its head off."

"Come out and face me, Harry Potter," Voldemort called back, not seeming to register Harry's comment.

"I don't think you want me to do that," Harry replied, thinking about how he looked. He quirked a weird grin at Remus. "I don't think my looking like this will really make him happy, don't you think?"

"Face me, Harry Potter," Voldemort repeated himself.

"What part of no don't you understand?" Harry shouted back. "Seriously, where are your manners?"

"Where are your manners?" Voldemort countered, cutting off the wizard's arm at the elbow. "I'll destroy your hiding place until you have no choice but to face me."

"I still don't think that you want me to do that," Harry said. Voldemort would know that it was meant to be mocking and he would not be pleased. "Besides, if you keep chopping the statue to pieces, it's going to take a while. Dumbledore will be here before long."

Voldemort sent a blasting curse at the fountain, blowing off several other limbs from several of the statues. "Face me!"

"All right, you big toddler," Harry called out. Seriously, he was acting just like a two year old. Harry put his hands in his pockets and pulled out a round ball before ducking past Remus and Sirius. He heard a scuffle as they tried to catch him and tried to prevent the rest of them from following. He lightly tossed the round ball in his hands so that it started rolling towards Voldemort. Voldemort was too busy taking in Harry's new looks to really notice as the round ball rolled past him. Pettigrew noticed, however, and a grin spread across Harry's face.

"You dare mock me?" Voldemort demanded when he got over the shock.

"I told you that you didn't want to see me face to face," Harry said. He twirled around, taking advantage of the fact that Voldemort was still getting over his reaction. "What do you think of my costume?"

"Crucio," Voldemort cast in reply. Harry sidestepped it, as it had been traveling in a straight line.

"Well, that's not nice," Harry scolded. "Whatever happened to using your words? Besides, this isn't permanent." Yes, Hermione had spelled them so that no one else could take them off, but a quick wave of his wand and the disguise melted away. "Here I am, Voldemort. Ready to face you."

"Fool," Voldemort said. He sent another hex at Harry, but Harry just cast a quick protego after recognizing it as a regular curse. Voldemort scowled at Harry. "I'd like to see you protect yourself from this."

Voldemort didn't say another word, but Harry suddenly felt him in his mind. It was worse than Occlumency lessons with Snape, his scar was burning up. Voldemort was trying to control him, trying to take him over. Harry hurriedly tried to block Voldemort with Occlumency, but Voldemort had already gotten into his head.

Harry only had one last defense left to take care of Voldemort. He closed in all of his walls and started to think of the strangest things ever. He thought of all of the creatures that the Rebellion dressed up as, what it would be like if everyone was like that because he had broken the prophecy, and what would happen if they all danced around in the sunshine. He bet that he could choreograph a dance to take place in Diagon Alley. And they would run around hugging everyone and wouldn't that be just so much fun? And what would happen if Dudley dressed up like that, a huge, fat Voldemort impersonator, with puce colored hair.

He then thought about Voldemort as a fat person, waddling around with a turkey leg instead of his wand. Yelling out Unforgivables using the turkey leg. He wondered what would happen if all of the Death Eaters started growing fat as well, trying to run after muggleborns, but stopping after just a couple of steps. They would just lie around and do nothing but eat.

He wondered what would happen if they all went on a diet and found religion. Imagined what would happen if all of the Death Eaters turned their clothing pink and ran around throwing daisies everywhere. And Voldemort was the only one who was still sane and slightly chubby and he would hate it to death. And the Daisies would tease him for not lightening up. And he would fall in love with a tire.

He imagined a world where everyone was covered in fuzzy purple fur and the sky was orange and Voldemort was known as Sir Hugs-a-lot and he was the most charitable person in the world. Sir Hugs-a-lot was just getting ready for the Charity ball, where he had the most wonderful ball gown when voices intruded.

"No, no," Voldemort moaned out, trying to escape from the thought of lovely pink dresses.

"Fight him, Harry," a voice came out. Dumbledore stepped into the room, wearing a nice blue dress with yellow rubber ducks on it. The Dumbledore in Harry's mind struck a pose. "Do not let him take over your mind!"

"Come on, Harry," Sirius, who was wearing a puppy costume over his normal black fur, said. "I know you can do it."

Harry moved to help Voldemort get the dress on, but Voldemort backed away. "Let me out of here," Voldemort called out. He ran from the room and ran from Harry's mind.

Voldemort's voice echoed down through the connection. "There's something wrong with that child. His mind is unnatural."

"What?" the Sirius in the puppy costume demanded. "Take that back!"

"I thought that you were above such things, Dumbledore, but I see that I was wrong, wrong," Voldemort's voice echoed. "Well, since this mission was a bust and the prophecy has been destroyed, I'll leave you and your pitiful force. Wormtail! Wormtail!"

"Whoops, I didn't mean to drop that," Harry muttered, even though he had meant for Pettigrew to be caught in the prank. He started snickering as he stared at the pink mass on the ceiling. Sirius was staring at him and he couldn't hear Voldemort anymore, so he pointed up at the ceiling.

Sirius then looked up and gaped at the sight.

"Sirius Black," Fudge's voice rang out. "I should have known that the whole You Know Who nonsense was you."

"Peter Pettigrew," Sirius said, pointing up at the ceiling.

"Why, yes, it appears so. You won't get away this time, Black," Fudge replied.

"But it's Peter Pettigrew," Sirius repeated, pointing up once more. "He's the one who killed all of the people that day, not me. And he was the Potter's secret keeper."

"Bubblegum cannon activate," Harry said, still staring at the pink mass that held Pettigrew. He needed more of those, they were very handy. Sirius didn't seem to appreciate it properly, though as he stood up and walked away.

Remus then appeared above Harry and lifted him up. As Remus walked, Harry could hear Sirius's voice echoing through the atrium. "Listen, interrogate me and interrogate Peter Pettigrew and all of the Death Eaters who are up in the Department of Mysteries and then decide on whether I'm guilty or innocent."

Remus herded all of them inside one of the giant fireplaces and called out, "Hogwarts, Great Hall." The Floo flared and Harry was glad that Remus had a firm hold on him as the fires spun.

"Around and around and around we go," Harry muttered. He struggled to sit up as they walked out of the fireplace in the Great Hall.

"Stay still, Harry," Remus said as he almost dropped Harry onto the floor.

"Voldemort looks funny as a fat guy," Harry told them.

"Is he okay?" Hermione asked. She dispelled the disguises on everyone else before peering up at Harry.

"He should be okay," Remus said.

"A turkey leg wand," Harry said. "Imagine that, to be able to use a turkey leg for a wand."

"He's acting more insane than usual," Draco pointed out.

"He just had the Dark Lord in his head, he's allowed to be a bit off of his rocker," Ron snapped.

"Let's just get to the hospital wing and get him checked out," Remus said.

"No, no, I'm fine," Harry said, trying to slither out of Remus's hold. "I've defeated Voldemort with the power of my mind, I am terrific."

"You need to go to the hospital wing," Remus said. "And if you don't stop squirming I'm going to drop you on your head."

"Are you sure you didn't do that when he was a baby?" Draco asked. "It might explain a few things."

"I did not drop Harry on his head when he was a baby," Remus said.

"But, listen, listen, I thought about Voldemort and he would look great with fur," Harry insisted, "and a ball dress."

"Voldemort with fur and a ball dress," Draco said with a shudder. "I'm never going to be able to think of him the same ever again."

"That's what happens when you hang out with Harry," Ron said with a sigh. "You do the most insane things in the world."

"Like dressing up as mockeries of the Dark Lord and sneaking into the Department of Mysteries to torture Death Eaters?" Draco suggested.

"Exactly," Ron said.

"To the infirmary," Harry called out, pointing straight ahead. He wouldn't mention how he really just wanted to check on Umbridge and didn't want to be examined by the school nurse. Remus wouldn't take him there if he did that; he'd simply call the nurse to his office instead.

Remus gathered the Rebellion all up again and herded them in the direction of the infirmary. He was glad that this was all over and done with.

*=* Chapter 46 - Voldemort with Fur and a Ball Gown *=*


	47. The Aftermath

A/N: And the story slowly winds down. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

* * *

Madam Pomfrey insisted on checking out all six of the students before she let them leave the infirmary, and even that was under protest. She deemed that Harry was simply a bit confused, lost within his own mind as it were. She gave him a pepper up potion and finally allowed Remus to take them up to the Headmaster's office.

Dumbledore was waiting for them in his office, looking as though he hadn't left at all. He pointed out seats for them and offered them lemon drops.

"Hah, I knew that he was up here the whole time," Harry muttered to Draco.

"Do you have to sit next to me?" Draco asked.

"Yes, yes I do," Harry replied.

"So, I hear that it's been rather eventful here at Hogwarts," Dumbledore said.

"Yes, Umbridge has been horrible without you; did you know that she's been monitoring the mail and the Floo?" Harry asked. He shook his head. "Hogwarts hasn't been the same without you, sir."

"I'm glad to hear that," Dumbledore said, relaxing. "Now, about your trip to the Department of Mysteries?"

"I thought that Sirius was in danger," Harry said, his eyes widening. "So we went there to go rescue them, but it was all a trap for us."

"There were Death Eaters," Ron said.

"We thought that we were goners, but the Unspeakables must have put in some more protections after Mr. Weasley got bitten by the snake," Harry continued. "All of these strange things started happening and the Death Eaters kept being caught up in them."

"Is that so?" Dumbledore asked.

"We tried to escape from the top level, but we didn't manage to do so before the Order showed up," Harry continued spinning his tale. *"Remus took us down to the atrium and I suppose you know the rest."

"Thank you," Dumbledore said. "The rest of you may go down to the Great Hall, where I will have the house elves send you some dinner."

"Wow, we missed dinner?" Ron asked. He shot Harry a look before following Remus and the others out of the door.

"I wanted to talk to you, Harry, about what happened tonight," Dumbledore said.

"About Voldemort trying to take over my mind? Or what this prophecy thing is about anyway? Or about us breaking into the Department of Mysteries?" Harry asked.

"All three," Dumbledore said. "Breaking into the Department of Mysteries was why we taught you Occlumency, Harry."

"I know, and I tried to learn it, but I guess it didn't stick," Harry said, looking mournful.

"You were lucky that the Unspeakables upgraded their security to go against people who meant harm to the Department and you were not injured," Dumbledore said. "I can understand why you felt that you had to go, however, and at least Voldemort will not be trying that route again."

"You mean that he won't try to take over my mind again?" Harry asked.

"The prophecy no longer exists, therefore he will have no reason to try and get you to retrieve it for him," Dumbledore said. "And given his reaction to trying to possess you due to your connection, I doubt that he will try that again."

"I just thought of how much I loved certain things," Harry said. _Like Voldemort covered in fur about to put on a ball gown._

"And love is something that Voldemort is repulsed by," Dumbledore replied.

"So, what's this prophecy thing about?" Harry asked once more. "Does anyone know anymore, or is it lost forever?"

"The Ministry's copy of the prophecy is gone, but the person who witnessed the prophecy being made is still around," Dumbledore said.

"Who witnessed the prophecy?" Harry asked.

"I did," Dumbledore answered. "You see, over fifteen years ago I was interviewing candidates for the Divinations position here at Hogwarts. It was during the end of the interview that she made her prophecy."

"Who did?" Harry asked.

"Did you know that Sybil Trelawney is the great-great-granddaughter of the very famous, very gifted Seer Cassandra Trelawney? During our interview, she made a prophecy about the downfall of Voldemort. One of his followers heard part of the prophecy and that was the reason why he ultimately came after you," Dumbledore said.

"What did the prophecy say?" Harry asked.

Dumbledore went over to his Pensieve and stirred it with his wand. A figure of Trelawney rose up from the silvery liquid within and she began to speak. "_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..._"

"There were two who fit the prophecy," Dumbledore said. "You were one of them and the other was Neville Longbottom. Both your parents and the Longbottoms defied Voldemort three times and Neville was born the day before you."

"It could have been either of us," Harry said.

"Ultimately, Voldemort made the decision by going after you and marking you as his equal," Dumbledore replied.

"My scar," Harry said, fingering it. "So, what's this power that the Dark Lord knows not?"

"It's the power of love, Harry," Dumbledore said. "As you have experienced earlier tonight."

"Well, then, I suppose that works," Harry muttered, trying to come up with a spell to grow fur. The ball gown would be easy to find, he just had to transfigure Voldemort's robes and he should explode.

"Do not worry about facing him, Harry, things will turn out for the best," Dumbledore said.

"Is that why you didn't tell me about this way back in my first year?" Harry asked.

"I thought you a bit too young to worry about it at that time," Dumbledore said. "I wished for you to have a normal childhood, Harry, and I wish it can continue just a while longer."

"I like having a childhood, so I suppose I can't be too upset with you," Harry said.

"Now, then, why don't you head down to have dinner with your friends? I'm sure you must be starving after your adventure," Dumbledore said.

"What about you, sir?" Harry asked.

"I must go and try to talk sense into Cornelius," Dumbledore said. "While I trust that Tonks and Shacklebolt will keep Sirius safe, I think it best to expedite things in Sirius' favor."

"I'm not worried about Sirius," Harry declared. "I'm sure that everything will turn out to be fine."

"I'm glad that you are still able to put your trust into something," Dumbledore said. "Now, off you go."

"Thank you, sir," Harry said. He left the office and started traveling down the moving staircase. "I trust in pranks and chaos," he muttered.

"What were you thinking?" Remus demanded when Harry stepped off of the moving stairs.

"Thoughts?" Harry suggested.

"Do you realize that you just lied to Dumbledore?" Remus asked.

"Really, I wasn't really lying, per se," Harry said. "I was just bending the truth in the direction that he wanted to hear it."

"Dumbledore is not a criminal mastermind, Harry," Remus said with a sigh.

"And I didn't say that he was," Harry said. "I just kind of thought that he would rather I left to go do something noble instead of something stupid." Harry pouted up at Remus. "I didn't want Dumbledore to be disappointed in me."

"Well, I suppose that it won't harm things too bad," Remus said. "After all, he can easily get the real story from everyone else at the Ministry."

"Do you really think he'll ask the janitor?" Harry asked.

"What?" Remus asked.

"Never mind," Harry said. "Let's go get food."

"I can't believe that it's just after dinner," Remus said as he led the way down to the Great Hall.

"Yeah, adventures never really take quite as long as you expect them to," Harry said.

"Harry," Ron called out when he spotted the two at the entrance to the Great Hall.

"Food," Harry cheered as he bounced up to the Gryffindor table. "The perfect ending to the perfect day, if you forget about the fact that I probably failed my history exam."

"O.W.L.s, I almost forgot that they were over," Hermione said.

"It's a good thing, because I'm about exhausted by them," Ron said with a groan.

"I missed having a partner in my Potions OWL," Luna said.

"You didn't take your OWLs," Draco replied. "You're a fourth year."

"She's been my partner in Potions forever," Harry said. He patted her on the arm. "Don't worry, we'll brew something tomorrow."

"No getting in trouble tomorrow," Remus said in reply.

"Oh, we won't get into trouble tomorrow," Harry said. He lowered his voice to mutter to the others. "Unless they decide to do anything to Sirius, in that case, we might have to rescue him."

"Oh, I'm sure it will be fine," Hermione said. "You caught Pettigrew after all."

"Did you really manage to do that accidentally?" Draco asked.

"And that was something that the Twins gave you, right?" Ron asked.

"I was kind of hoping that he would be caught by it," Harry answered Draco first. "And it was the prototype to the goo spells that we used in the prophecy room."

"We'll have to tell the twins all about this," Ron said. "They'll be so jealous."

"They'll probably be poking their heads into the Department of Mysteries," Neville said.

"The Death Eaters did set off all the traps, right?" Hermione asked. She turned to Harry. "You didn't set up any extra, did you?"

"Not that I can recall," Harry said.

"So, what was it like having You Know Who in your head?" Ron asked.

"It was horrible, I imagined that Voldemort was fatter than Dudley and boy did he look horrible," Harry said. "Really, Dumbledore said that the power to defeating Voldemort is love, but I think that he's like a boggart."

"Well, we have plenty of things to laugh about," Ron said. He darted a glance at Remus. "Now, what about that other thing?"

"A second dose was given during our brief trip, she'll be convinced of everything soon enough," Harry said. "Expect her to be gone before the end of the week."

Cheers went up after all of that. Remus scolded them into the semblance of quiet before they cracked up again. They began to rehash the whole evening, letting go of the stress and the adrenaline and riding the high of pulling off something that great.

They finished their meal and were sent back to their respective common rooms. Of course, all of the students were aware that something was up, after having noticed that the six students and a professor had disappeared during dinner. The rumor mill had been set on high and the four Gryffindors were told all sorts of wild rumors. Including one where Umbridge took them all out to the Forbidden Forest to look for a weapon.

Of course, the truth was stranger than anything, and they took great delights in telling all of their antics. Half of the students dismissed their story as nonsense and simply formed more solid rumors about their activity. Others believed their story, but those were mostly the students who had interacted with Harry before. They were willing to believe everything simply because they had experienced things with Harry.

Finally, McGonagall came in and shooed them all to bed.

The next morning Dumbledore was seated at the teachers' table. Harry and the others sat at their proper places for the first time in a while. Even while trying to fool the examiners they had mostly sat together with Luna and sometimes Draco, but this time it felt right to sit apart. Dumbledore was back in place and so everything had to turn to normal.

And then Umbridge stumbled into the room.

"You, what are you doing here?" Umbridge demanded.

The poor first year that she talked to quivered and stared down at his shoes. "Class doesn't start for another half an hour, ma'am."

"Well, don't just stand there, the elephants are coming," Umbridge said as she moved away from the boy. "Can't you see them, they're right over there!"

"Ah, Madam Umbridge, it is delightful to see you once again," Dumbledore said as he stood up.

"Why is your hair so long?" Umbridge asked, her eyes widening in awe. "Seriously, it's so long."

"It took me many years to get it this way," Dumbledore said, not seeming to realize that something was wrong with Umbridge.

"But it's so long," Umbridge said. "So, so long."

"Thank you," Dumbledore said. He frowned at her.

"Why is it so long?" Umbridge asked once more. "It could wrap around the world if it wasn't flat."

"If what wasn't flat?" someone asked.

"The world," Umbridge said. "It was flattened by the elephants."

"Are you all right, Dolores?" Dumbledore asked.

"I slept all day last night," Umbridge said. "And when I woke up, I could _see_."

"Maybe you should return to the infirmary, get Madam Pomfrey to check you over," Dumbledore said.

"Not if the moon is still gone," Umbridge said. "I can't resist dancing." Umbridge started swaying in place.

"Did someone feed her another insanity potion?" Dean asked, looking towards Neville and Harry.

"I would say that I had nothing to do with this," Neville started. "But would you really believe me?"

"You know, mate, at the start of the year I wouldn't have," Dean said. "But after all of this, I wouldn't be surprised if you were the mastermind behind the whole thing."

"Oh, yes, Harry's my puppet," Neville said. "You see, I don't want to deal with all of the attention that being famous gets you, so I just put Harry through it all."

"He's had his chance to let me free, but he won't ever let me go," Harry said, flopping down onto the table. "He's torturing me with fame!"

"You see, the ants, they're attacking already," Umbridge exclaimed, pointing at Harry. Neville ducked on instinct and Umbridge squeaked. Ron grinned at Dean and flopped over against Neville. "The ants, the ants!" Umbridge shrieked.

"There are no ants," McGonagall tried to reassure. "Boys, sit up straight."

"Yes, mother," Harry, Neville and Ron chorused as they straightened up.

"The ants, the ants," Umbridge muttered as she inspected the room for them. Luckily for the sixth year that she examined, there were no ants on him.

"Hey, I'm trying to study here," the sixth year snapped. "I've got exams coming up, even if this lot is through with them."

"Hey, you should know just how hard those tests were," one of the fifth year Ravenclaws protested. "You took it last year."

"And this year I'm a year ahead of you and I've got NEWTS coming up as well," the Ravenclaw sixth year shot back.

"Now, calm down," Dumbledore said. "I'm sure that you will do well on your exams. Now, Dolores, why don't you go to the infirmary?"

"There are oranges in the infirmary," Umbridge said. She widened her eyes and looked horrified. "Oranges, I tell you! They're plotting to take over the world."

"Using the ants?" someone suggested.

"The Oranges and the ants," Umbridge shrieked. She shook her finger at Dumbledore. "You tried to fool me, locked yourself up in your high tower, but I can see right through you. Tell you oranges that I won't fall for their little tricks. I see right through them!"

"Really, would you just stun her?" Snape grumbled. "She obviously has cracked after all of the stress that she's been put under and she needs Poppy's care."

"The right thing to do is to try and get her to go willingly," Dumbledore said. "Come now, Dolores."

"You and the ants and the oranges won't get me," Umbridge said. She threw a muffin and hit Snape in the head. A handful of porridge was tossed into the air, splattering harmlessly on the floor, before Umbridge grabbed a platter of toast and ran off with it.

"All students stay calm," Dumbledore ordered. "I suppose the excitement was too much for Madam Umbridge and I'm sure that she'll be all right after a brief stay in the infirmary." With that, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape swept out of the Great Hall.

The other teachers made sure that all of the students stayed within the Great Hall until it was time for class to start for the students that didn't have OWLs or NEWTs. Since all of the excitement was gone, Harry and the others left the Great Hall, heading out to the lake side.

The other fifth years followed after them, and Harry and the others were forced to tell the tale of the Department of Mysteries one more time. Harry was faintly surprised that the Slytherins were so interested in the story, especially as he knew that several of their parents were Death Eaters. OF course, none of the students of the Death Eaters who were at the Department of Mysteries looked that upset at their fathers being arrested.

Harry pulled Draco aside as they headed in for lunch, but Draco refused to talk about it. "My father will get out of this somehow, he always does. Besides, after seeing all of this, I really don't believe that this is a productive use of his time."

"More money is always better, right?" Harry asked.

"Plus, I don't believe that mere children can be Death Eaters," Draco said.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"Do you know why the Twins gave you that powder that we put on the floor of the Death Chamber?" Draco asked.

"They wanted me to use it on Umbridge, and maybe Snape," Harry said.

"Well, it's a good thing we used it on the Death Eaters, because it's rather permanent," Draco said.

"I turned Crabbe and Goyle and Nott's father into a kid again?" Harry asked, his eyes widening.

"And I turned my father into a kid again," Draco said. He smirked at Harry. "It'll last for a while yet, in any case."

"Woah, I have godly powers," Harry said as he followed after Draco, still stunned by the revelation.

*=* Chapter 47 - The Aftermath *=*


	48. Goodbye Umbridge

A/N: The story is winding down. Hope you enjoy how Umbridge goes down.

* * *

The next few days were very chaotic, as Umbridge continued to evade capture. She wandered the castle, ever alert for attacks from ants, oranges, and Dumbledore's beard. She popped up at every meal time and stole a platter of something or another, but it was always so random that the teachers never could pin her down. They tried over and over again to lure her into the infirmary, but she refused to.

The Twins showed up on Saturday to interview the Rebellion about the effects of the pranks that they had donated to the cause.

"Most of them were completely experimental," the twin that they thought was Fred said.

"Which is why we gave them to you to use on Umbridge," the twin that they thought was George continued.

"We were kind of disappointed to simply find her running around Hogwarts like an insane person," Fred said.

"But, I do think that using them to nail Death Eaters to the wall was a good use of them," George said.

"Now, that's a good idea," Fred said to his twin.

"We'll have to work on that next," George agreed.

"So, tell us," Fred started, focusing on the six students.

"What happened in the Department of Mysteries," George finished.

"The goo worked just like you said it would," Harry said.

"It stuck to the Death Eaters and turned pink when they tried to clean it up," Ron continued.

"And there were flowers," Hermione added.

"Daisies," Neville said.

"It was very pretty," Luna said.

"And stuck some of them to the floor," Draco said.

"The De-aging powder worked as well," Harry said.

"Though, they absorbed more than the de-aging potion," Hermione said.

"Yeah, they were acting a bit weird at some points," Ron said.

"I still can't look at Nott," Neville said, shaking his head.

"I have to share a dorm with him," Draco said. "It's bloody impossible."

"Oh, I used the Flower Flour, which worked just like you said it would," Ron reported.

"Well, I'm glad that our experiments turned out like we expected them to," Fred said.

"Although the de-aging powder does need some work," George said.

"Luckily we weren't brewing anything poisonous at the time," Fred said.

"That's an idea," George said.

"After they're all stable," Fred agreed.

"So, tell us, what did you do to Umbridge?" George asked, focusing once more on the Rebellion.

"We dosed her twice with the nightmare powder," Harry answered. "Both before and after we went to the Department of Mysteries."

"We thought that it just caused the person to have extreme nightmares, not go insane," Hermione said, looking to the twins for answers.

"It's supposed to," Fred said.

"But then, we used Shriveled Lavender," George said.

"That's right," Fred said. He turned to the six students. "Didn't you give her an insanity potion a short time ago?"

"That's right," Draco answered.

"Well, then, that's it," George said.

"Shriveled Lavender doesn't react well with an ingredient in most insanity potions," Fred said.

"Or, rather, it reacts too well with the ingredient and sucks up all remaining traces of the left over potion," George said.

"Thus, Umbridge's current insanity," Fred said.

"How long will it last?" Hermione asked.

"Until the traces or the Shriveled Lavender wear off," George said with a shrug.

"Which might be a while," Fred said.

"I'd feel sorry for her, but I don't," George said.

"Anyway, they still haven't cleaned up the Department of Mysteries yet," Fred said as he stood up and clapped his hands.

"So we're going to go try to sneak into it to see the after effects," George said.

"Good luck," Harry said as the twins left.

"You just turned Umbridge insane," Hermione said, looking at Harry.

"Whoops?" Harry replied.

"Eh, it's not the first time she's been insane," Neville said. "She'll get over it."

"Let's go get dinner," Draco said. With that, they broke up and headed back to the castle.

The newspaper came out on Sunday and everyone huddled around it, knowing that whatever reported was going to be what the six students had really been involved in on Thursday. The paper took the official story that Harry had been telling everyone.

_Attack at the Department of Mysteries!_

_Just what are they doing in that place?_

_By Philander Phobos_

There was mischief at the Department of Mysteries this past Thursday as several Death Eaters broke into the Ministry building only to find chaos. The Death Eaters set off several security precautions that had been newly installed by the Unspeakables that work in that department.

After seeing the results of these 'security precautions' and hearing the tales told by those who witnessed the event, we have to ask, just what are they doing in that place?

The Death Eaters apparated into the Department of Mysteries after luring six Hogwarts students into the building and set the security precautions off. One of the security features is a kind of pink goo that gets sticky when it starts to harden. Several Death Eaters had to be scrapped off of the floor by the Aurors. The Unspeakables cleaned the goo up with a quick spell that no one caught.

Another security feature was a spell that turned people upside down and stuck them to the ceiling, where they were able to walk as though pressed down with a horrible weight. No Death Eaters were caught in this trap, but it certainly must have slowed them down as they chased after the students.

The Hogwarts students were found unharmed in the midst of the last security feature set upon the Department of Mysteries. Within the infamous Death Chamber, the floor was coated with a substance which de-aged several of the Death Eaters.

These de-aged Death Eaters are still being held by the Ministry, but it is unlikely that they will be charged with their crimes until more information about their condition is discovered.

The only thought that goes through my mind with this report is how glad I am that the Unspeakables are on our side! Who knows what would happen if they weren't!

Another article in the paper also validated Harry's account from the beginning of the year. Fudge finally admitted that the Dark Lord was back and the Daily Prophet pounced on it.

_You Know Who is Back!_

_By Fatchna Frey_

The Minister of Magic finally admitted that the Dark Lord is back after he and several of his followers broke into the Department of Mysteries. The report of what happened to the Death Eaters can be read on the first page of this newspaper. The Dark Lord himself never made it up to the Department of Mysteries, confronting several people in the Atrium of the Ministry building and blowing up the fountain in the middle of the room.

The Minister at first thought that it was an elaborate prank by Sirius Black, but the truth finally came out that Harry Potter had been telling the truth. The Dark Lord is back, free to start his reign of terror all over again.

The Daily Prophet will be there to advise you through this whole process, with our first piece of advice shown right here. Be cautious, don't go out at night, and watch who you talk to. The Dark Lord has finally shown himself, who knows what he plans now.

"Hah, take that," Ron exclaimed after reading the whole thing out loud. "Now no one can say that you were lying about anything."

"There's one more report," Hermione said, taking the paper from Ron and flipping to the next page. She tapped an article and Harry started reading it.

_Sirius Black May be Innocent?_

_By Apollon Adonis_

Along with the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters, several others were found at the Ministry after hours. The good news is that Sirius Black has finally been caught, but here's where things get confusing folks: one of his victims was also caught on the scene!

Peter Pettigrew, allegedly blown up with twelve muggles in 1981, was found stuck to the ceiling of the Atrium, alive! Much of the story is still not known, as the Aurors are not talking about either of their prisoners, but this reporter hopes that the whole story will be revealed soon.

"It doesn't give that much detail," Harry said. "But at least Sirius doesn't have to be rescued just yet."

"Well, that's always a good thing," Hermione replied. "At least they seem to be looking into the situation and they aren't acting hasty."

"If you ever think that Sirius needs rescuing, we'll help you out," Ron said. "At least this time my leg isn't broken."

"There's that," Harry said. He was about to say more when Umbridge ran into the room and crawled underneath the Gryffindor table.

"They'll never take me alive," Umbridge said.

"Honestly, Fudge has owled to say that he's willing to accept you back at the Ministry, Dolores," McGonagall said as she stood and talked to the woman under the table. "I thought you liked the Minister?"

"I want to stay here," Umbridge wailed. "I love it here at Hogwarts."

"You will be going back to the Ministry and that's that," McGonagall said. She lifted her wand and pointed it at Umbridge.

"No," Umbridge called out as she scrambled out from under the table. "You can't take me away from here!"

"Stupefy," McGonagall cast. Umbridge fell over into a slump on the Great Hall floors. McGonagall quickly conjured up a stretcher and levitated Umbridge out of the room.

"So, I guess this means that you've won, Harry," Ron remarked as they watched their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher leave by stretcher. "Umbridge has officially been declared insane and she won't be back at Hogwarts ever again."

"She was out of here even if she hadn't been declared insane," Harry said.

"What do you mean?" Ron asked.

"It's something to do with what you did in the Minister's office when we Floo'd there, right?" Draco asked.

"How come Draco knows about your chaos and I don't?" Ron asked, pouting.

"He was just there and I was waiting for the big reveal," Harry said. "I left something for reinstating Umbridge at the Ministry. If Fudge signs it, which I don't doubt that he will, Umbridge won't be able to work anywhere but at Fudge's office."

"Harry," Hermione scolded.

"Hey, if he likes her so much, he should be the one around her, not us," Harry said. "Besides, I couldn't resist the opportunity to finally get her out of here, never to return."

"Oh, I wouldn't count on that, Potter," Draco said. "But it'll be a start, anyway."

"I want to speak to you, Potter," Pansy said as she stomped over to the Gryffindor table.

"Yes, Pansy?" Harry asked, looking up at her.

"I've heard the version that you've told everyone about your trip to the Department of Mysteries," Pansy said. "And I know that they are absolutely rubbish."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"My uncle is an Unspeakable and they would never fiddle around with some of the things that I've heard described," Pansy said. "In fact, some of those 'security precautions' sound exactly like the kind of pranks that you have pulled off."

"So, you're suggesting that I lied to everyone, including Dumbledore?" Harry asked.

"I know you have," Pansy said. "Because I also bullied it out of Draco."

"You betrayed me?" Harry asked, facing Draco with wide eyes. His lips trembled. "I trusted you and you spilled everything to Pansy?"

"I couldn't help it, she tied me down," Draco protested.

"Kinky," Ron commented.

"Not like that," Draco snapped back.

"So she knows everything now?" Harry asked. "The days spent in that hotel room, the house in Sicily, Rosemary?"

"I didn't tell her about that, Potter," Draco replied. He scowled at Harry. "Good going, spilling everything about that."

"What are the two of you talking about?" Pansy asked, narrowing her eyes at the two.

"Yes, what are the two talking about?" Hermione asked.

"You've been teaming up behind my back?" Ron asked. "I mean, I know about the time spent before your special potions lessons, Harry, but a house in Sicily?"

"Don't worry, I'll still spend time with you, Ron," Harry said. He laid a hand on Draco's arm. "But Draco has stolen something from me."

"Oh, Merlin," Pansy groaned out.

"Draco has stolen my heart," Harry said.

"Potter stole mine first," Draco said.

"We've been spending all the time we could together," Harry said. "You know that weekend where I supposedly sulked the whole time locked away in my bed?"

"He was with me," Draco confirmed.

"That was months ago," Ron exclaimed. "And you lied to us?"

"Well, technically he was telling the truth, he was in bed," Draco said with a smirk.

"Oh, gross, I do not want to hear that," Pansy said.

"What about the house in Sicily?" Hermione asked. "And who's Rosemary?"

"I'm glad that you decided to tell everyone about Rosemary," Neville said. "She's just too cute to keep from everyone."

"You knew about this?" Ron demanded. He turned to Harry and gestured. "Neville knew about this?"

"I'm sorry, Ron, we needed someone and Neville was just there," Harry said.

"The house in Sicily is easily explained," Draco said, waving a hand in dismissal. "We bought a house together; it's where we are going to spend our summer."

"With Rosemary," Harry said, trailing off with a dreamy smile.

"Who is Rosemary?" Ron demanded.

"Our daughter," Harry answered.

"What?" Pansy exclaimed.

"We have a daughter," Harry said. He smiled as he watched his friends choke in surprise. Neville was the only other one besides Draco who didn't seem surprised by the announcement.

"How?" Ron finally asked.

"When a man really loves a man," Harry started.

"That's impossible, even with magic," Hermione said.

"So, you two had a baby in some other way?" Ron asked.

"I wasn't talking about the pregnancy, although that is impossible for a number of reasons," Hermione said. "I was talking about the two of them being in a relationship. It's just impossible."

"Are you sure?" Harry asked.

"Even though the two of you get along okay, there is no way that you would last long enough to have a romantic relationship," Hermione said. "Besides, I saw you and Luna together, Harry."

"I was just, um, inspecting her hair for sand lice," Harry said. "She recently got this thing from Egypt, and you're not buying this, are you?"

"No, I'm not, because it wasn't her hair that you were inspecting," Hermione said.

"We were testing for Nargles," Luna said.

"Just in case," Harry said.

"So the whole thing was a joke?" Pansy asked.

"Yes," Hermione answered.

"And Hermione ruined it," Harry said with a pout.

"Thanks, Granger," Draco said, scowling as well.

"Really, if you wanted it to last longer, you could have at least tried not to be impossible," Hermione said.

"It was that pregnancy thing, wasn't it," Harry said.

"Even if you had gotten a baby by other means, it would just be impossible," Hermione said. "It hadn't even have been nine months and no one would let the two of you adopt."

"Hey, I'm Harry Potter," Harry said. "I bet I could get anyone to just give me a baby."

"The ones who do give you a baby shouldn't be parents anyway," Draco said.

"Yeah, we could totally raise a baby better than anyone else," Harry cheered.

"You are insane, please stop talking," Hermione said.

"In fact, you should start running," Pansy said.

"Yeah, that would be a good idea," Draco said, getting up from his seat.

"Really?" Harry asked.

"She knows quite a few curses that I wouldn't like to experience," Draco said before he started walking very quickly out of the room.

"Run, Potter, run," Pansy said, taking out her wand.

"Ack," Harry shouted before he bolted. He wasn't sure if Pansy was following him or not, but he left the Great Hall and crashed into Remus Lupin. "Hide me, hide me!"

"What, what is it?" Lupin asked. "More Death Eaters?"

"Close, it's a Slytherin girl," Harry exclaimed.

"I thought that you got on rather well with the Slytherins right now," Remus said, sounding a bit confused.

"A little too well, Professor Lupin," Pansy said.

"That was not funny, Harry," Ron said, joining Pansy and scowling at Harry.

"I was just bored," Harry protested. "I didn't think that Umbridge would go down that easily and I thought that I would be entertained a bit longer."

"Being bored does not mean that you can prank your friends, Harry," Ron said. "Being bored means that you focus on the other people who were annoying you."

"So my friends can't be annoying?" Harry asked.

"We are not annoying," Ron said.

"You really do have a death wish, don't you?" Pansy asked.

"Now, now, no maiming," Remus said. "The Mediwizards from St. Mungos have enough to deal with without having to heal you as well."

"I could kill him and then there would be nothing to heal?" Pansy suggested.

"Really, it couldn't have been that bad," Remus said.

"He told everyone that he and Draco were together with a house in Sicily and a daughter named Rosemary," Pansy said.

"What, it's plausible," Harry said. "I'm Harry Potter, we just asked and they handed over the house and the baby along with it. Originally we were thinking about taking her back to Hogwarts, but we're paying her family to take care of her while we attend school."

"The Mediwizards haven't left yet, right?" Pansy asked, eyeing Harry. "Because I could just stun him now and let them have him?"

"Unfortunately, Harry has to finish out his remaining years at Hogwarts," Remus said. "No matter what anyone says, direct learning is better with magic and mail courses just aren't the same."

"I am perfectly sane," Harry said with a huff. "Luna says so!"

"Oh, yeah, that's a good recommendation," Pansy said.

"Make way, make way," one of the mediwizards said. They crossed through the Entrance Hall, leading Umbridge on a stretcher.

"Goodbye," Harry called out as the mediwizards took Umbridge out of the building. "Goodbye, Umbridge."

*=* Chapter 48 - Goodbye, Umbridge *=*


	49. Playing Around

A/N: There's just one more chapter after this, but there will be a sequel posted on the same day!

* * *

With Umbridge gone and exams over, Harry had to focus on something else. Hermione tried giving him a couple of books to read so that he would stay out of trouble, but that ended up in Harry convincing everyone to act out parts of the Lord of the Ring. He played Frodo while Ron was Sam, Neville was Aragon, and Draco was Legolas. Hermione and the others refused to play as the four boys skulked around outside. Snape ended up in the part of Sauron and had to deal with the boys trying to throw the 'ring' into the 'volcano.' He was less than pleased, considering the fact that they were trying to put transfigured ring into one of his empty cauldrons.

"He's not looking," Harry whispered to the others. "Go, go, go!"

"I know you're there," Snape called out. "And, no, you cannot throw your 'ring' into my 'volcano' for that little game you are playing."

"We don't need to get the ring into the volcano anymore," Harry said.

"That was yesterday's game," Ron said.

"This time we're playing Narnia," Harry said. "I'm High King Peter, Draco is High King Edmund, Ron's Prince Caspian and Neville's Eustace. We're going with the Last Battle, even though it's still not totally correct."

"And this concerns me, why?" Snape asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Because you're the enemy," Harry said. He raised an ordinary stick and shouted. "For Narnia!"

Snape simply flicked his wand and slammed the door in Harry's face. The door was locked until the next group of students came for their final exam.

The next day they were back, lurking in the doorway. This time Snape had exams going on, so he could only glare at them. They were silent, using a spell to truly keep them quiet, and were simply holding up signs. Most of the sixth year students ignored them, especially as their signs really said nothing at all.

Harry's sign said, 'The Answer to Everything is 42!' Ron's sign read 'Go 6th years, go!' Neville's sign read 'You're doing great!' and Draco's sign read 'I could do better than you!' All in all, nothing that any student could really use to cheat on the exam, especially considering that they were taking the practical exam. Even if they had wanted to chance Harry's answer of 42, it did nothing when it came to brewing potions.

After half an hour of their presence, the four boys were flagging. They were lying on the floor outside the door, their signs propped up against them. Snape finally took the chance and closed the door. Once again, the door remained closed until the exam was over. The students were evacuated and the door was closed before the four fifth years could even stick a finger in the door.

Harry and the others remained outside of the classroom door, cheering on the fourth year students as they came to take their exam. They disappeared when Snape shot them a glare and threatened them with his wand. They instead lurked further down the hall, cheering on each group that either entered or left the dungeons. More than half of those people were simply Slytherin students, but that didn't matter to Harry. Ron and Neville were less than enthusiastic at that point and had taken to playing Exploding Snap. Draco refused to join in cheering 'like an idiot' and he also refused to play with the other two. He instead read a book in their presence.

Thursday Harry got up early and made himself busy. Snape entered his classroom to find the room covered in paper animals that moved across his walls. Harry at that point was eating breakfast, so he missed the fireworks that went on when Snape tried to burn the paper animals. All of the animals had been charmed until they were pretty much indestructible. Snape was just glad that he had another group of sixth years taking exams that day and he was reduced to putting the walls into the shadows for the lower years.

Gryffindor got more than a few points taken off for that stunt and Hermione forced the other boys to work to get them back. Helping Sprout put a greenhouse back in order kept the boys too busy to get into any more mischief for the rest of the day.

Friday Harry and the others waited until Snape had let out his last class who were taking exams before they burst through the door. They were all holding balloons and they shot off confetti as they danced into the room. "Party," Harry called out. "Music on."

The spell left over from when Harry had turned the potions classroom into a nightclub started playing music, although the spell had faded enough that it wasn't as loud.

"That's enough," Snape called out over the 80s music. "All of you out, or I'll stun you all."

"But, we just wanted to throw you a party," Harry said, pouting at Snape. "You've just finished teaching another year of potions. The school year is over, isn't that something to celebrate?"

"I just want peace and quiet and for you to leave me alone," Snape exclaimed. "For months you've been in my face and you just won't get the hint."

"You don't love me anymore?" Harry said. "Your own son?"

"You are not my son," Snape replied. "And at the moment, you aren't even my student, so out."

"But," Harry said, already backing out of the room.

"Out," Snape shouted, and he tossed a vial at the door. Harry had already closed the door, so the glass just shattered harmlessly onto the floor. The music continued to play for a little while longer before it automatically shut off. Snape was finally left alone for his peace and quiet.

"I count that as a victory," Harry said when they all gathered at the lake. "I mean, he got angry enough to throw something at us."

"But he wasn't driven insane like Umbridge was," Ron replied.

"He was driven mad, though," Harry pointed out.

"Yeah, but he's still here at Hogwarts," Ron said.

"Well, I don't think I want Snape to leave anyway," Harry said.

"What?" Ron protested. Everyone looked over at Harry.

"I thought that you hated Snape," Draco said.

"Well, if Snape leaves, then I won't have anyone to prank," Harry said. "So, in the end, I need Snape to be here at Hogwarts. Or else I'll really go insane."

"I think I believe that, with the way that you've been acting all week," Hermione said.

"Hey, we didn't interrupt any exams," Harry replied. "The only ones that we hung around for was the sixth years and they just ignored us."

"Well, at least all the exams are over," Hermione said. "Dumbledore's due back at the castle tomorrow."

"That means that all of the fun will have to change," Harry said.

"I really don't get why you don't want Dumbledore to know how insane you are when you told Remus and Sirius just fine," Ron said.

"Because it'll be more fun if Dumbledore doesn't believe Snape that I tortured him so much," Harry replied. "Plus, think of all the things that I can get away with if Dumbledore doesn't believe that I'm crazy."

"You won't be able to get away with being crazy," Hermione said.

"It'll all work out, you'll see," Harry replied. The discussion then went on to other things, such as what everyone was planning on doing over summer break. Harry didn't say much about that, although he made plans with Ron later that night in case Sirius wasn't declared innocent by the Ministry of Magic. He was determined not to spend the entire summer at the Dursleys and he was determined not to let Sirius be killed by the Ministry's incompetence.

The next day, Dumbledore was seated at the breakfast table for the first time since the week before. No one had any classes at all, and the Great Hall had people in and out of it all day long. People gravitated between the Great Hall, the common rooms and the grounds of Hogwarts as they celebrated the end of the school year. Quite a few hours were spent in their dorm rooms and everywhere else, gathering up their stuff and packing it in preparation for the next day.

One would think that Harry would have too much time to get up to any mischief, but he still managed to speak to the house elves before dinner started. When Snape sat down to dinner, all of the platters around him stocked with mushrooms. When he tried to get another platter from elsewhere, he ended up with brussel sprouts. Any side dishes around him turned into some kind of a vegetable, the vegetables stayed as vegetables, and any kind of meat turned into tofu.

Snape simply glared at Harry when Dumbledore cheerfully remarked about Snape's sudden healthy kick. He knew that it was Harry's fault that he could only get vegetables from the house elves. He also knew that it was pointless to start something on the last day of the school year. Besides, even if he yelled at Harry, it wouldn't convince the house elves to give him better food.

Dumbledore gave them all a speech about staying strong, staying united in the times that they were now in. Harry was too busy trying to flick peas at Draco to really pay attention. It was particularly hard because Hermione kept swatting at him. Finally, they were dismissed for the night and went to bed.

The next morning everyone was scurrying around, trying to get their last minute things together before the train left. Harry was miraculously all packed up and waiting in the Entrance Hall. Several blue Ravenclaws shot him glares, but he just gave them a grin and they ran away.

"Honestly, Harry, did you have to turn them all blue?" Cho asked as she passed him on her way out of the Entrance Hall with her trunk.

"They were being mean," Harry explained. "And taking things that weren't theirs. If they hadn't have taken Luna's things then they wouldn't have been turned blue."

"But really, I thought you were more mature than that," Cho said, shaking her head.

"Like they were acting mature?" Harry asked, raising his eyebrow. "Now, I'm glad that you're simply ignoring your housemate, but the rest of your housemates have to deal with feeling a bit blue. It'll all fade by the time they reach muggle London, although, honestly, people won't really notice all that much."

"You're impossible, Harry Potter," Cho said before she stalked away.

"You really didn't have to turn them blue," Luna said, pulling her floating trunk after her.

"They shouldn't have stolen your stuff," Harry replied. "Even if they were just joking, it still wasn't nice. I don't like bullying and I now know enough spells to get back at people. Besides, as I told Cho, it'll only last long enough for their parents to see them that color and afterwards it'll fade away, but maybe it will make them think twice before taking your stuff."

"I was just going to say, that I thought that red would have been a better color, or maybe tie dye," Luna said. "And next time I would like to be included, pranks are always fun."

"Oh, next year there will be a ton of pranks," Harry said. "We'll have Snape to annoy and maybe a new teacher as well."

"We'll have fun," Luna said.

"Want me to help you take your trunk down?" Harry asked.

"Why, thank you for offering, Potter," Pansy said as she approached the two.

"Yeah, carrying one's own trunk is not really stylish," Draco said.

"Well, then, Draco, you'll carry Luna's trunk down, I'll carry Pansy's, Pansy can carry mine, and I'll take yours down," Harry said, grinning at the two Slytherins.

"Weren't you just offering to take two trunks down?" Pansy asked.

"Yes, but I was talking to Luna," Harry said.

"Your girlfriend?" Pansy said.

"That, too," Harry replied.

"He knew that I would refuse him," Luna said. "I am very capable of taking care of my own problems."

"But sometimes friends lend a helping hand," Harry said as he snagged her trunk.

"Let's get going, everyone," Hermione said as she approached the group.

"Yeah, we want to get a good spot on the train, don't we?" Ron said, coming up behind Hermione with Neville following him.

"Yes, let's get going," Draco said.

They walked down to where the carriages were and took them down to the station. Harry, Pansy, Luna, and Neville secured their spot on the train while the prefects left to go help the younger students get onto the train. They returned before the train pulled away from the station and the group settled down to play exploding snap during the journey.

"There you are," Ginny interrupted as she opened the door and ducked in. She didn't bat an eyelid at the sight of the Slytherins as she plopped down next to Neville. "I've been looking all over for you."

"What are you doing here, Ginny?" Ron asked. "I thought you had your own friends."

"Yes, and one of them is currently sitting with you," Ginny said.

"Hullo, Ginny," Luna said, glancing away from her Quibbler paper for a moment.

"Hullo, Luna," Ginny replied.

"You aren't going to freak out about your brother spending time with Slytherins?" Pansy asked.

"You've been spending time together for a while now and I have seen you before this," Ginny pointed out. "Anyway, I really only came to give Harry something."

"He's got a girlfriend now, Ginny," Ron said.

"Not that sort of something, dummy," Ginny said. She handed over a large package to Harry. "That's everything that Colin was able to develop before the end of the year, there are still more that he needs to develop, especially from last night, but he says that he'll get to it over the summer."

"Tell him not to worry about it," Harry said. He opened the package to reveal that it was photos. He handed out packs of photos to his five friends. "These will keep me happy through my stay at the Dursleys."

"Harry, how long have you been planning this?" Hermione asked when she looked at the first photos and saw that they were all from the first few days of when the Rebellion first started.

"I told you that had been planning this for a while," Harry said. "After seeing how Snape reacted I asked Colin to either take photos or lend me his camera."

"He's been busy developing pictures for these last few months," Ginny said. "He didn't quite manage to finish everything before the school year ended."

"Which is fine," Harry said. "Besides, I'll have some new photos for him after a while."

"What are you planning?" Hermione asked, giving Harry a wary look.

"Oh, I'm just going to have a very fun holiday with the Dursleys," Harry said with a grin. "After all, I have so many tricks that don't require any magic at all and I'm sure the Dursleys will like to experience every single one of them."

"Somehow I doubt that," Hermione dryly said.

"That's going to be rich," Ron said. "And you said that you were going to take photos?"

"I thought that you were all for muggles," Pansy commented.

"I'm all for muggles, but I am very anti Dursleys," Harry said. "And Colin gave me one of his backup cameras for the summer. I'm going to have fun."

"Just don't drive them absolutely crazy before Sirius gets off," Hermione said. "I don't think your cover with Dumbledore will last too long if the Dursleys freak out and leave you all alone and he has to rescue you."

"I'll rescue Sirius when that happens," Harry replied.*

"Well, let's just hope that everything turns out all right," Hermione said, not totally sounding like she believed that would happen.

"It'll work out perfect," Harry said.

The conversation moved on to other topics as Ginny said her goodbyes and left them. The rest of the train ride passed peacefully, as the Slytherins who would have interrupted them were already in the train carriage with them. And, with the king and queen of Slytherin in the Boy Who Lived's train carriage, no one else dared to interrupt them. Besides, they all knew that they'd end up suffering through some prank if they did.

The two Slytherins got off of the train before anyone else did, and no one thought less of them for doing so. Harry even said that it was part of his plot; the others were a bit skeptical of that, but they did recognize that people would think that the sudden getting along would be odd, so they didn't say anything but goodbye.

The rest of the Rebellion got off of the train after the Slytherins had met with their families. Draco's father wasn't there, which they were expecting. After all, the Aurors hadn't decided just what to do with the de-aged Death Eaters. Harry and the others passed Malfoy and his mother without showing a sign up even knowing them, which didn't send up any flags. The Grangers were waiting with the Weasleys, so they went there first to drop off Ron and Hermione, since Harry also needed to say hello.

"Oh, Harry, lovely to see you," Mrs. Weasley said, giving him a hug.

"Hullo, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said. "I suppose I should apologize for dragging Ron into trouble once more."

"He's going to be clearing the yard a time or two, but it is understandable, my dear," Mrs. Weasley said. "Now, let us help you out to your relatives."

"I'll see you later," Luna said. "I see my father."

"Bye, Luna," Harry said. He gave her a quick hug before she left.

The Weasley and the Grangers escorted Harry out to the Dursleys. Mr. Weasley just gave them a warning look to remind them of their talk from last year. Harry didn't mention how it wasn't going to be necessary this time around. He was going to have fun this summer.

*=* Chapter 49 – Playing Around *=*


	50. The End

A/N: So here it is. After 9 years of on and off writing, Rebellion ends. I have to say I never believed that this story would ever be as popular as it has been. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed!

Luckily, the insanity isn't about to end. I can no longer promise regular updates, but **Rising**, the sequel to Rebellion, has been posted. Read this chapter and then go find **Rising **in my profile page!

* * *

Harry behaved himself on the ride home with the Dursleys, not really saying anything at all. The Dursleys were just happy that he was quiet; especially after the 'freaky' look that Harry's friend had given him. Harry just waited until he got home.

The first thing he did when he got home was take his trunk out of his car. It still had a lightening charm on it, so he was able to lug it upstairs before his relatives even realized that he had brought it into the house.

"I want you to put your trunk in the cupboard, boy," Vernon said, his face reddening when he realized that Harry had taken his trunk upstairs. "I don't want anything funny to happen, not after what happened last year."

"I already put my trunk in the cupboard," Harry replied.

"No, you didn't," Vernon said.

"Yes, I did," Harry replied. "Remember, you told me at the station that I needed to put it away, so I did so as soon as I got home."

"No, you didn't," Dudley protested. "I saw you take it up to your room."

"No, you saw me take my backup trunk up to my room," Harry said.

"Why do you have a backup trunk?" Dudley asked. "And when did you get it?"

"I got it right now and I needed a backup trunk so that you guys would have something to stuff into the cupboard," Harry answered. He grinned at Dudley.

"Did you hit your head at that school of yours?" Dudley asked, giving Harry a suspicious look.

"Well, no, but I hit plenty of people over the head," Harry said. "And I turned people blue."

"Really? What for?" Dudley asked.

"Because they kept taking a friend's stuff," Harry said. "Of course, that's nothing compared to what I did to some other bad people."

"What'd you do?" Dudley asked.

"That's enough," Vernon finally choked out. "There will be no more talk of anything unnatural here in this house."

"All right," Harry said. "Come here, Dudley."

"What for?" Dudley asked, but he followed Harry out of the house.

Harry sat down on the porch steps and continued. "You see, there's this Dark Lord who tried to lure me into a trap."

"What for?" Dudley asked.

"He wanted me to do his errands for him," Harry said.

"He wanted you to buy him snacks or pick up his dry cleaning?" Dudley asked.

"No, but that's rich," Harry said as he laughed. "No, he wanted me to pick this up for him." Harry took out the prophecy orb from his pocket and held it out for Dudley to see.

"What is it?" Dudley asked, giving it a wary look.

"It's a prophecy," Harry said. "That one of my professors gave about me."

"Like what's going to happen in the future?" Dudley asked.

"Here," Harry said as he activated the prophecy orb. Professor Trelawney could be seen within the globe, exactly as she had been shown by Professor Dumbledore in his memories.

"_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..._" The image in the prophecy orb recited before fading away.

"Wicked," Dudley said.

"Yeah, it's basically just saying that I need to defeat Voldemort with some special power or something," Harry said as he put the prophecy orb back in his pocket. "I'm thinking pink fur and a ball gown."

"I think that would defeat anyone," Dudley said with a shudder.

"Yeah, not many people have the kind of mind that I have," Harry said with a nod.

"You always were special, Harry," Dudley replied. "So, what happened when you went to go do this guy's errands?"

"Well, we set up the floor of the place that he tried to lure me to," Harry said. "So that when the Death Eaters finally showed up, they were trapped instead."

"I thought I told you to stop talking about this Nonsense," Vernon said, appearing at the door when it finally occurred to him that the boys had left.

"You said to stop talking about it in the house," Harry pointed out. "This isn't the house. This is outside of the house."

"You're still on my property, which means that you need to listen to me," Vernon said.

"All right, Dad," Dudley said as he stood up. "I'm going to head out, since Harry can't talk to me right this second."

"That's a good boy, Dudley," Vernon said, smiling at his son.

"And I'll just make myself scarce," Harry said. The two boys walked down the pathway together and went their separate ways. Harry ducked down at the hedges of their one next door neighbor while Dudley did the same at the other neighbor's hedges. They waited until Vernon had disappeared back into the house before Harry darted across.

"All right, now continue," Dudley said as he made himself comfortable on the neighbor's lawn.

"Right, so first we covered them with pink goo and we made most of the original team sound like animals," Harry said, keeping his voice down. "And we were all dressed up like mutant clowns, so we were able to confuse these other few Death Eaters."

"You have a strange mind, Harry," Dudley said.

"Thanks. Anyway, we managed to de-age most of the Death Eaters who were after us," Harry replied. "And the best part about it is that no one really knows that we were the ones behind the whole thing."

"Wow," Dudley said. He shook his head. "I had no idea that magic could do something like that. From the way that Mum always talked about it, it seemed like it was mostly bad magic."

"There are some bad wizards out there," Harry said. "But then there are some good wizards and witches out there and then there's some wonderful magic."

"I bet," Dudley said. "So, this girl that you turned all of those people blue for, are you together?"

"What?" Harry spluttered out. "What makes you so sure that she's my girlfriend? Or that she's even a girl?"

"Well, a bloke would be able to take care of himself, yeah?" Dudley reasoned. "And you'd run to defend a girl, especially if you like her. So, do you?"

"Yeah she's a girl," Harry answered. "And yeah, we're kind of together."

"What's she like?" Dudley asked.

"Odd," Harry answered. "But in such a good way."

"She would have to be, to put up with you and your face," Dudley said.

"Look who's talking," Harry protested.

"What are you two boys doing?" the next door neighbor asked as she came out.

"Run for your life," Harry called out as he scampered away. He chanced a look back to see Dudley running off as well, while the neighbor just stared after them in bewilderment.

Harry's Aunt Petunia gave the two boys odd looks when they finally returned to the house, but she didn't say anything. She halfway figured that the next door neighbor must have been seeing things if she thought that her Dudders and her horrid nephew got along.

Harry had a pleasant night's sleep that night and came downstairs lugging a book with him. "I want to study," Harry said as he plopped it down on the kitchen table. "You see, my potions professor told me that I would get points if I finished this whole book by the time the summer ends."

"I forbid you from reading your freakish books at my kitchen table," Aunt Petunia hissed, eyeing the book with disgust.

"Oh, this book isn't freakish at all," Harry said. "Look, it's about ordinary things such as roses and other flowers. It also has gardening tips."

"Something that you could use in our garden?" Aunt Petunia asked, still sounding a bit doubtful.

"Absolutely," Harry said.

Dudley came and started to read over Harry's shoulder. "It says that rose petals are good for making sleeping potions in this book," he pointed out in a low voice when his mother went back to the stove.

"And if you plant them by the light of the full moon they will bring sweeter dreams," Harry* replied, also using a low tone of voice.

"Hmm, that looks really kind of simple," Dudley said as he continued reading. "I might even be able to do that, if I could get some explanation about these terms."

"And you'll need the ingredients and you'll have to have decent equipment," Harry said. "But, this seems simple enough that you don't have to have a cauldron per se. We could always go through and see what kind of pewter we can find at the store."

"Second hand could be cheap," Dudley mused. He gave Harry a grin as he sat down and served himself breakfast.

"What are you talking about?" Aunt Petunia asked as she approached the table with some more bacon.

"I was just telling Dudley that I could teach him how to cook," Harry said. "They've actually got some pretty neat recipes in this book."

"Recipes in a gardening book?" Aunt Petunia asked, giving the book another suspicious look.

"They tell you how to grow herbs and vegetables," Harry said. "And then recipes that go well with the kind of things that you grew."

"What kind of herbs?" Aunt Petunia asked.

"Oh, you know, things like basil and rosemary," Harry said. "Speaking of which, have I told you about Rosemary yet?"

"Rosemary, who's Rosemary?" Aunt Petunia asked, turning back from the stove.

"Is she that girl that you like?" Dudley asked.

"Nah, Luna's the name of the girl that I like," Harry said. "Nah, Rosemary's Draco and I's daughter."

"You have a daughter?" Aunt Petunia asked, her eyes wide.

"With another bloke?" Dudley asked.

"Well, she's not exactly a baby," Harry said. "It's a war kitten."

"A war kitten?" Dudley asked. "What's a war kitten?"

"Don't you go scaring me like that, boy," Aunt Petunia snapped. "Good lord, the things that they're teaching you in that school. I should write a letter."

"If you write one, I'll send it to a professor," Harry said.

"Never you mind about that," Aunt Petunia replied as she went back to the stove, muttering furiously to herself.

"What's a war kitten?" Dudley repeated himself.

"Oh, it's a ferocious kind of a cat, attack cats, basically," Harry answered. "Though, they're nice if they like you."

"So where is it? I only saw your bird come back through the window," Dudley asked.

"Luna took my attack kitten along with her own at the end of the school year," Harry answered. "I'm going to be picking Rosemary up when I leave here."

"And when's that?" Dudley asked.

"I don't know, it kind of depends," Harry said.

"Depends on what?" Dudley asked.

"On when my godfather finally gets off on his murder charges," Harry said. "Or when I get fed up and go rescue him."

"You're godfather's getting off of his murder charges?" Dudley asked, his eyes widening in surprise.

"They just recently found one of his supposed victims, who is very much alive," Harry answered. "So that's brought some questions up."

"I'll say," Dudley said, shaking his head in amazement.

"Anyway, if things go wrong I'll have to go back to the Ministry and rescue him," Harry said. "I hope I won't have to, because then he'll be back to being on the run and he's never very happy when that happens."

"You live the most amazing life," Dudley said. "I'm glad that I'm not a wizard."

"Yeah, my life is pretty strange," Harry replied. "But then I can just drive people mad and everything evens out again."

"Only you, Harry, only you," Dudley said.

Harry continued to read his school books around the house, actually doing his homework ahead of time. He was greatly pleased with the spells that he had applied to his books that basically hid anything magical about them. Potions turned into chemistry, Charms turned into a course of manners and Transfiguration turned into English. His Aunt was absolutely bewildered, but she couldn't quite say anything about Harry reading absolutely ordinary books, so she let it go.

Dudley could always see through the enchantments on his books, which were based on a muggle repellant charm. Harry neglected to tell Dudley of the fact that he shouldn't be able to read it unless he had at least a little bit of magic in him. He didn't feel the need to stir the pot that much when he was already causing most of them to shake their heads.

A week later, Harry had gotten the Dursleys to relax around him. Or, at the last, he had gotten his Aunt and cousin to relax around him. His uncle still that he was up to something. Of course, Harry had taken to reading his book outside, playing around with the perfectly ordinary sticks that were in the lawn. Vernon really couldn't say anything about it, as Harry just looked like he was playing around with something that on the ground next to him. But, Harry was able to practice many of the spells that he wanted to use in his next year at Hogwarts thanks to the use of the sticks.

Dudley joined him out on the lawn half of the time, doing his own summer homework while Harry worked on his extracurricular reading. The neighbor still gave them odd looks every time she spotted them, but they just ignored her. Harry quite liked getting odd looks for things that he had actually done and Dudley just didn't care what his neighbor thought of him.

The two boys were sitting out in the shade on Monday when a man came strolling across the lawn. "Hello, boys."

Harry glanced up and dropped the stick that he was practicing with. "Sirius!" He shouted as he scrambled to his feet. He practically flew across the lawn and hugged his godfather.

"So, guess who is completely pardoned of all wrong doings?" Sirius asked.

"Remus finally got off that streaking charge?" Harry asked.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"So, the Ministry finally found their heads?" Harry asked. "Were they in their butts all along?"

"Now, now, be nice," Sirius said as he laughed.

"So, this is your murdering godfather?" Dudley asked as he stood up. He paced around Sirius, inspecting him. "He doesn't look very murderous."

"That's because they made me spend a week in St. Mungos," Sirius said. "I had to get some help from the mind healers before they would let me go free."

"But you are free?" Harry asked. "They're not going to arrest you because you're wearing purple socks?"

"I told the Ministry that I wanted to go out to the muggle world first," Sirius said as he gave his socks a rueful look. "And they got me this outrageous outfit. Luckily, another mediwizard was able to get me this outfit, but we couldn't find any other pairs of socks."

"I think they're brilliant," Harry said. "I'm glad that I didn't have to rescue you, Sirius."

"So am I, because that means that I get to rescue you," Sirius said. "Now, let's go get your trunk."

"Where are we going to stay?" Harry asked.

"Dumbledore thinks that we're going to be living in Grimmauld place, so he's cutting back on meetings there," Sirius said as they all started walking into the house. "Truthfully I think that everyone's just plain sick of that house, which is why we're going to be staying at my other house."

"What other house?" Harry asked.

"The house that I bought with the money that my uncle left to me," Sirius said. "I had thought that the Ministry had sold it, but they only boarded it up. It needs a lot of work, but it's not as dark as Grimmauld place is."

"That sounds great, Sirius," Harry replied as he skipped up the stairs.

"Oh, hey, I'll fetch your books that you have lying all over the place," Dudley said, heading into the living room instead.

"I've been driving Aunt Petunia nuts with my reading," Harry said. "It's unnatural, you see."

"It is unnatural," Sirius replied. "You're almost a sixteen year old boy; you shouldn't be reading during summer break."

"Ah, but they're mostly all pranking books," Harry said. "Or books that will help me with my pranking."

"Hah, that's my boy," Sirius replied. They entered Harry's room and Sirius frowned at the state of the room. Harry just waved him off as he started packing up everything. "Here, let me," Sirius said as he waved his wand. Stuff started flying into Harry's trunk, packing itself.

"Brilliant," Dudley said as he entered the room. The books that he was holding flew out of his hands and into the trunks with the rest of the books that were strewn across the room.

Finally, the trunk was packed and Sirius showed off once more by shrinking it down until it was the size of a match box. "Now, Dumbledore doesn't know that we're not staying at Grimmauld place, so do you think you can keep it a secret, Dudley?" Sirius asked as he put the shrunken trunk into his pocket.

"Like he's going to ask me?" Dudley asked, raising his eyebrow. "Mum's in the kitchen if you want to say goodbye."

"Yes, I think that'll be a good idea," Sirius said as a grin spread across his face.

They headed down to the kitchen, where Aunt Petunia dropped the knife that she was holding onto the floor when she spotted them. "You!"

"Me," Sirius said. "Anyway, I'm a free man now, so I'll just be taking Harry. Ta."

"Bye, Aunt Petunia," Harry called out. "Dudley, I'll be back to visit soon enough."

Before Aunt Petunia had a chance to react, Sirius put his hand on Harry's shoulder and apparated them away. Summer was just beginning and Harry was going to have a good one.

*=* Chapter 50 – The End *=*


End file.
